10. Hot Chocolate

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hot chocolate

PARTIES WERE NOT MY KIND OF THING.

I'd been to my fair share of high school parties in the past, if by fair share you meant zero. I mean, I'd been invited to a couple through Riley who seemed to know almost everyone in the school, but I'd never really had any reason to go.

Until today.

I tugged on my top, pulling it down in an attempt to hide a bit more of my midriff. Riley stepped closer, swatting at my hands and hitching the shirt even higher so that it rested right beneath my bra.

"Come on, Aspen," she scolded, smoothing out the top. "Live a little. You have a hot body. I'd kill for it."

I rolled my eyes at her. Riley had come over early in the afternoon and immediately stuffed me in a pair of blue, ripped skinny jeans and a black, off-shoulder crop top with long sleeves. It wasn't anything too revealing, but it hugged my body tightly and showed off a good amount of my stomach - something I wasn't entirely used to.

I wrapped my arms around my exposed skin. I had never been too insecure of my body. I was lucky to be somewhat tall, and I had a nice waist to make up for my lack of cleavage. Riley on the other hand was all curves.

She wore a tight black dress with a deep, low cut neckline. She had the chest and the hips to pull it off. She stood taller than usual in heels, looking to impress Arthur Andrews, while I wore my usual white sneakers.

"Shut up, Riley, you know you look hot," I teased, whacking her arm.

She grinned at me. "I know," she admitted, twirling her long, straightened hair around her finger. "But you needed the confidence boost."

I laughed, pulling her into a tight hug. "I love you, you know."

"You'd better, considering all the effort I put into getting you Isaac Hensick ready," she joked.

I snorted. She was right. She'd pulled my usually messy brown locks into long neat waves and she'd done my makeup so perfectly I looked like an Instagram model.

"You wouldn't even be invited to this party if it wasn't for me," I fired back.

"You're right, and I love you, Aspen," she spoke sweetly. Her smile turned into a mischievous smirk. "Which is why I'm going to be the best wing woman ever and set you up with Isaac tonight."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing my phone and keys and shoving them into my pockets. "Riley, that's a pipe dream that's never going to happen."

She grinned, pulling her handbag over her shoulder and heading for the door. "Not if I have anything to do with it."

The ride to Arthur Andrew's house in the fancy uptown neighbourhoods twenty minutes from my place was mostly uneventful. Riley chattered on and on about how she was going to seduce Arthur through her witty personality and even better looks.

Meanwhile, I wrung my fingers together, nervous about the party.

My heart raced just standing beside Isaac, much less standing beside him in a dark, loud room full of drunk teenagers. That was if I'd even see him tonight.

The last text he'd sent me was filled with the details of tonight's party. I'd replied with a thank you, and that was it. We were back to our usual routines.

Riley pulled up outside of Andrews house. It was huge, with three stories and a lawn bigger than my house. Music blasted loudly, teenagers flooding in and out of the doors leaving red cups in their wake. Cars lined the streets and filled the driveway, and we were lucky to get a spot nearby.

We jumped out of the car and Riley practically had to drag me to the front door.

"You'll love it, Aspen, I swear!" she shouted over the booming music.

I swallowed hard. I hoped so. She clutched my hand, pulling me into the house. The party was well into motion. We walked straight to the main room where teenagers danced on top of each other, red cups filled with unknown liquids in their hands.

Riley grinned widely as I shrunk into myself. No wonder William had opted not to come tonight. This was far from my usual scene.

"There's your boo!" Riley shouted directly into my ear. I turned to see her nod to our left.

There, across the room, Isaac leaned against the wall, girls on either side of him chatting excitedly into his ears.

He wasn't listening, though. His eyes were trained on us. I inhaled a sharp breath and heard Riley shout something incoherent over the music. She shook my shoulder, her voice raising louder, but I was too focused on Isaac.

All I could see were his piercing green eyes, trailing from my face, to my body, and back up. A smirk tugged at his lips, dimples drilling into his cheeks. A pressure grew in my chest. I felt frozen beneath his stare.

Riley's hand left my shoulder and I snapped back to reality. I turned to her, about to ask her to repeat what she said, only to find her gone.

My stomach flipped.

I spun, my eyes wide and scanning the room. It was dark and sweaty, and lights of all colours flashed across the room, making my head spin. My heart raced in my chest, and a lump rose in my throat.

Where was she?

Eventually, I spotted her in the kitchen, two beers her hands. She must've gone to get us drinks. She put one on the table, releasing a giggle and grabbing Arthur Andrews' bicep. He flexed, sending her a wink, and I turned away, wrinkling my nose.

At least she was having fun.

Turning back to the dance floor, I paused. Suddenly the thought of grinding on sweaty bodies and against grabbing hands seemed like too much. I blinked through the flashes of colourful lights, the loud music pumping and bass shaking the room. My ears rung with laughing and shouting and music and noise, noise, and noise.

My heart rose into my throat, and I found it difficult to breathe.

So much noise.

So many people.

A body collided into my back and I stumbled forward, turning to see a drunk boy rampaging through the room.

"Sorry," he slurred at me, a lopsided grin on his face. He took a sloppy step forward, his slimy fingers finding themselves on my cheek. I felt queasy.

Ripping his sticky fingers off of my clammy skin, I stormed away from the dance floor, sprinting up the staircase. My entire body trembled with electricity.

I needed a minute, just a minute, to calm down.

My mind raced as I walked. Riley was my ride home, and there was no way I'd ruin what she'd been dreaming of the past year. She finally had her chance. I couldn't interrupt her. I needed to calm down.

I just needed a minute.

