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I slid into Lindsay's car, thankful it was finally lunch. My plan was to spend the forty-minute break taking a nap in her backseat, because even though it was only Tuesday, this week had already been hell.

Despite being completely broken on Sunday, I survived yesterday morning.

I sped to school with one purpose that morning, and one purpose only. To talk to a tall, blonde football captain. I knew exactly where he'd be. All the football guys parked and hung out at the front of Senior Row during football season because they were at school earliest—6:30am training. And sure enough, when I pulled into a parking spot in Senior Row at 7:40am, grabbed my things, and made my way towards the front, there they were.

Blake was huddled around the back of a car with Kevin and a large group of senior football players I couldn't even bother to remember the names of. One person stuck out though. Someone who I wasn't expecting to see with them. Not a football player.

Spencer Ross.

I almost stopped walking when I saw him there too. I almost turned around. I thought I even might throw up as my entire throat began to burn.

Kevin already saw me though and clearly said something since all their heads turned to watch me as I continued walking towards them.

"Damn, she looks pissed," one guy said loudly and they all erupted in laughter and chatter amongst each other, making my blood boil at an even higher temperature.

They quickly silenced though at the sound of my voice, cutting through the autumn air like a knife. One syllable that sounded deadly. "Blake."

A few of them jumped a little at the sound and if I wasn't so pissed, I probably would've smiled.

I didn't look at Spencer. Even when he said my name. Even when I hissed at him to shut up. My eyes were squared on Blake.

And his eyes were wide. He looked genuinely fearful and I ran my tongue across my teeth. Good.

"We need to talk," I said to him without stopping. I walked right past him, right past the group of boys.

Luckily, Blake got the picture and followed me. His large steps were quick and he was beside me in a second. At the very front of the parking lot, I stood behind a car so his friends, so Spencer, couldn't see us.

He opened his mouth to speak but I beat him to it, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What the fuck, Blake."

"What—"

"You told."

"Just Kevin, Zach, and Carl, I swear. They won't—"

"They did. Already."

Blake's brow furrowed.

"Kevin told Spencer. Obviously." I rolled my eyes.

Blake paused, analyzing my rigid face. "I don't get why you're so upset."

I winced. He used my own words against me. Practically the exact same words I said to Spencer yesterday.

He wasn't entirely wrong either. It's not like we made a pact not to tell anyone at the time. And I knew better than to sleep with someone thinking word wouldn't get out. It always did.

So while it sucked Spencer found out, that really wasn't the issue.

"Do you have a girlfriend."

His eyes flashed with something. Something I hadn't seen at the party. I think it was guilt. It was gone quickly though as he ground out, "I told you, Allie, I don't have—"

"So that little sophomore won't be upset if she hears about it then," I said, sarcastically cheerful.

He didn't respond and that said it all.

"Unbelievable," I sneered, raising my voice.

"Look, Allie," he murmured, stepping closer to me and looking around, hoping we hadn't caught anyone's attention. "Can we please, just, keep this between us?"

"And Kevin. And Zach. And Carl. And Spencer," I sang in a voice that sounded deranged. Like I could be in a mental institution.

And Lindsay. And Rachel.

"Yes, and them" Blake answered on a sigh.

I hesitated. She deserved to know. And he deserved to get his ass beat for cheating on her.

But I couldn't not think about what telling our secret meant for me. I'd be labeled a homewrecker. A label I promised myself to never have. Even though I genuinely didn't think he was exclusive with her when it happened, no one would believe me.

I was a slut, after all.

The warning bell rang for first period.

"Okay," I forced the words out. "I won't tell."

With that I turned on my heel and headed towards the school doors, feeling an even heavier weight, a darker shame, than before.

"That pen hit you pretty hard Saturday?" Brian asked when I rolled into first period. I just smiled. It didn't reach my eyes, despite my attempt to make it seem authentic. He didn't press further.

Tyler was already at his desk when I got to Spanish and I found comfort, almost relief, that I was able to pass by his desk to drum my fingernails against. I lingered longer than usual this time. I wanted to soak in the feeling I got when I was near him.

He knew the confident Allie. The one who wasn't afraid. Who didn't give two fucks. The fiery Allie that was always, always in control.

