The very next day, she booked an appointment with her gynaec and visited her, alongwith her mom. Minal aunty had been their trusted gynaec since years. She did some preliminary checking and a basic sonography as a routine check up. Shruti felt awkward about it all and was somehow having this eerie feeling. What the doctor said next left her feeling anxious.

To be continued….

Dr Minal began in a somber tone, “Shruti, there are multiple things that you need to be aware of. But take it from me, that there is nothing to worry.”
The statement itself sent Shruti in a state of worry. She could make out there was something wrong, and braced herself. She looked at her mom, who was also having lines of worry on her forehead.

Dr. Minal began, “First of all, Shruti’s menstrual cycle has been affected, most probably because of her recent weight loss. Generally, when a lot of weight loss happens in a very short period of time, the regularity of the cycle does get affected. However, that will get sorted. Its visible in the sonography that you may get your chums anytime soon. However, the other major factor you need to know about is PCOS, which means Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. There are multiple symptoms of having PCOS, though we generally tend to neglect them. However, it does hinder in the process of fertility as well. Having said that, this doesn’t imply that you will face problems as well. The most common issue is irregular periods, which over the years you haven’t faced. It is more or less regular otherwise there are females who don’t get chums uptil 3-4 months, which is when this issue comes into light. As such, I wouldn’t put you on medication for the same straightaway as it has its own side effects, and belonging to the old school, I wouldn’t recommend you to get into medication unnecessarily. You can try for a couple of months by the natural method. Still, if you face problems in conceiving, we can think about a treatment.”

Shruti felt broken. She was on the verge of crying, as she had somehow started visualising about the little bundle that they had been dreaming about. Jyotiji was also a bit shaken… however, she quickly gained composure for her daughter’s sake and looked pleadingly at Dr. Minal. The latter immediately added, “Hey Shruti! There is nothing to worry about. As I said, there is nothing impossible in the medical field and your symptoms aren’t very bad. We see miracles happening everyday. I have innumerable patients with PCOS. And there are considerable cases, where the female was able to conceive without undergoing any treatment. So please don’t be disheartened and be positive.”

Shruti hadn’t uttered a single word… she wasn’t in a position to. What would she tell Atharva? He had called and messaged so many times regarding her appointment. She had seen his eyes go all soft and dreamy at the mere mention of the baby. For no fault of his, he would have to face this situation.

Throughout the way, she was in her own world and wasn’t ready to listen to her mom or answer Atharva. The tears just didn’t stop. As soon as they reached home, Jyotiji called out, “Shruti! Wait a minute.” Her tone was authoritative enough to stop Shruti in her tracks, who was about to bang the door shut. She reluctantly came and sat beside her mom, who asked her to have water first.

Shruti had been crying nonstop and her eyes were already red and puffy. Her mom took her hand in hers and very lovingly explained, “Beta, this is just the beginning. It is not the end of the world. It is not a big problem that you cant overcome. You will unnecessarily put Atharva in tension for no reason at all. Didn’t you hear what Minal said? Well, let me tell you about my own experience. Do you know? My own Fallopian tube was blocked and back then, the medical science was not this advanced. One of the doctors had openly declared that I wont be able to conceive at all. So, it was a shock and a pleasant surprise that I actually got pregnant without any medication or treatment. Strange things can happen beta, and we are nobody to judge or question HIS decisions. So keep faith and don’t panic.”

Shruti hugged her mother and calmed herself. At that moment, Atharva called up. Shruti had that uncertainty in her eyes, but Jyotiji calmed her down again and asked her to speak to him.

Atharva was completely flustered and expressed, “Kya hua Shruti? You know very well I have been waiting since so long.”
Shruti gulped down a sob, not wanting to scare him. However, she didn’t want to hide anything either and so, shared her dilemma. Atharva went silent for a full minute, and tried to understand the exact situation, but somehow he couldn’t keep the disappointment away from his voice. Still, he tried his best to placate her, by saying, “Don’t be negative Shruti. Like Minal aunty said, we don’t have any reason to think otherwise. All this can affect you adversely, so chill.”
She mumbled a feeble reply and then disconnected.

Shruti left Nashik in two days, but somehow that fear refused to go away from her mind. She had requested Atharva not to share about it with anyone in the family. He was reluctant initially but then knew the equation she had with his mom. So stayed mum, hoping that they wont have to resort to any medical treatments. Being devout, he started observing fasts on Monday, having immense faith in a Shiv temple in their locality. Shruti tried to remain cheerful but whenever the dates would approach, she would get all tensed. Whenever they would get delayed, her hopes would start rising, and she would end up testing and then cry buckets as every single time, the result would be negative.

It was way too early to be disappointed as they were yet to complete even one year. But she had her own reasons. Every time she would console herself, and try to be positive.

It was September already, and Atharva was finally relieved a bit as far as work was concerned. He had streamlined most of his work, though he still used to be pre occupied. As such, Minish and Rhea’s wedding dates were also being decided. It was then that her in laws started pushing him to go for his honeymoon. As it is, it was almost 9 months into their marriage and Shruti had mostly given up on the idea.

