I leave my hair curly today.

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood. My mum was attempting to cook breakfast for us and I'm not going to tell you that she can't cook, but let's just say, I feel a great amount of relief when I usually see dad stood by the stove instead of my mum.

She used to do this every now and again but recently I've been waking up with the almost delicious smell of pancakes quite frequently. I say almost because there is always a tinge of burning in the air. I don't mention it.

"Hiya sweet, you look nice today." My mum says as I walk into our kitchen.

I was wearing a very typical Ivy outfit. I was saving this outfit for something special but as I woke up feeling good I thought I might as well look good as well. I was probably going to get dress coded, the skirt was short, tight. Actually, I doubt they'd say anything anymore, everyone sort of walks on eggshells around me. 

"Thanks" I smile "What are you making?"

"You mean, what is she trying to make." My dad chimes in and I laugh at his tease. They have been getting along better lately.

"Shut it you." Mum says as she attempts to whip him with a tea towel. But turns to me "Pancakes of course" she says cheerfully but looks down at the mush in the frying pan in distress.

I just laugh at her. Most of the time her cooking isn't actually too bad. It's just the process is a tad all over the place.

"Ivy Hun, can you sit down." Dad says and I just regard him slightly anxiously. Frowning a bit at my dad's words I sit, I was about to sit anyway but it's weird that he asked me to. 

"I got a phone call from Lotta last night."

I take a sharp breath in.

"No, don't worry its nothing major. It's just that you're due to go for a follow up medical appointment at 2 pm today. Now I know that's in the middle of your school afternoon but there was no other time apparently."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "oh, ok that's fine. I've got a meeting with Mrs Granger but I'm sure I can reschedule."

My dad smiles but my mum frowns "The thing is Ives, neither your dad nor myself can take you. I really tried with work but I've got this really important meeting and I-"

"Mum it's fine. I can go by myself." I reassure.

"Are you sure? Because I could ask again-" Mum sighs, looking at dad and he runs his hands up and down my mum's arms reassuringly.

"She said she was good Beth, stop worrying."

I obviously don't like the idea of going back to the medical centre, but there are certain test results and certain things they need to check are ok. But I meant it when I said she didn't need to come, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Grabbing one of my mum's bizarre pancakes I grab my bag and say my goodbyes.

Both of my parents don't go to hug me anymore, mainly because I couldn't handle the physical contact in the first couple of weeks. I think it scared them. Occasionally, one of them will just randomly give me a hug or a squeeze. But it's definitely more for them than it is for me.

In the car, my favourite songs play through the radio and I just feel in such a more positive mood. All the normal stress Is there, I can still see Layton's face lurking in the semiconscious part of my brain but today I don't feel so much despair over it. One day it will go. Hopefully anyway.

Pulling into the car park I sigh in annoyance that Jayden and all of his friends are sat on the steps that lead into the main entrance of the school. I swear to God if anyone spoils my good mood I will make them pay for it.

Nora and Jess are waiting by Jess's car as I pull into the space next to them. Flipping my mirror down, I check the status of my makeup and hair. I left my hair curly today, pulling the messy top half into a bun but leaving the bottom curls to cascade downwards. My hair is getting really long. I fight the urge to cut it off all the time. What is that? when you have long hair you just really want to cut it off but then when it is short you regret it.

Stepping out of my car, I feel the eyes on me. This is a very traditional Ivy James outfit and apparently, I have been lacking in the style area lately.

Walking round to greet Jess and Faye I take a quick glance up to the boys. We parked maybe three cars awake from the entrance of the school.

All their eyes are on me and instead of feeling stressed, for the first time in a month, I feel a genuine smirk land itself on my face.

"Aw Ivy, you look great today!"

"Thanks Faye" I jokingly twirl around showing them the whole outfit. "You both look so good" I grin at them and then they smile back.

Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepare to walk past Jayden, Max, Luca and Jackson.

"Where's Nora?" I ask as we start walking towards the boys. I am keeping my chin high, but focusing my attention on the girls. I don't want to acknowledge them.

But I can't help but wonder if Jackson will meet my eyes, we agreed to this sort of friendship last night. But a friendship between two possibly fucked up people may be a bit of a fractured idea. That agreement was clouded by sleep deprivation, and I never know how Jackson will change from day to day.

