36. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS

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I woke up from a deep slumber when I felt something wet sliding down my fingers. After I finally willed myself to open my eyes, I was faced with a familiar cream colored room of the infirmary.

I blinked my eyes to look around the dimly lit room when I realized that my hand was clutched gently in someone else's. I recognized the familiar mop of tousled raven hair and I swear, my heart a skipped a beat.

I brushed my finger against, what felt like, his cheek and his head instantly snapped up to look at me. I was shocked to see his red eyes brimming with tears and I figured that this was what I felt against my fingers; his tears.

A choked sob released from his mouth making my lips part in sheer astonishment and I felt panic bubble inside my chest.

"A-Adrian." I whispered.

"Shut up! Fuckin' shut up." He whispered.

He pressed his palms to his eyes and sobbed hard. He was actually fuckin' sobbing and I felt so confused and helpless because I did not know why he was crying.

Adrian Aksel Knight was sobbing for the very first time in his life.

I gulped and reached my hand towards him before grabbing his fingers and peeling them away from his face. He eventually opened his bloodshot eyes and looked at me with so much vulnerability swirling in them that it nearly knocked the breath out of my lungs.

"Who gave you the right to make decisions like that? You think you're so worthless that you, you can die? You took all of that to protect this family? Just how fuckin' selfless are you?" he questioned gesturing at all the bruises and marks on my body which was wrapped in a light purple hospital gown.

"They would've hurt them, Adrian. You don't understand-" I began to speak but he intervened.

"No, you don't understand. I could have lost you." He whispered the last part in a broken voice.

I was tongue-tied after that statement as I stared at him, open mouthed, not knowing what to say anymore.

"It's okay, they both would've been safe. Are they alright? Where are they?" I asked after composing myself.

"They're fine at home." He replied peering at the ground thoughtfully.

"I-I don't feel the pain anywhere, why?" I questioned knowing fully well that I was too battered to be feeling this numb.

"Zio Paul injected you with a drug to temporarily numb the pain. He feared your body wouldn't be able to handle it." he explained.

I nodded my head and silence fell over us. My eyes found his face to see immense relief masking his features as he stared at the heartbeat monitor. Tears still fell down his face quietly and his grip on my hand was firm, not painful, but firm.

The events of the past week started to swarm my mind as I stared at the wall in front of me, wordlessly. The way I was brutally beaten and was kept from food and water along with the verbal abuse but I was somewhat relieved at the moment that I was no longer held captive by the people who ruined my life the very first time.

"Where's Obrien?" I immediately asked in panic.

Adrian looked up at me, "Hey, hey, don't panic. He's on his flight to London, he said he'll call to check up on you. He told me everything." He informed.

I sighed, closing my eyes and nodded my head, "Okay."

"I don't want to meet anyone." I added while staring at the wall.

"Sia-" he began to say something but I shook my head.

"No." I whispered finally willing myself to look at him.

My hand was still encased in his and he was staring directly in my eyes. The grey in his orbs has seemed to lighten as kept searching my face for something.

Heat rose up my neck under his scrutiny and I looked away, "Was it planned?"

"What?" he questioned almost immediately.

"Killing Obrien." I answered moving my eyes to stare at his tired face.

His jaw ticked and his whole demeanor changed in a matter of few seconds as he swallowed and shook his head.

I squeezed his hand lightly in reassurance and his muscles relaxed a little as he slumped back in the chair, "it's okay."

"It's not." he snapped.

"Adrian, he did not know." I tried to reason.

"He should have followed the plan." He retaliated.

"He's your father."

"I don't care." He retorted.

My lips parted in shock, "It was a mistake."

"You weren't forgiven for yours by any one of us." He spoke quietly.

I shut my mouth after that, not wanting to argue because it was, indeed, true.

"Why didn't you tell me, Sia?" he asked drawing circles on my knuckles with his thumb.

I shivered, unknowingly. I knew it was coming but that did not mean I was ready for it.

Tears pricked at my eyes as I stared at our adjoined hands, my mind playing the events of that night over and over like some broken cassette and the tears finally fell out of the corner of my eyes.

"I was so scared." I whispered.

My bottom lip wobbled as I snapped my eyes up to his and he began to speak, "So you thought to play the hero and sacrifice your life?"

"Wouldn't you have done the same?"

"I don't care about me. I am the one who runs all this shit and I am supposed to protect my family before myself."

I smiled sadly through tears before exhaling a shaky breath, "I was born in the same family."

"You don't get to choose, okay? You don't fuckin' get to choose. You can't die. I'd have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you today." He stated with a hint of anger.

"Selena's fine. She h-"

"I don't fuckin' care about her as much as I care about you. Don't you get it, Sia?!" He asked in exasperation.

I stared at him dumbfounded.

"I lo-" he was cut off by the opening of door.

I frowned and moved my eyes to Aless who was standing there with a blank look on his face.

And then a memory suddenly flashed in front of my eyes and I snatched my hand away from Adrian's making him stare at me in confusion.

"You brought him with you." I accused pointing a finger at him.

"Sia, he's about to turn nineteen. I went to the field when I was thirteen." He sighed out.

My eyes narrowed at him, "I don't care, he's my brother and I would have sliced your throat had something happened to him."

"You both have a lot audacity talking to me like that." He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

I frowned but then Aless finally spoke reminding me of his presence in the room, "Sia."

I smiled faintly at him and beckoned him to come closer with my hand, "Hey."

He bent down to hug me gently as soon as he walked closer to my bed and I closed my eyes in relief.

"I thought I lost you." He whispered pulling away from me.

I smiled and shook my head, "Not that early."

From my peripheral vision, I caught Adrian standing up and about to leave but I caught him by the wrist and he froze before slowly turning his head to look down at me.

I wanted him to stay. I wanted to know what he was going to say before Aless came.

He got the message and sat down once again.

"Mom and dad wants to see you." Aless stated.

I brought my attention to him and shook my head in negative, "I don't wish to meet anyone, please."

"I understand." He nodded in agreement.

Was I being too selfish?

I was simply not ready to face them yet or anyone else for that matter. I wish I could explain to them how I felt during those weeks when they gave me a cold shoulder or when I was taken away and thought that maybe I will die without seeing them for the last time and getting the chance to mend things between us, all of us. It hurt me mentally to be left alone with my thoughts all day long when all they did was push me to give up and lose my strength.

I had no fight left me in for other people. I was tired of explaining why I did what I did. Did I have no right to my own life?

I might have made a mistake by keeping a few things in the dark but we all make mistakes and we should not be treated like trash for them. After all, we learn from them.

I was tired, I wanted a vacation away from here.

Probably never come back.

I felt a squeeze on my hand and I looked up at Adrian who was eyeing me, questioningly.

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"I wanna go to my house." I said looking at both of the men.

"Sia, you can't go home. Not yet, at least." Aless told.

"Why?" I nearly whined.

I was feeling suffocated and as if the walls were closing in on me. I never liked hospitals, especially after that incident.

"You were shot, Sia. You need to be kept under observation before they declare you stable enough to be discharged." Adrian supplied.

I shook my head, "Please, I'm feeling claustrophobic. Please, Adrian." I begged.

His eyebrows furrowed and he seemed to be contemplating something before he finally nodded, "Okay." He sighed.

"Thank you." I smiled but it quickly vanished as soon as he spoke again and I was shook when Aless agreed.

"Aless, bring her stuff to my condo. It's closest to the infirmary and she'll be staying with me."

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