Chapter 23

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My phone begins buzzing. I open my eyes to find myself on the floor. Did I roll off the couch? I rub my heavy eyes slowly before sitting up. I think locate my cell phone, that sits beside my feet.

"Hello?" I yawn, sitting up in my plaid pyjama bottoms and a white tank top.

"I had to leave early this morning" Hank starts, "I have Elijah and three of his brothers with me, Audrey is still at the house with Noah and Evelyn"

I furrow my brows. How does he have their names already memorized? Perhaps because he's a teacher?

"Where's um uh...what's his name?" I draw a blank, rubbing my eyes to correct my vision.

"Jacob is a sleep...you both have a free period this morning," he tells me.

Firstly how does he know that I have a free this morning? And how the hell am I getting to school if Hank has the car?

"How will we get to school?" I question, standing up slowly.

The hallways are quiet, but once I make it to the kitchen, I see four-year-old Noah, and baby Evelyn sitting around the kitchen table.

"Take my car" Hank says, "I'm in Elijah's van at the moment"

"Okay, see you later," I nod before ending the phone call.

"Good morning" Audrey greets with a wide smile.

"Good morning" I smile, looking at Noah and Evelyn, who sits around the kitchen table. "Did you guys sleep okay?"

"We slept well thank you," Audrey assures, "and don't worry, the nanny is on her way, she's going to take them home"

Home? But it's not safe. Their a dad is still there.

"Home? But isn't your father-" I immediately protest.

"He's left town" she looks down at the boys.

Thank God.

"Hi" Noah greets me with a bright grin.

"Hi, what do you have there?" I glance at his car figurine, that he holds in his hand while eating his lucky charm cereal.

"Noah use your spoon" Audrey begs.

"My car" Noah holds up his figurine to show me.

He reminds me so much of Brandon. He was obsessed with car figurines, then eventually, his obsession became mine.

"Wow, do you know the make?" I raise a brow curiously.

"No" he shakes his head.

"Hmmm well let me see" I hold my hand out, "may I?"

"Sure" he nods, giving me the figurine carefully.

I then start examining the car slowly.

"It's an American Nostalgia classic, from the nineteen twenties. almost one hundred years old...it's handmade, made of steel...the Width is probably about thirty-five cm, height is approx eleven cm, depth fifteen cm...this car is an antique" my eyes widen.

"Wow" Noah's eyes light up.

"You sure know a lot about cars" Audrey smiles at me.

"Little brothers will do that to you" I blurt out just as Thomas enters the room in his grey T-shirt and blue plaid pyjama bottoms.

Sometimes, I let things slip. I don't mean them too, it just kind of happens.

"Jah um uh" Baby Evelyn points at me.

My lips stretch to a peaceful smile while looking into the babies bright blue eyes.

"Do you want to hold her?" Audrey asks me.

Thomas shoots me a sad look from under the door frame, making me gulp down hard. I feel pitied by Thomas. I hate that.

"No, thank you" I shake my head. "I know a lot about little boys...nothing about little girls"

Unfortunately, that wasn't a lie. I didn't know my daughter long enough to learn about them.

"Okay" Audrey nods before glaring at her brother, "Noah please use the spoon that I gave you"

I walk to the counter where the coffee machine sits. Thomas walks to my side immediately.

"Did you sleep with your contacts on?" Thomas asks in a hushed tone, as I pour myself a cup of coffee.

I couldn't take them off with people here. What would they think if they saw me go to bed with blue eyes and wake up with brown?

"They're extended wear" I explain simply, "I can leave them on for seven days"

He nods.

A moment of silence follows.

"You slipped" he whispers.

"What?" I furrow my brows.

"You slipped up" Thomas continues.

I didn't hold the baby. If I did then I probably would have said something I shouldn't or perhaps cry, but I didn't.

"I didn't hold the baby" I roll my eyes.

"No, but you mentioned Brandon" he clenches his jaw in fear.

I just said little brother, as far as they know I could have been talking about Thomas.

I shake my head.

"They don't know anything" I sigh "I could have been talking about you"

"I'm a bike man" he corrects.

"Well, how are they gonna know that?" I cock a brow at Thomas.

"Touche" he nods.