"Oh, she's off today, I don't really know why. She may just be being lazy, but I hope she's not sick." The girls shudder at the thought of Nora being sick and I shake my head amused at their lack of concern. If Nor was sick, then we'd usually all get sick.  I make a mental note to text her and find out if she's ok.

Faye starts to tell me about what Nora said to her over text but I'm not even going to pretend that I was listening. I am just concentrating on being able to pass the boys, hopefully without confrontation or anything to damper my day.

My eyes betray me and wander to Jackson, curiosity getting the better of me.

Surprisingly, he doesn't look angry or even necessarily cold. His face is blank but he meets his eyes and gives me a nod. Progress... I think. I don't know why I want him to acknowledge me, it just seems weird that he doesn't usually. Maybe that's just because I'm so used to people paying me attention. Jackson doesn't ever talk to anyone outside of his group of friends, he's not specifically being cold to me, maybe he's just a pretty cold person.

I think back to our conversation last night, and I don't know whether I just caught him in a really good mood or whether he might actually not be as cold as he seems. 

Thankfully we made it past them without any comments or confrontation. Maybe their anger is calming down?

"Ivy... Why did Jackson just nod at you?" Faye whispers. 

I am shocked at the question. I really didn't think they would have caught that.

"Erm, I, well..."

I have no idea how to explain it.

"Oh my god" Jess starts.

"No" I warn.

"Are you guys hooking up?" Jess whisper exclaims at me. My eyes widen and scan our surroundings, hoping no one heard, because that rumour would be difficult to explain. 

"No. Shut up."

"He doesn't talk to anyone Ivy and then he took you home, and talked to you in art and then just nodded at you to say hello." Faye joins Jess in the excitement. Thankfully they're being quiet but I'm honestly about to pull my hair out in frustration.

Remembering the excuse Jackson has used with his friends I offer. "Jackson's my art partner."

Doesn't really work when Jess is in the same class and knows we don't have art partners.

She looks at me and smirks and I slap myself on the forehead.

"You're lying"

"I'm not!" I look around panicked, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. I can't really explain to them why were friends. I could tell them he's gay, then they'd give up. But well, then that would be spread from their mouths around the school and I know I threatened to make Jack's life hell but making up rumours about someone's sexuality was not okay, and that's even coming from me. 

So, I just decided to tell them a half-truth. That's what my life revolves around at the moment anyway.

"Kk yeah, I don't know why I said art partners. I panicked when you said about us hooking up. But I swear we're not. The boy was so rude to me the other day and I think he just feels bad so keeps talking to me."

"Oh, that makes sense" Faye says in disappointment. But Jess still looks suspicious.

"Ok, but maybe he does fancy you. Like the boy wouldn't be making this much effort if he just wanted to be friends." 

I cringe at her perception of the male species, it's tragic if that is true. like if guys just- I assume that is not what Jackson wants from me. I mean I definitely haven't felt vibes like that from him. But I didn't feel them from Layton either, fuck... No, no, I don't think it's like that. 

I just fully don't know who to trust anymore. No one? That sounds like the safest option.

Jess and Faye are still waiting for me to answer.  

"Nah definitely not, have you ever seen Jackson with anyone?"

"Well no, but I'd never seen him talk to anyone other than the boys. Yet here we are." Jess cheekily nudges me.

"Oh, shut up, let's go,"

We walk towards our separate first periods after hanging around the lockers and chatting for fifteen minutes. I quickly make a detour though to see if Mrs Granger is in her office. Knowing I need to reschedule our meeting later. Despite the things Jess and Faye said, I am still feeling optimistic about today and a meeting with Mrs Granger who will obviously want to talk about everything is going to be hard.

Knocking on her door I wait to get a response.

She comes to the door and opens in, "Oh Ivy, I wasn't expecting you until later. Is everything ok?" She opens the door up to reveal Jackson lazily lounging on her Sofa in the corner. "Would you like to come in? Don't worry I can kick the kid out." She smiles and me and sends a teasing smile at Jackson, who of which has sat up with my entrance.

I walk inside, "Oh no it's fine" I say towards Jackson. Mrs Granger sits back down at her desk.

"I just came to let you know I can't make our meeting at half three." I say, not really caring what Jackson knows, he thinks I have some sort of anxiety disorder. Which is a pretty good cover for me.

"Oh." she opens her diary "Why not?'

