Part II - Torture and Interrogation

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Disclaimer: I own a cat, and there's this really annoying foal thinks he owns me. He does. But that's besides the point.

Warning: Uh. You guys seemed to enjoy the Jealous Tobi Comic so much, I just kind of went with it.

Beta: featherstofly

Second Beta: Lavendor Queen

Editor: Sansho

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

"Anko-chan!" I squealed with delight upon opening my front door. Inside the apartment, Naruto gave a groan of despair and Sakura squealed alongside me. Anko gave me a leer, opening her arms and I all too happily jumped into them. We hugged.

"Welcome home, Anko-chan," I said happily, pulling back long enough to grin brightly at her. "Come on in. I was about to make breakfast."

"Go away," Naruto whined. "You're a horrible influence for Kaa-chan."

Anko winked at Naruto, ruffling Sakura's hair as the pinkette hurled herself into the snake-mistress. "Don't I know it? I'll have sake with whatever you're making."

"I know," I replied, pouring the pancake batter over the frying pan.

"Welcome back, Anko-sensei," Sakura murmured, looking up brightly. "You've been gone for a really long time. How was the mission?"

"Same old shit," Anko said dismissively, bringing herself to sit at the table and ruffling the hair of a pouting Naruto. "Blood and gore all over the place, some wanna-be man pissing his pants, but enough about that boring shit. I heard your team brought down an S-Rank?"

Sakura beamed. "It was so amazing. Okay, so in the first real battle, Kakashi-sensei convinced us to hang back and everything, but then he actually got captured. So Naruto, Sasuke and I all look at each other and we're all thinking the same thing,"

"Looks like we'll have to save his sorry ass," Naruto interjected with a foxy grin. Sakura nodded in agreement.

"Exactly! But we couldn't exactly plan anything out right away, you see, because we didn't have the time and he would have probably overheard us anyway. So we're just moving with our instinct. I brought out a whole bunch of senbon coated with the sedative you taught me to make—you know the one that also works like a laxative."

Anko snickered while Naruto tried to cover up his laugh, clapping her hands. "Bravo, dear Sakura. Bravo."

Sakura smiled, blushing slightly under the praise and preening a bit. "Right. So Naruto makes a whole bunch of his shadow-clones and henges them to look like us. All of us charge at once, only Sasuke and I try our best to sneak under his radar. Zabuza—that was his name, by the way—severely underestimated us because he either didn't notice Sasuke and myself, or didn't care. So while Zabuza was humoring Naruto, Sasuke was able to launch me into the air. Once I was up there, I was able to barrage the majority of the area with my senbon."

Sakura's nose crinkled at that. "He noticed me right away, and underestimated me again because he just took the senbon head on, laughing all the way. Anyway, while he was looking at me, Sasuke and Naruto were able to do this whole windmill-clone thing..."

I zoned out a bit after that, knowing it was mostly canon in that fight afterwards. Though it did seem Zabuza held a bit of a grudge for the pinkette, if their fight on the bridge was any indication. Instead of attempting to stay back and out of the way, Sakura went out of her way to double as Kakashi's support. They proved to be an extremely effective team and Sakura managed to help Kakashi evade a rather impressive move, using her chakra strings to literally pull him out of the way. Naruto and Sasuke still fought Haku and as far as I knew—from what they described of it at least—it went pretty much canon as well.

But still.

I hid my smile as I dished out the pancakes on their respective plates along with some eggs and slices of ham.

Already I could see the difference I had been able to make.

And I liked it.

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

I entered the compound, finding myself bombarded with all sorts of interesting scents. It wasn't long after I had arrived did four pups come tumbling towards me, barking and yipping in high notes. Following behind them was their mother, a docile, pure white retired ninken. I giggled as one of their tongues managed to somehow tickle my leg, and full out laughed when one of the pups climbed on top of another in a vain attempt to reach my face.

Patting them atop the head, I waddled through them and off in the direction of the main house. I entered it without pause, taking off my shoes. Kiba looked up at me and gave me a feral grin from where he was seated in the main room. "'Sup, Mia-oba?"

