*Thankyou so much for 5000 reads! Please rememebr to vote and commenT!

Also this is super long I'm sorry 😂*

I haven't gone to school again, it's a nightmare all this time I'm missing. But I have actually been doing work at home and I've been going to Dr Halpin and talking on the phone to Mrs Granger the last couple of days. So, I feel as if it's not as unproductive than the last few times I haven't turned up to school.

It wasn't even by choice this time, Lotta had suggested I stay home because they still hadn't been able to arrest Layton and the risk he would turn up at school was too high. This meant however my mum or dad would feel obliged to stay with me during the day as the Layton knows of two places I may be: school or home.

I've been stressing about their jobs, I know their work can't be being as understanding as they both tell me they are.

I've been reading the homework Dr Halpin set me, we even went through it together Monday. It made me cry the first five times I read it through, but I don't cry anymore. Which kind of shows me I'm getting there. Like the aim was to desensitise me a little to the event, so I don't have such a negative reaction to having to talk about it. It's all making sense which makes me feel positive.

My mum slept in my bed on Saturday and Sunday, because I've been terrified. On the first night we even woke up to my dad camped out on the floor. I don't think they're necessarily afraid of Layton themselves, I think they're just afraid what will happen to me if I see him again. I don't think they trust me when I say I'm doing ok. I don't blame them I guess.

I haven't been sleeping, not really. On Monday my mum slept in her room with my dad and I didn't want to tell them that no, actually I'm not fine to sleep on my own. So, I've been having a full-on disaster every night. I'm scared he will get to me somehow and I just wish I had someone here with me.

It is currently Wednesday and I'm waiting for Nora to come and drop of the worksheets I've been waiting for the past few days. I haven't seen her since Friday and I haven't seen Jackson since that Saturday morning. I haven't been on my phone either so I know they've probably been trying to get in touch. My mum phoned Mrs Granger and got her to organise Nora to drop of some stuff.

I know I should reply to people, I know I should check my phone but I'm scared Layton will text me. Which I know is stupid, for him to be any more likely to text me than he was before. He's knows my number. But it's almost as if I can feel as if he is closer to me. That he's in the same town. I don't know. It's just scary.

I think that's fair right? To be scared. I never know when my fear is rational anymore.

Jayden's been popping in after school, literally just for a snack and to check I am ok. He's been great but he says it's very strange at school without me there and like actually knowing what's going on with me.

He said that the boys have noticed that I'm not there and have been bugging Jackson about it. But Jackson doesn't reply to them. Apparently, he's been rather silent and missing lately. Jay assures me that he hasn't told Jackson about Layton being back but that apparently, he's definitely noticed the police at school.

There's been officers at school in case Layton turns up. I'm supposed to be going back tomorrow but I can't imagine being there. The thought being terrifying.

"Ivy, Nora's here." My dad shouts up the stairs and I jump off my bed and head downstairs. It's his job to babysit me today.

"Coming!" I say as I run down the stairs actually happy to see someone else other than the usual. Even if she come baring school work.

"Ivy, you're alive." She exclaims and gives me a gentle hug.

"Yeah. I am." I laugh and gesture for her to sit at the kitchen island. "Do you want a drink?" I ask and she nods.

"Thank you for bringing me the stuff."

"Actually, I have something more exciting for you than just school work." She says as I fill two glasses up with the fresh lemonade I made. Yep, I've had just too much time on my hands. It's like being on house arrest this whole thing.

"Ooo what is it?" I ask handing her, her drink.

"It's from Jackson." She says and smiles at my shocked face.

"He said not to let you throw it away so I guess you two are fighting?" Nora asks.

"We're not fighting, I mean a little." I send a pointed look towards my dad who's reading his book and pretending to mind his own business. I know he would have been listening as soon as Jackson's name popped up. I think they miss him more than I do.

And that says a lot considering I do miss him. It's been four /five days without contact.

"Ok. What happened." Nora whispers clearly intrigued.

