Authors Note! Hi this is very long so i apologise lmao. i HOPE YOUS ENJOY. remember to vote and comment! I love hearing your opinions:) 

Jackson sets my bags at the bottom of the stairs and then looks back at me. His eyes darting around my face a little. I meet his eyes and give him a small smile, trying to reassure him that everything was okay.

Everything wasn't really ok, and I knew he needed to know that.

God, how everything has just suddenly changed.

"Ivy are you even listening?" Jacksons voice startled me and I place my hand over my heart to steady myself.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said do you just wanna chill upstairs? Ives, what's going on? You seem so out of it. Are you anxious?" He asks taking a step back towards me, I'm stood by the bottom of the stairs and he had walked a little away heading towards the kitchen.

As he moves towards where I was standing, clearly not hiding my emotions very well, Jackson links his fingers with mine. Wanting more than to just feel his warm hand engulf mine, I walk into his side again, giving him another hug.

"Now I know something's definitely wrong, you and stress and affection don't ever go hand in hand. Ivy? What's up?" Jackson says referring to the fact that when I'm normally not feeling ok, it's always a restricted physical contact time.

I look up at him and my hands find their way to his face. The feel of my own hands against his freshly shaved skin makes me happy. It's calming.

I sigh. "Nothing's wrong, I'm sorry. It's just, you know how much you mean to me right?"

Jackson places his hands over mine and pulls them away from his cheeks to his lips, placing a brief kiss on my palms. His eyes once swirling with emotion, settle on a dark emerald. Clearing everything else and staring down at me with an emotion I haven't seen on him before. 

"I know."

Jackson satisfied that I was done speaking goes to move away but I don't let go of his hand.
He smirks down at me but before he pulls totally away I press his chin down gently so I could reach him and stand on my tiptoes to connect my lips with his.

I am being unbelievably selfish, I knew this, but I wanted him to stop holding back. I just wanted him to kiss me properly. In the time we had left together.

Jackson moves his lips gently against my own, pulling me so we were stood flushed, my arms wrapping in bliss around his neck.

But I didn't want the small crackle of electricity, I wanted the full-on lightning bolts.

So I take matters into my own hands and took control of the kiss. As i pull Jackson's bottom lip between my teeth, I can't help but feel proud as I hear a deep hum of approval from him. This immediately changes the tone of the kiss and I take this opportunity to deepen it, connecting my tongue with his.

I could feel it, this growing heat between us, as we stand literally in the doorway to his kitchen. The way my veins felt fuelled by his touch, the way all I wanted was to squeeze him to me. I felt as if I would suffocate him if I fully let him see how much affection I felt towards him.

Jackson takes his hands and runs them up through my loose hair, and I smile against his lips as he too kisses me back with a matching passion. 

Suddenly though his fingers grab onto my scalp slightly and he pulls my head away from his, our lips disconnect and my eyes jump open in surprise at the abrupt change.

Taking in Jackson's flustered face, I notice his breathing is just as erratic as mine. His eyes appearing darker and conflicted.

"Ivy what are you doing?" He asks, his forehead coming to rest down on mine. It honestly felt as if we were the only two people in the world right now.

"Kissing you?" I say through my eyelashes, confused at why he's questioning me. Have his feelings changed?

Did we even know how we both felt about the other? I felt like it was pretty obvious.

"Oh?" He says huskily, his lips moving closer to mine, his eyes are closed and I know he wants to kiss me again.

"Is that an issue?" I ask softly, our lips bumping together slightly but as if they were magnetic.

Jackson lets out a deep noise from the back of his throat. Answering my question, he presses his lips against mine with so much hunger that it was almost difficult to keep up with him.

His actions translated to 'No It's not an issue' very clearly.

Jackson turned us slightly so I my back was pressed against the wall behind us and as he kissed me with every ounce of emotion he had, I knew I could bear the thought of not doing this.

That we collided so perfectly, it was as if our souls had known each other all along.

How was he just under my nose for years and I never knew that he has the ability to make me feel this way?

Make me feel more than anyone had ever done before.

