48| it's because of you

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The raindrops slowly fell down the glass window in my room as the thunder growled intensely in the distance. I was currently curled up in my bed with Connery and a good book with a comforter that didn't warm me up as much as I would've liked.

I silently cursed myself for not grabbing a white fluffy blanket that was sitting in my desk chair across the room, but I refused to get up and get it. Not because I was too lazy to walk across the room, but because Connery looked so peaceful sleeping as soft snores escaped his lips. His hair was messed up covering part of his eyes, his mouth was somewhat agape with his chest rising and falling in slumber. I was freezing but I didn't want to wake him up.

Yesterday was a tough day for him, in the end, he got the closure he deserved but deep down I knew he wished things could've been different. The conversation he had with his dad wasn't a conversation of reconciliation, instead, it was one filled with goodbyes. And as much as Connery still needed to heal the wounds his dad inflicted on him in the past, I knew that he wasn't ready to say goodbye to his dad again.

My eyes faintly left him as he peacefully slept next to me. I memorized his beautiful features and the way a small dimple popped out on his right cheek every time he slightly curved his lips while he slept. I admired his defined muscles and the Olympics tattoo that was inked on his right bicep. He got that one a few days ago. I told him to wait until next year right before the Olympics but he was adamant about getting the rings tattoo on his bicep. And who was I to stop him? I have my methods of persuasion but not even those worked. At least not this time.

After thirty minutes and eighty pages later of Colleen Hoover's, It Ends With Us, Connery woke up. His right hand searched for me under the covers and they landed on my inner thigh. "Hola hermoso,"

"Hola preciosa," Connery mumbled back as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked as I slipped my hand into his. A smile curved on his pink-tinted lips as he scooted closer to me. "I was reading to you and you barely lasted ten minutes before you fell asleep."

Connery lets out a small laugh. "I did, especially since I got to sleep next to you. And baby girl, I promise that it wasn't you. I was just beat from today's practice."

"I know," I offer him a smile. "I was just messing with you."

Connery pouted at me with very pleading eyes that went down from my eyes to my lips. I leaned pressing my lips to his, answering his somewhat subtle suggestion as he smiled into the kiss. I scooted into his lap, our lips still connected. He deepened the kiss and his hands went up from my hips to my ass, I knew this was more than just an innocent kiss. I ran my hands through his hair as he ran his thumbs across my face, finally resting on my jawbone. When he pulled my face closer to his, his hands wandered across my body as his tongue began to lick into my mouth. My tongue began to dance with his as he proceeded to massage my hips.

He dug his fingers into the skin at my side as he nipped and licked my already swollen lips. His kisses were warming me up much better than that white fluffy blanket ever could as my core began to get heated and wet. As I shifted my hips, I felt him stir beneath me letting me know he was just if not more affected by the now heated make-out session.

Being the tease that I know he loves and hates, I playfully pulled back getting a reaction out of him. "Where do you think you're going señorita?"

"The kitchen," I reply and Connery gives me a "no you aren't" look. "I'm getting kind of hungry. I was thinking about cooking pasta or maybe a steak."

"Dinner can wait," Connery says firmly. "Now that I had a taste, baby girl, I need to have all of you."

Connery leaned in to kiss me again, mumbling "I want you fucking call out my name tonight baby girl" against my lips. He slid up his right hand up my body covering one of my breasts as I rocked my hips slowly over him, giving rise to friction between the two of us.

He moved his lips down to my neck sucking on my soft spot, teasing my breasts as he whispered the things he was planning to do to me in my ear. The raspy tone of his voice was making arousal pool in my lace panties. He bit his teeth against my skin making me let out a loud moan. I slid off his lap, tugging Connery's oversized hoodie off of me and letting it fall on the wooden floor. His eyes never left my body as his hands foozled with the drawstring on his grey sweatpants.

I was standing on my knees in my bed when Connery began to run his hands over my half-naked body. He unhooked my lace bra (one of his favorites) and then he proceeded to leave kisses all the way down to the string of my panties. With his teeth Connery slid my panties down my legs, successfully removing them and throwing them to the floor. "You're so fucking breath taking baby girl."

Connery took his time exploring my body with his hands before he finally breathed out, "I need to be inside of you, now."

He had already removed his boxers by the time I was back on top of him. I lifted my hips, guiding the head of cock against my heat. I moved him against me with the ridge of his head hitting my clit with every long slow stroke. "Fuck!" I breathed out.

I lined him up to my entrance, allowing the head of his cock to slip into me before I moved my hands to his shoulders. I let heavy breaths come out in gasps and loud moans as I buried my face into his neck. His hands roamed my hips, lowering me slowly onto him. Connery groaned as he picked my hips back up, lowering my back at a painful yet satisfying slow pace. "I want you to fucking call out my name baby girl, call out my name."

"Connery, baby!" I moaned as I lifted myself and dropped back down on him again, each time faster and deeper than before. "Fuck!"

Connery quickened the pace, rolling my hips over him in slow motions. His lips kissed my neck sloppily and leaving marks in the process. This boy will be the death of me, I thought to myself. As Connery sped up the motion he brought us both into a state of pure bliss. Moans and swears tumbled out of our mouths. "Baby girl, you feel so good."

Loud whimpers escaped my mouth as Connery stroked a certain spot, our favorite spot. His stomach began to tremble, shallow breathes and wines escaped his lips. The way his right hand dug into my skin harder while his other hand burned out on my clit, pushed me to come while he desperately held his self together. "Fuck Connery, I'm so fucking close." I panted heavily as I arched my back.

"Baby girl," Connery said as his teeth briefly nipped at my nipple. "Tell me, tell me how fucking good I make you feel."

