"Where would you like to go for food?" He asks me. "We could just go get pizza?"

"Sure, where?"

"What do you mean where?"

"I just... I've never been to get pizza in town before."

"What do you mean?" He repeats confused. "Jay must have taken you out for pizza."

"I don't really eat takeaways."

"You always say you had pizza or Chinese for dinner..."

"Well yeah recently. Before I didn't. Now I am trying to be less of a- just less that person."

"Before what?" He asks, catching that little bit. 

I think about it. Telling him before the PTSD will highlight that something happened recently. So I shrug and just admit. "Before I broke Jayden's heart."

Jackson continues driving, I assume taking us to the pizza place. 

"We've never really acknowledged that before." Jackson says quietly. 

"I know."

"Like you and Layton-"

I visibly cringe, like- No. 

Just no. 

He changes it. "Your break up with Jay, like he seems to be the only one hurt by it. I guess you- I mean, did it happen with Layton because you didn't want to be with Jayden anymore?"

"Jackson." I say painfully. 

I could just fucking explain.

Just say I didn't do what he thinks. 

No don't. Please. 

I sigh. "I never meant to hurt Jayden."

He nods. "I know. I don't think you are the type of person who wants to hurt someone purposely either."

"I used to be." I admit. "Like I won't lie. It used to amuse me a little."

"But not anymore?"

"No I promise, not anymore."

He nods slowly, and I watch as he furrows his eyebrows together, my intensity probably confusing him. 

"Is Jayden still mad at you?" I ask. 

He nods. "Very much yes."

"So why? Like surely you prefer to- I just.. why are you here, helping me when Jayden's hurting too?"

He shrugs. "I want to be here."

"You don't want to be there?" I ask, referring to Jayden and the other guys. 

He shakes his head. "That's not what I am saying, I just- I want to be here more."

I look at him, he's pulling into a little parking lot on the outskirts of town. 

"Ivy?" He asks, looking to me. 

"Yeah?"

"Is that an issue? That I want to be here?"

I shake my head. "Not for me..." I whisper.

"Good, so we're good?"

I nod. "Yeah, we're good."

...

After we had grabbed a bite of pizza, which was really freaking good, Jackson drives and parks on the edge of what looks like a cliff. 

The beaches around our home were usually filled with tourists and honestly, all I associate them with is boy drama and trying to look my absolute best for whatever guy I would be with. Raising an eyebrow at Jackson I can't help but laugh gently as he wiggles his back. His seriousness from the last few days leaving him.

"Come on then." He states as he climbs out of the car. Opening the back door, he starts shoving all the blankets and food into a huge beach bag. Watching him, I walk to his side to see if he needs any help. But once I reached his side of the car, Jackson already had the bag sat securely on his shoulder and was waiting with his hand outstretched for me to take.

Hand. Oh God.

"Um...?" I question him involuntarily. Friends don't hold hands, right?

I don't know if I can hold someone's hand- I've already held his hand the other day. It wasn't awful. 

His carefree face fades a little and his outreached hand lifts and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"It's just a little steep." He nods down towards a little pathway which is, indeed rather steep. 

The path was narrow and led to somewhere unknown for me as the end was further down than I could see. But it was encased with wild flowers and long stands of grass-like straw. Wherever it led was undoubtedly beautiful but getting there was definitely going to be a little hike.

"Oh ok." I breath, breaking eye contact but offering my hand to his this time. Already feeling bad for questioning him or his motives.

"Follow me." He said as he slides his fingertips down my wrist and laces his fingers with my own. His hand engulfed mine as our fingers interlocked in a sort of intimidating way. Intimating because I knew my goose bumps weren't because of the cold, and as I peered down at our connected hands, I wondered if his were.

The sun was slowly setting in the sky and I couldn't help but wonder where he was taking us, where this path led to. The sand was unstable beneath my feet and as I wobbled a little, Jackson squeezed my palm in reassurance. I can feel his cracked knuckles next to mine and my heart hurts a little at the fact his face today is still littered lightly with purple.

Is this what friendship is? To be able to communicate with just looks and touches?

