It'd been a few weeks since I talked to Jordan outside of the shop. She did text me a few times, wanting to talk and I ignored each message I only talked when absolutely necessary in class. I still had feelings for her that wouldn't go away probably until I was no longer talking to her; I had a few months to go. I was still dating Becca, if you could call it that. She wouldn't let me over to her place so we spent most 'dates' at my apartment or at the arcade. The guys there were the only other people allowed to know about us. Becca knew that Thomas and Jordan knew, and that was all she would allow. Although, we both knew there was no one else for me to tell.

I think what I disliked the most about our 'relationship' was that I couldn't shout to the top of my lungs that I was finally dating the girl I'd been waiting for and rub it in their faces. She didn't like to be seen with me in public other than Economics, the arcade I was tired of seeing, and Rizzo's. She no longer acknowledged me in the halls. I questioned every day if it was worth it; if us being together was worth telling Jordan about the kiss and losing someone like her, someone who would want to show me off to the world. I somehow would have to learn to forgive myself and remember that I could break up with her at any time. Then the endless chick flicks and boxes of pizza would disappear.

To Thomas, I was happy. I stopped letting on that I was regretting my decision on a daily basis. It must've been annoying to hear when I was doing that in the beginning; even my brain was tired of hearing it.

For once, I decided to eat in the cafeteria with Thomas. We never did that, and usually left to eat off campus. We sat at the first empty seats we saw and a group of kids sat next to us. I could only hope Jaz wouldn't sit near us and that I didn't take her spot. For some reason, people were territorial over their seats in a cafeteria. I lucked out, because no one approached us as we ate horrible food. I was reminded as to why we always left.

Thomas and I started playing a game which involved us rating people and saying whether or not we'd date them. The scores were generally low and we said no to pretty much everyone. We both noticed Jordan at the same time when she sat at the table next to us. She never even looked my way.

"Hey, I'm gonna leave now, I forgot something in my locker," I said to Thomas before getting out of my seat to leave the cafeteria.

"Okay, I'll catch you after English."

He got up as well but didn't follow me out of the cafeteria. I saw Rebecca at her locker alone when I turned the corner and approached her. There were still a few minutes before the bell rang so I assumed I had that time with her alone. I came up behind her and put my hands over her eyes.

"Guess who?"

"Hmm, I assume from the voice... Parker."

"Very true. Hello m'lady."

"Hi Parker."

She seemed to be in a decent mood so I leant in, allowing myself to show her affection during school hours. She prohibited it, but it meant I could never have any fun with her. Anyone could come around that corner at any time and I guess I liked that thrill. She didn't, and pulled back before our lips touched.

"Parker what do you think you're doing?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not gay so why would you even think about kissing me?"

"Becca-"

"Get away from me you freak."

I turned around and saw someone standing in the hallway watching us with interest. I didn't want to cause a scene but I also didn't want to hide anymore; I wasn't going to be a secret. I was tired of being a secret.

"Rebecca Valdez if you do this I promise you we're done. I will never speak to you again."

I almost wanted to take back what I said. This was my girlfriend, the girl I thought I was in love with.

"I don't want you talking to me. Leave me alone."

As if on cue, Jaz turned the corner with a group of students that seemed to be growing by the second. Jaz started clapping slowly, applauding by herself.

"Well would you look at that, little lesbo thought she had a girlfriend."

"Jaz-"

"What? You thought Rebecca actually liked you? Right."

I was tired of fighting with Jaz. I naturally assumed that when I hit her she would be done with her drama that I had no desire to be a part of. Yet, here she was – making herself a part of my life again where she didn't belong. I wasn't going to keep my mouth shut; I was going to say what I wanted and not regret it. It felt like another homecoming but this time I wasn't going to run. I stood up for myself once and I'd gladly do it again.

"Jaz do you know how to keep your mouth shut? Like, seriously is it a problem for you to put your lips together and not move them all day long?"

"Do you know how to keep your lips away from straight people?"

"Yeah I do which is why I'm gay. I'm not straight and neither are the people I kiss."

"Explains why you've never kissed Becca."

