*I hope everyone's day has been ok? i hope you enjoy this lil part. Remember to vote and comment?*

I've been sat outside his house for five minutes already, just mustering up the courage to go and knock on his front door.

Is this really strange? To just turn up?

You could tell it was his mother's house, the white painted brick was littered with growing plants, flowering due to the spring. Large windows surrounded the front of the house and I imagined they carries on all the way around. It looked airy but it was surrounded by nature that I knew Mrs Granger valued. It wasn't the biggest of houses, but it was really beautiful.

I keep trying to force myself to just get out and walk up the path. The worst thing Jackson could do was turn me away? And that's not even too bad, at least I'd know then.

But I was stressing. Because I knew I had a lot to explain and I had no idea how to even start it all.

I send Lucy I quick text, just replying to her question and telling her that I'm sat outside Jackson's house just trying to find the motivation to knock on the door.

Lucy instantly replies.

Lucy: the sooner you go in the sooner you can tell me about what he says. Do it for me, not you lmao

I smile at the message, feeling really glad that I met her today, that I started group. I didn't think id be here without it.

Opening the car door, I don't bother to grab my bag, I mean, it can stay in the car until I know if he hates me or not.

The ground seems unsteady underneath my feet as I walk down the little path to his front door. I knew I was just really nervous, the last time I saw him, I was shaking my head at my parents trying to tell them through my tears with my body language that he needed to go. That I couldn't see him.

That would have hurt me, if I was Jackson.

I cut to the chase and knock sort of pathetically on his door. Wondering what he would do when he saw me, when he opened the door.

What I didn't expect however was no response.

Knocking again, harder this time, I tried to listen to see if I could hear any noise from inside. There was nothing. But the lights were on inside I could tell that by the soft glow from the window. By listening harder, I started to hear the faint sound of music coming from behind the house, from behind the small gate to the right of the home.

Without letting myself overthink, I instinctively followed the sound of the music and let myself in through their garden gate. It opened up to a pretty huge garden, littered with child toys and things for them to play on. And on the patio was a little fire pit, glowing onto where Jackson laid fast asleep on a outdoor couch.

The soft crackle of the fire and the sound of the music was drowned out as I stood staring at Jackson sleeping.

What do I do now?

Climbing up the little steps so I could reach him, I sat gently by where his body was laid, unknowing of my presence.

"Jackson." I whisper, trying to gently wake him up.

He stirs a little but doesn't open his eyes.

"Jackson?" I question, placing my hand gently on his rough cheek. He didn't look as if he had shaved for a few days, his face slightly scratchy to the touch.

He looked handsome.

His eyes opened, wide. Looking at me and around us, he was confused. Dazed from just being awoken. Surprised by my presence.

"Ivy?" Jackson's voice is croaky and really deep with emotion. He sits up a little from his position on the couch and looks around a little bit, getting his bearings. I exhale a slight laugh at how bewildered he seems. I wonder how long he's been asleep.

It was only like eight.

"Hi." I say softly, getting his attention. Jacksons eyes jump to mine, getting wide again in surprise.

And he does something that really surprised me. He learns forward, grabbing my arms and pulls me towards him. With such a force that the air is almost knocked out of me and we both fall back into the sofa. we're laid together my back pressed against the back of the sofa, wrapped in Jackson's tight embrace.

"What the fuck." He says deeply into my hair and I'm guessing he's referring to my sudden presence.

"hey," I laugh, moving so I was snuggled into the crook of his neck. Just enjoying the way it felt to be held by Jackson, the way I was right before; he did feel like home.

"You're here." Jackson says pulling away from me, so we could see each other. His hair was a mess and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles due to his nap, but his eyes were also ablaze with so many conflicting emotions I knew he wasn't entirely happy to see me. I knew I had hurt him, just by the way his eyes glowed into mine.

"Ivy, I can't keep doing this. I told you once that it wasn't fucking with my head, but this." Jackson gestures to the way every inch of my body is tucked up between his and the back of the sofa. He moves his body away and sits up. Putting some space between us. "This is."

