"My mom was a ventriloquist and she was always throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

-Anonymous

Disclaimer: I want Madara. Kishimoto can keep Naruto.

Warning: Needles? Fluffyness? Do I even really need to put a warning on this chapter?

First Beta: featherstofly

Second Beta: Lavendor Queen

Editor: Sansho

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"And then Iruka-sensei told us about this leaf exercise thing that we're gonna start tomorrow," Naruto continued on cheerily as the two of us headed home. His hand clung tightly to mine and the boy seemed positively beaming.

"I'm glad you had fun today," I told him.

Naruto nodded his head in agreement but before he could say anything else, an ANBU flickered to stand before us.

"Jiraiya-sama has arrived in the village. Hokage-sama requests your audience," ANBU-Bird said.

"Oh, alright," I said with a frown as the ANBU flickered away. Turning back to Naruto I ruffled his hair. "I've got to go for a bit, so head on home without me. When I come back we can go out for ramen, okay?"

"Okay," Naruto said. I smiled and kissed the top of his head before turning and heading towards the Hokage's office.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"I told you before, I don't want another apprentice!"

"She wouldn't really be an apprentice, Jiraiya, she needs help controlling her chakra."

"Then find an academy teacher!"

As I neared the Hokage office, I could hear the two heated voices coming from inside, both very familiar. For once, since coming here, I was a bit grateful I didn't have any chakra. Obito said I could make one of the best spies if I really wanted to. That's how shinobi and kunoichi know they're being watched—the chakra. But seeing how I had no chakra...

I paused outside the door, definitely eavesdropping on them.

"Her case isn't quite so simple."

"Then make it simple! I already told you, I do not want another apprentice. At least not her."

"You don't have a choice, Jiraiya. She is an important individual and Danzō requires—"

"Danzō? You're doing this for Danzō now?"

"I know it may seem a bit—"

"It seems like a lot of things to me, Sensei. My answer is the same, nonetheless. No."

I blinked at that, deciding it was time to enter the room.

"So does that mean I'm screwed?" I asked.

Jiraiya whirled around, eyes wide as if he were a little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Hiruzen gave a small sigh, his eyes closing.

"You're what I'm supposed to be teaching?"

"I'm a who, not a what, thank you very much," I said with a roll of my eyes. "But apparently you don't want to teach me. Look, I get that you don't want to, but you'd be helping a lot of people if you do. Who knows how big of a hazard I am like this. I don't even want you to teach me jutsus or sealings or any of that stuff. I want and kind of need you to teach me to get this under control."

Jiraiya continued to stare at me, his expression guarded. "Get what under control?"

I looked at Hiruzen, only raising an eyebrow in question. Hiruzen blinked once before saying, "She has a genjutsu cast over her, Jiraiya. Release it and see what needs to be done."

Jiraiya stared at me another moment before releasing the genjutsu. At that moment his eyes widened considerably and he paled.

"Do you know what you have clinging to you?"

"Nature chakra," I said. "And I'll explain all that I know about it and why it's clinging to me, if you agree to help me control it enough so that way it doesn't cling to me."

"I don't really have a choice," Jiraiya snapped, irritation spilling into his tone. "If I don't show you then you'll be a walking hazard within weeks. It's amazing you haven't killed anyone yet."

"So you'll teach me?" I asked, wanting confirmation and clarification.

"Like I said, not much choice," Jiraiya muttered. "Why is...?"

I gave a quick explanation of our theory.

"That would be a good guess," Jiraiya said slowly. "If that's the case then controlling may either be a lot harder for you—as you've never worked with chakra—or easier as you don't run the danger of mixing your chakra with nature chakra."

"With my luck probably a combination of both, with a nice nasty down side," I said thoughtfully.

"Aren't you a happy camper," Jiraiya said dryly.

"I try," I replied. "Oh. But, uh, I can't train after three o'clock on weekdays and afternoons and evenings on the weekends."

"Why is that?" Jiraiya asked, his eyes narrowing.

I gave an almost shy smile. "I actually have a son."

"Ah, yes, I heard about that," Hiruzen said, a twinkle in his eyes.