One evening, after they were through with their dinner, Atharva casually mentioned, Shru… how about going to New Zealand?”
Shruti had been ready to doze off after a hot, steamy session of lovemaking. She abruptly sat up and queried, “What?! Dekh… please don’t test my patience anymore. All these months I didn’t utter a word as I knew that you were mentally occupied. But that doesn’t mean that you make fun of me.”
He couldn’t understand her sudden outburst and reverted, “All okay?”
She realised that her response must have sounded a bit rude, and so said a bit apologetically, “I guess it came across in a different way. But what I mean is, please don’t rub salt on the wound. If we cant go, its one thing. But raising my hopes and then not executing is something that I wont be able to take in my stride anymore.”

Atharva realised that she was referring to the couple of times they had planned and then dropped the idea, as every time Atharva would get cold feet. Then, for some weird reason, he had stuck to the reason that he had promised her to take to Australia and July/August wasn’t the correct season, since they have chilling winters then and the days would be short. She had tried to make him understand that they could have easily picked up some other destination but he hadn’t budged.

Atharva felt guilty and cupped her face saying, “Sorry jaanu. But no, we wont back out this time.”
She turned her face and questioned him, “But how come not Australia?”
He said, “Ummm well. I met Preksha bhabhi’s brother Nishant. They had been for a three week tour last year to Australia and New Zealand both. Well, I can’t spare three weeks, 12 days at the max. And he suggested that I should go for New Zealand, as it’s a very scenic and beautiful place.”
Shruti found it strange as according to what she had seen so far, Nishant was a more adventurous person. She didn’t harp too much on it and didn’t voice her opinion coz it was after a very long time that Atharva was sounding positive and she didn’t want to spoil it. She told herself that going together was more important and the place didn’t matter.

Eventually, Atharva dozed off but Shruti was wide awake, trying to think exactly why was she behaving like that.
She winced as she sat thinking, ‘Where did the Shruti go, who was always supremely confident that nothing could ever go wrong with her? Why do I feel that I will never be able to revive her…. The carefree, careless, cheerful, bubbly Shruti didn’t exist anymore and she dearly missed her.’
Yes, Atharva had been there for her all the way. But was that enough when you have to deal with criticism and scorn throughout the day, inspite of trying to do your best, inspite of letting go of your dreams?

She shrugged herself, not wanting to dwell on these thoughts as she knew there would be no point thinking about it. She simply snuggled in the arms of her love, hugged him and drifted to sleep.

The passports were given for visas, which were quickly procured as everything was in place. Shruti had been in kitchen when the agent came to give, so didn’t bother to check the visas and simply kept in the cupboard. It started sinking in that finally they were going, though she was apprehensive about being too happy and didn’t want to jinx it.

Shruti and Atharva were excited thinking about their honeymoon. Atharva refused to share any details or itinerary with Shruti saying, “You don’t have to worry about anything at all. I have overviewed everything. It’s all sorted. Just sit back and enjoy.”
She was a planning freak and liked to go through the minute details, as she had done for all the trips she had been to with her family before marriage. But this time, she let it go, thinking that it would be a different feeling and more adventurous.

That month, just few days before the trip, she again missed her date. But this time, she fervently prayed not to get a positive result as, if so, they would have to cancel their honeymoon. She quickly got the the kit and tested, not knowing what to pray for, as she would feel bad, whatever the result. It turned out to be negative… once again… and she thought may be it was for the better once they are through with their honeymoon, otherwise she would have regretted about it.

That evening, Nishant and Gauri, Preksha’s brother and sister-in-law had been invited home for dinner. Shruti was already feeling vulnerable owing to the recent upheaval. On top of it, as if there weren’t already enough complications in life, Gauri unknowingly added to it, little aware about the repercussions it would cause.

Gauri inquired, “So, all set for honeymoon?” Shruti smiled, “Oh yes! Good that you came today. I was wondering about a couple of things. Atharva informed me that they would be providing us coupons for dinner at Indian/veg restaurants and breakfast is anyways continental, so that shouldn’t be a problem. But what about lunch? Is veg food easily available in New Zealand? Since you have visited fairly recently, you can guide me about it.”
All this while, Gauri was frowning, and questioned, “Wait a minute… Why New Zealand? You are going to Australia, hai na?”
Shruti rectified, “Oh no! We had planned that before but then Atharva seems to have had a talk with Nishantbhai after which we decided on New Zealand.”

Although she was trying to justify, it sounded weird to her ears as well. Besides that, the expression on Gauri’s face spoke volumes, making her feel like a fool. Something clicked and she  excused herself. She quickly checked her passports and what she saw, proved that she had been fooled. It was evident now that Atharva had bluffed about going to New Zealand since the visa was for Australia. She tried to force her thoughts back into some semblance of order, trying to find some logic. But she was so hurt that all sane thinking evaded her. Imagine getting to know through a third person that you have been fooled, by your own husband, whatever the reason.

Shruti didn’t want to create a scene, tried to withhold herself, but it was as if, a storm was brewing inside her, and this incident merely served as a catalyst to ignite what she had been bottling inside for so long. That night, she vented it all out. Atharva tried to explain that he had wanted to surprise her but she wasn’t ready to listen. She simply felt so hurt that she was blinded by it. Atharva finally gave up and burst out saying, “Fine then, better to call it off.”

To be continued.....

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