Chapter 10

The evidence was all around her.  Josie stood in Travis’ empty office on Monday morning, seeing the photos on the walls, the crayon scribblings stuck behind magnets...the little painted rock used as a paper weight.  She saw Tristan, the cute kid, in most of those pictures, how he was now and some as a baby, and she experienced a rush of stupidity all over again.

I didn’t see it...I never saw it…what is wrong with me?

Josie sat down in Travis’ desk chair and wiped her eyes.  Granted, most of the pictures with the little boy were taken with Arielle and a tall, sandy-haired man, and several with Travis, too, but unless she really looked, she would have never guessed that Travis had a son before Saturday night.  She would have glanced at those pictures and saw Travis with a sister, maybe, and her kid and husband...in fact, she was sure she’d done just that.  But it seemed every time she was here in his office, her eyes only went to him...nothing else.

And for the first time in twelve years, Josie truly questioned why she fell in love with him.  Why she still loved him.  In the beginning, she guessed, it was because he was cute and older and her daddy would have freaked out.  Now...she wasn’t so sure anymore.  Travis was still cute -- better than cute -- and older and her daddy would absolutely freak out if he knew.  

Why do I love you, Travis?  She looked again, looked harder.  His desk was a mess.  There were two coffee cups making rings on a folder, candy wrappers piled up next to his pen cup, and a disorganized stack of papers anchoring all four corners of the desk.  

That can’t be it, she thought.  His sloppy ways would drive her nuts.

She picked up a framed photo of him and Tristan as a baby.  There was love shining in Travis’ eyes.  Maybe that’s why?  Because she’d seen the same expression in her father’s face as he gazed at his children...that pure devotion and unbiased regard.  But she didn’t know he had a son until that weekend, so that couldn’t really be the reason.  Unless, it was because she saw the potential of him as such a person.

Lastly, her eyes settled on an open guitar case in the corner.  It was cracked and worn, but the guitar inside had been well-loved.  The black lacquer gleamed as though it received a regular polish, and the gold hardware shined brightly.  Josie knew that Travis had always been passionate about music, and now she could see that he devoted more than just his work hours to the soul of the song.  He had his band, and he was serious about his own music.  Just as serious Josie had been when she started singing and learning guitar.

When was the last time I played? she mused.  Not since moving to Memphis.  She only brought one of her guitars with her, the rest stayed back home in Conway at her parents’ house.  

Feeling lost, Josie stood up and walked to her own office...still unsure as to why her heart sang for Travis Fischer.  Maybe it was the music...maybe it was the deference for his child...maybe it was because, as awful as she was as a teenager, he never told her to shut up, go away...or maybe it was because he didn’t love her and her father would castrate him if he did.  

An uneasiness darkened a part of her.  She had a strong feeling that last “maybe”...that was the reason she fell in love with Travis, a stupid, childish reason.

So...maybe it was time to find a new reason...or a new love...

*****

Travis walked into Raw Studios that next Monday after his dental appointment, dreading the day.  He stopped, right inside the front doors.  He could smell her...again.  Coconuts.

M.G. greeted him, and he asked where Josie was.

“She’s up in Studio B with those girls,” M.G. said, rolling her eyes.  “I’ll have to admit...I haven’t heard any screaming this morning, so things must be doing okay.”

Travis nodded and went toward the elevator.  He got to his office, glanced toward Josie’s office, and dropped his bag in his chair.  Then he paused and listened.  He could hear nothing.  Studio B was the only one on this floor.  He walked hesitantly toward it, waiting for the burst of furious females to come out of the room.

Nothing.  

But the recording light wasn’t on, so it was safe for him to enter.  He hoped.

Cracking open the door, he peeked inside, almost expecting to see corpses of the Bossy Babies lying round.  No screaming meant they had either finally killed each other, or Josie had them bound and gagged.

What he saw, instead, were five female bodies lying on the floor on pink mats in a semi-dark room, with their hands on their stomachs...breathing.  Not dead.  Breathing.  

