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LACEY

Having a whole ass bathroom to get ready in, is absolutely amazing. While I do have to share it with Julie, it's pretty spacious. Rae, Tori, and Carter share a bathroom on the other end, which I know is probably a cluttered mess right now. The boys left a couple hours after Carter's parents left but it was definitely nice seeing them. They always bring some type of fun to the table.

Carter and Rae left after we discussed tonight's plans to the basketball house. Tori, Julie, and I are all getting ready to leave soon. Nicki Minaj is bumping through my speaker as I curl my hair. Julie is in her room doing her makeup, while Tori is looking through my clothing. I take a deep breath in to try to calm the nerves that are building up in my stomach.

Lacey Jr., sorry I mean Christine, is going to be there tonight. The amount of times I stalked her is actually unhealthy. I really hope she does not have the app where it tells you who constantly stalks your Instagram. Carter and Tori are fully convinced that she is the Walmart version of me. Although, I respect their words and try my best to believe them it's hard.

She is skinnier than I am, her boobs are huge, and her hair always seems to be perfect. I am not that skinny, I have average boobs, and my hair is ninety-five percent of the time a mess. I try my best to look perfect so no one really knows how insecure I am.

"Hey Lace, can I wear this top?" Tori asks walking into the bathroom. I turn to look at the top she is holding up, it is a strapless white corset top. I nod my head at her smiling.

"Yeah of course," I say turning back to the mirror. She steps into my view staring at me through the mirror. "What?"

"Alright, what's wrong?" she asks walking past me. She sits down on the toilet leaning against the back of it. I sigh curling the last piece of hair. Do I really want to talk about this now? It could make me feel better but at the same time, do I even want to feel better?

"Is Christine hotter than me?" I ask her as I place my curling iron down. Tori snorts from next to me shaking her head. I sound like the crazy ex-girlfriend and Braden and I didn't even date. Fuck.

"You're joking, right? Lace, she definitely got a boob job and she screams fake," Tori says as I turn to look at her. She frowns when she sees my face. I probably look like a nervous and insecure mess. Maybe, I should just stay home and not go. "Lacey White, what has gotten into you?"

"Braden. He just won't get out of my head and I feel so out of place it's insane. You all are so close with the guys and I am just there," I tell her truthfully. Her frown deepens on her perfect caramel skin.

"The guys don't know you well enough yet and ignore Asher. He is a dick to everyone besides Carter," Tori says making me roll my eyes. I feel like the only thing they will remember me as is the girl who screwed over their teammate. Which I did.

"Asher is nice to all of you, he just hates me," I sigh leaning my back against the counter. It's not even like I need him to like me. It's the fact that I wish I wasn't a wimp who can't look him in the eyes and just apologize.

"He doesn't necessarily hate you," she says chewing on her lip. Tori is a horrible liar and I can tell because she never looks at you. "Okay fine, you aren't his favorite person but he's just stubborn."

"I know, whatever. I just need to get my shit together and look hot tonight," I sigh wiping my hands on my sweatpants. "Right? Tonight should be fine."

"I- well I sure hope so. You're going to need to ask Julie for a more positive answer," she says honestly. Which I appreciate, Tori is the most straight up person you will ever meet. She tells it how it is without any problem. I respect that about her so much.

"No I appreciate it," I laugh nodding my head at her. I reach across the counter and unplug my curling iron.

She smiles standing up, "Let's find you something hot and let's crank Rae's bad bitch playlist."

I nod my head laughing as she leads me out of the bathroom to my room. Julie runs out of her room posing for the two of us.

"Yay or nay?" she asks giving us a twirl. Julie is wearing black ripped mom jeans paired with a gold sequined top. Tori and I both nod our heads looking over her.

"Yay!" we both exclaim. As she smiles at us brightly. Her brown hair is straightened and she looks adorable, as usual. Julie and I have been friends since high school. We both went to school in South Carolina and have been best friends ever since. She introduced me to the girls once she moved in. We didn't room together because I committed here too late to be her roommate.

I was planning on going to Clemson because my mom went there and she wanted me to have the same life. So, that was the reason why I switched. She wasn't the happiest about it but she lives with it.

"What are you guys wearing?" she asks looking in between Tori and I.

"I have no idea," I say in all honesty. I check my phone clock and my eyes widen. Carter and Rae are going to kill us. It's 7:30 and we told them we would be there by 8. I was hoping to take some shots before we left maybe finish off a seltzer but it's looking unlikely.

"Lacey's top and leather pants with boots," Tori says swinging the top I lent her in her hands.

"Okay we have to leave here in ten so everyone chop chop," Julie says clapping her hands. I chuckle as I walk into my room. I am thankful I did my makeup before I did my hair as I walk towards my closet. I flip through my tops trying to find one. I want to just be Lacey tonight. Not worry about anyone else especially Braden and his girl. If that's what you want to even call her.

