Chapter 50: Letters to Lucy

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May

Dear Lucy,

I was so happy to get your letter in the mail! I didn't know you were so serious about us writing letters but you are right it is so fun! I'm so sorry to hear about the fact he got off, but thank god the school expelled him. At least you don't have to worry about him there anymore! How are you doing? Has it been really bad lately? I know I would be a mess if Layton got free.

The house I huge! You know this by the pictures I sent you but honestly, it feels so much bigger in person. My mum and I just find ourselves wondering around it during the day. Laughing when we bump into each other doing that same thing.

I can't believe it's already been two months since I saw you! These two months have been mental and I've met so many people here. I didn't think I would, well because of home schooling but the town is tiny and people just know everyone here. My dad has been doing so well at his new job, thank you for asking. You are the sweetest. What I didn't know however was that my dad's school is both primary and secondary. So, kids literally from the age of 4-18 attend there. There're obviously separate buildings but my dad is supposed to be running both! He is doing great.

I'm so happy I introduced you to my friends. And I'm so glad that you are still hanging out with them. How is everyone? How is he?

Love ya,

Love Ivy.





June

Dear Lucy!

Two more months to go until I'm back for a week. I'm shitting it honestly. The trial is coming up and it just shocks me every time I think about the fact that he is pleading not guilty, like apparently his lawyers have advised him to just go for a plea bargain. To say he did it and then he would get a lighter sentence. But Layton is adamant. I asked my mum about whether she thinks they should be viewing his case from a mental health standpoint and she told me that I shouldn't be thinking about things to help him. But I am a little bit. I hate what he did to me, but I honestly think he is sick. He can't be that deluded and then be ruled sane by a judge surely?

What do you think? Am I just going more and more insane? I've had a bad month. I started with a new psychiatrist as I wasn't gelling well with the other one. I think because DR Halpin was so good with me I wanted a male therapist. Sounds weird ik but I just got on with them better. They're less sympathetic, I feel less uncomfortable. And this new guy is great but starting therapy over again is so exhausting, they want me to repeat everything and I still can't really do that without spiralling.

Don't worry about having no news about Jackson. I shouldn't have even asked.

Nightmares are the worst, aren't they? Home-schooling isn't too bad thank you for asking! I've been keeping up the grades, I've even been dipping into my Dads school to help the wellbeing team there. There was a lot of behavioural and emotional difficulties among the students and apparently the all-male wellbeing team weren't being very successful with the female students. So, my dad asks if I wanted to volunteer seeing as I actually had experiences that could help younger students and now I am working in the school three times a week. I may have found my passion Luce! They listen to me and they share with me so freely that honestly sometimes once the kid has left I have a little cry at how much they trust me. I know that's super sappy but it's the truth.

Honestly, I'm turning into a little Charlotte Granger. I know you don't know who that is Luce but you would love her if you met her. Have you been thinking about your future? I know summers soon but senior year's rolling around and I feel like these are the things we have to think about.

I can't wait to hear from you, I hope everything's ok.

Love, Ivy.





AUGUST

Dear Lucy,

Hiya! It was so nice to see you again. Thank you for writing me so quickly after I left town. Honestly your letters make me so happy. I've hardly heard from anyone since the trial. I can believe it's been 6 months since I left originally. Being back home for a week was so strange.

I can't believe Harry said that! Honestly throw the whole god damn boy in the bin. Move on. That's what I've been trying to do.

Thank you, so much for supporting me through the whole trial. Yeah, it did upset me the way they tried to turn it around on me. But honestly, I'm so happy that Layton is getting the help he needs. I don't know if you heard the end result? The judge has sent him to a psychiatric prison unit where they will try and find out what is going on with him and I guess how to fix him. He's still going to be locked up and therefore punished for what he did to me. But he's getting the help so he won't ever do it to anyone ever again. And I think that's just as important.

Yeah, I was upset that Jackson didn't come to the trial. Everyone else did. I guess I was stupid to think that he might come. For me. The good memories overcloud the bad ones sometimes so when I'm missing him I forget he's probably not missing me. It is getting better though. Since he didn't come to the trial or to see me when I was home, I think I'm done now. I know how he feels. I know he doesn't care anymore. Surely that'll mean I can move on. If he had. Had he?

Lucy, I haven't had a panic attack in three weeks. I know that doesn't even sound like much, but we both know it is. I haven't even had to hold it back. I just, breathe deeply if I feel stressed or if I have a nightmare and quickly enough I just know what's reality and I'm ok. I don't know how long this will last but I'm living for it. Getting better feels so good.