"I'll tell you later." I laugh at her and the frown looking at the box she takes out of her bag.

"Do you know how scary it was him coming up to us? He was like" She mimics his deep voice. "My mum said you're going to Ivy's and if that's so can you give this to her."

I laugh at her impression of him, I can imagine him being just as uncomfortable during the exchange. "When did he give it to you?" I ask pulling the box towards me.

"Like literally before I was about to drive over, after school." She says and peers into the box with me.

Its cake. It's the Rose and Rhubarb cake and I melt a little. The cake from Star's. The first time we properly hung out outside of school. The day he helped me after I had a flashback thing.

"Cake?" Nora asks and I smile gently at her.

"Yeah its sort of an inside joke thing." I say and pass her a fork.

"So, it's a sweet gesture. Out of guilt?" she asks.

"Definitely." I laugh. "Actually Dad, come try the cake then. It's the one that me and Jackson were telling you about."

He jumps up in excitement, confirming my suspicion he was listening and waiting for an invite.

My dad tastes it and moans in delight to which I smirk. "You have to forgive him Ives, we can't lose someone that sends free cake to the house." My dad pleads with me and Nora laughs at him.

"Right." She says and stands. "There's everything you missed, are you sure you can't come to mine for movie night?"

I swallow my mouthful and eyes widen when I realise I haven't told her about Layton being back.

"Wait, um, you have to be careful. Layton was seen in the area and I just wanted to remind you that if you see him like call the police but also if he's close just pretend you know nothing other than what you initially thought." I say and my dad nods along with me.

"Oh god, that's why you're not at school then?" She asks and I nod.

"What should I tell the girls?" She asks and I look at my dad for guidance.

"She should tell them the truth Ivy, It's the matter of them knowing they're not safe if he's around hun." My dad says and I agree.

"I guess tell them the truth. If that's ok? Like I know it's a big ask, to get you to tell them for me." I say.

"Of course. Don't worry I'll tell them tonight and I'll make sure they're limited to one text of support to you each." She says and both my dad and I laugh.

"Thank you so much Nora." I say referencing her bringing me work, her delivering Jackson's cake and just literally being such a good friend.

------------------

It was 9 o'clock now and I am sat on my window seat, watching as tree's get pounded by the storm outside, trying to ignore the presence of a very empty cake box besides me. I am driving myself insane.

More insane, i mean.

I should message and say thanks to Jackson. But then again i I shouldn't, cake isn't an apology. He hasn't had the chance to apologise. Because he doesn't deserve to just charm his way back in. He left. He was upset. So was I.

God, I am honestly going around and around in circles.

It also terrifying being awake when my parents aren't. It's only 9, but they both went to bed a little under half an hour ago. They have both been exhausted themselves.

I grab my phone and see that Jackson's phoned me once every day since Saturday. So, I have five missed calls from him. I bet he's not even sorry anymore, he's probably just pissed at me.

He wouldn't buy me cake if he was annoyed though, would he?

God, I have no idea what to do.

I start to type on his name and then lock the phone again.

I don't want to give in, but also, thanking him for cake isn't giving in necessarily. It just being a decent person. Plus, I feel as if I should explain to him that i hadn't planned to want this much space but then with everything with Layton I had pushed everything else going on to the back of my mind.

How mad is it that I want to be mad at him but I also don't want to lose him as a friend? So like what am I supposed to do now.

I was listening to music, my tv being linked up to my phone and providing the only light source in my room. But, the music was interfering in my thoughts so I had turned it of a second ago. Which was a huge mistake because by turning it off I remember why I had it on in the first place.

The weather Is awful outside and the rain keeps battering against my window. The sounds of the wind moving things outside is awful because every time I hear something I get scared. I get scared that it's Layton and that he's getting in the house.

So, when I hear a low grumble outside my window I say fuck it, and send Jackson a text. If I'm going to die I might as well do it with friends.

