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LACEY

I am most definitely, undeniably, thinking about dropping out. We have been back at school for two weeks now and nothing at all has been better. In all honesty I think things have gotten worse. My temper got the best of me when we were at the bar with Christine and Braden and I haven't been out since. Alcohol does nothing but make shit worse between me and everyone else. Julie always tells me that I am just in my head but I don't think so anymore.

Luckily, I have had no more run ins with Christine or Braden since the bar. I chew on the back of pen as I try to understand what is happening in this lecture. I don't even need this class for my major, it's a gen ed. Who even made gen ed's a thing. So stupid and a waste of my money.

I sigh rather loudly making the girl in front of me turn around. I sink further into my seat, self conscious. I wish I had the girls in some of my classes so I wouldn't feel so damn alone all the time. When I am with them they help with that but recently Rae has been busy with cheerleading, Carter is running around like a chicken with their head cutoff, Tori has a busy schedule, and Julie is always in the library. For it only being week two all the girls have so much to do while I am left at the apartment with the cat and dog. Who still don't exactly love each other.

I resist the urge to sigh again as I lean against the uncomfortable chairs of the lecture hall. I am sure these chairs were  comfortable fourth years ago but my ass is currently numb. I push my glasses further up my nose and check the time on my Apple Watch.

Five minutes.

I have five minutes until I can leave. Crap, I have that stupid sorority thing until 9:30 tonight. We have to vote on a new board and I am not excited for it. I question every day why I joined a sorority even though I know why. I have to call her tonight, maybe I'll call her right before so it won't be a long call. I feel my Apple Watch buzz against my wrist and I flip it over.

My eyes bug out of my head. Am I tripping out? I'm definitely sleep deprived or maybe I ate one of Tori's brownies. There's no way he just texted me. I never deleted the white heart that sat next to his name. I just deleted the conversation.

Bray: We need to talk.

What the hell does that mean?

And talk about what exactly?

There's nothing we have to talk about. So what I called Lacey Jr. a bitch, Carter called the Mia chick last year a bitch, slapped a guy, and has almost gotten into multiple fights. She never once has gotten that text. Most of that was because of my own doing but I never meant to do it on purpose.

"What the fuck?" the words fall out of my lips. People turn in their chairs to look at me making me snap my mouth shut and sit up straighter. Oops. I ignore the looks as best as I can and stare at my now dark Apple Watch.

It's because I called his stupid girlfriend a bitch. That has to be what it's about. Has to be. Why else would he be texting me? Not to get back together that's for damn sure. I can't help the flutter in my chest at the thought. I wish I didn't still want to be with him, I want it to disappear.

It just isn't that easy.

The professor ends class and I still haven't responded to the text message. I slam my laptop shut and shove it into my backpack. I beeline out of the classroom and towards my car. This class was further away than usual so I drove. My car is old but I love her. She's a Honda Accord and I got it in high school. My mom almost made me get a new one but she has too many memories to it. Good memories. No college bullshit such as the bullshit waiting on my phone. I grab my keeps from my backpack pocket and head towards the car.

I let out a frustrated groan when I see the bright yellow parking ticket sitting on my windshield. Fuck this day, respectfully. I snatch it annoyed and slide the ticket out of the yellow envelope. Thirty bucks. I unlock my car and throw my backpack and parking ticket into the car roughly. I slam the door shut and lean my head on the steering wheel.

I let out a scream. Out of frustration, anger, and anything else I could possibly be feeling.

•••

I should have screamed louder in the car. It helped, it really did when I pulled up to the sorority house and faked my smile. But then, the judgement came. The reminder of the legacy my mom made and the reminder of her. I never called her but she kept calling me. I shut my off and it has been ever since.

I shove open our apartment door. Sixers' head pops up from the couch before laying back down. The only lights that are on are on kitchen light and our dangling wall lights behind the tv.

Carter's door is open with full light shinning through. I huff loudly walking straight to Carter's room. I know Asher is probably here but her door is wide open. I walk in to see Asher sprawled across her bed with his head in her lap. She's scrolling on her phone  and playing with Asher's hair. He looks like he just got back from practice with his wet hair and eyes closed as he rests his head on her. Carter looks up at me with furrowed eyebrows. She drops her phone next to her with a thud.

"Where's everyone else?" I ask her as Asher makes no movement.

