40: Tyler

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40. Tyler

 "Look who's not dead." Ethan grins and I take in the bruise on his face.

"I see they got you too," I comment.

"Actually, they knocked me out with a blow to the back of the head. My beautiful face was fine until some bastard kicked me in the face when I was out."

I wince. "Did they do anything else?"

Ethan shakes his head. "Left me in the parking lot when they took you and Franny. You guys were okay though, right?"

"Yeah, we're fine," I lie. "Just a bit beaten up."

"Is Franny fine?" Ethan asks again.

"Yeah," I say.

No, she's not.

I lean against the side of my car and look over at the school and then glance over at the football field. Mid-year exams are coming up soon, and eventually, graduation. Then what am I supposed to do? I can't stay here forever. Something has to change, something has to move forward.

Carl is finally gone. I don't have to fight anymore. I'm finally free to do whatever I want yet it feels like suddenly there are too many possibilities. Too many questions that there are no answers for.

Ethan comes up beside me and we both look out at the football field.

"You were good," he says, tilting his head towards the field.

"You say it past tense for a reason," I comment.

"It doesn't have to stay past tense," Ethan says. "The school year might be half over but that doesn't mean that all your chances are gone. There are options."

I look down, away from the field I used to do laps around every Wednesday and Friday after school.

"And what are you going to do?" I ask.

Ethan shrugs. "I'll figure it out. Not sure I want to keep up with the motor-racer thing. There are endless possibilities for a junkie like me."

I crack a smile. "You used to want to be a cop."

Ethan scoffs. "Like they're going to accept me now. But the military's standards are a little lower."

I look over at him. "Military?" I echo.

He nods. "Just a thought."

The bell rings and I sigh, picking up my bag from the ground by my feet. "Don't get too high while I'm gone."

Ethan grins. "I'll try and contain myself."

I roll my eyes and head towards the back doors of the school. The roaring engine of Ethan's bike echoes through the parking lot before it fades away down the street and out of sight. I turn off when I'm near the doors and rush down the stairs leading to the football field.

Coach Artegon is exactly where I thought he would be. He's sorting through the equipment in the boy's gym, where the doors are open wide out onto the field. I walk up to the gym doors and knock on the hard metal.

Coach looks up and places the equipment down on a bench.

"Tyler," he says. "Didn't expect to see you here."

I gulp and walk inside, heading over to him.

"Sorry if this is a bad time. I just needed to ask you something," I say.

"Timing's perfectly fine," Coach says. "Mind helping me get the volleyball nets up while you talk?"

I nod and grab the poles from the floor, slotting them into the ground where I know they all go.

"I wanted to talk about football," I say.

Coach chuckles. "Then I suppose you've come to the right guy."

"Is it too late for me to play on the team?"

I hear Coach stop tying off the nets and can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head. I continue to slot in the poles and tighten the screws.

"Football season's almost over, Ty," Coach says. "We have one game left, if that."

"What about some kind of practice or training somewhere?" I ask.

Coach walks around until he stops in front of me and I don't realize my hands are shaking until I look down and clench them into fists.

"Ty, you're too late," Coach says. "The season's over. Scouts already came and went with names already written down. I don't know what else I can do. I'm sorry, kid."

I let out a long breath and nod. "Yeah, yeah, of course. I understand."

Coach sighs and I help him finish putting up the nets.

"But if there was something," I say. "You would help me, right?"

Coach shoves my shoulder. "Of course I would."

I grin and hold my hands up.

"Thanks," I say.

"Just don't give up on me again," Coach says and I nod.

"I won't. not this time."

***

We meet at a fast-food place.

Franny was originally going to have us all meet at a diner she goes to with her dad, but it's right next door to the bar, and whenever something about Carl comes up, Franny freezes a little. I try not to think about it but she's on edge all the time. I don't know what I can do to help. It's even more painful to know that there isn't anything.

I can only watch.

Tally and Ethan are sitting on one side of the booth together and Franny and I slide into the other side. Music blasts out through the speakers and there are little television screens on each wall, playing a movie with the sound off.

I sip idly on my drink as Tally dominates most of the conversation.

My ribs hurt suddenly, and I realize that I've been hunched over the table sloppily, at an odd angle for too long. I sit upright which catches Franny's attention, and she looks over at me questioningly.

I lean towards her. "Just my ribs," I say and she nods, her face becoming a little pained.

"I have pain meds in my bag," she says, but I shake my head.

"I'm fine."

The food arrives and I devour a burger at a speed that my body isn't ready for. My back aches as I swallow a mouthful of fries and I try to drown it out with my drink. The cut on my lip stings but I ignore it, my eyes fading in and out on the movie playing silently.

"Does anyone know what happened to Carl then?" Tally asks.

Surprisingly, I tense up before Franny.

"No," I manage to say. "But I was told he'll probably get done for murder."

"Life," Franny finishes and I nod.

"Life sentence," I agree.

Cold fingers suddenly touch mine beneath the table and I flinch before I settle down and let Franny interlock her fingers with mine. I didn't notice my hands were shaking again.

Tally pulls Ethan into a conversation and a worker comes to haul away the food. I turn my head towards Franny and grip her hand tighter.

"Thanks," I whisper.

She smiles softly. "I get it."

A warmth settles over me because she actually does. She was there. She saw it. So she might be the only one that will ever understand.

"There was something I wanted to talk about, though," she says and reaches into her pocket, pulling her hand from mine.

Franny takes out a piece of folded paper and flattens the creases out. She turns it towards me so I can see it and smiles shakily.

"It's the receipt for my college applications," Franny says. "Turns out I wasn't too late."

I blink down at the paper before looking up at Franny, who's worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes are trained on the paper and I stare down at it too. Then I smile.

"This is amazing," I breathe.

Franny's head snaps up quickly. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I say.

Franny's face breaks out into a smile and my chest tightens. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her toward me, kissing the top of her head.

"How far away are they?" I ask.

"The furthest is Boston," she says quietly, and I choke out a laugh.

"That's on the other side of the country," I point out.

"It's not my first choice," she rushes to say, but I pull away a little to look her in the eyes.

"And if it's where you go, then that's fine," I say. "We'll work it out. Don't stop doing what you want just so this can keep going."

Franny drops her head onto my shoulder. "You're too nice to me."

I laugh against her head and rub a hand down her back. "I think I love you," I say suddenly and Franny tenses.

She pulls her head away and looks at me, the piece of paper held tightly in her hand. Her other hand cups my cheek and I close my eyes.

"I think I love you too," she breathes.

I lean forward and Franny meets me, her lips crashing against mine before she pulls away with a dazed grin.

"I love you," she says again with a smile and I laugh.

"I love you too, idiot," I say fondly.

She rubs her thumb over my cheek and tucks her head against my neck.

"Stay over tonight," I mumble against the top of her head.

"Okay," she whispers as Tally turns, pulling us into a conversation.

I hug Franny to me, my mind wandering away from the conversation. My eyes are trained on the table in front of me and I think about what will happen from now to graduation. Everyone seems to have a place they can go, somewhere they belong.

All I can think about is the fact that I don't.

But I have Franny—for however long she will have me.

And for now, that's enough.

- Ellie x

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