I said once that him finding out about Layton would destroy us, and to be fair it almost did in a sense. But nothing compares to this, nothing compares to how it's going to feel leaving him.

His phone rings from the kitchen and we both pause for a second, neither of us wanting to stop but the noise startling us out of the moment.

"You should get that." I smile at him, his green eyes shutting  in annoyance.

He detangles himself from me, and jogs to grab his phone.

Following him into the kitchen I stand close by as he picks up the phone.

"Hey Jay." Jackson says, widening his eyes at me, I guess he still feels a little bad that he was getting with me, his best friends ex.

I should reassure him that Jayden doesn't care. But I kind of enjoy seeing him sweat a little.

I jump up and sit on the counter besides him, swinging my legs as they dangle beneath me.

"Not much, just hanging with Ives." Jackson says his tone light, but he looks over at my guiltily and I laugh. Quieting down as he glares at me.

I beckon him to me and he rolls his eyes but complies, coming to stand between my legs as I lean my forehead against his chest.

"Oh yeah I know, she mentioned it." Jackson says and I look up at him in confusion. But he just shakes his head at me, indicating that it was nothing important. I lean back against him and just take in his heart beat, the way it beat calming me.

I was so head over heels for this boy it was embarrassing.

Jackson's free hand unconsciously strokes my hair as he speaks to Jayden.

I just sigh in content.

"Yeah, probably. We haven't got any other plans. Plus, it'll be good for Ivy to see her Nora and that. I guess you're inviting them too." Jackson pauses and laughs at whatever Jayden replies with.

"I'll just check." He says and takes the phone away from his ear a little, muting it so Jayden couldn't hear.

"Jay's throwing a BBQ tomorrow, it'll just be like us boys and a few of Jays football friends, you girls, and probably grace and her friend. What do you think?"

I stare at him in disbelief, how could he sound so nonchalant about it.

Did he seriously want me to go and have a BBQ at the same place I was raped?

"Ivy?" Jackson asks again and I widen my eyes at him, calling him all sorts of synonyms for moron in my head.

Suddenly it must have dawned on Jackson and he immediately hung up the phone.

"Oh fuck."

"Really?" I say quietly. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be upset but I was a little bit.

"I just didn't think about the fact it was there Ivy, I am so sorry. Obviously, we won't go."

"You can go."

"I don't wanna." He says and takes my hands. "Are you proper mad? You have every permission to call me a dick if you want."

I can't help the small smile that appears on my lips. "I already have. In my head."

He smiles but leans forwards to place a chaste kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You need to tell Jay. You literally just hung up on him." I laugh and Jackson lifts his eyebrows at the memory and I guess starts typing a message to explain to Jayden.

But I stop him.

Obviously, I can't think of anything worse than going back to that house, that room. But technically I was going to be sat in his back garden, and I was going to be surrounded by my friends. I was going to be leaving soon and this sounded like the perfect opportunity to get to see everyone.

"Jackson if we go, can we leave like immediately if it's too much? I know that it'll be annoying but."

"We don't have to go, at all. It's fine."

" I kind of want to see my friends, and plus I can't be afraid for the rest of my life. It's a house, a room. It's fine. And you guys need to support each other at the moment, you've all just lost a friend."

Jackson looks at me confused and his hand comes to cup my check almost firmly. "Ivy, Layton is no friend of mine."

I smile at him, knowing I've confused him. "I know, but he was. Or well the person he was or the person you guys thought he was. I know that suddenly finding out someone you've spent a lot of time with isn't who you thought they were is tough."

Jackson nods at me slowly, and asks "You want to go?"

"Yeah. I wanna go."

---------------------------------------------

The next morning we park a few cars down from Jayden's, Nora's car IS already here and parked in front of us. I smile a little to myself at the thought of seeing my friends again.

The sun was fierce today and I made sure both Jackson and I were smothered in sun cream before we left the house. I wanted a tan, sure, but I knew how important skin protection was.

Jackson was not impressed, but he soon cheered up when i rubbed it into his skin.

I have no idea why.