"He told you I take it?" I asked, feeling a little shy about the topic. I've never been a mother before so the experience was new. And I definitely adored Naruto and didn't want to let him down as his surrogate mother. I had to confess I was a little bit worried Hiruzen might have attempted to sway Naruto away from me.

"Bragged about it more likely," Hiruzen chuckled. "I am pleased he found someone to take care of him. I hardly seem to have time for him with work as the Hokage."

Oddly enough, I found myself softening a bit for the old man. I was still furious about how horrible the situation had gotten with Naruto and that he had allowed it, but in a way I could understand. Hiruzen was a tired, weary old man who carried one of the greatest burdens a shinobi could carry. In a way, it was amazing he had time for Naruto at all.

I swear I didn't soften because I was biased he wasn't trying to steal Naruto away from me.

Okay, maybe I was a little biased now.

"And I take it your son is attending the academy?"

"Mm-hmm. I'd also like to not start training until after I get him to the academy."

Jiraiya, somehow, softened a bit. Perhaps he had a soft spot for children and single mothers?

"I think that can be manageable. I need to talk to my contracts about your training. I know two people perfect to assist in your training. We can start as early as tomorrow."

"I can work with that," I said with an easy smile. "Thank you very much, Jiraiya-sensei. Where and when do you want to meet up?"

"There's a small clearing and stream a couple blocks from the Konoha hot springs. Meet me there around nine and we'll train until two-thirty."

"Alright. Thanks again for this!"

Jiraiya only gave a small shrug.

As I turned to leave, he stopped me.

"Wait a minute. What's your name?"

"Mia," I replied.

"No surname?"

I paused. "I don't know. I'd have to ask."

"Ask who?" Hiruzen inquired.

I shrugged. "I doubt I'll be able to keep my old name in this land. I don't really want it anymore; something to remind me of the world I'd never be able to return to. I'd have to ask my kidnapper what kind of surname I should take."

"I see," Hiruzen murmured softly.

"Kidnapper?" Jiraiya repeated incredulously.

"Not my story to tell," Hiruzen answered his unspoken question with a smile.

Jiraiya sighed. "what have I gotten myself into?"

"An epic adventure filled with magic, wonders and double-rainbows," I chirped.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Ah, I love ramen," Naruto sighed as he held my hand on our way back home. Our hands swung back and forth as we walked carefree down the streets of Konoha.

"Don't I know it," I chuckled. "Listen, Naruto-chan, I'm going to be doing some training of my own after I drop you off at the academy. Don't worry, I'll be done before you're finished so I can still come and pick you up. I'll be at a small clearing with a stream near it a couple blocks from the hot springs. I'm letting you know so you know where to find me in case of an emergency."

"Training? Really? Kaa-chan, are you a kunoichi?" Naruto asked excitedly.

I gave a wry grin. "Not technically. I don't have much ambition to become one either. But I have to learn to control my chakra better."

"Eh? Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Kaa-chan has special chakra so Kaa-chan has to do some special training." I grinned. Damn, talking in third person was actually kind of fun. Probably shouldn't make a habit of it though. God only knows Obito wouldn't let me live it down if I did.

"Sugoi!" Naruto cheered, dropping my hand and running up the steps to our apartment. "That's so cool!"

My grin widened at his praise and I hurried after him, my arms wrapping around his small body as I lifted him up in the air. Naruto squealed and giggled as I kissed his cheek and spun him around. I set him on the ground after a few more spins before unlocking and opening the door to our apartment.

Naruto rushed in before me.

"Pick out the movie then get ready for bed, Naruto-chan," I called after him, shutting the door behind us and locking it.

"'Kay," Naruto hollered, already finding a movie before rushing off to the bathroom.

I hummed happily under my breath before entering my own apartment and going to my room. I threw off my clothes and got dressed in my—check this—legitimate Akatsuki t-shirt. I pulled on some sweatpants and headed to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and doing a quick run through my hair. When I was done, I went back to our apartment, already finding Naruto in front of the T.V. with the movie in, waiting for me.

