Chapter 21: Night Thoughts

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Henry wanted to go home. He hadn't been to a night club in years, and he felt about a hundred years older than everyone else there, for one thing. The music was too loud, for another. And they were just sitting in the bar. He couldn't imagine how much louder it was in the actual club part of the establishment.

He tried to remember if he had two or three days left of shooting on Ios, and couldn't. The beauty, the peace, the loveliness of the island had been ruined for him on that horrible night, the night he'd taken Mouse's virginity.

He had known, well in advance, how wrong every single step he was going to take was, and he'd done it anyway. Hiring such a young nanny. Having her live in his home. Getting so close to her. Getting attached to her. Inviting her to Greece. Moving on her. Boom, boom, boom, watching the dominos fall, one after the other, in slow motion. Knowing where the last one would fall. Right on top of Leo. He'd known, dammit, he'd known that it would end badly for Leo, and he'd done it anyway.

Now he was right where he'd known he'd be, trying to hold things together, trying to act like everything was fine, so Leo wouldn't suffer, so he wouldn't lose someone he loved, because his father was an idiot, an asshole who couldn't keep his pants zipped up.

Henry downed his beer and gestured for another. Lila appeared at his elbow, smiling, leaning in to speak right into his ear.

"Having fun?" she asked over the pulsing music.

"Yeah," he replied, smiling and nodding at her.

"Great place, right?" she gestured, hips moving rhythmically in time to the bass that was practically shaking the walls.

Henry nodded, and hoped she'd sit down on the stool next to him for a minute, just so girls would stop hitting on him. This place re-defined "meat market," and most of the people here seemed to be looking for someone to spend the night with, or at least the next few hours.

Lila did sit down next to him, sipping her cocktail, fanning herself prettily with a cocktail napkin.

"Want to get out of here?" she called.

Henry nodded gratefully, left some money on the counter, and cleared a path through the gyrating people. Even though it was a warm night, it was at least ten degrees cooler outside, and much quieter.

Lila pulled Henry by the hand and they started down the single road that led from the mountaintop village to the beach.

"Aren't we going to wait for the bus?" Henry asked in surprise. The geography of Ios was very simple. There was the harbor, where the boats anchored, with a few houses, the village, up in the hills, and the beach, with one main road connecting the three. The bus route ran along the road between eight and two AM, every fifteen minutes or so, and this loose public transit system seemed to work for everyone.

"Nah, it's a beautiful night for a walk, and it's not like we can get lost, you know?" Lila said with a laugh, pulling him along. "We could even take the goat path, if you want?" she suggested. The goat path was a short cut, chiseled into the mountain side, that went directly from the village to the beach, a dirt road used for driving livestock, frequently used by people who were in a hurry.

"Let's stick to the paved road," Henry said.

"Whatever you say," Lila agreed, continuing to hold his hand. She pulled him closer, hugging herself to his arm, pressing her body into it, throwing him off balance a little bit in the dark.

"Whoa," she giggled, staggering a little bit.

"Careful," Henry said, steadying her. "You don't want to go down here, do you?"

"Maybe I do," she responded. She pulled him off the road, behind a tree, kissing him with a lot of energy, just a disembodied mouth and a couple of very busy hands in the dark. Henry kissed her back, if not with enthusiasm, at least with a lack of surprise. Wasn't this what he'd come out with her for, after all?

"God, Henry, you're so fucking hot," she mumbled, pressing herself against him. "Shit, I can almost get off just thinking about how you look holding that camera and taking my picture, you know?"

She'd already undone his shorts and pulled them down, her lips leaving a wet trail down his torso as she licked and kissed her way to his groin.

Henry thought of Mouse, of her gentle, lovely eyes, her beautiful, soft breasts, the curve of her hips.

He took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the tree. He closed his eyes and leaned his palms against the rough bark of the trunk, but this felt too impersonal. He should at least be touching her, shouldn't he?