I pull out a white lace top and toss it onto my bed. I hear footsteps entering my room and glance back to see Tori. She has put everything on and she looks absolutely amazing.

"You're hot," I say bending down to grab a pair of jeans.

"That's you, babe," she says making me laugh. I pull out a pair of blue jeans and toss them onto the bed too. "I love this top!"

"I think I got it from Urban, check the tag," I tell her making my way to grab the jeans. I change out of my shorts and into them as quick as I can. Tori inspects the shirt before hands it over.

"You're good after this?" she asks getting off of my bed. I nod my head at her as she smiles walking out of the room probably to tell Julie. My stomach is churning at the thought of going there.

Lacey, relax.

I take a deep breath tossing my sweatshirt onto the bed and laying it next to my shorts. I slide the top on and glance at myself in the mirror. I ruffle my hair and nod my head.

I can totally do this.

I totally cannot do this. We are walking right up to the house in large strides. I stop walking when I see the front of their house. I haven't been back here since last year. It's somehow different but the same. I feel someone come up to stand beside me and look down to see Julie. Tori continues walking happily up the steps and trust me, if things were different right now I would walk my happy ass up those stairs no problem. Tori has been stopped on the patio by one of their teammates and is chatting with him.

Julie squeezes my hand and gives me a soft smile of encouragement. I don't know how Julie does it all the time. She never ever isn't putting on a smile for you or being comforting it's almost like having a mom. A mom who doesn't push you around and make you feel like shit.

"You got this and if you don't we can always go to Q's frat," Julie says nodding her head towards the door. I nod my head at her squeezing her hand back.

"You're right. I'm good though, I promise."

I can't tell if I am lying or telling the truth as Julie makes her steps to the house. I take one last breath glancing at the window to Braden's room before heading into the house. It's not loud yet but Pop Smoke plays through the speakers making me wince. Rap has never been my thing but Braden gave me a playlist of rap to get me into it. I listened to it all the time.

I don't listen to it anymore.

I shake my head from the thoughts and swerve into the kitchen before anyone can see me. I need alcohol if I am going to survive this night without bursting into tears.

"Lace! Shots!" Carter yells holding a shot glass full of Pink Whitney. I grab it quickly from her and slug it back. Trey and Jeremy both make loud noises as I slam the shot glass back down onto the counter for more.

"Oh god, this is how every bad night ever starts," Jeremy says shaking his head. I ignore him and throw another shot back as I hear Rae yell at Jeremy. Jeremy and Trey hop off of the counter and head my way. Asher and Robbie both stand off in the corner talking to a few guys. On the other side are jersey chasers and a couple of juniors on the team.

"Hi Lacey," Trey says pulling me into a side hug. I hug him back nodding my head at him. He smells good and I am kind of pissed at myself that I didn't go for Trey instead of Braden. But, Trey is all Julie's. That is if they ever admit to each other that they actually like each other. Jeremy hugs me and does the same as Julie walks through the door. I take note of the way Trey's eyes check out Julie and smirk.

"Jules," Trey says wrapping her up in a bear hug. She giggles as Carter excitedly claps her hand. Asher goes behind Carter glancing in my direction as Carter hands me what I think is a mixed drink.

"What is this?" I ask Carter looking at the orange colored drink.

"Mio and Titos," Carter responds taking a sip out of her open cup. She leans her body back against Asher and he wraps a protective arm around her waist. I take a sip from the cup and taste the Titos. My face twists up in disgust.

"Holy sh- are you trying to kill me?" I cough trying to hand her back the drink. She goes to say something again but a loud voice cuts her off. I notice how Robbie, Rae, Asher, and Carter exchange glances between each other.

"I mean it wouldn't be a horrible thing to get you drunk," Carter mumbles as Rae punches her in the shoulder. Julie nervously chews on her straw looking behind me. I turn around and resist the urge for my jaw to drop. She looks like me. I am so hotter but she looks like me.

Honestly, I'm glad I got caught off guard on a good day or maybe I wouldn't be hotter than her.

Either way, what the actual fuck is happening.

Deep breathes, I just need to breath and walk away from this because I don't need to be involved in this. I turn back around quickly hoping they didn't see me staring as I offer up the best smile I can.

"Well," Rae says grabbing my arm. "Let's go meet some freshman, shall we?"

I hold up a finger towards her bringing the cup to my lips. While the drink tastes like straight vodka, I need it. I cannot handle being here sober right now. I chug as much of the drink as I can without throwing up. I remove it from my mouth as Julie attaches herself to my other arm.