I was wearing one of the sundresses my mum packed for me, it was white and tied around my neck in a halter top style, flaring when it reached my waist. Jacksons hands kept finding themselves pressed against the small of my bare back and if he knew it was giving my goose bumps, he didn't care.

Pulling the mirror down as Jackson turned off the car, I checked my braids. I had braided my hair into two French plaits, they weren't perfect but they framed my face nicely. It was boiling today and there was no way I could sit around in the sun with my hair all over me.

I look back at my bare face and I start regretting my decision to not wear makeup. I felt as if these people inside didn't really know the Ivy that was going to be attending the afternoon party thing.

The last time they saw me was when my parents were coming to collect me out of Jackson's arms. I was a mess and it was embarrassing. But they all knew why, they all surely understood?

"Ivy, you look beautiful." Jackson says reading my body language.

"You sure?" I whisper, flickering my eyes from my reflection to Jacksons.

"Yes, I'm sure." Jackson says leaning in and I honestly don't know what he wants so I just close my eyes and lean in too. He presses his lips against mine firmly and then kisses me again quickly.

"Ready?" He asks.

We both talked about keeping our distance a little around our friends, neither of us comfortable with the idea of PDA or having to explain what was going on between us to our friends.

I nod and climb out the car, grabbing my phone and Jackson's bag from the back seat as he locks his car. I could hear the sound of splashing already and Jackson had packed some swim stuff for himself but I had decided that I didn't want to swim.

I wanted to keep my clothes firmly on my body this time.

God that was a sad fucking thought.

Moving on.

We walk towards Jayden's gate and Jackson places his hand on the small of my back to guide me in. Because this was a backless dress, the feel of his skin against mine made me glare a little at him.

Let's just keep our hands to ourselves.

It had been a challenge last night.

"Is there going to be alcohol?" I whisper to Jackson before he opens the gate and he just shrugs at me.

"Probably but it's fine. I can be around people drinking, I just choose not to drink myself."

Nodding in sort of understanding, I let him unlock the gate and lead the way inside.

"Ivy!" I hear Faye shout from across the garden and she runs towards me, she's dripping wet and barefoot but that doesn't stop her from wrapping her hands around me.

"Hi babe." I laugh and wave at Nora and Jess who have just been able to sit up from their sun-beds by the time Faye was able to get over to me.

The girl moves fast.

There was only like eight people here, with Jackson and I making it ten. Jayden and the boys were stood around his dad's grill, I guess they were trying to light it. They were stood in their swimming stuff and so was Faye and Jess. Nora however was dressed in short and a t-shirt, and I smile, glad that I wasn't the only one not swimming.

Music was coming from inside the house but it wasn't house party music, it was just a summery chill vibe. Which made me happy, and more relaxed.

Averting my eyes from the house, I meet Luca's eyes and immediately break eye contact. His face stresses me out for obvious reasons. Looking up at Jackson for reassurance he nods down at me, as if he was reminding me he was there, and that I was ok.

Smiling at him softly I turn my attention back to Faye and continues to gush. "We missed you! We never got a chance to talk properly that day and then you just vanished!"

"I know I'm sorry."

"No don't feel bad." She reassures. "But are you ok?"

"Yeah Faye I'm good now."

She looks back at Nora and Jess and then asks me if I wanna come over there.

"Yeah of course, one second." I say and turn to Jackson.

Faye turns and head back towards the girls but stops suddenly and asks me. "Oh Ives, do you want a drink? I'm just going to make myself another."

My eyes flicker to Jacksons and back to her. "Oh, no its ok, thank-."

Before I get to complete my thanks, Jackson interrupts me. "Yeah, get her whatever you're having Faye."

Faye nods and skips off towards the makeshift bar.

Frowning up at Jackson i question him with my eyes.

"Obviously don't drink it if you don't want it, but you can yanoe. I don't mind at all. Plus it might make this all a little easier on you, and you deserve to have some fun." He says quietly and his head snaps up from my direction to where the boys are standing when Max calls his name.

"Go have fun with your friends." I say and discretely pat his butt to get him moving. Jackson glares down at me but at my smile he just rolls his eyes and walks away, leaving me to drag myself over to the girls.

