"May I steal her for just once dance?"

We are made of all those who have built and broken us wrote Atticus. Time lost its way when I found him . It's an unexplainable thing really. For the longest time, I wandered through my life feeling lost, when I found him, he became my home. I knew that no matter what I went through good times or bad times I had always had someone to come home to.

I remember being afraid to feel at first. Going through such a great loss in my life with my parents, I never let myself feel or get attached to anyone. When you lose someone you love, the pain is a constant reminder of what you lost, and it doesn't matter if you know you gave that person everything you had to give. That doesn't make it hurt any less .

My grandma always told me, Ev, the bravest thing you can ever do in your lifetime is to be unafraid to feel. I took a chance on him , he built me ​​and broke me all over again. But what is stronger than a human heart? Rupi Kaur also wrote, which shatters over and over and still lives. He broke me that day, but that wasn't the ending of my story. Him not wanting me was the beginning of me loving and wanting myself . 

Sèbastien stepped aside, our eyes met and his lingering gaze took me back to relive our brief time together. Kingston placed his right hand on my lower back and I wrapped my left arm around his lifted arm and I placed my other hand around his biceps. Being in his arms, the feeling felt familiar. A little too familiar. The smell of his cologne was the same, after four years few things have changed.

Over the years I had always wondered what seeing Kingston would be like with all of the time that had gone by. Many times I would play different scenarios in my head of what I would say, four years had gone by, I had a lot I wanted to say. Things that I didn't get the chance to say. Now that I had him in front of me, I had all the words in my head but none of them came out. I just focused on the music that was playing in the background.

"You look beautiful in that dress Ev," Kingston says and I stay silent. My heart sunk a little when I heard those words, I always thought I was ready to face him but it turns out I wasn't. It didn't matter if I had already moved on, I think it was never going to get any easier. He left a mark the day he left, a mark so deep that not even time would be able to erase.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," I tell him, the song was at its end but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to last that much longer. I felt like I couldn't breathe. "I can't just act like nothing ever happened."

I didn't know where I was even going, all I know is that this time, I was the one walking away not him. It didn't take much time before I found a spot where I could sit and decompress. It was just a little too much, the memories, the pain. It all just came rushing in. Just like the waves when they hit the shore.

"Ev," I hear a familiar voice call. I knew it was him. He wouldn't just let me leave like that. At least that hasn't changed either. "Can I sit?"

I nod without taking a glance at him, I just looked at the small pond in front of me. "I didn't mean to run off like that, it was all just too much, too soon."

"I should be the one apologizing," Kingston says. "After four years, you'd think I'd come up with something better to say."

I chuckle. "Well, four years is a long time."

"It is isn't it," Kingston says lets out a small laugh. "I've been rehearsing what I wanted to say ever since I got on the plane, I even wrote down a few things too so I wouldn't forget, but it all just went to hell when I saw you."

"If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone in this one." I pause. "I've been rehearsing what I wanted to say ever since the day I walked out of that diner."

Kingston looks down. "I owe you an explanation, somehow I hope that after four years it's not too late and you can forgive me." He sighs. "But before I begin, I wanted to apologize for what I did. It was long overdue, you deserved more than the way I handled things that day."

"I didn't need it to move on, your apology I mean." I pause. "Sometimes you wait for an apology that never comes and as time goes by you realize that you never needed it in the first place. All you had to do was forgive yourself. I blamed myself for it, I picked myself apart trying to find the reason as to why would you ever leave, I thought I just wasn't good enough for you. Eventually, I had to forgive myself, because it never had to do anything to do with me in the first place. I gave you everything and it still wasn't enough. "

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing the situation; trying to put the pieces together to pinpoint the moment where it all went wrong but you will never find the answer. You will never find it because when it has nothing to do with you, the only person that has it is the one that walked away. "

"You're right, it never had anything to do with you," Kingston replies. "I realized that I was starting to fall hard for you after we spent the weekend in your grandpa's ranch just the two of us. Do you remember that weekend?"