"Ohayō, Kiba-chan," I demurred. "Tsume-chan said she wanted me to come over?"

Kiba nodded, pointing down the hall. "She's in her room. Napping, I think."

I nodded. "Alright."

Stepping lightly, I made my way through the home, opening Tsume's door and peering in. Tsume was resting at the foot of her bed, a spread of paperwork out before her. I gave a snort. "Stuck with paperwork again, Tsume-chan?"

Tsume shot me a glare. "Hana's busy so she can't do this shit for me. Damn it, I hate bureaucrats."

"Don't we all? What'd you need me for?"

Tsume turned around, eying me. "As you know, I was friends with Kakashi's father, Sakumo."

I nodded. "Yes, and?"

"And I'm the one who taught the brat all he needed to know about his contracts, seeing how Sakumo became unavailable," Tsume continued. "I've tried adopting several times, but he's always refused my help, so I've had to shove it down his throat a couple times. He was stubborn as hell as a brat, and I was really worried about him. Minato did a good job with him and all, but he's been a mess."

"Okay?"

"Sometimes I can get him to partake in clan meals, or just general family meals, but he's extremely reluctant about it. It was me who convinced Hokage-sama to give the brat his own team; I thought it would do him some good. Everyone knows your Genin team can be your second family, and after everything he's been through, that boy needs a family."

"Sure?"

"So I want your help. I know how much you love those brats, how you essentially adopted Naruto and I know you would do the same for Sasuke and Sakura in a heartbeat if you could. I want you to let Kakashi into your little group as well. He can't refuse you entirely, because they're his team as well, his family."

I opened my mouth at that, shock leaving me momentarily speechless though. "What?"

"You heard me," Tsume snorted. "I think you'd be a good influence. You don't have to do a lot. Invite him to dinner—okay, force him to dinner—watch some movies with him, do something. Just... don't let him be alone anymore."

I shifted nervously. "Um, I can try."

"Don't try. Do."

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

I pulled out of the memory, gnawing on my bottom lip as I did so. I knew Kakashi was lonely, and guilt-ridden as well, but I wasn't sure I could do anything about it. I couldn't. I mean, really, what could I do? It seemed so unrealistic to me in the beginning that I had never even bothered to seek him out. Some part of me wanted to help, because hello, it was Kakashi. But I didn't think I could do anything.

However...

"So why did you call me here?" Kakashi began.

The two of us were sitting down in a quiet tea shop. I had given Naruto a note to pass along to Kakashi, telling the boy to not read it no matter what. The last thing I needed was Naruto to have the impression I was hitting on his teacher by asking him out here, but I rarely saw Kakashi myself so the boy was all I had to communicate.

I took a sip of my tea, taking my time in answering. "Every other night, you will eat dinner with us."

Kakashi blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Every other night, you will eat dinner with us," I repeated pleasantly.

"I don't remember agreeing to such terms."

"Tsume-chan is worried sick about you. I think you already know that it was she who pestered the Hokage to arrange teams for you. Hokage-sama has also expressed concern for you, hence why you were taken out of ANBU," I explained. "Tsume-chan and I have been talking—don't give me that look, you brought this on yourself when you refused her help—and we've managed to convince Hokage-sama that it would be in your best interest."

"So," I went on, "you can either eat dinner with Naruto, myself and occasionally Sasuke and Sakura every other night, but you only have to stay for half an hour, or you have dinner with us twice a week, but you have to stay for one and a half hour. Or you can attend therapy."

Kakashi gave me a very annoyed look. "And if I don't want any of the above?"

I only smiled.

"I'll give you an answer next week."

"Fair enough."

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

"So now that you don't work at the academy anymore, what are you going to do?" Anko wondered, sprawled out on my couch. I gave the woman a brief look, glancing up from my current tinkerings.

"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "Quite a few of the villagers and councilmen didn't like me working there to begin with, hence why it was only agreed for me to work there as long as Naruto was there. Due to my association with Naruto, I'm not very well received by the village as a whole, not that I particularly mind. I have an abundance of money, so I'm not concerned about that, but still, there is such a thing as having too much free time. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Anko began, giving me a surprisingly blank look, "you know that I work in T&I, right?"

