Chapter 25: Scaring Leo

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"Mouse?" Leo's voice was touchingly concerned as they walked into the cool and empty house. "Are you okay?" He squeezed her hand. "Travis said--he said you were pregnant." His voice got very quiet as he said the foreign, adult word. "That means you had a baby in there." He pointed at Mouse's midsection. "Did you?" His voice, which had been getting stronger, began to hiccup again, and Mouse knew that tears were once again imminent.

She took a deep breath as they began to climb the stairs. "I did, Leo." She looked down at his small, upturned face and nodded.

"But you had a--a--carriage," Leo said, stumbling over the scary and unfamiliar word. His grip on Mouse's hand was now panicky tight. "You had a carriage, like my mommy, and she died, Mouse, she died from that, cause it was bad, it was a really bad thing!" And, like she'd known he would, Leo burst into fresh tears, half way up the stairs, clutching her hand. He grasped the front of her shirt with his other hand, pulling on it, pressing his face into her stomach.

It hurt where he was pressing on her, but Mouse ignored it. His sobs were like knives in her heart, she could feel his shoulders shaking against her body. she bent down and picked him up, though her abdomen protested when she straightened up, bearing his extra weight. She felt a lot of blood gushing out as she held him to her, and began to climb the rest of the stairs, but she put it out of her mind, telling herself it was like a heavy period, that Leo needed her right now.

"No, Leo, no, I promise, it's not the same thing," she murmured breathlessly into his little ear. "I had a miscarriage, which means something was wrong with the pregnancy, it wasn't healthy. It wasn't even a baby yet, it was just cells, and something was wrong with it, so my body got rid of it before it could turn into a baby, that's all."

She finally got to the top of the stairs, and tried to put him down, but he clung to her with grim determination, wrapping his legs around her waist, locking his arms around her neck. She held on to him while grasping the newel post, seeing spots in front of her eyes and swaying a little bit.

"You promise?" he whispered. "You really, really promise?"

Mouse nodded. "I do, I promise, Leo," she murmured with the last of her consciousness, trying to sit down on the top step while keeping him in her arms. "Completely different from what happened to your mommy, nothing's going to happen to me, big guy..." she released him, and her view swung up to the skylight, which showed a vivid blue rectangle of sky as her head hit the second floor landing with a thump.

*******************

Leo was crying.
Leo was screaming.

Mouse tried to sit up, but hands were pushing her back down, holding her. "Leo," she muttered. "Something's wrong with Leo," she said as loudly as she could. "Let me help him," she begged.

"Someone needs to quiet him down," Mouse heard a man's voice say.

"Leo, shh, shh, stop, look you're upsetting Mouse," she heard Henry say. "Please, son, stop, you're making her worse, you have to stop."

Leo's shrieks got quieter, though he didn't stop crying.

Mouse opened her eyes, and looked up at the four or five people who were looking down at her. They included Travis and Oskar. Over someone's shoulder she could see the same skylight, showing the same chunk of blue sky.

"Mouse?" one of them asked her. He was a man with red hair and a very calm manner. "I'm a doctor, I'm married to a woman who works with Henry. My name is Casey Miller. You passed out at the top of the stairs. Nod if you can understand me."

Mouse nodded, and tried to sit up.

"No, don't do that yet, Mouse, not yet," Casey said, holding her down.

Mouse lay back down obediently. "Leo?" she called. "Leo, stop crying. It's making me so upset. I'm fine, big guy, I'm fine. Please?"

Leo must have heard her, because his crying got calmer, though it didn't stop. Mouse could hear Henry whispering to him.

"Mouse, can you tell us what happened?" Casey asked her. "What do you remember?"

"I was walking up the stairs, and Leo got upset, so I picked him up, and that made a lot of blood come out of me at once, I think, and I got to the top of the stairs, and I got light-headed, like when you stand up too fast, and I fainted," Mouse said in a soft voice.

Casey the doctor nodded. "That matches what Leo told us. You haven't been unconscious for very long, just a couple minutes."

He looked over at Henry, whom Mouse could now see. He was indeed holding Leo. "I don't think she needs an ambulance or anything, I think she just needs to rest for a bit."

"Really?" Henry didn't sound convinced. "Maybe we should take her in, just to be safe?"

"What about her head?" Oskar chimed in. Next to him, Travis nodded, blue eyes worried.

"I didn't feel anything," Casey said, shrugging. "Here, let's get her into her bed, at least." He looked at Mouse. "You think you can sit up? Stand, maybe?"

Mouse nodded, and she was helped up and more or less carried to a very pretty bedroom. There were fresh wildflowers in a vase on the dresser, along with a scribbled picture welcoming her, from Leo, she assumed.

As soon as she was in bed, Leo squirmed to get down from his father's arms, and swarmed onto the bed, crawling up to lie next to her.