Josie heard the door open and looked up at him.  “Keep breathing, girls,” she said in a soothing voice as she popped up from the floor.  “In and out, slow, deep even breaths, through your nose.”  Quietly, she tiptoed to him.  She wore no shoes, but she was still dressed in her professional attire.  The Babies all wore workout clothes.

“Did you need something?” Josie whispered to him.

He whispered back, “What’s going on?”

“I’m teaching them to breathe,” she said.

“Shouldn’t they know that by now?”

Josie eyed him like he was stupid or something.  “Meditative breathing.  You could use some instruction in that yourself.”

“My lungs work just fine,” he said.

“Did you need something?” she asked again.

“No, no.  Just checking in,” he said.  He looked back at the ladies on the floor.  “How’s it going?”

Josie smiled softly as she looked back at her Babies, too.  “Wonderful.  We’re making progress.”

“How’s it going with the music?”

She looked at him once more.  “Negativity, Travis.”

“Realism, Josie,” he returned.

“Go away, Travis.”

He grinned at her.  “Make me, Josie.”

She grinned back and said, loudly, “Girls...Travis is here.  He wants to know how the music is coming.”

Four heads popped up and he was met with identical glares.  “You’ll get your damn music,” Britney, the head Baby, said.

He swallowed, irritated with all of them.  “This is a recording studio, not a yoga gym.”

Britney and Sheena stood up, hands on hips as their faces challenged him to say another word.  Josie tilted her head at him and quietly said, “Go away, Travis, or I’ll have to lock you in here with them.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” he said.  He looked at Josie.  “We need to talk.”

“I’m free at lunch time,” she said and closed the door in his face.

He glared at the door and went up to the third floor studios where he was meeting with Brandon Lane for the rest of the morning.

*****

“What’s his problem?” Britney asked, resuming savasana on her mat.

“He’s grumpy,” Josie said, lying back on her own mat.  “Had a dentist appointment today.  Probably took out the only sweet tooth he had left.”

Four snickers filled the room, and Josie began going through the relaxation pose with the girls again.  Finally, after ten more minutes, they were ready to begin the recording.  Josie handed out several sheets of music for them to look over.  They agreed on a few songs, and the rest of the morning with the Bossy Babies flowed smooth like silk.  They finally got a track laid.

Travis should be happy.

Hugging them all good-bye at the front door, she told them to come back on Wednesday so Livie could hear them, and turned to see M.G. the receptionist smiling at her.  “You’ve got quite the knack for handling those girls.”

“They’re good girls,” Josie said, leaning on the high counter.  “They just need a gentle hand.”

M.G. nodded.  “A gentle hand is something this whole place needs.  Livie is great with most clients, getting them excited about recording and their music and talent, but Travis...something’s been bothering him lately.  He could use a gentle hand, that’s for sure.”

Josie rolled her mouth around, forming a small smile.  “Travis is the best sound tech this side -- and that side -- of the Mississippi,” she said.  

“But he could use some work on his people skills,” M.G. said.

“His talent is in the music,” Josie argued.  “And I wouldn’t change a thing about him.”  I love him, just the way he is, and I don’t know why!

M.G. looked at her, surprised.  “Really?  Nothing at all?”

Josie shrugged.  “Nothing.”  She checked her watch.  “Is he still around?  We have a lunch meeting.”

“I think he’s still up on three with Brandon Lane,” M.G. said.

“Okay...you hungry?  Want to order everyone some take-out?  I’m buying.”

M.G. grinned as she picked up the phone.  “Music to my ears,” she said.  “I’ll have something delivered within the hour.”

“Thanks, M.G.,” Josie said.  “Holler when it gets here.”

“Will do,” M.G. said, and Josie headed toward the third floor to find Travis.

There were two studios on the top floor, and Josie walked straight to the most luxurious one, used mainly by their most profitable singers and musicians.  Josie hated it.  Called it the Snob Lounge.  There were plush couches and a small kitchenette tucked into a room off the side, and she knew Brandon Lane would turn his nose up if he had to record in a different studio.  She sighed.  Mr. Lane was talented, she knew that.  And he was handsome and charming, but sometimes too charming, and for a country singer, he seemed to have lost his roots a long time ago.  Josie secretly wished his manager for sign him with another studio.  

