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My dad was coming home in four days.

I wish I was excited. I should be excited. I should be elated to see my dad after him being away for so long. I wasn't though. I was dreading it to the point where I was throwing up every morning. I felt like I held a poison inside of me.

Why did she do it? How could she do this? And what was I supposed to do when I saw him?

While at school, I tried not to think about it. I focused on smoking with Cory. Talking about Liam and Caleb with Rachel and Lindsay. Pretending to act perfectly normal around Sean. Clacking my fingernails against Tyler's desk.

I avoided Spencer, Blake, and Landon like the plague. Each for different reasons, interestingly enough.

One liked me, one lied to me, and one fucked me.

Well, they all fucked me, technically. But Landon fucked me up. He disrespected me.

My birthday party was in four days too, though, and all three of them were sure to be there. Lindsay was throwing it at her house and it doesn't take a genius to assume that everyone who was anyone was invited.

There were three people who weren't considered "anyone," however, that I wanted there.

I asked Cory yesterday when we smoked together.

He raised his eyebrows. "You want me to come to your birthday party?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm an outsider. Sean hates me. Probably everyone in your friend group hates—"

"No one hates you." I rolled my eyes. "Stop being dramatic."

Cory shook his head and laughed at me before pulling in a hard breath against the roll of paper. "Look. I'll swing by for a bit to say happy birthday. How about that?"

I smiled at him and I felt giddiness swirl in my stomach. "You'll really stop by?"

"Yeah. Sean might kill me but—"

"It's my birthday," I said, snatching the joint out of his hand. "No one is getting killed."

Cory smiled genuinely at me. A toothy grin. "I'm still going to update my will."

"Ha ha."

I anticipated that Cory would take some convincing, but he would be the easiest win over. It was Tyler and Scott I was worried about most.

I strategically decided to ask them right after I smoked with, and asked, Cory during lunch. I knew Cory saying yes would give me some confidence and the weed would give me some courage.

And I was nothing but confident and courageous when I stepped up on the ledge of Tyler's Suburban and knocked on the driver's side window, making both boys jump.

Tyler looked absolutely livid, before reluctantly rolling down his window. "You don't have to knock so hard, you know?"

"I told you. I gotta keep you on your toes somehow." I smirked and resisted a wink. Instead, I peeked over Tyler's shoulder. "Hi, Scott."

"Hi, Allie," Scott replied, seeming to sink into his seat hesitantly.

"What do you want," Tyler deadpanned.

I blinked dramatically. "For you to be nicer to me."

This was, kind of, a lie. I oddly liked how blunt and unamused he was with me. It was entertaining and, as pathetic as it might sound, it sort of made me feel special.

So when his glare only darkened, I had to suppress a smile.

"Alright, alright. Look, my birthday is this Saturday," I started.

"Happy birthday," Tyler said and while his voice was monotonous, the brown in his eyes seemed to warm.

"Lindsay is throwing me a birthday party and I wanted to—"

"Absolutely not."

"—invite you both." I let out a huff that I hoped disguised the pang of hurt I felt in the center of my chest. I wasn't surprised, necessarily, that he was resistant. My friend group wasn't the kindest to people outside our circle. Still, I was hopeful. Tyler seemed to be one of the few things lately I had any hope for. "Look, it's not—"

"We're not going," Tyler cut me off and his hard eyes almost had me step off the ledge and walk away.

"Let her finish," Scott scolded, leaning forward so he could hear me better. He nodded, giving me the support to continue.

"It's not like you have to stay for the whole time or anything," I offered, trying to keep my voice positive to alleviate the tension in the air and in my bones. "It would just..."

It would mean a lot.

"It would be nice to see you there."

Mine and Tyler's eyes were locked on each other. Scott was blurry as I stared into his pools of forest green, silvery grey, and copper brown.

"Maybe," Tyler said and it was almost a whisper.

I smiled—a real one. "I wouldn't expect anything else."

I slipped my mask back on and hopped off the ledge to stand on the asphalt.

"I'll text you the details," I said with a smile and a flip of my blonde hair as I turned on my heels and walked away.

Maybe.

* * *

My dad was coming home in two days.

I couldn't do it. The thought of seeing his warm face, bright blue eyes like mine. How was I supposed to look at him, knowing what I know, and simply ask about his day.

How was I supposed to act around him. How was I supposed to live around him.

I didn't know what to do and my already spinning mind was on overdrive.

This time, it was the passenger window I knocked on. Despite being gentler with my raps than yesterday, Scott jumped and I forced a smile as he rolled down the window. Tyler's eyes were narrowed at me at first. After all, this was the second day in a row I'd bothered them during lunch. He probably thought I was going to talk about my birthday party again. I watched the muscles in his face soften though when our eyes connected.