And today, by second period, my flame was nearly extinguished. I was barely hanging on to the small, white dot of gas, hardly flickering, a dying ember.

But that rhythmic sound of nail against wood, the way I felt his eyes on my fingers, my hip brushing against his shoulder—it lit me back up.

I felt the fire again and I sat next to Sean with a calmness in my chest that I hadn't felt since Spencer had driven away the previous morning.

That light lasted me until fourth period, when I was able to get my fix again. And even though it had the same effect, I don't think even an atomic bomb could ignite me enough to stay fully aflame as I sat down next to Spencer.

"Allie."

"Stop."

"Please—"

"I said, stop."

He opened his mouth, but the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Thank God.

I wasn't so lucky when class ended though. I packed my things quickly and was just out the door, in the hallway, when I felt a hand around my forearm, pulling me against the lockers and out of the freeway of students making their way to lunch.

"What," I snapped before I even turned around to glare at Spencer's pathetic face.

He looked like the Spencer I always knew. Not the Spencer I had seen the day before. Kind, patient, caring, persistent. "Allie."

I didn't care. I didn't care what he looked like or acted like now. I had let him in. And that was my fault.

"Can we please talk for a second."

I ripped my arm from his grasp. "There's nothing to talk about."

He grabbed my arm again and I couldn't stop myself from flinching. I tried to pull away a second time, but he held me there.

So I looked away. Not wanting to give him the courtesy of even my eyesight if he was going to have hold over my arm.

My eyes instantly caught Tyler's.

He was leaving our English classroom, stopped slightly past the doorframe. Staring at me. His eyes flicked to my arm in Spencer's grip. Then back at me.

The speed my mind was going at was starting to make me feel dizzy. I almost felt nauseous.

I'm not sure how I looked to Tyler, but for whatever reason, after starting at each other for what felt like minutes, but could've been seconds, he looked away. Walked away.

And I was left with Spencer.

"Allie, please."

I was alone. Even though there was an endless crowd of students milling past us. I had been alone this whole time.

I fluttered my eyelids to keep my eyes dry, realizing I wasn't going to get out of this. I wasn't going to get rid of Spencer. No one else was here who would care to help me, and I sure as hell wasn't going to make a scene. So I turned to him.

"What, Spencer?" I clipped in a low voice, one that didn't even sound like me.

"Can I—can we just talk for a second?" His voice was pleading and it sounded pitiful to my ears.

"We're talking now," I said flatly, moving my arm away from him. He let me go this time, realizing I wasn't going to run.

"Somewhere more private—"

"No," I stated firmly, holding my arms so my hands could hug the opposite elbow. "It's here or nowhere."

He looked around at the students still passing by us, some bold enough to stare or even glance. He finally sighed, giving in. "I shouldn't have said what I said."

I stayed silent. No, you shouldn't have.

"It's not how I feel. I was, I mean, I was pissed, and, well, hurt."

He was still aware of the people around us, even though the crowd was beginning to thin. Seeming to push back any insecurity though, he grabbed my hand in his. It took all my power not to snatch it away.

"I'm really sorry."

He took a step closer and I somehow resisted my urge to recoil. His eyes were on me, burning through my forehead as I kept my eyes downcast.

"Look at me," he whispered.

I didn't. He sighed again and gently placed a finger under my chin, tilting my head upwards, giving me no choice but to meet his gaze. I jerked my head back, breaking his touch, but kept my eyes on him.

His eyes crinkled painfully at my response. "Allie. It's no excuse, but I was just really hurt. I lashed out. I'm so sorry."

His hand now found the edge of my collarbone and my body defied me with a shudder.

I wish he didn't know my fucking weak spots.

No. No.

I let him in once. I wasn't going to do it again.

"Spencer," I murmured and pushed away from him, my lower body yelling at me for forcing his finger to drop from my collarbone. "Thank you for the apology."

Somehow, despite the deepest frown I've ever seen him wear, he still looked attractive.

"I just think maybe it's best if we, you know...take some space from each other for a while."

He didn't agree with this decision. I could tell from the way his body tensed, his frown deepened. Still, he replied, "Okay. If that's really what you want."

I nodded and walked away before he could say anything else. And this time, he let me go.