"Asleep beside Rae, she's still at practice. What happened?" she asks sitting up. Asher groans from her lap pushing her back down. I ignore him and head towards the free side of her bed. I shove myself in between the wall and Carter. I lean my head on Carter's shoulder and sigh. Asher opens one eyes and looks confused but doesn't say anything. Typical. Pretty sure he still holds a grudge against me for everything that happened last year

"Guess who texted me?"

"Um that guy from that tailgate?" Carter asks innocently. I wish. "He was hot."

"Watch it," Asher mumbles making Carter roll her eyes. I bite back a laugh as she looks away from me making me raise my eyebrows. She knows.

"You already know? So why did you even try guessing?" I ask her sitting up from her shoulder. She gives me a guilty smile shrugging her shoulders as she looks down at her boyfriend.

"I was hoping, that he didn't actually send it to you," she replies absentmindedly playing with Asher's hair. It's my turn to roll my eyes now. Of course she knew. Braden and her are close so why wouldn't he tell her something like that. Such bullshit.

"Well I'm not going to. Fuck him," I respond aggressively. I don't care if I'm aggressive, we can't be civil, we can't be friends, I don't want anything to do with him. I swear every time I see him we just fight or something goes wrong.

"Lacey, we are all friends you can't just say 'fuck him' and never see him again. What are we suppose to do when we all hang out?" Carter asks.

I'd be back in the same spot I was in before.

"We can't exactly be friends now can we?"

"You guys haven't even tried. All the two of you do is come at each other's necks for literally no reason," Carter fights back. Asher shifts as my eyes glance at him. He's annoyed, well I'm annoyed too, asshole. Asher and I have never gotten along.

"You do realize that you're dating my best friend and I'm dating yours so you kind of have to be nice to me," I tell him matter of factly. Asher scoffs not even looking at me. I don't understand why he hates me, I didn't even do anything for him to hate me.

"Number one, just because I'm dating Carter does not mean I have to like you and number two, you are not dating Braden. Never will," Asher bites back pushing off of the wall. I gawk at him as he heads over to Carter. She giddily wraps her arms around his neck. What the hell?

"What do you mean I haven't tried? I went to the party the first night, I behaved and he chased me. Not the other way around." Carter sighs pinching the bridge of her nose. Asher makes a noise that sounds like a scoff but also a grunt. "What Asher?"

I'm annoyed. This is all so unfair, they are taking Braden's side before even knowing or asking how I feel about all of it.

"But then you went and called Christine a bitch," Carter tries again making me heave a sigh. I slide myself off of the end of her bed not wanting to continue this conversation anymore. I hear Carter sigh, "I'm not defending them but you-"

"I what? Carter spit it out, we both know what you are going to say," I snap at her as Carter flinches. Asher finally sits up from his laying down position and shoots me a deadly stare. But I don't care.

"I think that's fucking enough Lacey. You aren't helping your case right now," Asher snaps at me. Great, adding fuel to that fire.

"All I was trying to say was that if you want to be civil make an effort. You said it yourself that you wanted to be closer with all of the guys, maybe this is your shot," Carter offers up. I roll my eyes at her and walk out of her room. I walk a couple of steps before I stop. Maybe I am being too harsh on Carter. She's defending her friend like she always does. Carter defends all of us. I sigh turning around.

"Why do you let her do that?" Asher grumbles from inside of Carter's room. I skid to a stop. I hear Carter sigh and then movement.

"Asher, give her the benefit of the doubt," Carter states with exhaustion laced within her voice. I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"No, I don't think anything that happened last year or this summer changed anything with her. She still treats you all like-"

"Asher stop. You don't have to be a dick to everyone besides me," Carter snaps at him. Asher grumbles in protest.

"Because I love you, I hate everyone else," he responds to her. I hear her soft loft and then a kiss. I turn around on my feet heading towards my bedroom quietly. Sixer and Julie's cat are curled up on the couch asleep. I head into my room and close the door. Leaning my back against the door I slide down it setting my forehead against my knees.

Fuck. I don't know why I get so defensive with Braden. It's like hitting your funny bone. That weird numb, stars all over feeling but it's uncomfortable and it hurts. Asher's right, I do that all the time with the girls. I deflect and deflect. It's something I get from my mom and I hate it. I need to fix it.

Here we are again, Asher hating me and Carter being on the fence about me. Who doesn't hate me? I angrily grab my phone from my pocket and text him back.

Lacey: don't ever text this number again.


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