I'm joking, I know that all the sounds I'm hearing are because of the bad weather but it still is so scary. Like my heart beat is in a constant state of trying to fight its way out of my chest.

Not a minute after I send him an awkward 'Hi' does Jackson's name pop up on my phone. He's ringing me. Should I answer? i guess I have to. I want to.

"Hi." I speak softly into the phone and I can hear him breathe a sigh of relief through the line.

"Hey you." He says, I can hear him shuffling I wonder what he was doing.

"Hey." My stupid awkward brain makes me say again.

"You called?" He says, humour but hesitation in his voice.

"I wanted to say thank you for the cake."

"Well, you're welcome." His deep voice fills me with comfort and i feel myself getting fustrated at how tuned in my body is with associating him with peace.

"That's all." I say and go to say goodbye, not enjoying the weird feeling I'm getting.

I miss him and I wish he would just know that I want him here but I don't necessarily even want to talk to him because I'm still angry but also, I really really don't want to be alone.

"Ives, wait." He says before I hang up.

"Yeah?"

"I've missed your voice."

"Oh." I can't help but smile. But then i force myself to stop, this is what I meant, I don't wanna just forget about it all. "I'm still angry with you." I say and he chuckles.

"I know."

"But I missed your voice too." I admit.

"I'm on my way to yours by the way, hope that's ok." He says almost sarcastically, as if even if I didn't want him here, he'd be here anyway.

"You're coming here?" I breathe shocked.

"Yeah, I'll be round in a second. Just getting into the car now."

"Oh, thank god." I breathe and he chuckles at me, knowing I wouldn't have wanted him to hear that I'm glad he's coming.

But I was glad, it's terrifying being here when everyone else is asleep.

I send my mum a message saying that Jackson's coming around to talk, it's only 9 so she won't mind and I doubt she'll even wake up. But if she does at least she'll know what's going on.

"I'm hanging up because I'm driving. I'll see you in a sec?" He asks and I whisper an ok.

Waiting at the bottom of the stair's I suddenly realise I'm in nothing but a long-oversized t-shirt and hoodie. They both come down to just above my knees so it's not immodest but I probably should have put some pyjama bottoms on.

It's been like five minutes when I see his headlights flash against my window and wait until I can see it's definitely him to open the door. I unlock the door before he can knock, not wanting to wake my parents.

"Hey." Jackson says as he quietly takes off his wet jacket and shoes. "Where are your parents?" He whispers looking towards our empty living area.

"In bed." I whisper and gesture for him to follow me upstairs. It would have probably been better to stay downstairs but I wanted to cover my exposed legs with my blanket.

We walk in silence and I wonder why he came, like what he wants to say.

Walking back into my room I turn my lamp back on so we're sat in a soft glow but the silence is making me want to crawl into a hole so I turn my music back on slightly.

"So, how mad are you?" He says glumly and his tone makes me laugh a little. Whenever he does anything wrong he always looks as if it's the end of the world.

"I was pretty upset but it's not..." I pause hearing a noise in the garden. I feel so much better now that he's here sat on my spinny desk chair opposite where I am sat on my bed but I'm still terrified of Layton, my brain refusing to let me forget about him for a second.

"Layton's back."

"What?" His surprise evident.

"Yeah, on Saturday Lotta called and said he was spotted in town and so I've been on house arrest. Well I haven't, but it's like for my protection that I don't go to school. And I was planning to hear you out Monday but then because I didn't go to school I didn't talk to you and I've been scared of my phone because I know that Layton knows my number and so I didn't mean to ignore you for five days but it's just been a little hectic." I ramble and look away from his eyes, knowing I just made a mess of that explanation.

"Ivy, I don't care how mad you are at me, I don't care if I'm mad at you. God, I don't even care if we haven't spoken in months. You need to tell me what's going on. I need to know if you're in danger. Jesus Christ I could have been here to help." He looks frustrated, I guess the news that Layton's back getting to him too.