But she had to think about the business aspect of him staying with Raw.  He was good for the publicity.  If he stuck around when he finally hit the cream of the stardom crop, he’d be good for the money, too.  It was a business, after all.  They wouldn’t be able to survive on sob stories.

When the recording light flicked off, Josie took a deep breath and entered the studio, going first over to Brandon and greeting him warmly.  He held her hand too long and too firmly as he smiled into her eyes, and she asked about his family and his health and how his session was going so far, and he smiled back, wider, that smile that caught a lot of camera flashes, and said it was better now that she was here.

Josie laughed politely, gripped his hand once more and excused herself to speak with Travis in his booth.  Travis frowned at her.

“Did you need something?” he asked her, mimicking her question from earlier, and she said, “That’s childish, Travis.  We have a meeting at lunch, remember?  Will you be free?  Or should we reschedule?”

“We’re wrapping up,” he said.  “I’ll see you in twenty.”

Clear dismissal, she thought, but she nodded and said, “I’ll be in my office.”

She said a few parting words with Brandon and went downstairs...huffing.  Grumpy, indeed.

*****

Travis saw Brandon out and went to see Josie.  “Okay, I’m here,” he said, dropping into a chair in front of her desk.  “What do you want to talk about?”

She looked up from her computer screen.  “You wanted to talk.”

“Right,” he said, rubbing his neck.  He grimaced.  “It’s hot in here.”

“It’s always hot in here,” she said.  “I like it hot.”

Do you?

He looked at her.  Last night, the guys came over to his place to discuss some band stuff and Tractor mention that he spent the afternoon with her.  “Tractor told me you two went furniture shopping yesterday,” he said.

She gazed back calmly and settled against the back of her desk chair.  “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“I want to know if you’re playing around with him,” he said.  “Tractor is one of my best friends.  I don’t want to see him hurt.”

“I see.”  She folded her fingers together in her lap.  “So, this isn’t about work?”

“I just want to know your intentions toward him,” Travis said.

“Travis, it’s my understanding that you have absolutely no interest in my personal life, so I don’t feel like my friendships are any of your business.”

“It is, if it involves my friends, too,” he said.

Josie stood up.  “I have work to do, Travis.  If this is all you want to talk about, then we can discuss it later.”

He rose from his chair, too.  “Josie...Tractor, he’s a great guy.  He doesn’t date much, and I really don’t want to see him hurt.  I don’t want you playing with him, not like you…”

“Not like I played with you?” she asked, her face getting dark.

“Yes,” he said.  “Not like you played with me.”

She licked her bottom lip and stared at him.  “We can’t keep going like this, Travis,” she said softly.  “How can we work together if this keeps getting between us?”

“Then let’s clear it up now,” he said.  “Are you done playing around?”

“Hasn’t that been clear this past week?” she asked solemnly.

“I’m not sure,” he said.  “I can’t tell if this is a new game or not.”

“It isn’t, I assure you,” she replied.  

“I have twelve years worth of memories saying that I shouldn’t believe you,” he said.

She walked over to her office windows and gazed out.  “And I have twelve years worth of memories telling me I shouldn’t bother anymore.”

“I still don’t understand why you bothered in the first place,” he said to the back of her head.  Josie turned around and looked him square in the eye.

“Because I loved you, Travis,” she said, and he felt the urge to run away.  “It was a stupid, girlish love, but it was still love.”

“You were thirteen,” he said stiffly.

“Not always,” she replied and went back to staring out the window.

“And now?” he asked.  “What about now?  You’re definitely not a thirteen-year-old girl now.”

A small, soft laugh answered him, along with, “I still love you, Travis.”

HIs chest twisted something ferociously.  He ignored the sensation.  “I hear a ‘but’ in that.”