I look towards Jackson and he averts his eyes, trying to pretend he isn't listening. That boy is too curious for his own good. Well, technically, too curious for my own good.

"Um, I just have a doctor's appointment."

She looks at me and frowns, a look of concern flutters across her face but she quickly disguises it.

"Ok, that's perfectly fine. When do you want to reschedule?"

"Same time tomorrow?" I say.

"I was actually hoping to reschedule for a little earlier, like today?"

Damn it. I kind of wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation today. But before I protest, I remember that my day is probably going to be ruined anyway by the medical exam, this way at least I get out of a lesson.

"My doctors' appointments at 2, so I will have to leave school by half 1."

"That's not a problem, I would appreciate it if you could get into your core subjects today. so I have a free hour now? I just need to go and photocopy some files and pass on a few messages to my colleagues."

I shrug, it's not as if I am going to protest and ask to go into my lessons instead. I have maths and English before lunch so I guess she really wants me to actually attend those lessons.

"Ok, take a seat, I will be back by the end of first period." She looks towards Jackson. "Hun, I look forward to hearing that you stayed in school today." She says sternly.

Which is a totally different side to her that I normally see. My eyebrows raise unconsciously, Jackson boy you're in trouble.

First period ends in fifteen minutes and I am left feeling pretty uncomfortable with just me and Jackson in the room. Not uncomfortable, uncomfortable. But just uncertain how to act. I like to know who I am supposed to be in certain situations.

I turn around on my seat and cross one leg over another. The chairs are pretty different than the ones around the school, making it really comfortable to just snuggle into them.

I look at Jackson and see he has his arm crossed covering his eyes, he had laid back down during mine and his mother's conversation.

"You snore you know" He says, making me jump. I was almost convinced he was asleep.

"I do not!" I gasp.

"You do, honestly I almost had to mute you, so I wouldn't wake the family."

I scrunch my nose. "Why didn't you just hang up if I fell asleep?"

He moves his arm and rolls his eyes at me, "I was joking, you don't snore. Or well I don't really know. I think I fell asleep at the same time."

My brain takes me back to a conversation I had with Jayden, when he used to tease me that he was happy that his parents made us stay in separate bedrooms because my snoring used to keep him up.

That bloody separate bedroom.

"You are very rude you know." He says.

"Excuse me?"

"I said hello earlier and you totally blanked me."

I snort, how the tables have turned. "You nodded Jackson, don't get too ahead of yourself. Anyway, I didn't ignore you I just had to deal with the fact that Jess and Faye now think we're hooking up because you 'said hello'" I air quote.

Jackson snorts at the idea "They what?"

"Yeah, but don't worry I told them you were gay." I smirk at him. I hadn't, but that would have been great.

"You what!?" He says sitting up.

"What's wrong? You didn't want people to know?" I say innocently wide-eyed.

Catching on to the fact that I was just joking around he tosses a pillow at me and rolls his eyes.

"you're a piece of work, you know that?" He mutters gruffly.

I smile at the compliment.

"What did you say then?" he asks. Probably hoping that I set them straight, imagine everyone reaction if they thought I was now hooking up with Jackson.

"The truth." I shrug.

He frowns, "The truth, truth?"

This is getting complicated now because Jackson thinks he has a version of the truth wherein reality his version of the truth is far away from the actual truth. But I still didn't necessarily lie to either the girls or him.

"Well, I just told them that you were mean and that now you feel bad."

Jackson rolls his eyes at me for the hundredth time.

"So, you told them we were friends."

"Are we?" I can't help but ask.

"Didn't we already have this conversation?" he asks, his voice tinted with slight annoyance.

"Ok, I know. But I wasn't sure whether you meant what you said."

His eyebrows furrow "You know, for a girl like yourself, you sure do have trust issues."

I snort because he really has no idea. My turn to roll my eyes and toss the pillow at him, admittedly, a lot harder than he threw it at me.

The bell rings and he lazily starts to collect his stuff for the day. I carry sitting and watch his actions. Hopefully, his mum will be back any minute, I hate being in here on my own. He moves towards the door and pauses just before he touches the handle.

"You good?" He asks, looking over his shoulder to meet my eyes. I am not really sure what he is referring to. My immediate reaction is to put walls up, I know what he's like at reading faces. But then I realise that right now, I am actually ok.

"All good." I nod. 

And he leaves.