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Things between Charlie and I were weird in a way that it had never been before.

She was quiet, reserved and that was unusual for her, atleast with me.

So, like any other concerned girlfriend, I tried to talk to her about it.

"Charlie" I called out quietly.

She  hummed, Charlie was bent over reading something on a piece of paper.

"Come sit" obediently, she dropped the piece of paper on her desk before making her way over to sit beside me.

"What's up?" I asked when she was right beside me.

"Nothing" I rolled my eyes, pulling on her arm to turn her towards me.

"You sure?"

"No" She whispered immediately.

"I thought so" I drew Charlie into a hug and she clung to me slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything except us, this feels right"

Butterflies swarmed my stomach and I held her closer.

"I would kiss you right now but you're sad" and out of nowhere, Charlie was shifting up eagerly to face me.

"I can still have kisses"

"So you are sad" I ignored the way she looked let down at me switching the subject.

Charlie sat back beside me, gripping onto the bed slightly.

" It's always the same thing with me, I think I can do stuff and then I can't "

"You can do stuff"

Charlie squinted at me.

"Are you making a sex joke right now babe?"

"No because that would be  inappropriate"

"That's literally the point of sex jokes" She deadpanned.

"We are not talking about this, we were talking about you"

"What about me?" She stalled, eyes on the comforter.

"Charlie"

"Sorry, force of habit"

She sighed before moving closer.

"I  can't swim, I mean I can but I can't you know? Did you know that I try to every single day? "

I did not.

"Yeah" Charlie murmured after seeing the surprised look on my face.

"When I can leave my bed, god I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"

"You know I can be like this for the rest of my life? "

"I  know"

"It's just hard for me to come to terms with, the fact that this is my life now"

"I'm sorry for always bringing this up, I feel like a broken record" She laughed bitterly.

"As long as it still bothers you then you're allowed to talk about it " Charlie looked at me, her smile sad now.

"What the fuck am I gonna do without you? "

"You'll be just fine" I assured her, pulling her into a hug.

I hoped she would be.
***

Angst angst and more angst

My life got hectic for a bit there but I'm back now.

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