So after all the conversations yesterday, on top of the anxious tension I had endured during fourth period with Spencer today, I was looking forward to a lunchtime nap.

It seemed the universe had other plans though.

"Um, Allie," Lindsay said from the front seat.

"Hm," I murmured, fluffing my backpack to be my makeshift pillow.

"Have you checked the Homecoming nominations?"

"No," I said without an ounce of care. "Why?"

The senior class wrote in their nominations for Homecoming Court last week, and the results were to be announced today at the start of lunch.

"You might want to look," Rachel said, her voice tentative.

I looked at them both. "Why, did Sean not make it? Everyone knows Sean was going make it."

"Just look," Lindsay pressed.

I opened my phone, navigating to our high school's website where the nominations were listed.

Blake Adams

Varsity Football: Captain, Wide Receiver

Shocker.

Daryl Phillips

Varsity Baseball: Captain, Pitcher


Ezra Griffith

Whitewood Bark Newspaper: Editor in Chief


Sean Connolly

Varsity Basketball: Captain, Power Forward; Student Council: Treasurer

I let out a squeak of excitement upon reading his name. Even though it wasn't surprising. "I'll have to find Sean before lunch ends."

"Keep reading," Rachel insisted quietly.

Cory Bernard

No credits. Because Cory didn't do anything. He was a stoner and well-known as a troublemaker, though his pranks were always harmless.

There was usually one person on Homecoming Court, boy and girl, that everyone voted in as a joke. Cory was the joke.

I moved onto the girls.

Aurora Prescott

Varsity Basketball: Captain, Point Guard

"Of course," I whispered, resisting an eyeroll. Why even have Homecoming when we already had a Queen.

Elsa Hammond

Varsity Cheer: Captain


Gabriela Solis

Whitewood Theatre Arts


Casey Lloyd

Student Council: Class President

Zero surprises here.

Then, the last name on the list.

I threw open the door to Lindsay's car. The thought of a nap seemed laughable now. I heard both of my best friends shout my name but I didn't care. I had to find Sean.

I stalked down Senior Row in the parking lot until I saw Chad's Escalade. Standing around the open trunk were Sean, Brian, Chad, and a handful of the Varsity Basketball guys.

"What the fuck!" I screamed at him when he was within range. I knew my outburst drew the attention of the students around us.

All six or so guys turned to look at me, but Sean immediately stepped forward, sensing my rage. Not knowing yet it was directed at him.

"Allie, what happened?"

When I was finally close enough, I shoved my phone into his face. "Are you fucking kidding me, Sean."

He grabbed my hand, moving my phone away from his nose so he could take it and read it at a normal distance. He looked at me confused.

"I told you. I told you I didn't want to be on the Court," I said, my teeth gritted, my lungs on fire. "You were supposed to veto me."

Yes, we all voted as seniors. But everyone knew that, at the end of the day, Student Council had the power to take anyone off the nomination list they didn't see fit. Sean was on the Executive Board, and I was betting on Sean to veto me. In fact, he told me he would veto me as a Court nominee. Because I asked him to.

"Listen to me," he said, placing my phone back in my hand and grabbing both of my wrists. "There was nothing I could do. You practically got as many votes as Rory. More than Elsa—"

"You know what this means, right? You know I'm the joke, right?" I hissed.

I've never seen eyes frown. Yet, Sean's chestnut ones did. Right in front of me. "Al—"

I looked at my phone and read, adding my own commentary. "Rory Prescott, Her Highness; Elsa Hammond, Cheerleader; Gabi Solis, Drama Star; Casey Lloyd, Class President; Allie Carson, Class Slut."

I could hear Caleb's stupid, snorting chuckle behind Sean.

"Shut the fuck up, Caleb," I barked.

"Allie," Sean grabbed my wrists again and crouched so he was in my view—the only thing in my line of sight. "You're not a joke and you're not a slut."

I shook my head at him. The anger in me suddenly turning my face into the hard, paper-mache mask I'd seem to be wearing a lot lately. I stepped beside Sean, looking at the boys behind him. "Raise of hands, which of you nominated me."

All of them lifted up their arms, although Brian's and Chad's were the last, hesitant as they glanced at Sean.