At this moment Connery picked up the pace even more and I could feel myself coming undone as I tried to desperately hold on. My legs began to shake. "Baby, you make me feel so fucking good!"

After I mumbled those last words I came undone instantly around him. With loud moans, I pulsed around him. Panting and digging my nails into his broad shoulders. That sent him over the edge making him fill me with his cum. He threw his head back in pure bliss, eyes completely shut with his mouth hanging wide open. Little jolts of pleasure went through my body as Connery was still inside of me.

He fluttered his eyes open and as he ran his fingers through my spine, he gently kissed my forehead. I turned my gaze to him and as I cupped his face in my hands, I planted a soft sweet kiss on his lips. "Are you up for round two in the shower?"

I playfully smirk and whisper into his ear. "Why don't you come with me and find out?"

After Connery and I "showered", we decided to cook dinner together. Connery was standing near the stove shirtless with only a pair of grey sweatpants on. I was cutting up the ingredients to make the marinara sauce that would go with the pasta with only one piece of clothing on. Connery's BGU sweatshirt. Those were the perks of being 5'4 and dating a 6'4 breaststroke swimmer. The sweatshirt fits me like a dress.

Connery had poured two glasses of my favorite wine, into two wine glasses we had stored on the cabinets. He also connected his phone to a small speaker Peyton and I kept on the kitchen island for our somewhat crazy karaoke nights while we cooked dinner.

I was sipping my glass of wine when Vienna by Billy Joel started playing in the small speaker. My eyes instantly lit up and Connery's lips curved into a smile because he knew it was one of my all-time favorite songs (along with Uptown Girl of course). "Slow down you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile"

"But then if you're so smart tell me. Why are you still so afraid?" Connery sang back to me as he pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out." I sing as Connery and I begin to slow dance to the song. I lean in to peck Connery's lips and he smiles into the kiss, his lips tasting like the bottle of Chardonnay sitting on the countertop.

"You got so much to do and only," Connery pecks my lips once again. "So many hours in a day (Ay)."

"I know that maybe you don't want to talk about it, but I need to ask," I say as the music keeps playing in the background. Connery must've known what I was talking about because he gave me a reassuring look. "How are you doing with everything that happened yesterday?"

"Honestly," Connery pauses. "I feel okay, for the first time in a long time, I can finally say that I made peace with that chapter of my past."

A smile curves on my lips as I hear Connery talk. He blamed himself for the longest time thinking it had something to do with him, with his family, when all this time it was the complete opposite. You can't carry the burden of other people's choices when their actions speak of who they are not of who you are. And I think Connery understood that yesterday. "I'm so happy to hear that precioso, you deserved to have the chance to close that chapter of your life."

"I did," Connerys says. "I would've loved for it to have been sooner though. I know that it will take time for me to heal all of my wounds. And before I can attempt to have a relationship with him, I have to heal. I just wish we had more time."

"It's true, but you can always start somewhere," I tell Connery. "You already took the first step in the healing process. And I know time is not on your side, but it's the little things you know. You don't have to let him in completely."

"I know," Connery says. "I don't know why, but it just sort of came out while we were talking about this season. I invited him to our next meet. The semi-finals are going to be here so I thought it would be nice for him to come since I know he won't be able to see me in Tokyo. I'm not sure if he'll come, but I extended the invitation."

"I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world." I smile reassuring Connery. "I mean, did you get a good look at his office?"

Connery lets out a laugh. "Yes, I did." He pauses. "I don't know what will happen in the next couple of months. And I don't know when I will be getting that call. But in the end, I'm just glad I listened to mom and Emma for once, I can be a little prideful at times, and that clouds my judgment."

"Just a little?" I tease and Connery rolls his eyes at me. "I was just only kidding, I think."

"I know, I know deserved that," Connery admits and I let out a small laugh. "But I'm working on it. For you, I would do anything if it meant that I get the chance to spend the rest of my life with you Everest Green."

I couldn't help but smile at what he was saying. I must admit that it caught me off guard. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me? "We've talked about this before and we both agreed to keep in the past, but I believe words are not enough to make up for what I put you through."

"I was just teasing you, you don't have to do that." I frown. "We've moved past it, I've moved past it."

"Baby, I know," Connery says as he plants a kiss on my forehead. "But I need to let you know because I believe I don't do that enough. That day at the pavilion when I said all those horrible things to you and I let my pride cloud my judgment, I knew that I was never going to be able to be enough for you. But I wanted to try my best to be enough for you, even if I failed in the end. And I wanted to thank you, baby girl. You called me on my shit without hesitation. You held me accountable for my actions. Every day, you encourage me to be the best version of myself that I can be. And it's because of you that every day, I'm closer than I was yesterday to becoming a better man. That's all a man could ever need. Someone who loves him for him despite his many flaws and pushes him to be better. I'm so thankful for you and you will never know how much. I thank God every day that he gave me the chance of crossing paths with you in this lifetime. And also that you kind of sucked at breaststroke because if it weren't for Coach Jennings, I don't think I would've ever had the guts to walk up to the girl that took my breath away the day I saw her for the first time at practice."

My eyes started to water and the tears started falling down my cheeks. Connery wiped them away with his thumbs before he planted a kiss on my lips. "I promise you, I promise to try to be the man you deserve every day because you don't deserve any less."

For the longest time, after Kingston, I thought I wasn't deserving of any kind of love. And I always wondered why my love for him wasn't enough. If I loved him the way I did, why couldn't he change? Why couldn't he be better for me? The questions lingered in my mind and I guess I never had a concrete answer until now.

Going through what I went with Connery I realized that the love you have for someone will never change them. And it's because it's never supposed to be that way. A man will change, not because of the love she has for him but because of the love he has for her.

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