"I know, and I said I didn't want it to. Jackson I am really, really sorry."

He turns a little away from me and pinches his nose between his eyes, sighing. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah..." I whisper, wishing he would look at me.

He grants me this and looks up at me. His eyes are more guarded now than they were before. Or maybe it's just because we are further away.

"Jackson." I say, wishing he'd explain what he is thinking. To talk to me.

"Just." He looks away from my eyes and his jaw clenches slightly. "Ivy, why did you push me away? Again? I knew you weren't ok, I was prepared to be there for you. But you didn't even want to look at me." His voice is deep with hurt and I feel myself getting teary.

For god sake, not now. I can talk to Jackson without crying.

Holding back my tears I go to move a little closer to him not his face tells me that he needs to space. To think clearly.

"Jackson, I don't want to make excuses, I just."

"No excuses. Just tell me the truth."

"I was just scared." I say, knowing that there is so much more to it, but that also explains everything. Fear.

"Of me? I thought I had proven that you didn't have to be scared off me. I thought you trusted me."

"Off everyone Jackson. Of Jayden, of Nora and my friends. Even off my parents."

"I know how awful seeing Layton would have been. I knew you weren't going to be ok. I was ready for the fear, I was ready for the tears, I was ready to go through it all with you." He lifts his eyes to mine and asks. "Why is it that you can just cut us all off so easily?" He is frustrated. I understood this.

Because I would be frustrated too. If someone kept leaving me after I promised not to leave them.

"I didn't have a choice Jackson. I was really messed up."

"But like, I could have helped you work through it."

"No, you couldn't. I wasn't just in a state because I saw him again. He said things." I shudder at the memory. "He said so much shit to me Jackson, and I just fell into my head. I didn't just not speak to you. I didn't speak to anyone again for days. It wasn't until the next Monday that I first spoke again. I was terrified of even speaking Jackson. How did you expect me to explain this to you?"

Jackson looks confused, obviously. Unaware of all the shit Layton injected into my head.

His body turns towards mine now and he is visibly more open to hearing me out.

"What did he say? What do you mean?"

"He told me he was there with us through everything. He mentioned watching us at the beach, which was weeks ago and he mentioned about being around at school as well." I start to explain.

"He was there?" Jackson says, his voice thick.

I nod. "And then I couldn't stop thinking about if he was there then, I wonder what else he was there for. How long had he been watching me? us? And then suddenly every good memory I have with you. I have with my friends, was tainted by the fact that Layton could have been there too, watching. And I was so fucking confused how I didn't know. Because at the school, as soon as he was close, my body could feel it. So why couldn't I feel it all the other times?"

Jackson moves so he's sat directly next to me, his hand going to lift my face so my eyes were connecting to his and not the floor. The way his fingers felt against my chin was so familiar and so comforting. Just by this little gesture I was relieved, that he still wanted to touch me.

"And it messed with your head?" He asks and I nod animatedly.

"It wasn't just that though, when you all came to see me, it was as if I could suddenly feel it. His presence. And I knew he wasn't there obviously, but the thought that he was watching that he was listening to every word I said. Just made me collapse in on myself."

"I wish I could have been there, I wish I could have helped." Jackson says and I lean into his touch, his palm cupping my cheek.

Raising my hand to his, I pull it off my face and meet his eyes. I knew this question was silly, I didn't believe it. But I needed to ask, I needed for him to understand why I was so scared of him when he came to see me.

"Layton also got inside my head other ways, he told me that you all knew what he did to me and was just pretending to be my friend. He said that you helped him. That you were keeping me safe for him. That he had told you to kiss me, to be there for me."

"And you believed him?" Jackson says appalled and I softly smile towards his scrunched-up face.

"Not at the time, but I just got really sick Jackson. I didn't know what was true and what wasn't. I didn't believe it not really, but my brain kept telling me that there was no other reason for you to want to be near me." I look away embarrassed. "I was scared that it was true and I was also scared at how badly it hurt me every time I considered it true."