She sighed.  “But...but this is my job.  You are my co-worker and friend, and I’m done playing.”

“And Tractor?”

“And Tractor is just a friend, too.  We settled that between ourselves yesterday.”

Travis walked closer to her.  “So, you didn’t hurt him when you settled it?”

She turned her head just enough to see the side of her face, a small smile curving her lips.  “Tractor seems to bounce back quite easily.  I think I should introduce him to Sheena.  They might like each other.”

“Sheena would chew him up and spit out the pieces,” Travis argued.

“No, no,” Josie said, shaking her head and looking at him again.  “Sheena just wants a man to be a man and not a threat.  Tractor is that kind of man.  He’s sweet and nice, and they’ll be good for each other.  I know it.”

Travis stared down at her, liking the softness and sincerity in her eyes as she said that.  She meant it.  That was good.  She wouldn’t be good for Tractor.  Tractor wouldn’t know how to handle someone like Josie Kirkland.  Travis did.  He’d been handling her ways for a long time.  Even this new Josie.  She might have grown up, but he could still see the spark of mischief in her green eyes.  She was feisty, but she was responsible, too.  A good combination.

And he was getting himself in trouble with his thoughts.

“I guess that’s all I needed to hear,” he said to her.

She nodded.  “Then I’ll get back to work.  M.G. ordered some lunch for everyone.  It should be here soon.”

He didn’t move.  “Josie…”

She raised her eyes to him, and for the first time in his life, he actually saw a tear about to spill out of the corner.  “It’s done, Travis.  It’s over.  I have nothing else to tell you.  Please, let me get back to work.”

His hand touched her cheek before he could stop himself.  The lone tear dripped down and she didn’t seem embarrassed by that.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Don’t be,” she said, lifting her chin with resolution.  “I’m the one who’s sorry for putting you in this position.  I was a stupid little girl--”

“No, you weren’t,” he said, cupping her other cheek with his other hand.

“Yes, I was.  I was so stupid and blinded by my selfishness that I couldn’t even see you have a son, Travis.  For twelve years, all I could think about was getting one more kiss out of you, and I didn’t even notice that you had more important things, more important people to think about.  I’m sorry.  You will never have to worry about me acting stupid and childish again.  I promise that.”

Travis smiled, slightly tickled by that.  “I don’t want you to be a fuddy-duddy either, Josie.  I want you to be happy.”

She pulled back from him and placed herself behind her desk again.  “Happiness is relative, Travis.  I have some emails to answer.”

Twelve years suddenly came to a stale end.  “Want me to close the door behind me?”

“Yes, please,” she said politely and began typing on her keyboard.  Travis stared at her a moment later.  He left, shutting her door.  He took two steps...then heard her let out a shaky sob  But he kept going to his own office, closing that door, and let her mourn those twelve years as she thought best.

Was the princess finally dead?

Travis didn’t feel any better now that she ended all that.

*****

Another week passed at Raw Studios.  The Bossy Babies were making extraordinary progress with their first singles, and Josie and Travis settled into a comfortable routine together.  They worked together on many projects, remaining co-workers and barely friends, but Travis yearned to see her smile like she once had.

His Princess had truly abandoned her throne, and life did not seem right or lively.  

Travis saw Josie, on occasion, outside the studio.  She came to his band’s next performances that Wednesday night now that Lydia was over her stomach bug, sitting in the crowd with a blonde-haired chick...Sheena from her Babies group, who she introduced to Tractor after their set.  At first, Travis tried to avoid any eye-contact, but he couldn’t help the sense of pride when he noticed that she enjoyed the band’s music.  Then he’d remember the night of the concert, and started comparing Lydia’s performances to Josie’s one, and though the two voices and musical styles were completely different, Travis almost wished he’d been more complacent about allowing Josie to sing with his band.  She had a talent that went beyond mic-night at the local bar, and Travis had to appreciate that, if not anything else.

But she never talked to him, that night after the band wrapped up their set.  Tractor joined her table, smitten by Sheena, and Travis sat at the bar with Dave