Toyota Camry's and Prius's make me want to stick an abnormally large coat hanger down my throat, and fall down a flight of stairs.

No offense to any of you that drive these luxury automobiles. I'm just a hater.

:(

***

"I'm gonna need to get shitfaced before I see your parents again." Afanas muttered, pulling his hood over his head.

The flight took a painful 18 hours long. Sinister spent most of the time working, so I spent my time watching slime videos on Instagram and sleeping.

We were now driving in a sleek black limo, the car was completely silent, except for the sound of Sinister exhaling as he and Afanas smoked a blunt. The driver of the car hadn't said a thing, even a half hour into our car ride.

Rachel sat next to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she wrapped herself in a South Park snuggie. Her light brown hair was a complete wreck, its long curly ringlets sprawled out in every direction.

"Are you nervous?" She whispered, her sparkling green eyes glittering up at me.

I shrugged, "I mean obviously, yeah. But what can I do? I'll just pretend that I'm a sane, normal human being who doesn't have a small obsession with sharks, tigers, toilet seats, and fire."

She nodded, "Yeah, and don't forget to not mention the fact that you wear goggles in the shower."

I frowned, "Rach, that's you who does that. Not me."

"Oh. Right. I forgot. Stupid Rachel."

She lifted herself off of me, "can I have some marijuana?"

Afanas stared blankly at her, "No."

"Why?"

He sighed, "Because the last time I let you smoke weed, you asked me where babies came from, and tried to adopt a highway."

Her lips formed a straight line, "Highways need parents too..."

I held back a laugh, looking outside as the limo slowed down to a large iron fence that had a mile-long driveway of cobblestone.

The driver said something into an intercom, and the gates creaked open.

"Edna Mode." Rachel grinned, watching as the car drove up the driveway.

Hah. Incredibles Quotes.

"Alright, just to make things clear, it's a family reunion. There will be my mother, father, sister and a few cousins and uncles. It's not a big deal, but all of you just be the opposite of who you normally are, and we should be fine." Sinister grinned as he zipped up his jacket.

"Please tell me your jackass, fuckfaced brother won't be there..." Afanas muttered as he finished off his blunt.

"Oh, you mean Luka? The man that shot my father and kidnapped my wife?"

Afanas nodded lazily.

"Of course he won't be there, you dumb bastard."

Afanas flicked him off, "whore."

The car lulled to a stop, in front of a massive, elegant looking, colonial house. A marbled fountain was set out front, and the house was at least 6 stories high.

"Are you all rich motherfuckers?" Rachel whined as she stepped out of the limo.

"Pretty much, dollface." Afanas kissed her cheek.

I took in a deep breath, I hadn't noticed my hands shaking until Sinister held my hand in his.

"Don't be nervous, tsvetok." (flower) He said as we made our way up the marbled stair case and pushed past the large double doors.

Three elegant people set out before me.

An older woman, who I assumed was Sinisters mother, was dressed so gracefully, I felt as though I needed to bow. Jewlrey lined her wrists and neckline, her body was draped in dark, expensive looking fabric. Her face was kind, small wrinkles grazed the edges of her lips. She had the same cool, icy eyes as Sinister, and her hair was a deep blonde that shone with speckles of grey.

To her left, stood a younger girl, with platinum blonde hair, and a perfectly pale complexion. Her lips were stained a dark red, her thick lashes hooded over dark brown eyes. She wore a black, elegant looking dress, and I saw the corner of her Star Wars socks covered by black velvet heels.

Next to her, was Sinisters father. He sat in a wheelchair, dressed in an expensive looking suit. His expression was grim, he had dark grey, clean cut hair and his eyes were even darker as they trained on me.

I felt totally exposed in my over sized hoodie, and oily hair.

"Calla" Sinister cleared his throat "This is my mother, Katya, my bratty little sister, Sasha, and my father."

I smiled shyly, "It's nice to meet you all."

I didn't know how to act, or what the fuck to say. I felt so awkward right now, I would gladly light a  vanilla scented candle to my face, and light myself on fucking fire.

"Calla!!" Sinisters sister squealed, embracing me in a bear hug. She smelled like peppermint and I thought that was kinda cool, considering I smell like fucking disorganization and fear half the time.

"It's so nice to meet you!" She grinned, revealing bleach white teeth. She glanced at Sinister and subtly flicked him off.

I like her.

"Thank you for making the trip up here to meet us." Katya said, her voice was warm and smooth "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sinister's been keeping a very beautiful woman from us."

Hah. Woman...I'm a child.

"Thank you so much for inviting me, I wish we could have met sooner." I smiled.

Sinisters father spoke this time.

"You're Russian?" He asked, his heavy accent was rough.

"Yes, sir. I moved to New York a while ago." I said politely.

He wheeled his chair slightly closer, "And your surname?"

I paused, "Levkin, sir."

His expression changed slightly, but he simply nodded, and turned his chair away, wheeling into the abyss of the collosal mansion.

"You'll have to excuse him, he's not very good with manners." Katya said, her face blushing with embarrassment.

"It's good to see you again, Kat." Afanas stepped out from behind me, embracing Sinisters mother in a heartfelt hug.

"Afanas! You've gotten so big! It's so great to see you!" She chuckled, her eyes glancing over to Rachel who was awkwardly standing on one foot.

"And who is this?" Katya asked politely, motioning to Rachel.

Rachel glanced up at her, now realizing that she was actually being adressed.

"Oh, hi, er, your majesty. I'm Rachel, Afanas's...friend girl and sex monkey."

She. Did. NOT. Just. Say. That.

I expected Katya and Sasha to look absolutely horrified, instead they both burst out laughing. Their faces flushing red.

"She's an American, I can tell." Katya smiled "it's a pleasure to meet you, Rachel. We will be having dinner, along with some of Sinister's uncles and cousins at 8:00 in the main dining hall. It was nice to meet you, Calla. Sasha, please show our guests to their rooms." She smiled before she walked down the hall that Sinister's father had retreated to.

Sasha waited before her mother left before completely bursting out into fits of laughter.

"Dude I fucking love you, I cannot believe you said SEX MONKEY!!!" She grinned.

"Shut up, dumb fuck. She can't help she's so lovable." Afanas grinned, wrapping his arm around a very embarrassed looking Rachel.

Sasha tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, before leading us up the main stair case.

"So, Calla. I guess you're my new sister, how old are you anyways? You look younger than me." She smiled, I could tell that she wasn't trying to be rude at all.

"I'm like 18...I think."

"You think?" she frowned.

"Well, a lot of shit has been going on. I'm not really one to keep track of what day it is. I barley know when my birthday is."

"Your birthday's the 27th of December, love." Sinister called out behind me.

I glanced up at Sasha and shrugged, "yup, that's my birthday I guess. So I guess I'm 19 now."

Sasha giggled as she stopped at the top of the stairs, "Your rooms are all down this hall. I'll see you all for dinner." She skipped away.

"Dumb fuck. Who the fuck skips?" Afanas muttered, watching as Sasha left.

"Are you jealous you can't skip, Afanas?" I asked, watching as the man 3 times my size attempted to prove to me that he could skip.

Sinister shook his head, pulling me into a door on the left.

The lights were dark, and I could feel Sinister's large hands wrap around my waist, he nuzzled his head in my neck.

"Wanna christen my room?" His breath was hot against my neck.

Hell. Yeah. Let's have intercourse on my 27-year old husbands childhood bedroom. Score.

***

Double update my sexy little chickens ;)

Xx -Aleksei