"Leo, no, don't, you might hurt her," Henry rebuked from the foot of the bed, reaching for his son.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Leo said, sniffing with renewed tears.

"No," Mouse said as firmly as she could. "He's not hurting me, and I want him to stay, please." She put her arm around him, pulling him as close as she could. "I would like the rest of you to go, though, if you wouldn't mind," she added, as politely as she could. "I feel fine, honestly, I just need to rest, please."

"I don't think you should be alone," Travis said. Mouse saw Henry shoot him a look of gratitude.

"I won't be alone," Mouse replied. "Leo will be with me, won't you, big guy?"

Leo nodded vigorously, looking around. The adults in the room laughed.

"You guys," Mouse said, rolling her eyes. "I have some things to take care of that I'd rather not do in front of all of you, so would you mind giving me a little privacy, please?"

Everyone in the room filed out, and Mouse told Leo to sit tight for a sec while she went to the bathroom and cleaned up. She was grateful that she hadn't stained the bed when they carried her and made her lie down in it.

She climbed back in, smiling at Leo, who smiled back, snuggling into her side immediately.

"Mouse?"

"Yeah?"

He looked up at her. "You promise you're okay now?" He patted her tummy gently.

"I promise, Leo," she told him firmly. "I'm so sorry about what happened on the stairs. I shouldn't have tried to carry you. It was too much for me, but I tried anyway, and I fainted, that's all."

"So it was my fault?" Leo asked. "Because I cried and made you carry me?" His voice was very soft.

Mouse sighed. "No. It was not your fault. What happened with the miscarriage wasn't your fault, and what happened on the stairs wasn't your fault, either, you hear me?" She picked up Leo's hand. "It was an accident, which means it was nobody's fault. Nobody's," she reiterated. "You didn't make me pick you up. I wanted to. Okay?"

Leo nodded, and was quiet for a few minutes, but Mouse could tell something else was on his mind.

"Mouse?"

"Yeah?"

"You know your baby? The one that you uh, mis-carried?" He pronounced the new addition to his vocabulary carefully.

"Yes?" Mouse swallowed, not sure how to answer what she knew was coming.

"Who was its daddy?"

Mouse took a deep breath. "You know what, Leo? I don't really want to talk about it right now," she finally said, stroking his hair. " You know when something makes you really, really sad? How it just makes you sadder and sadder if you have to talk about it?"

He nodded, his head moving under her palm.

"Well, that's how I feel now. I'm not saying I won't tell you, just that I don't want to right now. Is that okay?"

Leo nodded again. "It's okay, Mouse, I understand." He leaned up and put a small kiss on her cheek. He patted her chest, a gesture of comfort that made her heart swell with love.

Just then there was a soft tap on the door. It opened, and Henry stuck his head in. He looked tired, and his eyes were suspiciously bright, but his voice was steady when he spoke.

"I sent everyone home," he began.

"Where in the world did you send Oskar?" Mouse asked. She felt bad for him, coming all the way from Stockholm to see her, only to be confronted by this mess.

"Actually, he went with Travis," Henry told her with a smile. "Travis said they had room, and he's going to be back to see you again tomorrow, so yeah, it kind of worked out, I think.

"Anyway," he continued, "I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't want to come downstairs?" He looked at Mouse hopefully. "There's not really anything to do up here, you know? But you could relax on the couch down there, and we could watch a movie or whatever, and it's close to the kitchen, so we could wait on you, bring you snacks and drinks and all that, help you get your go back?"

Next to her, Leo was nodding and smiling. "Yeah, Mouse, we can help you get your go back," he echoed.

"Okay," she agreed.

She flipped the blanket back and stood. Henry surprised her, however, by scooping her up in his arms, making her let out a small scream as her feet left the floor.

"Henry, no, I didn't agree to this!" Mouse said. "Please, you'll drop me going down the stairs! I'm scared!"

Leo was dancing around them, laughing with glee, as Henry ignored her protests and carried her down the stairs and laid her carefully on the sofa.

"Much better," he declared with a grin.

"Yeah," Leo agreed.

So they set her up with juice and a hamburger, and a bowl of fruit, and they all settled down to watch Guardians of the Galaxy.

And later, after Leo had fallen asleep, Henry came around to sit next to Mouse, scooping her gently into the curve of his arm.

He took a deep breath to preface his words. "Mouse," he began. "I'm so very, very sorry." His voice grew thick with emotion. "I don't even know what to say--" his breath hitched, and he couldn't continue. "It's like ripples that just keep on going and going, you know?" he finally managed to get out. Then he just began to cry, silently, his face in his hands.

And Mouse, who could never stand to see anyone in pain, especially someone she loved, pulled his head down to her body, holding him to her. He put his hands on her, on the precious part of her where their child had been during its brief life, and wept.

And Mouse stroked his head, like she'd stroked his son's earlier, and comforted him, and accepted his comfort in return.

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