"Jaz seriously what is your problem with me? Why is my personal life any of YOUR business?"

She marched toward me, angrily. Her body was closer than needed but it was done to get her point across. Her face was in mine and she began speaking at a whisper, so low I doubt anyone else could hear.

"Your mom ruined my life. She tore my family apart as much as she did yours. She went after my dad and he fell into her trap so easily. I knew before my mom did but I didn't know what to say. What could I say? It wasn't a child's place to interfere with her parent's relationship so what else could I do? Destroy you. I think my goal's been accomplished."

"So you came after me because of my mom? Jaz she's dead now, don't you know that that's why she stopped coming around?" I said at a normal volume. "I couldn't control her actions; I was a kid just like you! It's not my fault and you had no right to blame me."

It was silent for a few minutes. I had no idea what my mother had done to Jaz and her family. How could I have known? At the time, all I knew was that she abandoned me and my father, she walked out and never looked back. I was surprised to not hear 'ooo's and 'burn's in the background. Everyone that gathered in the hall was just watching and waiting to see what would come of the argument. Some went on to class, accepting this as good enough for their fill of drama for the day.

"Well it's too late now and there was nothing you could've done or said to stop me other than put my family back together."

At least I understood now; I knew why she hated me so much these past few years. The only thing I could be thankful for was that she waited until our senior year to find something big to expose me on. Everything before Amanda was minor, maybe a push in the hall when she felt bold. Words were her thing, otherwise. I wanted to be the last standing, so I waited until she walked away. The bell rang and the watchers of the argument staggered away to class. A teacher came walking down the hallway. I still waited for Jaz and Becca to leave and I could only hope that it wasn't Principal Grove coming for us. As the teacher approached, Jaz tugged Becca away from the scene. Becca gave me one last look behind her shoulder, and a single tear dropped from my eye.

I ran out of the school crying harder than I was a few minutes ago, but it's not like anyone could tell with the rain pounding the pavement beneath me. My mind was fuzzy and I knew I shouldn't drive, but I did anyway. The wipers slapped the rain to the ground as I exited the lot and started to drive on the road. I sniffed, wiped my face, and stopped crying as much in order to see. I still hurt, and of course my heart still ached; I would've rather been slapped in the face a few times.

A few minutes down the nearly empty street, my car started slowing down and then sputtered to a stop. Finally feeling truly alone I let out an ear piercing scream that settled into a low cry. I unbuckled my belt and started punching the wheel. It hurt, but it was allowing me to release the pain. I slammed my hands on the wheel as well, but it wasn't enough; so I got out. I didn't care what damage I did to the vehicle. I was getting soaked and I'd regret this later when I got sick. My feet were kicking the doors and my fists were banging on the metal of the hood. I believe I went a little overboard when I stood on the trunk and began jumping up and down. If I cared at that moment, I wouldn't have risked slipping and falling, which would've resulted in being knocked unconscious.

A car's headlights flooded the surrounding area and it pulled to a stop.

"What are you doing out here? You're gonna get sick, get in."

It was Jordan; of course it was Jordan who else would it be? I sat down on the trunk and waited for her to walk over to me. I was shivering now and she yanked off her jacket to put it over my shoulders. After what I'd done, I didn't know how she was still being so nice to me.

"Please, get out of the rain." She said it in a way that broke my heart. Her voice was quiet but I could still hear it through the downpour.

I slid off the trunk and allowed her to lead me to her car. She put me in the passenger's seat and returned to my car for my phone, bag, and keys; probably locked the doors as well. Jordan didn't say anything more as she turned around and drove back towards the school after turning the heat on. I didn't think she was dumb enough to take me back to that building, and was proven correct when she kept driving past. We ended up near the park, close to the spot where we'd shared our first kiss.

"There's something we need to talk about," she said.

"Hopefully it won't be anything more to break my heart." I joked. She didn't laugh.

"It might, and I can only hope you won't hate me after this."

"If anything, you should hate me."

"But I don't. Just - let me explain." So I sat, and I waited for her to explain what was going on. "There was a little competition Rebecca and I started, almost like a bet or a game. It was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it but I let her get under my skin. It bothered me that you were in love with her."