Is it fair to be afraid that these looks and these touches are lingering a little too long to be classified as friendly?

Am I just overthinking? Is it Dr Halpin in my head, making me overthink what I am feeling?

Together we reach a little opening at the end of the path and I gasp as he lets go of my hand. It was stunning. Jackson had led us to a small sandy beach enclosed by a semicircle of cliff face connected by the gentle waves of the ocean. Along the cliffs were edges decorated by climbing plants flowering into beautiful tones of blue and purple, the edges jagged but luminated beautifully by the sun. The sun sat magnificently dead centre of the horizon, carpeted by glistening blue. The waves of light scattering onto the waves of water.

"How did your mum find this place?" I ask him wide-eyed, shocked when I was met with an intense gaze of his own.

He had been watching me stare at the scene.

"I don't even know." He shakes his head to clear whatever he was thinking away. "Help me lay out the Blankets?" He gestures for me to follow him to the middle of the beach so we would be directly opposite the water and the sun.

Picking up the end of one of the blankets I struggle to open it without it hitting the floor.

"I never noticed how diddy you are." He laughs at me.

"Excuse me?" Diddy means small. I throw him a fierce look of distaste. "I'm not even short."

"You are pretty small."

"You're just a giant." I huff as he grabs the two opposite ends of the blanket and lays it down on the beach.

He plops himself down on one side of the blanket and I join him sitting cross legged facing him.

"Why did you bring so many?" I say, nodding to the other five blankets.

"Well, it gets cold after the sun goes down and if you don't mind staying out a little later I wanted to show you the way the stars look here. It's like nothing you've ever seen before, especially compared to the way they look around home."

"This is so pretty." I say taking the presence of the secluded beach in again. This already is like nothing I've seen before.

"You wait, it just gets better." Jackson watches the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves on sand. His eyes are steady to the horizon, face aglow with the orange rays. The sun creeps lower in the sky changing and producing beautiful colours in the sky.

"How was your mum? Last night? With your face?" I ask him.

"Um, she was fine. Like she wasn't happy obviously, I think she's worried I'm spiralling back to the place I used to be. But I'm not." He says and I unconsciously raise an eyebrow at him. I mean I don't know much about this, but these past weeks, the wanting to drink, the miserableness, the fight, I get where his mum is coming from.

"No really, I'm not usually so... unstable Ivy. it's just a weird fluky couple of weeks. I haven't wanted to drink once today, and this." He gestures to everything around us. "Just reminds me why I don't."

"How often do you get these bad weeks?" I ask, curious.

"Honestly, maybe like three times a year since I stopped drinking." He shrugs. "It's nothing too major. I go to AA every week anyway but on the bad weeks I'll go whenever I can find a meeting and it's usually absolutely fine."

"Can you explain to me why we had that fight in the beginning? Why you were so mad at the fact that I would just carry on as if nothing happened after I had a panic attack or a flashback or whatever." My words tumble out unforgivingly, but I am immediately worried talking about the way we used to be would ruin how I felt right now.

I felt peaceful.

"It was just a stupid complex I got." He says. "I didn't like you already." I frown a little and he knocks his shoulder into mine. "No offence but I just had this picture of you in my head and I just wasn't a fan like everyone else was. And then I found out you were struggling and I saw you experience some of the things I experienced after my biological parents died. But when I was experiencing it I just collapsed in on myself, like panic attacks would wipe me out for days and I turned to alcohol to cope. But I watched you cope so well, and just go on with your day and I just irrationally flipped out."

"So you were mad I was coping?"

He shrugs. "Not mad, just- I have bene struggling with wanting to drink for a couple of weeks now... And I am trying to hold it together so the anxiety doesn't lead to drinking. So it was a bit of a kick in the teeth seeing you in a similar state as I get sometimes."

"I wasn't coping though." I laugh a little painfully. "I'm still not coping." I look down, my eyes trained on the blanket. My hair shielding me from his detecting eyes.

I want to cope. I do. 

I feel his hand go to touch my face, but he doesn't touch me. So I turn and meet his eyes,  his hand falling limp between us.