"Ivy, you know it's not true." Jackson says, his fingers interlocking with mine. "He was just trying to hurt you."

"He succeeded." I laugh, wiping away a stay tear. "Jackson I am really sorry I pushed you away. I understand why you are hurt but I promise you I really didn't mean to, that I didn't really know what was happening."

"It's been eleven days, are you ok now? You seem alright?"

"Yeah, I had a really good day today, I made a friend and she convinced me that I didn't have to be scared to reach out to you."

"I like her." Jackson says immediately and I laugh at him.

"I'm sorry Jackson."

"It's ok. You don't need to apologise. Plus, now that I know what was going through you head, we can talk about making new memories."

"New memories?" I ask. Leaning into his side as we sit relaxed beside the fire.

"Memories that are not tainted with Layton." Jackson explains and I impulsively pull his chin so his face is tilted downwards inches from mine.

Not knowing whether I can, whether we should or whether we had even made up enough for me to kiss him, i do it anyway. I stretch up and leave a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"I like our old memories." I say grouchy because I hate that i feel as if Layton was watching through everything.

Jackson stares intensely down at me, but quickly shakes his head, moving on from whatever he was thinking.

What was he thinking?

"Ivy, I'm not saying this to make you feel better, but maybe he was just saying that he was watching to freak you out. Obviously, he saw us that night, but he couldn't control himself and he texted me. Surely, he would have made contact before if he had been watching everything between us? I'm just saying, if he lied to you about me, could he have lied about all of it?"

I think about it and I wish it was true, I wish I could just accept that. "I don't know Jackson; can we just make new memories anyway?" I ask and he smiles slightly sadly down at me.

"Yeah of course." He places his lips against my forehead and I settle back against him. Curled up under the summer evening and next to the little fire.

"I thought I was dreaming yanoe, when I woke up. I was so confused to see you here. How did you even get here, like how are you just suddenly here?" Jackson asks poking my side a little, as if to see if I was actually real.

Laughing at the memory of his disorientation when he woke up, I just shrug. "Your mum told me that she was going away without you and I just found my way here. Jayden told me where you lived, because did you realise I have never been to your house before?"

"Yeah, I'm aware. When do you have to be home?" Jackson says pulling me into his lap, as if my weight was literally nothing for him to pick up. He turns us around so we are back laying down my legs tangled with his. My dress had ridden up slightly the cold air hitting the back of my thighs, but he body heat was enough to keep me warm.

Jackson ran his fingers lightly through my hair, something that was becoming a habit of his when we laid like this. I was wrapped in his arms and I didn't plan on going anywhere.

I just shrug at him, "Whenever you want me to leave."

"No, I mean like when do your parents want you home."

"They know I'm here." I shrug. "I've got permission to stay if I want to. If you want me to."

Jackson grins slightly at me and I roll my eyes. The way he was so happy that I was around makes my stomach flip from the affection. He rolls us slightly so I'm lying directly on top of him and I gasp at the sudden movement.

"You've lost weight." Jackson says, lying a hand in the middle of my back.

"Not really." I say, becoming a little uncomfortable and wiggling his hand away from me, I knew he was pressing my body into his and seeing how little I was.

I had lost weight, the same amount I did the week after the assault. Mental health shit really does mess with your appetite.

"I can feel it." Jackson says, letting me slide off of his chest and lie besides him.

"It doesn't matter, I'll put it back on like a did before."

Jackson frown but nods in understanding. He doesn't bring it up again, just lies in silence with his arms wrapped around me for a little bit.

"Will you spend the week here?" Jackson says suddenly and I look at him in surprise. He was off school the whole week and obviously his parents are away. Could I? Stay the whole week?

"Oh, I don't know. My parents... but we'll see?" I say and he scrunches his nose up a little.

"They've seen you for a week, isn't it my turn?" He says, he's just playing but my god I stare at him, my heart melting.

"Stop playing." I say laughing at him. "I'm here, now aren't I?"