"You knew?"

I thought no one other than Thomas ever paid attention to me or looked at me long enough to notice how I was around Rebecca.

"Of course I knew. Before I ever said a word to you I noticed how you'd look at her in the halls, I think I saw you in Rizzo's a few times watching her from behind the counter. Anyway, after the day I kissed your cheek in front of her, she tracked me down. She was jealous, and wanted me to back off but I liked you. So she threatened me, threatened to tell you my secret. It's not that big of a deal but no one knows about it. At least I thought no one knew. I didn't want you to think of me differently.

Still, I couldn't just give up and let you end up with her. She's changed a lot since she met Chris. She had everyone fooled. There's another thing I have to tell you which will definitely make you hate me, but you deserve to know." she paused, which seemed a little dramatic for the moment. "Rebecca was in on the date and the Homecoming thing and I knew when you showed up and I didn't tell you. I know because I was there. You thought it was just Jaz but Rebecca was there that night too. She was the one behind it, she was Amanda."

"You said you were there but how do you know about Becca being Amanda?"

"It wasn't the first time I'd seen Jaz and Rebecca together. I caught them in the halls a lot during classes, or after school. Sometimes they met at the restaurant I worked at. Jaz knew about Rebecca's sexuality and she was going to tell people. I don't know how it got linked to embarrassing you in front of everyone. Probably just opportunity."

"Jaz has always had something against me, and today I found out it had to do with my mom. Something I couldn't even control," I said.

"Jaz told Rebecca that she'd tell the entire school if she didn't help her with the Amanda thing. I watched you in English texting her every day, falling in love with someone who wasn't even real. I hate myself for not saying anything. At the time of the bet, she didn't know that I knew about Amanda so I threatened her back. The first one who got you to officially be their girlfriend wouldn't have their secret told. Since she won, I was supposed to tell you my secret, and I promised her I wouldn't tell you hers."

"But you told her side, so what changed?"

"At first I was treating it more like a game, a challenge. I just wanted to keep you away from her. I wasn't expecting to like you. I was just going to date you for maybe a month and find a reason to break up with you. By then, you would know about Rebecca and never date her. Then, she did what she did today. I don't think she cares anymore."

"You must think I'm an idiot for falling for it."

"No, I don't. I just think you were trying to follow your heart, like I'm following mine." Jordan looked down at the ground.

"Jordan I'm sorry for choosing her over you."

"No need to apologize. But since you insist, I definitely accept your apology. I think you should take some time for yourself though, if you still wanted to be with me."

"You want to date me?"

"Of course. Just because you chose her, it doesn't mean I would stop liking you. It's not your fault you got manipulated."

"Am I allowed to hug you?" I asked.

"Yes."

We both leaned in towards the middle and gave an awkward one-armed hug. Still, it was better than nothing. I didn't feel the cliché tiny sparks of electricity, but I felt emotionally satisfied. I've heard that hugs relieve stress and I did in fact feel better by the time she dropped me off at home. I wasn't pain-free and probably wouldn't be for a while, but I had Jordan to help me through it. Becca wasn't the person I thought she was and today proved that. The girl I'd had in my head was the one I met before Chris became a part of her life. Jordan was right; Becca did manipulate me. Or, maybe I was so blinded by love that I didn't see the real Becca.

I was in bed with Darcy when my father came home unexpectedly. He rushed in, coat and shoes still on, tracking rain and mud through the house and into my room. Darcy mistook his urgency as happiness and jumped onto his pant legs.

"The school called. What happened, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Becca just turned out to be someone I never thought she could be." I gave a sad smile. "My car is also broken down on a street somewhere."

He threw his soaked tan jacket on the floor before capturing me in a photo-ready moment; the kind of hug I felt I'd been waiting for my entire life. It made me miss my mother, and the life we used to have before she left us, and before she passed. Things were different now but they were good. Only God knows how she could've treated me when she found out that I liked girls, and always would. There was no sense in thinking about what life would be with her, because she was never coming back. This felt like the turnaround point in my life, or the kind of moment where I realized that things were finally going to change for the better.