My dad has been saying how well I did at the supporting students and he said if I wanted to I could just carry on home schooling next year and carry on volunteering in the school. I think that's what I'm going to do. Pass everything I need to and find out how I can do this long term.

I hope everything gets better for you lucy, I can't wait to see you! Are you still coming up next month for a week?

I hope to see you again soon!

Love Ivy.





OCTOBER

Dear Lucy,

I can't believe we're already past the start of the new school year. It was so nice to see you again and my goodness you have to keep me updated about you and MAX? I hated him last year! I hope he's different when you get to know him. A lot of people are. And thank you for telling me about the drama between Grace and Jayden. I can't believe she was the one to dump him in the end That's so funny!

Ok I have a secret! I may have entered some sort of flirtationship with a senior that goes to the school I work at. He is a trouble maker Luce and I definitely have to stay away from him. But honestly, I don't think anything will happen between us seriously, but it sure is fun to mess around. These kids are so confused when I tell them I am their age, because obviously I act as a member of staff there. This guy is always in my office, constantly getting sent out of class and I know he fancies me. But it's definitely just teenage fun. Something that I haven't really felt in a while.

I don't really know the rules about all this, I'm their age and I volunteer more with the middle schoolers. But it's fun to have someone to flirt with. I even got called the hottest teacher they had ever seen. How funny.

You don't need to keep telling me about Jackson. I get it, he's ok. I'm glad he is. I'm ok too. I can't believe he hooked up with Amy though or Hannah. He's back to his old ways sleeping around then I guess. He's not drinking, is he? This is the problem I say don't tell me about him but then I ask questions. Don't worry in answering me about him. Unless he is drinking again. Then I'd want to know. Obviously.

I've stopped going to therapy four times a week now, I just have an hour session with Dr Friend and then the group therapy. How are you doing? Are you still having the really bad flashbacks? Are you still coping?

Please tell me if you're not! I know I'm miles away but it's only a 6-hour car journey Luce I can be there any second. Or well precisely 6 hours after you say you're not ok. When I first met you, you filled me with so much hope that I could get better and I am so sad you're having a bad month. But I promise you it'll clear.

I love you loads,

Ivy.





MARCH

DEAR LUCE,

I'M COMING HOME!

I know it's super random, don't even get me started. My heads still spinning. But basically a few months into the school year my dad was told that he had successfully lifted the school we were working at back up from below standards. And he could decide either work there or find another school.

He found another school Luce. A school back home. It's nothing like the school dad had here, it's just a job as a headteacher at a primary school. But it's a school near yous! I'm not going to come back to school, I think I'm going to carry on with home schooling. It's been a lot better and the thought of going back to a school still fills me with anxiety soo. My dad said that I could most likely do the same exact role as I do here. But the kids will be younger and have different issues. I'm excited to learn.

I can't believe it's been over a year since I left.

How has school been? I can't believe you only, well we only, have half the year left now

I can't wait to see you! We have so much time! We have all the rest of the school year and then the whole of summer before you and everyone else goes off to uni. I guess that's what youre still planning to do?

I'm so glad to hear you're doing better! Honestly Lucy I've been doing so good and I'm not going to lie and say I'm not a little afraid to come back. There're so many painful memories. But there are also so many great ones.

Can you help tell Nora and that for me? I've left a handwritten note to the girls and to Jayden in the envelope. It just says that I'm coming back and I think it would be so cute to just slip it to them!

Obviously, I could just tell them when they ring me but I thought it would be fun this way.

Don't send a reply to this letter, just ring me when you get it! Lucy I should be home a few weeks after you get this. So much had happened this past year, I can't wait to tell you all about it. I honestly feel like a totally different person to the one you met, to the one anyone knows.

I am so free Lucy.

I know not everyone's going to happy to see me but try and convince them i mean no harm. I'll stay totally away from him. I'm just excited to see you all.

I am sending as much love to you all! Hi anyone reading this letter! I hope Luce shares after she gives you the notes lmao.

Lots of love,

Ivy James.





A/N: Hey so that's truly it for this book. But yeah i plan to have Ivy return home after a yeah of being away.

How do you think Jackson will react?

And did you guys catch that? Did Ivy have a love interest when she was away? Did Jackson?

I have no idea what to call the next one guys so if anyone could help me with ideas i would be truly greatful. I like the 'Confessions of...' But Ivy's not a Queen Bee anymore. So any ideas?

Also would you's like to sequel to start once Ivy gets Back or do you want some narrative set when she was away? I just want opinionssss.

Thankyou so much for your support!

Leave any question you have here and i will answer them soon!

But for now guys and girls, i am done. Confessions of a Queen Bee is completed!

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