Jackson smiles and pulls me into a hug, he hasn't hesitated once when it came to touching me this afternoon and I wonder if it's because he could read on my face that I wanted to be close to him.

"I missed you. A lot." I say mumbling it into his chest.

"Ivy, I'm sorry that I left you that Thursday. That I allowed you to go off with that Grace, who by the way is horrible."

I look up at him and agree "She really isn't the best is she." I laugh.

"But I'm serious, I promised I wouldn't let Layton get to you that day and I did."

"Jackson, I chose to go after her. I didn't even think about the fact I was leaving the group. I was the one that put myself in danger, not you. Don't worry about it." I smile reassuring up at him but he still looks pained.

"I heard your voice, I heard you say his name through the phone. My god I don't think I've ever felt that much sudden panic. I had no clue where you were." Hi whispers, the conversation falling into quite intense waters.

"Sorry, I just pressed on my most recent call. I gathered it was you but i wasn't sure.  Thank you so much for coming. I didn't know what to do."

"I'm so glad you phoned me, don't ever be sorry for that. I think it's just taking a while to get my head around the fact that someone I was like best mates with, is such a bad person."

"I think all you boys must feel that way, yous should talk." I say, totally understanding the impact this would have on all of them. Obviously, Layton's actions have impacted me the most, but there's also my family, his family and our friends that are dealing with the impact of what he did.

"I'm going to try to, we could meet up with everyone this week?" Jackson asks softly and I shrug. Not knowing if I was really up for group activities.

"Maybe."

"Do you feel any safer now that Layton is inside?" Jackson asks and I honestly don't know how I feel.

"I know I should, that everyone probably expects me to be ok now. But I still feel a little as if he's out there. Like the way my body remembers him hasn't really changed just because he's no longer a threat. He still did what he did." I whisper back honestly and Jackson looks pained.

I know he wants me to be ok. Not in the sense that he doesn't understand and not in the sense that he thinks it'll magically be fixed, but I know that he wants all the pain to stop for me.

It would be the same way for me, I would wanna end any pain he was feeling too.

Jackson suddenly gets up and I'm left sprawled out on the sofa, alone and cold.

"Jackson." I whine, sitting up to cover myself adequately, my dress had ridden without me really noticing.

He laughs and offers me his hand to pull me up, "don't look at me like that, it's getting cold out here."

I take his hand and he pulls me up easily so I'm stood next to him. "What are we gunna do?" I ask, trailing behind him as he leads me inside.

"Do you want food? I haven't eaten yet." Jackson asks going to open up his fridge.

"I already had dinner. Do you cook then?" I ask, sitting down at his little breakfast table.

"Only a little, and I gathered but that doesn't really answer my question. If I cook something would you like some?" He asks more me directly, bringing out some stuff from the fridge.

Curiosity got the better of me and I walk over to where he's standing, watching what he is doing.

"What are you making?"

"Stir fry. Are you hungry?" He asks.

"Not really."

"I'll make you a little bowl. We need to get some meat back on your bones." He says and tickles me as I lean over to him being nosey.

Jumping away I start to retreat but he pulls me back. Looking at him questioningly he just shrugs in response. "Stay close."

"Ok." I laugh and look around his kitchen, it was pretty modern but definitely had a farm house kitchen feel. There were drawings up on the fridge and star charts littered across cupboards. Reminding me that there were kids living here.

Jackson chops up some veg and throws it into a pan, his arms flexing as he uses the knife.

"Can I sit?" I ask patting the side next to where he was preparing veg, next to the stove.

"yeah." He smiles and I jump up next to him, watching him in silence as he prepares some food for us.

"I'm really happy you're here Ives." He says squeezing my knee a little as he turns around to get something.

I don't reply but he knows I'm happy to be here too.

And I do realise how peacefully happy I am in this moment. And it's enough. It's enough to remind me that there is a reason I keep fighting my own mind, a reason to get up in the mornings.

I'm not saying that reason is Jackson, I'm saying that each of these little moment, each moment of happiness, is all you need to keep remembering that you want more moments.