"I do," I half-smile. "How could I ever forget?"

"After that weekend, I knew I had a few things I had to work on myself before I could ever love you before I could ever give you what you truly deserved. I was broken Ev and you deserved more than a broken person who didn ' t know how to be fixed. "

"That wasn't your call to make," I tell him. "You took that choice away from me."

"I know, but at that moment I made the decision I thought was best," Kingston replies.

"By distancing yourself and cheating on me?" I question.

"I never said I handled things in the best way Ev, I was immature and an ass," Kingston replies. "That was my mistake, instead of trying and working to be the man you needed me to be, I ended up being the one you were better off without."

"I had already forgiven you Kingston," I say looking him directly into his eyes. "It took me a long time to realize it but you not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting and loving myself. Thank you."

"When did you know it was over? When did you stop caring?" Kingston asks.

"Maybe when I found myself missing and loving the memories we had together more than you," I reply. 

"I can see it," Kingston says. "I can see it in your eyes, you're happy now."

"I am," I smile.

"You should be, you're doing great things Ev." Kingston smiles. "Mom wouldn't shut up about how proud she is of you. She mentions the case, almost every single time we talk on the phone."

I let out a laugh. "She might've mentioned it, in the brief conversation we had just a while ago."

"I'm so proud of you, you are doing everything you once told me you would." Kingston pauses. "And I'm happy for you, even if I'm no longer the one you're sharing it with."

Hearing him say that reminded me of all of the promises we made to each other back then. For the entire time we were together we always told each other that. And even after all this time, just like he did, I felt the same. Even though our feelings for each other have changed, I will always be rooting for him and be happy for his accomplishments even though I may not be the one he shares it with.

"Thank you," I smile. "And are you saying that because of Sèbastien?"

"Not necessarily," Kingston replies. "But since you did bring it up. I'm kidding, it's none of my business anymore."

It wasn't, it used to be though. "He's just a friend that was kind enough to be my date for this fine evening. And I say kind because we both know my family is a piece of work."

Kingston lets out a laugh. "No lies there."

"Enough about me, tell me, how is everything going so far at Clemson?" I ask.

"It's going great, I love it there," Kingston replies. "The season starts next semester, but so far by how I've been playing I might get a chance to sign a contract to play professionally."

"You're downplaying it way too much," I tell him. "That's amazing news, it's everything you've ever wanted."

"It is, the feeling is surreal." Kingston pauses. "It's crazy how much we've changed and all we have accomplished after we walked the hallways of Harrington for the last time."

"We're not the same people we were back then," I add. Kingston's phone started to ring and he took one glance at his phone before he declined the call.

"I have to go," Kingston says standing up and I nod. "But before I do, I just need to get something off of my chest."

"What is it?" I ask confused standing up.

"You can't save everyone Ev," Kingston pauses. "I know that for you that may be hard, with a big beautiful heart like yours how could you not? You will always try to save everyone, even the ones that hurt you, just like you tried to do with me. Not everyone has a heart as big and beautiful as yours, not everyone can be saved. Some people are meant to destroy themselves regardless of your help. It's their job to fix themselves, not yours. I know I'm in no position to ask, but I will always care for you Ev regardless of our past. Promise me, promise me that you will start to put yourself first. You're worth it."

I looked Kingston in the eyes and for a moment I was silent. Promise me that no matter what happens, nothing will ever change between us. March 4, 2018. "I can promise that I will try,"

Kingston pulls me in for a hug and I wrapped my arms around him. I knew that this was goodbye for good. We both knew that. After what felt like forever we pulled away, he smiled at me, taking one last glance at me. And I watched him walk away again, only this time, I wasn't breaking.

I took a deep breath before I sat down on the bench again, I was okay, but I needed a little bit more time before I returned to the party. "Hey," Sèbastien says as he walks up to me.