He knew something was off.

"Hey, Allie," Scott said politely, fidgeting with the sandwich in his lap.

"Hey," I said softly and forced another smile. "Um, sorry to do this, but can I steal Tyler for a little."

Scott looked over at his friend. Tyler's eyes were practically stabbing me as he analyzed every inch of my face, searching for an answer. I found my chest shrinking in on itself under his stare. Finally, he looked at Scott and jerked his head.

Scott nodded and opened the passenger door, causing me to have to step back, while packing up his stuff.

My eyes went wide. I thought Tyler would come out. Not make Scott leave. "Oh, I—"

"Don't worry about it," Scott shut me down before I even began. He gave me a kind, rather than polite, smile this time. Like he really was okay with being kicked out of his friend's car because of me.

"I'm sorry," I tried again once Scott was out of the car, gesturing for me to go in and take his place.

He waved his hand at me. "Seriously, don't stress it. I'll see you in History."

Scott left with nothing but a casual bounce in his step. I replaced him in the passenger seat and closed the door.

"Well, you've stolen me," Tyler grumbled. "What's up."

I snapped my eyes shut. I'd been replaying how I thought this conversation would go in my head all day. "Um. I need your help."

I was staring at my lap, so I had no clue how Tyler was reacting. Until he said, "You know, for someone who claimed they don't need help, you sure seem to ask for help a lot."

I felt a stinging sensation in my heart at these words. I brushed it away and tried to smile. "Well, you're different."

I still refused to look at him, even though I knew he was staring at me when he asked blankly, "How so."

"Because you don't talk to me unless I need something." It came out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying.

We were both silent as my words hung in the air. It was pretty shitty, when you think about it. It's even worse when you realize that it's one hundred percent true.

I was his charity case. He only gave an effort when I needed it. Not because he wanted to. Homework, New Year's Eve, picking me up, staying at my house.

Sleeping in my bed.

Everything he did for me was because I asked him to.

He didn't care. If he did, he would've texted me back.

I was scared to look at him, but my curiosity was mounting and the invisible fog that hung between us now was too palpable.

A cold frown was practically etched onto his lips as he stared out of the windshield. His hazel eyes were an unrecognizable color. His knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel.

And I realized that he realized it too.

I felt the tingly sensation of numbness crawl upwards, from the tips of my toes to the top of my scalp. I was grateful it was this, and not tears.

"Sorry, forget it," I muttered and opened the car door.

"Wait—"

I slipped out of the seat so fast I fell a little too precariously onto the cement of the parking lot and shut the door before he could get another word out. My vision was hazy as I walked away.

"Allie, stop."

His voice was so loud my feet halted beneath me and I slammed my eyes shut. This had to be a dream. Tyler did not just yell my name in the middle of Senior Row during lunch.

It took me a second to reopen my eyes and force myself to turn around and see if this was, in fact, all in my imagination. I could feel the stares of fellow students on us, but I didn't dare look.

He stood outside his car door. I could tell he was freaking out about his outburst by the way his eyes darted around, barely ever landing on me.

He's intimidated by you.

I let out a quiet sigh as I walked towards him, one step at a time, until I was close enough to be able to extend my arm and graze his chest if I wanted to.

He was staring down at his feet and I could see that the tops of his brows were drawn together.

"I stopped," I said and was surprised when my voice came out somewhat playful.

He glanced up at me and I saw the smallest smile, so slight it could be mistaken as a grimace, overcome his lips.

Maybe it was a grimace. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to.

"Will you get back in the car?" he asked so softly it almost sounded like a plea.

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" I taunted, wondering in my own head how this boy could make me feel so hurt and so happy at the same time. When I was with him, I always seemed to break down, only to be built back up again.

Tyler looked shocked by my statement and slowly shook his head. "I don't know anyone who would be embarrassed to be seen with you."

I smirked, even let out a small chuckle. "Oh, I do."

The bell rang and my heart sunk a little. Tyler looked at the front doors of our high school before turning back to me. "Meet me here after school?"

My heart jumped. Was he asking me to hang out? My mind couldn't even process the fact. "What."

"You said you needed my help," he stated matter-of-factly. Then his lips tilted up slightly at the corners and my heart jumped for a second time. "And I didn't get to help."

I was too stunned to say what I wanted to, which was to insist we forget I asked for help in the first place. But by the time my astonishment had worn off, he was already halfway across the parking lot as he walked toward the school doors.



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A/N: Merry Christmas everyone :) Don't forget to comment and vote! 


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