Bella and I had been sitting in my car for the last 15 minutes.

There was no music playing, there was no talking. It was mostly silent, except for the small purr of the car engine. I could tell she was thinking the same thing that I was; we didn't want to go. Yet, we had to.  We didn't have a choice, but we simply didn't know how to exist without Isla. How could we drive past her house and not stop to pick her up?How could we go to Grady's and get our coffee but only order up two cups? How could we push through the doors and walk through the halls knowing that there was an empty space beside us?

I looked down at the clothes that I was wearing, a perfectly matched outfit that Bella had insisted I put on. It came along with her insistence of her doing my hair and my make up. If I had my choice, I would've gone to school exactly how I woke up this morning. I wouldn't care that I didn't look good. I didn't care about anything.

Bella said we had more chance of feeling like ourselves if we looked like ourselves. I don't think she believed that, I think she simply didn't know what else to do. Neither of us were equipped to deal with this. Neither of us ever thought we would have to. I think Bella was simply searching for anything she could do to try and control one single aspect of how this day would go.

I let out a sigh, finally putting my hands on the steering wheel. As I pulled my car out of my driveway, I deliberately turned the opposite direction from the way I would usually turn. Bella only looked at me for a split second with confusion, before her face turned into a look of understanding. I simply couldn't drive past Isla's house.

We didn't listen to music on the way there, as we usually do. I hesitated when we drove past Grady's, the addiction to their sweet caffeine calling out from my blood, but I didn't turn in. Frankly, I didn't know if I'd ever be able to drink there again. Because I knew, when I drank their coffee I'd remember the first time we tried it.

It was Isla's idea to go there, and Bella and I had protested. We wanted to get Starbucks, like we used to do every morning. Isla didn't want to tell us why she wanted to suddenly go to the small locally owned coffee shop, but we finally dragged it out of her in the end. She had a crush on the boy who worked the cash register.

Everything in my life related back to Isla, in one way or another. Even the simplest of things drew back a memory of her. And, although I cherished those memories, I almost wished they weren't attached to everything, because that meant everything was painful.

I heard Bella release a breath of air from her lungs as we turned into the school parking lot. In a way, it felt like it did when you return to school after a long summer break. A part of you had forgotten it's existence, and while you feel like everything about you is different, you're slightly shocked to see that it still stands exactly the way it stood when you left it.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Bella hummed out, and I could tell she was trying to portray the small ounce of hope she felt in her tone.

"Maybe," I agreed, though I was lying. I knew it was going to be bad. I knew it was going to hurt.

Have you ever had to go to school after knowing there was a particularly damaging rumour that was being spread about you? You know what's going to happen as soon as you push through those doors. Everyone is going to be looking at you, and talking about you. It causes a pit of both anxiety and dread to form in your stomach, but there's nothing you can do to avoid walking through those halls.

That's how I felt, as we entered the school. I reached out and grabbed Bella's hand, holding it tightly in my own. The hall that was abuzz with conversation seemed to instantly quiet as we took our first steps into the buildings. I wanted to lower my head, I wanted to look down at the ground, but Bella's grip on my hand told me not to. I looked ahead of me instead, trying not to react to the way people were staring at us.

It's the same way our parents stared at us when they thought we weren't looking, or our tutor. They pitied us, and I hated it.

I felt Bella's movements come to a halt beside me, and I looked sideways at her, trying to decipher what was wrong. Her eyes were deadlocked on something, focused like a laser. Whatever she was looking at, it caused her eyes to water with tears. I followed her gaze, finding what she saw immediately.

Isla's locker was decorated, completely covered in what looked like fake white daises. There were cards and notes taped to it, pieces of paper cut out in hearts. I stood motionless, just like Bella, running my eyes over the tribute. It was nice, I guess, for people to do. The problem was, it didn't feel like Isla at all.

"Let's just go," I whispered to Bella, pulling on her hand as I began to walk past our lockers and continue down the hallway. I was acutely aware of the way people were staring at us now, they weren't even trying to hide it.

Bella nodded, following me without hesitation. Our morning went by quickly, and I was thankful that we had each other in both of the classes. Our teachers didn't call on us, they didn't seem to care that we didn't have our books or anything from our lockers. We didn't go to cafeteria at lunch, nor did we go to the spot outside that we usually went to. We sat in my car instead, our lunches laying untouched on the dash in front of us.