Being around Audrey and the baby is hard for me. I miss my own child and my kid brother. What I would do to get them back.

"I was exactly like her" I struggle to admit while looking at Audrey, "I practically raised Brandon"

"I know you did" he nods.

"I want to pick up that baby and pretend....but I can't because...I know exactly what I'm doing when it comes to babies and they can't know that...they'll ask questions and I can't answer them....because Emma Fitzgerald has no younger siblings and no children" I feel my eyes begin to water.

"You need to get your shit together" he whispers sharply into my ear, his warm breath moving down my neck. "we only get five days a year to feel sorry for ourselves....my birthday, yours, hers, his, and Christmas Eve...that's it....today is not one of those days"

Uh yes Christmas eve. Its going to be hard to avoid this year. We have friends who are going to ask questions about what happened that night. We can't tell them the truth.

"What are we gonna do Christmas eve?" I look up at him.

"Same as we always" he shrugs.

Dark day. The one day where we hide in our bedrooms and do absolutely nothing but grieve. My dark day is basically just recounting the events that happened the day Liam died. Going over all the what's if's until I feel like I've sent my self crazy.

"Imagine what would have happened if Hank bought the Christmas groceries on time...you all wouldn't have been out that morning-" I start.

"I don't even want to think about it" he shakes his head violently.

If we were all home that day then things could have been a lot worse. Maybe we all would have been dead instead of just Liam.

"The nanny is here" Audrey announces, "so um I'll get ready for school"

"Good idea," I tell her, my gaze still on Thomas who takes a step away from me.

***

"Do you think Mr Carlton would let me use the gym before class?" I ask.

"Who?" Thomas cocks a brow while I park Hanks car in the schools staff parking lot.

"He's the gym teacher" Audrey responds while we jump out of the car, "and yeah I think he would...he's really really nice"

"If I see him, I'll ask him" I declare.

"Why do you wanna use the gym?" Thomas questions.

The three of us slowly enter the schools building.

"I want to use the exercise bike" I announce.

"Why?" He questions.

"It's a great way to clear the mind" Audrey smiles "see ya" she waves as going down a hallway on the right.

She's a nice girl. To bad she has it rough. Her family deserve the best.

"Bye" I smile as Thomas walks beside me.

"That reminds me" Thomas stops in his tracks "Tommy wanted Willow and me to help her carry something out of his car"

"Really? You and Willow?" I raise a brow.

"Apparently Willow is pretty strong for a girl" he smirks.

"Oh I don't doubt it" I shake my head "but does Tommy know that you're pretty weak for a boy?"

"Shut up whore" he half smiles "I'll catch you later"

Whore is just a pet name. He doesn't mean anything by it. So I don't get offended.

"Bye" with that I continue walking down the hallway alone, with many humans walking around me. Once I arrive at my locker, I open the combination lock and swing the door open. "How long are you gonna stand there?"

"For as long as I feel like it" Kyle informs as standing beside me with an annoying smirk.

"Kyle please leave me alone" I beg as shutting my locker door.

I'm not going to tell anyone his stupid secret. He needs to chill.

"Is there a problem here Miss Fitzgerald?" I hear a voice question from beside me.

I turn to my left to see my Gym teacher, Mr Carlton. Oh thank God.

"I am uh going now," Kyle says before leaving my sight.

Good. Bye bye.

"Thank you so much, Mr Carlton" I thank him.

"That kid is a punk" he shakes his head violently.

"Agreed" I nod, before signing in relief.

"We have a class first period, correct?" He asks.

"Yeah yeah we do" I nod.

"Well I'll see you then, tell me if Mr Johnson gives you any more trouble" he says.

Believe me I will.

"Will do...uh actually Mr Carlton...I was thinking..." I start.

"Yes?" He raises a brow.

"Would it be okay for me to go to the gym?" I ask "I just want to use the equipment before class"

"Yeah I guess that that would be alright" he nods as pulling out a single key "I will need this back"

"Yes yes of course" I smile as he gives me the key "thank you"

"Well, you're welcome Miss Fitzgerald... Anything for Lachlan's daughter" he smiles "now if you will excuse me, I have places to be"

"Of course" I nod.

"I'll see you later" with that he leaves my sight.

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