"Did you vote for me because you wanted to, or because it was funny. Because it would be funny to have the school slut on the Court."

"Allie—" Brian started.

"Tell me," I said, so harshly I had to shut my eyes for a second.

What was I doing? What was I doing? Yelling, hissing, snapping at my friends? The guys who had looked out for me for so long.

This wasn't right. My emotions weren't right. Nothing felt right, right now. I was out of control.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and then felt my feet moving. My eyes were on the ground. I couldn't see in front of me. Or behind me. Or beside me. But I didn't want to look anywhere other than the ground.

I just wanted to keep watching my feet walk. I could control that. One step in front of the other.

My feet took me to the front doors of the school and I walked inside to be immediately greeted by Allegra and her best friend, Paris Jameson, coming down the hallway in front of me.

"Congrats, Allie!" Allegra grinned as she neared me, clearly amused by my joke nomination.

"Yeah, thanks," I managed to say with a plastic smile.

Paris, possibly the dumbest person I've ever met, added thoughtfully, "I'm sure it's such an honor."

I tilted my head slightly, knowing Allegra was watching me closely. "Of course. Her Highness Aurora will win though, so it's more just for fun for the rest of us."

Paris laughed like I said the funniest thing in the world. Allegra smiled at me. "Well, congrats anyway. I'm sure you'll enjoy the attention. You always do."

With that Allegra and Paris sauntered away.

I almost screamed out loud, hearing Landon's voice in my ears.

I know you, Allie. You will.

You always do.

I looked at the two hallways beside me. I wasn't going straight. I was not going to go in the direction Allegra and Paris came from. Who knew what else was down there.

I chose left, the direction of my locker. Not like I'd find any comfort there. But if I continued walking in this direction, I'd get to the library.

I hadn't been to the library since my freshman year. I stood at its two doors feeling glued to the linoleum tile beneath me. I was a senior now. I had been at this school for over three years. Yet I was scared of this room. Scared to walk in because, well, it wasn't my area. It wasn't my territory.

I was in unchartered waters. Yet it seemed safer than the ocean I was swimming in now. So I pushed through the double doors.

It wasn't as quiet as I expected. There were groups of students at tables, hidden in nooks, and between shelves. Eating lunch. Socializing. Doing the same thing we did out in the parking lot. It was the same shit. Just a different place.

And for the first time in a long time—as long as I could remember—I felt like the outsider. I walked in and didn't know where to sit. Where to go. I moved forward, though I was still unsure what to do and I watched a few students turn to stare at me as I walked past some tables.

I was used to two looks. I couldn't tell if they were the eyes I liked—full of envy and admiration. Or the eyes I dreaded—full of disgust and contempt.

I was vulnerable. Out of control. My flame was practically gone now and I thought I might just break down here. Collapse on the floor. And who would care.

Any why should they?

But then, I felt it. A pair of eyes. Not envious, not disgusted. Just eyes.

Before I even met them, I was able to take a deep breath in. A breath I hadn't taken in a while.

Oxygen.

It was Tyler. Sitting at a table with his friend. He was staring right at me. And while his brows were furrowed in annoyance, as usual, there was something about his hazel orbs that helped me regain my confidence. The confidence I had so easily lost at the beginning of lunch.

My lips tilted upwards as I walked towards him. That's when his gaze retreated, and he glared down at his book. Pretending like he didn't see me.

"Hi, Tyler," I said, reaching the end of their table.

My fire was lit again. I was alive again.

Tyler didn't look at me, but his friend did. The boy I recognized but couldn't put my finger on.

He was cute. Sweet looking. Boyish. I extended my hand to him and introduced myself. "I'm Allie."

He stared at me and blinked. Stunned. He looked to Tyler.

Tyler returned the look and mumbled, "I told you."

I glanced between the two of them. "Told you what?"

Tyler's friend looked back to me, shook my hand, and said, "Yeah, I know who you are."

My lips curled into my mouth as we both removed our hands from each other. "Okay. And your name?"

Tyler let out a strained breath, staring at his paper as he continued to work.

"I'm Scott," his friend said, giving me an expectant look like something was supposed to sink in.

It didn't.

"We were lab

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