"I'm sorry. I just, you left." I whisper.

"With every intention of coming back." He states, his eyes trying to get me to understand.

"You still left though, after promising me you wouldn't."

"I know, and I'm so sorry. I just couldn't think right, I kept replaying your words you had written over and over again in my head and the way you wanted Jayden to help you and he didn't and I think I just snapped. I haven't felt anger like that in years."

"My brain does that to me everyday Jackson, replaying everything for me. I needed you and you left me. And you told him." I say, knowing I'm punishing him with my words and knowing that he was feeling more and more guilty. But I wanted him to understand.

"Ives, I know. I didn't mean to, I wasn't thinking straight. One minute I was talking to you and the next I was outside Jay's." He explains but that just makes me feel even worse.

"But Jackson I don't like that, I need to know you're in control of your emotions, in control of your actions when you're around me because the thought of you not being in control scares me. You know why."

"Don't think like that, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you. You know that." Jackson's eyes are filled with pain at my explanation of why it freaked me out so much and can feel him wanting to reach out to me. But we both knew that I wouldn't accept his comfort.

"I do. Rationally, I know that you don't wanna hurt me. But sometimes my brain doesn't work rationally and I'm not saying you need to make alterations to comfort my irrational thought processes because I know that's mental. But I want to feel safe Jackson and you're the only person I feel truly safe with at the moment but then on Saturday I, you made me questioned that."

"I am so sorry I made you question that." He says sincerely and i know that he's sorry but the thing is i dont want to make him feel bad i just want him to promise to never do it again.

"I know you are." I sigh, not knowing how to fix this.

"So how have you been doing? With knowing he's around?" Jackson asks, wanting to know how I actually am.

"Not too bad, kind of constantly terrified but Its ok." I laugh slightly.

"Ivy I could have been here." He looks sad and I know I have wanted him here as well. But I needed the time.

"I needed the space." I offer.

"I know I fucked up, i didn't mean to tell Jay." Jackson says.

"Yet you did. But you made us talk and I kinda regret not telling him straight off now. Like it would have avoided so much aggro and hurt on both of our ends."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that he's been really great the past week and with the police stuff. He knows a lot because his Dad used to be a cop before he got into teaching apparently so like Jay's Dad has been in contact with mine and stuff."

"Oh." Jackson looks away oddly.

"So, like I hate that you told my secret but It's been nice having Jayden back."

Jackson's face morphs from his odd expression to looking at me seriously, his body a little tense.

"Having him back?" He asks, his eyebrows raised in a silent question.

I hate how I know he's feeling jealous, that I can feel that he cares about me deeply too but I need to explain to him that whatever he is thinking, about me and Jay can't happen. So, I can explain to him that I'm just not in that position in my life.

"Not like that. He's my friend now I guess." I say.

"That same way I'm your friend?" He asks back harshly and then looks away, his words escaping him before he can hold himself back. He means because I kissed him.

"No Jackson, not like us. That was uncalled for."

"It's just, you were obsessed with Jay, like you were so in love with him. I don't understand how that just goes away?" He asks, looking embarrassed. Jackson isn't very comfortable when it comes to talking about Jayden and I, or about love.

"It doesn't just go; not like how you mean it. But I don't want to be with Jayden Jackson." I pause and think. "Have you ever been in love?" I ask, genuinely curious.

He stares at me deeply, his eyes travelling around my face until I blush at the exposure. "No, I guess not." He whispers.

"You'll understand one day that there are different kinds of loves. Like I was obsessed with Jay but I was also very young and boy crazy. I was a nightmare." I laugh a little at the memory. "I used to think we were soul mates when I was younger I thought we fit so perfectly, but then as we grew, like even before the whole Layton thing, I realised that whatever was between Jayden and I was going to end."

"So, you don't think Jayden's your soul mate anymore?" He smirks a little at me, teasing me over my belief of soul mates.

"No, I don't." I laugh. "I think my souls changed anyway."