"Let's go," I say nodding my head at them. They offer me smiles as they drag me away from the kitchen. I can't help but steal a glance back and my eyes meet his. It's like every romance movie, book, what have you, when the two main characters eyes meet. His dark brown eyes are focused on me but the trope all comes crumbling down when his eyes narrow. He hates me, this isn't a stupid movie.

Lacey, walk away.

I feel a tug on my arm and finally breakaway from his harsh stare. I let Julie and Rae drag me through the kitchen door towards the living room. The furniture has been pushed against the wall clearing the area for the party. There isn't that many people here yet but there is a good amount. The pong table is setup in its usual spot but there is another table setup with red Solo cups on it while the tv plays ESPN.

The kitchen door opens again making my stomach drop. I whip around and sigh in relief when I see Trey and Jeremy.

"Flip cup!" Trey yells clapping his hands excitedly. I can't help the laugh that falls from my lips as him and Jeremy guides us towards the table with the red Solo cups. All the newbies, I assume because I never have seen them here before, walk to the table to. I gag a little when I see the Four Lokos they are holding.

"Lokos remind me of high school," Rae says making the same face that I am. I nod my head in agreement as I dump some of my drink into the empty red solo cup. Trey and Jeremy separate the teams so Rae and I are on Jeremy's team while Tori and Julie are on Trey's team.

"Alright bitches, half cup," Trey claps his hands excitedly. My eyes nearly bug out of my head.

"I'm sorry what did you just say?" I ask him as everyone turns to look in my direction. He gives me a 'duh' look. What does he mean 'duh'? I don't drink like a fish, I am not Carter Miller after all.

"Half cup," he says like it's so easy. Julie is looking at him too with a look of concern.

"We are not doing half cup, Trey," Julie states with a disgusted look. I can tell the freshman standing next to me are hoping we win this argument. By looks of their faces, the Four Lokos are not going well for them.

"Oh for fucks sake people one round of half cup!" Trey exclaims throwing his hands up. I chuckle at him but catch sight of that dark hair I know. I can't help it as my eyes drag towards him. Lacey Jr. is hanging off of him as she speaks animatedly to Carter. Who looks like she's going to rip her head off.  Braden looks just as bored with his eyes trailing over his pregame. My breath gets caught in my throat as his dark eyes meet my blue ones. Why does this keep happening?

It's like the world is taunting me because he isn't mine anymore. I don't think he ever was but here he is right in front of me and I can't have him any more. 

"Bray!"

I take a couple steps back and my world starts spinning. It isn't the alcohol, it isn't the fact that he's staring at me like he's trying to tell me something, it's the fact she called him Bray. 

"Lace? You good?" Julie asks looking at me concerned. I swallow thickly nodding my head tearing my eyes away from him. I clear my throat glancing at the group, who are still concerned about what type of flip cup we are playing.

"Uh- yeah I just need a second," I tell her. Not a lie but if I told her why I needed one she would come with me. Julie's just like that and I need to be alone right now. I don't grab my drink as I make my way towards the back hallway where the guest rooms are. I can feel my chest tightening as I lean agains the wall. I just need to calm down it's just a name.

A name he never let anyone else use besides me.

I squeeze my eyes shut taking a deep breath. Don't cry, don't cry, don't-

"Lacey."

Oh great.

"Absolutely not," I say pushing off of the wall opening my eyes. He's already looking at me, his face neutral. Braden has a way of making it look like nothing bothers him.

"Hold on, I didn't even say anything," he says leaning against the opposite wall. I don't respond shooting him a glare before trying to move away. He stops me holding his arm out. I sigh looking at him.

"You didn't have to so let's just not do this right now," I practically plead with him. He doesn't move though because he's annoying like that. Just doesn't know when to stop pushing.

"Why'd you walk away?"

"Why'd I walk away? God, you're so stupid," I laugh at him making him step back. Now he finally shows some type of emotion.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asks looking pissed. I do not miss this. Him fighting me all the fucking time.

"I- I called you Bray. I mean it shouldn't even matter, I shouldn't even care," I ramble holding a hand to my forehead. I sound pathetic I know I do but I don't care. I see something flash in Braden's eyes as I intake a sharp breath. I wipe my palms on my jeans shaking my head at him. This is like karma all over. I am always crying here and this is why I never come here. I cry every fucking time and I hate it.

"Lacey-"

"No it's fine Braden, it's fine," I snap at him. I say his true name as though it's something gross on my tongue and it is. I don't own the right to call him Bray, ever again. I have to live with that I can't be mad at him. His eyes wander over my face looking for something but I stay neutral. "Have a good night."

I don't bother looking at his reaction or turning around. I hear him calling after me but I make a beeline out the door. Down the hall straight down the stairs and out the door. I can walk to our apartment and I'll just text the girls.

I guess my therapist and I have lots to discuss.


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