He tentatively put his hands on top of her head. Lila had pulled his briefs down as well, and she was already sucking on him. "Oh, what a beautiful cock you have," she moaned. "I knew you would, though," she laughed as she licked a stripe all the way up the shaft. "It's as gorgeous as you are, fuck." And she continued to devour him.

Lila had curly hair, and as soon has Henry touched it, the feel of it under his hands, coupled with her ridiculous words, uttered in her accent, killed whatever little desire Henry had to be there.

"No," he said. "Lila, stop," he said a little louder. He pulled gently on her head, then placed his hands on her shoulders, simultaneously lifting her and pushing her away.

"What?" she asked, rising and licking her lips, squinting to look at his face in the very faint light. Up the road, someone hollered something in Greek. All around them they could hear the sounds of the nighttime bugs calling to each other in the darkness. "Henry, what happened? Did I hurt you with my teeth?"

Henry shook his head as he pulled his clothes up and zipped himself. "No, I'm just not in the mood."

"Not in the mood?" Lila repeated. "For a fucking blow job?" She looked around, hands on her slim, elegant hips. "Who ever heard of such a thing?" She looked back at Henry, leaning in to kiss him. "What is it really? Prostrate? Too much to drink? You can tell Lila."

"No, really, I just don't feel like it, okay?" he said, maybe a little more roughly than he'd intended.

"Fine, fine, you don't need to get angry," she said, stepping away. "Okay, let's go home then," she said, patting her hair. "Lenny's probably still up, he's always good for a quick fuck," she said with a shrug and a little laugh. "I'm really in the mood, you know?" she said to Henry as they went back to the road and began walking. "I was hoping it would be you for sure, but Lenny's pretty good." Lenny was the equipment assistant.

"Fine," Henry replied. "And I'm sorry, Lila, I really am."

"Someone said you're hung up on your little boy's nanny," Lila remarked as she took his arm once more to help keep her footing on the twisty road. "But surely that's not so? Not that plain little thing?" She looked over at Henry, but he didn't say anything.

Henry walked her back to her house, apologized again and said good night, watching until she was inside before turning toward the villa he shared with Mouse and his son.

Of course it was dark. He imagined Mouse and Leo sleeping, and the image filled him with joy. He went around to the beach side and climbed the steps to the second floor veranda so he wouldn't have to make any noise opening the front door. Nothing was locked, as crime on the island was almost unheard of, and he walked by Mouse and Leo's open veranda doors on the way to his own. He slid the glass door open and went inside, leaving the door open. He quickly changed, and went back to Leo's room to check on his sleeping son.

Leo had once again climbed into Mouse's bed to sleep with her, sans pajama bottoms. He looked utterly adorable in his Winnie the Pooh underpants with red piping, and a yellow T-shirt. He had his back curled into Mouse's front, her arms pulled securely around him. They were spooned together, her cheek touching his hair. Henry wished he had his camera, he wished he could photograph them like this, though there probably wasn't enough light. He could see the shadows cast by their eyelashes on their cheeks, and the slight movement of Mouse's chest as she breathed in and out.

They were his people. His chest tightened with love for them.

But Mouse wasn't his. He could stand here in the dark like an idiot and watch over her, but he would never be anything more than a polluter of youth, a corrupter of morals. A defiler.

Which was so unfair. She was a woman grown. She was twenty-fucking-one. An adult.

She was a student.

He was nearly old enough to be her--

Her what?

Her much older brother? Like she'd said?

She'd been a virgin, though. Probably never even really kissed anyone.

And he, Henry, had come along and just pounded on her, driven into her, no thought to her comfort, her pleasure, he'd taken, and given nothing in return...

Henry turned and walked out, being careful not to make any noise.

Mouse opened her eyes after he left. She could still smell his aftershave, and the alcohol he was exuding from his pores, along with the scent of him, of Henry, which she'd know anywhere.

Only two more days, and they'd say good bye to this beautiful place, to this vacation, which had begun so marvelously, and devolved into a memory of humiliation and shame.

She hugged Leo closer, and resolutely shut her eyes.

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