"You are." His voice is deep with the sentiment, his eyes trying to convince me that what he is saying is the truth. "I am not going to pretend I know or can even begin to understand what is going on with you, what happened, but I've watched you Ivy. You're probably the strongest one out of the lot of us."

"This is intense." I burst a teary laugh. His words hitting me in places I can't even start to explain.

"I'm sorry." He pokes my knee, a sign of affection between us that would mean little to others.

"You help a lot you know, like not to freak you out but I'd be stuffed if you suddenly decide you don't wanna hang out anymore." I say truthfully.

"I'm not going anywhere." Jackson promises amused, his green eyes bright as the sun glowed off of them.

Through teary eyes I watch the sun fall closer to the horizon, painting the sky shades of red and pink, and I thank God for creating such a wonder. I turn to Jackson and his lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that he is enjoying his thoughts, whatever they may be.

"My mum said something to me when we came here, she said that my dad told to her once that the reason he loved sunsets was that sunsets brought the promise of a new dawn, that whatever struggles you have they will come to an end." Jackson speaks towards the ocean.

"It's beautiful." I tell him.

"I guess endings can be beautiful too." He says and when his eyes meet my slightly confused ones he breaks into a boyish smiles and I have to turn my face away from him. Emotions that are totally new to me flood my body, is this what it feels like to have an actual connection with another person? To be on the same level.

I ignore it and think about what he is saying. Sunsets do promise an end to things, a possibility of the end being something valuable and worth living for. They display hope, a reminder that although it might get a little dark after, the sun will come back up again.

I feel as a tear falls from my eyes and I don't even know why I am crying. Overwhelmed by these emotions and by the fact that for the first time in a long while I am happy to be alive.

It sounds shallow doesn't it? To fall in love with the sunset because of its beauty. But in this moment right now, it means so much more than that.

"Why are you crying?" Jacksonelaughs a little, partially concerned but more confused at the fact that my face is smiling but my eyes are glistening.

"I'm not." I say as I swipe my eyes, but another pearl shaped tear falls. "Sorry, I don't know. I am a mess."

He shakes his head in amusement and opens one of his arms. "Come here."

His offer of comfort surprises me and I think it surprises him a little too. I want the comfort, I miss being able to hug someone and not feel as if the world is going to implode in on me. So, I let him wrap his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to his side, gently rubbing my arm in comfort.

It's awful. For a second.

Because despite my natural instinct to panic and pull away, I ignore the heaviness in my stomach and my heart beat calms the longer I stay wrapped in his large body. I couldn't help but sink into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the small gesture. Jackson grabs the blanket I brought and tosses it over me. His kind gestures not helping to stop the tears from falling.

He's really nice. 

I don't know if anyone has ever been this plain nice to me before. 

No ulteria motives

Does he have ulteria motives? It's Jackson, I genuinely don't think he does. 

"Your face is still wet." He says, his face way too close to mine.

I laugh, trying to gain control of my emotions. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm emotional."

"It's fine." He hugs me to him a little tighter but I can't drag my eyes away from the sunset to meet his ones that I can feel staring deeply at me . The sky was lit with a stunning collision of pink and orange. It seemed too artistic to be such a natural occurrence.

"Why haven't I seen you smoke today?" I ask quietly, thinking about the fact that I haven't seen him smoke since Tuesday.

"I don't smoke every day, it's a bad habit." He nudges me. "I only smoke when I'm stressed out."

"Oh." I say, not really knowing what to say. Just trying to figure out whether or not I'm supposed to move out of Jackson's arms now that my tears have settled down.

"Do you want something to eat?" He unwraps his arm from my side and leans towards the bag. He brings out some Maltesers and tosses them to me. Which for, I grant him a happy smile.

As he sits back down he opens his arms again and I settle back into him. My back directly leaning on his chest as he moves one of his legs so they lay either side of mine.

Oh God.

Intimately positioned, my head fits perfectly under his chin. And I can feel as my nerves start to act up. Not because I'm overwhelmed, or confronted by the images of Layton that I normally am at such contact with another person, I'm nervous because I'm not scared. That the way I'm feeling right now is full of so much peace I'm worried that I'm giving Jackson too much power.