"Hey," I smile.

"Your aunt sent me to make sure you were okay," Sèbastien admits. "Are you okay?"

"I am," I reply. "After four years, I can finally say that the chapter has been closed."

"How does that make you feel?" Sèbastien asks.

"Honestly, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off," I reply. "It wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to at first, but it was one that needed to happen. He's not the same boy I left four years ago, he's changed. I've changed. Talking about what happened, helped both of us the closure that we needed."

"I'm so happy to hear that," Sèbastien smiles. "And I don't know if you're in the mood to dance, but the DJ told me that he was about to play one of your favorite songs."

I give him a look with a slight smirk. "Does it have anything to do with a certain favorite movie musical of mine?"

"Maybe, if I heard right." Sèbastien grins.

"Do you even know the moves?" I ask Sèbastien. One of my all-time favorites is a movie musical called Lovestruck. I remember that the first time I ever watched it, Aunt Claire and I were having a classic Green Movie Night on a Friday night. I fell in love with the scene that they dance to Usher's DJ Caught Us Falling In Love Again so much that I watched the scene over and over again until I learned the dance.

"I might've watched the two-minute clip about ten times before coming over here," Sèbastien says and I laugh. "I can't promise you a perfect dance routine, but I can make one up on the spot if necessary."

"I would love to see you try Kiermaier," I tell him. "You're just full of surprises huh? A baseball player, an amazing cook, and a dancer. What more could a girl ask for?"

Before Sèbastien could even reply, I heard the song starting to play. I grabbed Sèbastien's hand and we both rushed to the dance floor. Sèbastien wasn't lying when he said he would make up a choreography on the spot. He knew most of the parts, but every time he forgot he would do something completely different and I would just stand in the middle of the dance floor laughing at him.

Soon after almost every single one of the guests that were left joined us on the dance floor. Even Grandpa Willy showed off some of his best dance moves. Throughout the rest of the night I ended up having the best time, the night was full of laughter, much more dance moves from Sèbastien, and a lot of cake eating (the best part of every wedding if we were being completely honest). I also couldn't help thinking about the chapter I got the chance to close and put behind me today.

After a while, the hurt begins to hurt less. You start to see reason with time and you finally come to terms with the reason they did what they did. We all must learn that not everyone you meet will stay in your life forever. And no, it's not because it was the right person at the wrong time. The people we meet at the wrong time are simply the wrong people. You never meet the right people at the wrong time because they are timeless.

Tanya Wright wrote in her book Butterflies Rising the following, I recall that at the moment I first came across the text I never understood what it meant for me until today. Never be ashamed of how deeply and passionately you loved someone who destroyed you, she wrote. Because destroying things is just who they are... but loving things deeply and passionately is who you are.

Sometimes, the wrong people are just passengers on the train that is your life. And like with every train, the people in it are heading towards a destination. At some point in time, they have to get down because they have just simply arrived at the place they were headed towards.

The people that come on the train that is your life, come in to teach you something, whatever it may be. To help you feel, grow, and maybe just maybe show you how to love yourself a little better. To find your worth. Because whether it is seen or not, your value is something that will never change.

I lost him and in the middle of that brokenness, I found myself. Somehow, after all the chaos, that was everything.

A/N:

hey guys! I loved writing this chapter so much, I don't know where to begin to explain. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as well as the other two updates as well. I wanted to give you guys a little something back for all of the support you guys have been giving this story. Know that I'm grateful for every single one of you, thank you for taking a chance on me and my writing.

With that being said, I do have to share that this upcoming week is my finals week. I will be drowning in exams until Thursday which won't give me much time to write. I will try to update on Friday but if you don't get an update you'll know why. I know waiting for updates is a little tiring, but I need to prioritize my final exams this upcoming week.

Thank you for understanding, I will see you at the next one 💛

ps. here's a little clip of the movie scene ev was talking about ✨