I sat down next to him, pulling a blanket around us as the movie began.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"So these are Fukasaku-sama and Shima-sama?" I asked tentatively of the two tiny frogs I had only seen a handful of times in the anime.

"And I can see that you weren't lying when you said that nature chakra really clung to her, Jiraiya-chan," Fukasaku observed, scrutinizing me.

"What an odd thing," Shima agreed, staring at me as well.

"Yep, that's me. Walking freak, right here," I muttered, a little uncomfortable with all the staring. "So can you help me?"

"'Course we can," Fukasaku snorted. "But the results of our training may be different than what we can expect."

"Why?"

"You have no chakra network whatsoever," Shima said primly. "What using such a volatile chakra such as nature chakra would do to you is unknown. At best, you might suffer a few temporary altercations to your physical body, which is what we're expecting."

My nose crinkled. "What kind of alterations?"

"Frog-like of course," Jiraiya interjected, a smirk on his face.

I shuddered.

"No, no," Shima murmured. "You aren't contracted to us—and can't be contracted to us for that matter. If anything you might become more one with nature in your altercations."

"I'm going to grow leaves?" I squeaked, horrified.

"Leaves, roots, water pouring out where it shouldn't—who can say? Or it might be nothing at all. Perhaps it might put a strain on your body?"

"You said temporary, though, right?"

"Correct," Fukasaku confirmed. "You have no chakra network and no chakra at all. For the alterations to stay for longer than a few hours, perhaps, your chakra is needed to sustain them, even if it's a sliver. But you have none and never have so it has no way of sustaining itself."

"Oh," I said dumbly. "Okay, so how do I keep this stuff off of me?"

The three of them exchanged glances.

"It will be difficult," Jiraiya began slowly. "You're unused to chakra so you don't know how to mold it, and you have no chakra of your own so you can't use that to mold the foreign chakra. We're going to have to treat this chakra like it's your own. But you must understand that this is not your chakra. It's not human chakra and as such is extremely dangerous."

"Okay," I said. "So what do I do?"

"Meditation first," Shima answered. "To gather nature chakra, one must be perfectly still and one with nature. You have no issue. What you lack is control. You will need to be able to become one with nature to get a better feel of this chakra. When you are comfortable enough and familiar with it, we will begin with little control. Not using it; basic control of moving it to and from you."

I nodded. "So I have to sit—perfectly still—for God knows how long? I'll tell you now, I'm not a kunoichi. I've never been still for more than a minute. Even when I sleep, I move."

"I figured as much," Jiraiya answered. "So we're going to cheat a bit."

"Cheat how?" I asked incredulously.

Shima held up a small syringe.

I stared at the golden liquid inside, realization dawning on me, along with a slight shiver of fear.

Okay, a bit more like a bucket of fear.

I had a lot of fears.

But my biggest one was being physically helpless. Of not being able to move my body. Of being conscious and capable of lucid thought and unable to move my body.

"A paralysis," Shima said. "This will keep your entire body still, but your mind capable of working and entering meditation. It will wear off in an hour and we'll have to wait another hour afterwards before we give you another shot."

"I see." I shifted uncomfortably.

"Afraid of needles?" Jiraiya guessed.

"Not the needle. More like the not being able to move even if I wanted to part."

"I share that fear," Jiraiya said sympathetically. "But this was the quickest and safest way. We need to get this chakra under control as soon as possible."

"I know, I..."

"I understand," Jiraiya consoled, placing a hand on my shoulder. "But we won't let anything bad happen to you. You're going to have to trust us."

And I did. I knew they were good people. I knew Jiraiya was an amazing person and I trusted him.

I did not like the situation.

I wanted Obito.

With a heavy swallow I held out my left arm towards Shima.

Shima gave me a comforting and encouraging smile before injecting me.

This was going to be a long training session.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

After a horrendous day of training, picking up Naruto at the academy and dropping him off at home, I was on my way to the shopping district to buy more food with Yagura's - oh let's face it - Obito's money. Along the way, I heard a tiny whimper carried off by the wind.

Naturally, I paused. I then double checked through my memories that I told Naruto to wait at home.