I closed my eyes as we heard the faint sound of the bell, cursing myself for not parking far enough away that it would be mute to our ears. This was the part I was dreading most of all, where Bella and I had to separate. She had science, while I had photography.

"I'll meet you outside your classroom when we're done, okay?" I muttered to Bella, who I noticed had become more withdrawn than she had been this morning. She hadn't said a word in the past hour.

After she nodded, and walked away in the opposite direction, I took a deep breath. I walked into the class, my eyes on the floor as I made my way to the back of the class. No one tried to speak to me, I think they all knew it as much as I did. The only person I could bare talking to, was Bella.

The teacher started talking, but I didn't listen to her words. My brain was stuck. It wasn't stuck on anything in particular, it was like it was empty. But at the same time, it was so full. It was simultaneously both, a deafening silence.

I shook myself back to reality as I saw my classmates begin rising to their feet, switching seats. I didn't know why they were doing that, until I saw Chase.

He was walking towards me, slowly. He looked the same, only his hair was a little longer. His eyes though, they were infinitely different. He wasn't looking at me the way he usually looked at me, with curiously and hesitancy. He eyes were pained as they focused on me. I could almost feel his sadness. Which was surprising, because I was sure my own sadness was too much to leave room for anyone else's.

"Indie, you're back," Chase said simply, his voice almost a whisper as he sat beside me.

I could tell you that I didn't think about Chase at all, in my month of grief. That would be a lie, however, because I did. He popped up through my pain, through my sorrow, but only for seconds at a time. Only brief wonders about him, what he was doing, how he was.

"Yeah," I hummed out, attempting to smile at him. I don't know if it worked, I think my mouth had forgotten how to do that.

"How are you?" Chase asked, but he seemed to instantly regret it. "I mean, that was probably a stupid question. What I meant to say, Indie, was that I'm sorry for your loss. Isla was a nice person, the world is worse without her."

I didn't answer at first, my mind tossing his words around. Though usually people's apologies for my loss only irritated me, his didn't for some reason.

"You're right," I breathed out, nodding. "The world is worse without her."

Chase opened his mouth, about to say something, but he was interrupted by Mrs. Wilson.

"Hey, you two," she said, her voice was soft. She smiled at Chase, before focusing on me. "Hi, Indie. I hope you're doing okay. Listen, I've already spoken to Chase about this, but I figured I would explain it to you as well. The project is due this week, but I understand due to certain circumstances that you weren't able to complete it in time. So, you have a three week extension to complete it. Do you think you'll be able to complete the work in that time, Indie?"

My eyes had begun to water at her words, her reference to death of my best friend as simply certain circumstances caused the sadness to bloom again. I couldn't answer, in fear of my voice cracking with emotion, so I simply nodded my head.

She gave me another soft smile, and she reached out to gently touch my shoulder before leaving.

I instantly looked at the ceiling, hoping that would be enough to persuade the water in my eyes not to fall. I refused to cry in public, in school, where I knew everyone would talk about it.

"Do you need a break, Indie?" Chase asked, seemingly noticing my emotion.

I shook my head, bringing my hands up to the skin beneath my eyes, pulling the skin down to create a pocket for my tears.

"I tried to do as much as I could on the project by myself, Indie, but listen, I understand if you don't want to do it at all. We can figure something else out, we can change our subject and our theme," Chase continued, rushing the words out.

"Start from scratch? We don't have time," I told him, shaking my head again. "It's okay, Chase. I can do it."

"Okay, Indie. Whatever you want," Chase replied, and we locked eyes. He seemed to mean his words, by the way he was looking at me.

We simply stared at each other for a second, and I wasn't sure why. Chase looked back at me, he didn't say anything. The bell ringing caused us both to jump, as everyone around us rose to their feet. I broke eye contact quickly, looking back down at my desk.

I was about to to stand up, and leave the classroom, when a panicked Asher running into the room stopped me. The look on his face was enough to make my stomach turn, and I panicked.

"Indie," he called, looking around until he found me. He didn't move to me, he just frantically waved like he wanted me to come to him. "Indie! You need to come..."

"What?" I gasped, standing to my feet. The tone he was using was scaring me.

"Just come, please," Asher rushed out. "It's Bella."