Leaning into him too much. 

"Stop overthinking. I can feel your anxiety radiating off of you. Do you want me to move?" His words come to me at a whisper. I just keep my eyes trained on the sun which is starting to disappear beneath the horizon.

Not wanting to respond in words I pull one if his arms so they are wrapped tighter around me. Telling him with my actions that I don't want him to pull away. The physical contact is ok, I just have to keep my mind away from thoughts of Layton, but Jackson's body being aligned with mine isn't hurting my brain. I'm good.

I open the packet of Maltesers and smile at another one of his kind gestures. Somehow, I am going to pay him back for all this. Somehow, I will make it worth his while.

Grabbing my phone, I quickly check my messages and type a text to my mum telling her I will be back by ten. I'm not sure what time we are going home but I gathered that would be fine. It was already half 7, and the sun was just now fading behind the ocean. The sky was still lit with colours of the sun and I couldn't help but swipe my phone and take a picture of the sunset.

"Are you going to that party tomorrow? Kieran's?" Jackson says startling me out of our comfortable silence.

"No. I was hoping we could do something actually. I know we have seen each other every day since Tuesday but I need an excuse to not go to the party."

"Oh, so I'm just an excuse then, am I?" He says teasingly, I can hear his smile through his words.

"Yep, that's all I need you for." I smile myself, watching as the sea hits the shore.

"Why aren't you going?" He asks, I guess aware that I pretty much attended every party in the past.

I shrug and partially lie. "Got better ways to spend my time."

"So, what do you want to do?" He says leaning away from me to grab another blanket for us. It was slowly getting chilly as the sun had now totally disappeared.

"I have to cheer at the game, are you going to watch Jay and that? You don't play still do you?" I ask. Turning my head slightly, it felt rude to be talking to him with my back to him. Although, his face was more just sat above mine anyway.

"Yeah no I am not playing. Me and Luca usually go and support Jay, Layton and Max play." I feel my body tense as I hear Jacksons voice say his name again. I don't know why it just felt so awful hearing someone I associate with peace mention someone I associate with violence. Funny that actually, Jackson isn't even that peaceful. I trace my fingertips along his bruised knuckles.

"Did you hurt him?" I say.

"Who?" Jackson says confused.

"They guy yesterday, did you hurt him?"

"Not really, he's in the same shape as me." He says, referencing his bruised face.

"Don't bruise anyone again, please." I whisper. The thoughts of my own bruises flooding my brain.

He pauses, confused. I can feel his eyes on me. 

"Please?" I whisper again. 

"I'm trying, I promise." He says squeezing the hands that were tracing his injuries.

"Okay." I whisper, relaxing into his chest again.

"But, yeah I will be watching tomorrow." I can practically feel the smirk radiating from his face. "Oh stop. You have to close your eyes the whole time I cheer."

He bursts into laugher and asks "What why?"

"I don't know, you're just not allowed to watch me. It's embarrassing."

He is still chuckling but asks "Why haven't you been cheering at the games lately?"

"I'm failing a class so I can't do it anymore," I say the lie conditioned to roll off my tongue. I get that question at least once a day at school. I used to be the best and then I just stopped.

He snorts. "Don't lie, you're not failing any of your classes."

"Shit." I laugh awkwardly. "That's what I tell the girls, sorry. I just can't anymore with everything going on."

"See, you don't have to lie to me." He mumbles down almost as if he's speaking into my hair.

"I don't mean to, I just struggle to find that middle ground between the truth and a lie." I say.

"I mean, you could just tell the truth." His words come out a little harsh and my body unconsciously begins to move away from him so I'm sat a little in front of him instead.

My back still too him I say "Don't speak to me like that."

I feel a hand lay on my shoulder but I am no longer open to its warmth so I flinch away from the touch.

The hand is removed quickly.

"Ivy. Look at me."

I slowly turn around and meet his guilty eyes. I'm sat now, cross-legged facing him, his legs still encasing me.

"I didn't mean that, not in the way it sounded. I just worry a lot."

I tilt my head in confusion,