If it's not my kid...

I paused, listening intently until I heard it again. A tiny little whimper. I turned in the direction of the voice. It appeared to be coming from the academy's backyard. I hesitated for a moment before shrugging and entering the area. I followed the quiet sniffles, finding myself face to face with a shockingly bright pink-haired girl.

She looked up at me, her watery eyes widening significantly.

Sakura quickly wiped away at her eyes, sniffling.

I frowned slightly, kneeling down. "Hello there, is something wrong?"

Sakura's bottom lip quivered.

I hesitated, unsure if I should pry or not. I debated for a moment before I decided I might as well. With a small sigh, I sat down next to her.

"You know," I commented, "sometimes it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about your problems than it is with someone you love."

Sakura hesitated, curling in on herself. "N-Nothing's wrong, miss."

"You can call me Mia," I informed her. "And I would definitely say something is wrong if an adorable girl like you is crying all alone."

"I'm not adorable," Sakura whispered, her hands flying up to her forehead.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I beg to differ. What makes you think you aren't?"

"I have a big forehead," Sakura said quietly, her eyes watering.

I gave a melodramatic roll of my eyes before scrutinizing her exaggeratedly. "Hmm, I don't think it's big. It's actually smaller than mine, and you don't think I have a big forehead, do you?"

"No," Sakura replied, her brow furrowed. "But mine's huge!"

"The only way yours can be big is if it was at least bigger than mine. But look," I said, holding up two fingers. I spread them out, measuring the size of her forehead before lifting it up and putting the measurements against my own. "See? Yours is smaller. Who told you that you had a big forehead?"

"A-Ami."

"Then she must be insanely jealous," I decided.

Sakura's eyes widened. "Wh-What?"

"I mean, look at you," I said, gesturing to her. "I mean, seriously. I bet this Ami girl has a boring hair color and boring eyes, am I right?"

Sakura openly gaped at me. "But-But-everyone says-"

"I'm not saying it," I told her. "And I doubt your teachers are saying it. I doubt the older classmen are, I doubt your parents are, I doubt actually any other adult is saying it."

Sakura closed her mouth, her brow furrowing even more so. "But-"

"But nothing," I told her. "You're very cute and if this Ami girl says otherwise, then she's a jealous idiot."

"If I'm-If I-If I'm really like that, then why won't anyone be my friend?" Sakura demanded, her eyes wide with a sort of desperate plea in them.

"Have you tried?"

Sakura closed her mouth, shaking her head.

"I bet if you tried, you'd be surprised," I informed her, smiling. "What class are you in?"

"Mimi-sensei's," Sakura said quietly.

"Not with my son then," I hummed. "Tell you what" I rummaged through my pocket, pulling out a piece of paper and pen. An old habit of mine; it was something my engineering teacher suggested. Every good engineer needs to always keep a writing utensil and something to write on with them, this way any new ideas of inventions or innovations could be written or drawn out immediately. It was a habit and I was glad I kept it.

It was strange writing in Japanese. Really strange. I mean, I knew it, but only because of Obito's ability. The knowledge was there but it was untouched. Imagine a time when you were really little and you used to play all the time with a toy. Imagine that toy being missing for decades before finding it. The memories of that time when you used to obsess over the toy were there, but they were forgotten through time. Finding that toy brought them back, in a way. That's how it felt. As if I had the knowledge my entire life, but was now remembering it.

I knew that wasn't accurate, but it was how it felt like.

I wrote down our address and handed it to her.

"I have a son about your age," I told her. "He'd love to have friends. Trust me. He'd be thrilled. He's usually home for half an hour after school before he leaves for a few hours to train or goof off but he's home again by six-thirty. If you want someone to play with, you can stop by during those times. However if you want someone to listen, or if you want to hang out with me, come by while he's out, okay?"

Sakura stared down at the paper with round eyes. "You mean you-you want to be my friend?"

"Yes," I said. "But please ask for your parents' permission before coming over."

"I-I will!"

"Good," I said, standing up and patting her lightly on the head. "Do you need me to walk you home? It's pretty