Aisha

Kim blanched at my statement then a look of confusion crossed her face.

"Sorry but I'm still waiting on the horrendous thing he did that scared the living daylights out of you." she said looking at me expectantly.

I scrunched my brows. "Well I just said it."

"Ok." She said nodding. ''And ... what's wrong with that? "

"He wasn't supposed to. Kim you very well know how I am about these things: i always laughed about it but when he said it, it dis stabilized me ." I said looking at her. "Wait a minute. Why aren't you surprised?" I asked before my eyes widened. "You knew." I stated. "When did he tell you?" I asked slightly annoyed.

She sighed tiredly, replying " you know, for someone who claims to be very observant you're very much blind to a lot of things." Her British accent kicking in again. It became very pronounced when she said words like a lot of or sort of,
"Besides, he doesn't have to tell me. It's as clear as daylight - I'm pretty sure everyone knows already. They don't even hide it when they're around you."

"Hold on a second." I said shacking my head "they?" I asked puzzled.

"God! Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything? Not only Michael is head over heels for you - Travis is as well. They way they act, the way they look at you, how they treat you, you can't possibly say you never noticed." she asked incredulously.

"I... " I turned away. "I had a hunch about Travis and he understands that we can not be more than good friends. But Michael.... I wasn't ready for that and I told him before." I said with a frown

She sighed replying "Aisha you know very well you don't control the way you feel about someone."

"Of course you can." I shot back and she frowned.

"No you can't... You can try dwindling down the feelings but they don't completely vanish." She said softly.

"..but he had promised he won't." I retorted.

"Oh for fuck's sake Aisha!" She said exasperated, her voice raising a few octaves. "Forget about the dawn promise or contract for once. Life is not about rolling a dice to decide on your future, this is about your life here. What are you actually scared of? That he said it or the feeling that you mite actually reciprocate them? Why do you dread those three words in one sentence so much? I know you have reticence towards relationships but you got to start somewhere you can't put a hiatus on men forever in your life. Give the man a chance."

"I don't know Kim. I'm not sure." I replied weakly.

She groaned. "You like him, don't you?" She asked her eyes gleamed with hope.

"I do, but not that way." I replied.

"OK." She nodded. "But you care about him, right?"

"Of course I do." I replied again.

"OK, what do you like about him? What makes him special to you? What makes him different?" She quizzed.

"How do I start?"

"Maybe his physical attributes. You can't be tongue tied on that one." She said and we both laughed.

"First impression I had when I met him was wow his eyes are beautiful. I mean look at them. They're like rear pearls - a beautiful blend between blue and gray and I've only seen that color in chem class in highschool... he's tall, naturally well built, big...

" wait. Big? You've seen his...?" She asked suggestively

"What!!??? No eww!" I exclaimed mortified

"My bad, sorry." She said raising her hands up in mock surrender. ".. but you gonna see it one day or another you know?" She said with a smirk.

" until then my mind had happily remain void of that thought. " I retorted.

She sighed tiredly. "Honey you can't keep avoiding or running away from someone because he has feelings for you. that's absurd. So what now? you gonna stay single for the rest of your life?" She asked and I scoffed. "...last I checked you had plans of forming a family."

"Yea but not this soon. And it's different. " I said

"Aisha there is no shame in feeling or falling inlove. Besides you don't control it: it just comes. It just is. All you can do is accept it."

"But I can't.  I know he cares for me but... I'm not ready for that yet.

"Sweety no one is."she said softly

" I'm not ready to commit..." I said

"It comes with time and dedication.  How do you think your parents last this long?" She asked.

"Exactly my point.  We are not like that. He just has some type of infatuation with me and it will be over before long." I replied.

"Honey that's not how love works and besides, you have to start somewhere." She prompted.  Sighing, hse took both my hands and held them in hers. "You can't keep living in constant fear or worry of the other person leaving you. Clearly you're not scared of the feelings you're more worried of him not keeping up to his promise,  scared of abandonment,  scared you mite be heartbroken if he does. But that's all part of the loving process.  There's absolutely no way neither of you would ever get hurt in a relationship."

"I had rather live without the pain. " I said looking away.

"  Hell Aisha! Even best friends argue and fall out but get back. That's just how it will always be." She said but I didn't reply. "You'll have to talk eventually you know. And I know no matters how pig headed and adamant you are about admitting you like him just as much..." she trailed and my cheeks grew warm. " hmmm... so you do like him after all." She teased.

I had to admit. I did have feelings for him . Buy I don't think it was love. More like you get attached to someone you're easily comfortable around.

"As I was saying, I know you'll gey to him. C'mon A. You've given him the cold shoulder and silent treatment for too long now. I know he's good for you because i have seen it first hand how happy you are around him. Plus he looks at you like you're the something out of another world. Trust me he's real and authentic."

"I don't know....what if ..."

"Oh for the love of God and man... you can't keep basing all your next steps in life on " what ifs"." She said making air quotes. " Jesus! How have you lived all this while up till this age." She said frustrated. " Life is not a whole horde of second-guessing everything and fortune game. You need to grab the bull by it's horns and face tomorrow like a real warrior."

I released a defeated sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to him."

"Good." She replied with a grin. " now you need to rest to take off those dark smudges on your face. I assure you honey, they are not glorious. " I snickered at her comment.  "Tomorrow holds in a lot for you." She said skipping out of my room.

I stilled. "What is tomorrow?" I asked bewildered.

She stopped at the door and looked over her shoulder."you're going to talk things out with him." She replied nonchalantly.

My eyes widened in fear. "Of course not. I am not ready to face him yet."

She turned to face me, with her hands on her hips. "Don't be ridiculous honey.  You're not going for some act you need to prepare for. You'll be good, trust me."

"Seriously, Kim I can't meet him tomorrow."

"Oh you most definitely will. Tomorrow morning. Even if I have to tie you up and pull you to Donovan Inc." She said before leaving.

I stared at the now empty door way, my mouth agape.

Goodness!  I'm royally screwed.