"Heya." Nora says, making room for me to sit at the end of her sun-bed.

Placing myself down I sit cross legged facing her and slightly angled towards Jess.

"Hi." I say, feeling a little out of place. Just so used to how it feels to be around Jackson and Jackson only.

"How are you feeling?" Jess asks and removes her sunglasses, meeting my eyes.

I give her a smile and answer truthfully "Good."

I'm good in that sense, I've been doing a lot better. I haven't even had a flashback for a couple of days. I'm trying not to think about the fact I'm leaving. And the fact I haven't told anyone.

I haven't told Jackson.

Just one more good day?

"What's going on with the police?" Nora asks and immediately follows it with "I know you might not wanna talk about it. It's just we are all so left out the loop."

I shake my head reassuringly and watch as Faye come's back with two drinks in her hand.

"I'll tell you all together." I nod to Faye and she smiles sitting down on the opposite side to Nora. Yeah, there was another sun-bed available but I knew Faye probably was using that one and I dunno, I just wanted to sit on the end of Noras.

"So basically." I wait for Faye to get sorted and take the drink from her when she hands it to me. It's a weird peachy colour and I raise my eyebrow slight at her and she just grins.

Great. We'll figure that one out in a minute.

"Well basically, um they have him in prison until he's sentenced. They didn't offer him bail because he already left the country once I think? I don't know I wasn't really listening. But yeah, that's all I know until he gets sentenced. My detective thought that he was pleading not guilty the other week but she said they have now heard conflicting reports. So it might not even get to a proper trial anyway, he might just admit it and get sentenced."

"So, like he will definitely be found guilty?" Jess asks and I try not to overthink her question. Was she asking whether there was a chance that he wasn't?

"I mean, apparently cases like mine don't often go in my favour. But because I went to the police that night they have like all the forensic evidence I think. So, they said that that makes my case stronger."

"Ives, I know we already apologised but I am really sorry that we didn't know." Faye says and Jess nods in agreement.

"It's been eating at us." Jess says and pouts at me.

I shrug at them all, the sunlight bouncing off my shoulders. "I wasn't ready for you or anyone to know. That's not anybody else's fault other than his."

"Too right." Nora says and cheers her cup with mine.

"Fuck Layton." She says and raises her cup.

The girls go to copy, raising their cups and starting to say it "Fuck-"But my eyes dart to the boys.

I shh them and they all laugh, they all lean in and whisper collectively.

"Fuck Layton."

The girls left me and Nora a little while ago, everyone's just been in and out of Jayden's pool, whereas I lie besides Nora on a sun-bed soaking in the rays of light.

But my eyes fail to stay away from Jackson. Him and Luca are playing some sort of ball game in the pool. I just know there is a lot of splashing and it's amusing to watch Jess throw them both dirty glares every now and then.

It had been a really nice day, Jayden's attempt at cooking wasn't awful and the boys had all been over to check on me once.

Max was particularly apologetic and although it was awkward, the proud smile Jackson had on his face as I agreed to talk to him almost made it worth it.

The only problem was though was that I really needed a wee, and I was honestly compensating leaving rather than just go upstairs to the bathroom.

I had been drinking all day, but in reality, I was taking it really slow, and had only probably had two and a half drinks? I was hardly tipsy.

I was just buzzed enough to be laughing freely with my girls and not worrying about anything else. However, deciding that I needed to reapply sun cream I left to go and find Jackson so I could get the bag and share with him my dilemma.

What? We were close?

Leaning up against the side of the makeshift bar I call Jayden over.

"Have you seen Jackson?" I ask and Jay nods.

"Yeah I just send him round the front to reattach the water hose for me."

"Oh ok. Thanks." I smile and push myself away, walking away in order to find Jackson. The grass felt so good under my bare feet but as soon as I reached the path I regretted my choice not to put my shoes back on. The pebbles hurt.

Frowning angrily to myself I follow the path until I hear his voice.

"There's my favourite face, full of anger and annoyance." Jackson chuckles at me and I pout at him.

"I was looking for you." I say and watch at he screws