I stumbled through the dark hallway. The floor spun under my feet. Blood pounded in my ears, and my fingernails dug painfully into my palms. My breathing sped up and I tried desperately to calm down. I had to get away.

I needed a minute.

Where the hell was the bathroom?

I swallowed breath after breath, testing every doorknob on the way until I finally made it to one unlocked room. The world seemed to sway beneath my feet.

I fell inside, the room so dark I couldn't tell what else was in there. But I didn't care.

I slid to the floor, my fingers moving to clutch at my chest, my hair, the ground, the wall – everything. It was hard to breathe.

Really hard.

I wheezed, desperately pulling air into my lungs. Every gasping breath felt like a shard stabbing into my failing lungs. My body shook uncontrollably, my hands shaking so much that I couldn't grasp my phone. Instead, I grabbed at my arms, hugging myself as I sucked in breath after breath.

Behind me, I was vaguely aware of the door opening and closing, and suddenly there was a hand rubbing my back as my breathing grew faster.

"It's okay," it was Isaac's voice.

I let out a sob and fell into his chest, his hands rubbing my arms as he whispered into my ear.

"It's fine. It's okay. You're okay."

I hadn't even realised I was crying until he moved his hand to my cheek, wiping tears from my skin. He held me, his arms tight around me as I trembled.

"Isaac," I cried, pulling my face into his chest, although my voice was strained and stuttering.

His chest vibrated as he spoke, "It's okay. You're okay."

I swallowed hard, closing my eyes. I knew what to do. I had to calm down. I had to breathe. I sucked in a deep breath, releasing it in a shaky sob, before taking another. My fingers grabbed at his shirt, squeezing into fists as I attempted to calm down.

I breathed in, counting in my head, and breathed out, still trembling.

I continued for what felt like hours until my breathing had slowed, and my heart rate was gradually returning to normal.

My hands were still trembling, and I brought shaky fingers to my eyes, wiping away stray tears.

I sighed, fatigue hitting me like a truck. I knew my eyes were swollen. I knew my makeup had probably smudged everywhere. I knew I'd have a headache in the morning.

And Isaac... embarrassment flooded my body.

"Isaac," I muttered, pulling out of his grip. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could see his face, his eyes etched with worry as he stared down at me, his hands resting gently on my waist, rubbing circles against my skin.

He watched me for a moment, and I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry," I said, embarrassed.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked, his voice quiet. "Are you okay? What was that?"

I wrung my fingers together, my eyes moving to the ground as I hiccuped. "It was a panic attack."

He stayed quiet. I could still feel his eyes on me. A heavy silence settled over us and I felt an overwhelming urge to fill it.

"I have them sometimes. Or had. I haven't had one a month. I mean, I never go to parties, really. I thought I'd be fine. I thought I just needed a minute. But then I got here, and suddenly – suddenly – I thought my antidepressants were helping, and –"

"Aspen." I'd never heard him say my name before. My real name. I stopped rambling, finally looking up to meet his eyes. He stared at me softly. "It's okay. I get it."

A heavy silence fell between us. I didn't know what else to say. The only people who had witnessed me having a panic attack were my mother and my sister. Not even Riley or William had seen me break down like this, and now here I was, sobbing in front of Isaac Hensick.

His voice filled the silence, uneasy and testing the limits, "Why are you taking antidepressants?"

I pulled in a shaky breath. "I have anxiety."

My voice was quieter than I had intended, and a hiccup tagged onto the end of my sentence. Isaac grew stiff with realisation before softening and rubbing a calloused palm up and down my arm, warming me up.

I melted into his chest, the relief of the confession overriding my fatigue. He stayed quiet, rubbing my arms and back to comfort me.

Tears stained my cheeks, my makeup running and clinging to his shirt.

At this point, I was too tired to be embarrassed. I slumped over, my hands trembling but my arms sore and heavy as logs. My entire body felt drained – it was painful to move.

Isaac must have noticed this, because he stood up, reaching a hand to me.

"Come on, you look tired."

I blinked, tenderly taking his hand and pulling myself to my feet. He guided me to the middle of the room in the dark, where a large bed sat.

"Have some rest," he said.

I blinked down at the bed, unsure. "I don't know..."

"It's a guest room," he explained, flattening the sheets to have me sit. "Just rest here until you feel ready to leave."

I nodded, pulling my shoes off and settling into the blankets. Isaac stood over me, pulling the sheets up to my neck. I didn't want to think about how terrible I must have looked. Even lying down, my body felt sore and ached terribly.

"Will you stay?" I found myself asking, my voice quiet and weak.

He smiled at me. "Of course, get some rest."

I nodded again, leaning against the pillow. My fatigue was already taking over, pulling my eyes shut and tempting me to sleep.

Isaac slid to the floor beside the bed and rested his head against the mattress, his eyes trained on the door.

I smiled, remembering the first time he'd guarded me as I slept in the library.

"Don't watch me while I sleep," I joked, my voice faltering as sleep enticed me.

I didn't see his reaction, my eyes already shut, but I felt his lips kiss my forehead, his hand stroke my hair. My mind turned silent at his touch and I fell asleep.

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a u t h o r ' s n o t e

Disclaimer, you shouldn't really hug people if they're having a panic attack. In Isaac's defence, he didn't know what was happening, but a lot of people don't like to be touched. Personally, I need someone to hug me since it helps calm me down! 

If you have any other advice for people who experience panic attacks, comment them, I'd love to know! I had a panic attack last week (on the train home, how embarrassing lol) and my body was sore for days after from all the trembling.

How do you think Isaac will react in the next chapter? Let me know, and see you on Friday!

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net