"Right."

"And you know that I'm not the neatest person in the whole world?"

"Quite."

"The same could be said for the majority of those who work in T&I."

"Anko-chan, just spit it out."

"What would you say to working in the T&I?"

"What?"

"You won't actually do any torture or interrogation, I'm mostly talking about sorting through the paperwork and stuff. Keeping the place in line and orderly. We lost our last one a couple months ago and finding a replacement has been a real pain."

"You want me to work as, like, a secretary for the T&I even though I'm a civilian?"

"Our last one was a civilian also," Anko pointed out. "Not to mention your OCD would be perfect for this. The pay is good and you don't have to work late, and come on. You know you wanna."

"I don't know about that," I said dubiously. "My stomach isn't that strong, Anko-chan, you know that."

"I know, I know, but you won't have to deal with any of that stuff. Just sort through the paperwork and warrants and all that shit for us. Come on, please? We really need someone."

I hesitated. "I suppose. How do I apply?"

"I'll bring Ibiki over—you know, head of T&I—and once you get his approval, you're in!" Anko chirped, practically beaming.

"Ibiki-san? Oh. Oh, dear. Alright."

"Hey? Are you okay, Mia-chan? You look a little pale."

"Ah... Ah... I'm just... I'm going to go take a nap. Yes, a nap sounds wonderful."

"You know what? You're right. A nap does sound nice. I think I'll take one with you."

"Ah... alright... okay."

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

"You're Kurenai-san, yes?" I inquired, looking at the rather pretty woman before me. She gave me a serene smile, unabashedly eying me. Hinata was currently hugging me around the waist—and I was definitely hugging her as well—while Kiba was grinning widely, Akamaru barking happily, and Shino impassive as ever.

"Yes, you must be Mia-san."

"No need for san, Kurenai-san," I said easily. "I came by to give Hinata-chan her letter. She didn't pick it up at the usual spot, so I had assumed..."

"I-I'm sorry, Mia-sensei," Hinata said politely, looking up at me. "I-I was on my way. I'm sorry i-if I caused you any trouble."

"It's perfectly fine, dear," I murmured. "I'm on my way to Tsume-chan's anyway. Wanted to... That reminds me, Kiba-chan, could you take this to Tsume-chan for me?"

I held out a thick scroll—it was filled with recipes she had requested earlier—and Kiba took it easily enough. "Sure, Mia-oba."

"Well then, I guess I should be going home," I replied. "I have an appointment with... Ibiki-san." I shuddered.

Kurenai gave me a bewildered look. "Whatever for?"

"Who's Ibiki?" Kiba asked incredulously. "Is he another boyfriend? Do I need to tell Naruto about him?"

"Ibiki-san is the head of T&I," Shino answered.

"Naruto already knows, and no. He is definitely not my boyfriend," I said firmly. "Just a possible employer if Anko has anything to say about it."

"Oh?" Kurenai blinked. "Congratulations?"

"I love how that comes out as a question," I muttered under my breath before shaking my head. "Well, never mind. It's been a pleasure meeting you. Kiba-chan, Hinata-chan, I'll see you later. Shino-kun, tell your mother I said hello."

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

"You are Mia, no surname?"

"We couldn't settle on one."

"You've been living in Konoha for six years."

"Well, I haven't been dead."

"Civilian for five and a half."

"Ninja are so overrated."

"Associate with Hokage-sama, Danzō-sama, Jiraiya-sama, Shikaku-san, Inoichi-san, Chōza-san and Tsume-san."

"Well, yes, no, hell yes, Sort of, sort of, sort of—we really only see each other whenever I'm visiting their wives—and definitely to the last."

"Recommended by Anko-san."

"Damn straight!"

"Anko-chan! Please, we're trying to keep this professional. Yes."

"Are you prepared for the job?"

"God, I hope so."

