I'm angry. Angry at myself for giving myself to him like that. Giving myself to him, when knowing that I would regret it later on. As of now, I am regretting every bit of it.

Maybe it has to do with our fight, maybe it just has to do with the fact that it was wrong to do that to Trevor. Trevor is sweet and cares for me, he was the one to put me back on my feet the year Colten and Jackson left for college and there I go cheating on him. I'm such an idiot.

When he said that he didn't want me clinging onto him when he went off to college, it cut deep. I never realized that I was so clingy, that I was a nuisance to have around. I always thought we had the same feelings, mutual feelings, but I guess I was just holding him back.

His words broke me.

I guess, I always had that voice in the back of my mind that asked why he even kept me around. Why he ever liked me. Now I know, that I was nothing more to him then a good lay. I was annoying to him, I was useless. Though, I already knew that it was to good to be true.

As I lay here, on my bed, I stare at the ceiling, wondering why I never noticed the signs earlier. I was caught up in his sweet words, the feeling of having him near me, the 'I love you's' it was all fake, though. Angelique was right, I was nothing to him. He would've done better with her than me.

I close my eyes, trying to get the replaying out of my head. I don't want to listen to it anymore, to think about the malice and venom in his voice when he spoke to me. So I don't.

***

When morning comes around, the sun is shining through the window, illuminating my face. I stare at it. The sun, the light that the sun gives off. Birds chirp, the wind blows.

Everything is so easy for birds, I wish I was one of them. Why? Because they know just what they have to do everyday, they know what they live for. They don't have to go through the drama of cheating on your two year boyfriend.

How could I have been so stupid? God, I'm so disgusted with myself.

Once I'm done wishing that I was a bird, I climb out of bed and to the bathroom.

I fill the bathtub off with water, dropping in some of my favorite smelling bubbles, and hop in.

The hot water surrounds my body, warming me up. Washing away all the reminders of last night.

I'm not going to lie to myself, it was one of the best nights of my life. The way he touched me, kissed me, wanted me, it all felt so real and so loving. I guess I got that mixed up with lust. The physical attraction that he felt towards me.

I don't know how long I stayed in the tub, but I get out due to the knocking on the front door.

Hurriedly, I hop out of the water and tie a robe around my body.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I mutter, opening the door. I'm met with a delivery man.

"Are you..." he looks down at the clip board. "...Nikki Long?"

"Yes," I say skeptically.

"Sign here for me." He hands me the clip board while I hesitantly sign on the line.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but what exactly are you delivering?"

"Flowers." His answer is vague, yet, says a lot. He hands me a bouquet of white and red roses. "Here you go. Have a nice day."

"Yeah, you too," I mumble, closing the door, my eyes stay on the flowers that are so beautiful I feel they shouldn't be in my possession.

I start digging through the flowers, trying to find a card. Every bouquet has a card, right?

When I find it, I take the white piece of paper and hold it up to my face. Reading the writing.

Before our first date, when I came to pick you up, I saw this bouquet of flowers. I got entranced by their beauty, kind of like how I got hypnotized by your beauty. Anyways, I instantly wanted to get them for you, I wanted to show you just how much you meant to me. The thing was, I didn't have enough money. I left them there that day. I was bummed, bummed because I thought I wasn't good enough for you.

I guess you've seen it too, I'm not good enough for you. I probably never will be, but I can try. I got you this bouquet of flowers, because I want to try to be good enough for you, show you that I can be what you need, what you want.

Love, Colten

By the time I finish reading the card, tears are streaming down my cheeks, dropping on my robe and draining me of my energy.

The door opens and in comes a freshly showered Brittni and Jackson. Brittni is the first to see me crying and immediately rushes over to me.

"Babe, what's wrong?" She asks, her eyes furrows as she stands in front of me.

Jackson looks between me and her with concern.

I hand her the card, smelling the roses once she's taken it.

She looks at me expectantly, before going to read the card that Colten has written to me.

"Wow," she says breathlessly. She looks up at me, then down at the card again before handing it to Jackson. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"Yeah," I croak.

"I'm going to head out," Jackson says, after reading the card, he walks out slamming the door shut and driving away.

Brittni leads me over to the couch and we sit across from each other, criss cross. I grab a pillow and hug it to my chest.

"So, what happened last night when you guys left?"

Telling her this could change a lot of things. I don't want her to think bad of me for cheating on Trevor.

"Colten and I had sex last night," I mumble. I look down at my fingers, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," I confirm.

"I thought that's what you wanted, to be with him again."

"It was."

"Then what's the problem?" She questions, obviously confused by my lack of response.

How do I explain to her that he thought I was just baggage? I'm embarrassed that he sees me, or saw me, that way. I feel like I was being played when all I wanted was for him to love me like I loved him. I don't know, maybe I'm going about this all wrong.

"We got in a fight afterwards," I mumble, not able to except the situation.

"About what? Come on, Nikki, you're not giving me a lot to work with," she sighs dramatically. I look up at her, ready to tell her what happened.

"We were laying on my bed, we were just laying there. That's until Colten asked what I was going to do about Trevor. Obviously, I felt bad for cheating on Trevor, so I told him I don't know, that I felt guilty for doing it. What we did wasn't okay, and I knew that.

"Colten took this the wrong way, started asking if I regretted anything. I told him I just felt guilty, that what happened wasn't okay and shouldn't be considered okay just because he doesn't like Trevor.

"He kept going on and on about how sooner or later we were going to give into each other. That I should just break up with Trevor, but obviously I wasn't having that. I didn't want him to leave me again. Colten told me he wouldn't leave, but I was upset. So upset that he left me, and I was scared it would happen again. I wanted him to go somewhere in Michigan, I don't see how that's to much to ask." I take a deep breath, looking at Brittni who seems very interested.

"Go on, I want to know what happened that he has to give you flowers."

"He," I choke up. "He asked what he was supposed to do, saying why would he give up his dream at playing college football just so I could hang onto him like a spider monkey. I told him to get out, like any person would do. Colten asked if I was really going to kick him out after what we just did. I explained to him that if I knew he was going to act like that, I wouldn't have done it. He told me he loved me." A tear escaped my eye when playing back what happened.

"I didn't understand what he meant, so he told me that moving away was the dumbest thing he ever did, that he loved me. I just couldn't do it, I told him to get out again. When I thought it was over he looked at me and asked for his shirt back, the shirt I was wearing," I laugh humorlessly. I couldn't believe that he was being such a dick, I was so hurt that it was almost unbearable to give away the one thing that reminded me of him, the sweet him.

"I gave it back, and he left," I finish and wait for Brittni to say something.

"Wow, that was a lot to take in. I know I've said this to you before, but if Colten can't get over himself, and loses you again, then his chances are up. It's his loss."

"I guess."

"No, not I guess. Don't degrade yourself and what you guys did last night. He loves you, I can see it every time he looks at you. Don't ever question that."

What to do, what to do.

This chapter was boring as boring can be, I'm sorry about that.

I just wanted to cover how she felt about the night before, and her intake on it.

Give feedback, please, I would love it.

Enjoy. Love you <3

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