Ibiki nodded, slapping shut a folder and looking completely badass and indifferent while doing so. He, Anko and I were seated in our greenhouse at the table. I had brought out lunch along with some cookies and tea. It was amazingly less awkward and stressful with Anko beside me, and I was forever grateful she was.

"Now that that's out of the way, she's perfect for the job, right?" Anko leered, holding out a stick of dango towards Ibiki. Ibiki gave her a baleful look.

"You cannot hold an objective opinion here," Ibiki sneered.

"But Jiraiya and Hokage will vouch for her," Anko persisted, "So will anyone else. Come on? Please? If you say no, I won't come into work all sexy-like anymore."

"That's impossible," I exclaimed. "You always look sexy, Anko-chan."

Anko winked at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Right back you."

I snickered.

Ibiki looked mildly disgusted by us, but at the same time morbidly intrigued. "Right. I will have a confirmation by the end of the week. There are plenty of other possibilities—"

"Bullshit," Anko deadpanned. "You keep scaring them off."

"No, that would be you," Ibiki snapped.

"Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe," Anko drawled out. "Point is, she's the only one with enough balls to do it."

"There are plenty of other possibilities," Ibiki said through clenched teeth,

"Oh, yeah? Like who?"

"You honestly think I'll tell you so you can scare them off?"

"If they can be scared off by me, they don't deserve the position," Anko retorted.

Ibiki sighed.

"Um," I began, "I'm perfectly okay with you know, not being selected. Really."

"Don't be absurd," Anko said at the same time Ibiki nodded and said, "Of course."

The two then glared at each other.

"She makes the best treats ever. We have to get her to work for us!" Anko insisted. "She always brought in all sorts of yummies when she worked at the academy, come on, Ibiki! You know those cookies are delicious."

Ibiki gave Anko a blank stare.

"Besides, it's not like she's going to see anything above her clearance," Anko said with a roll of her eyes.

"Fine," Ibiki bit out. "You're hired."

"Oh. Okay."

Anko cheered, hopping up onto the table and doing a victory dance.

"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

I sighed while Ibiki shook his head.

(ノ◕ヮ◕)*:・゚✧

The following night, Kakashi joined us for dinner and informed me he would be attending twice a week, no more, no less. So while Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were arguing over the T.V., Kakashi and I were in the kitchen. I was washing dishes and he was drying.

"So I'll be working at T&I from now on," I said plainly, scrubbing against the soapy dishes.

"Really?" Kakashi murmured. "As what?"

"Secretary of sorts."

"Ah. "

"Kaa-chan! Sasuke's being a total asshole again!" Naruto whined from behind us.

"Sasuke don't be an asshole," I replied, not even turning around or pausing.

"Dobe's being a crybaby."

"I am not!"

"Hn. Are too."

"Both of you are being idiots," Sakura interjected.

I handed Kakashi the last dish, humming a tuneless song as I heard the fight break out behind us. Kakashi glanced at me. "Are they always this rowdy?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are they well behaved with you?"

"No."

"Then yes, they are always this rowdy."

Kakashi shrugged.

Before I could respond, the front door flew open and Anko burst in. "Hey bitches! Sexy Anko is here."

"Anko-sensei!" Sakura cheered, rushing towards the woman and tackling into her.

"No!" Naruto cried out. "Not Crazy-Snake-Lady. Oh Sweet Ramen King, no!"

"I'm out," Sasuke deadpanned, moving towards the window and promptly leaving.

Anko pouted at the Uchiha.

Not that I could blame the boy. After all, Anko did imply Sasuke's obsession was largely due to the fact that the boy was incestuous over his older brother and proceeded to elaborate in great detail exactly what their reunion would be like.

I had literally thrown Naruto out of the room, along with Sasuke, when she reached a certain part before tackling into her and trying—and failing, she was a kunoichi, even if she was drunk at the time—to shut her up.

Kakashi sighed, thus drawing Anko's attention to him. Anko's eyes lit up and she looked between the two of us. She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Oh-ho?"

I stared blankly at her. "There's dango and sake in the fridge, if you behave yourself for the night I'll make your lunch tomorrow."

Anko grinned. "Deal."

I

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