The roads are fluent to me. I am able to drive to my dad's house without forgetting whether I turn right or go left at the stop sigh between the pet shop and the liquor store. I pull my sleeves down and hold them between my fingers.

Nothing changed since I've been at his home. There's a little porch with a light lit although it's daytime. A soccer ball in the middle of the yard and a bike on it's side on the driveway.

I park on the road and my phone begins to ring. Francine pops up on the screen but I put her on mute. Grabbing my bag, I swing it over my shoulder and walk up the yard. The grass is dark green and smells freshly cut.

The neighborhood is quiet and next door has a few children playing on a tree. I ring the doorbell and take a step back. There's a weight on my shoulders and every second that passes makes me want to turn around and leave.

I hear someone near the door and then it opens. My dad is standing in front of me and I feel more of a friend than his daughter. I feel a sense of sympathy and I wonder if I should write another story similar to my other.

"Hey Theo." He awkwardly smiles and I don't go in for a hug. I pull on my bag strap and let it sit between my shoulder and the nape of my neck. For some reason, it feels heavier.

"Hi dad." I reply in the same tone as his. I'm not sure if he's actually happy to see me but I can't read his thoughts. Only the way his eyes glance at me and take in how much I've grown.

"Come in, come in. Are you hungry? We can have sandwiches." Entering his house, it smells of pine and outdoors. Someone is rustling in the kitchen and it must be Jean. I don't see Nolan yet but I don't really care.

"I'm okay for now." I reply to his question about lunch. I grabbed coffee and a muffin on my way here but although my stomach responses with a growl—I feel like a burden for taking food he paid for.

"What have you been up to?" He shuts the door and we both walk through the foyer and into the living room. There's a window into the kitchen and I see Jean pop her head out.

"Hi Theo! It's so good to see you!" We were never close—Jean and I. My dad didn't really bring her around for an appropriate introduction and then he randomly told me that she's having his child.

I didn't have a significant response, especially since I was the only child. I just frowned across from him at the restaurant and said "Oh okay" and didn't even bother congratulating them. He never did for anything I accomplished, so I was petty enough to do the same.

"Hey Jean. How's everything been?" I ask nicely but she doesn't hear me over the running sink. Dad touches my back and tells me to sit on the couch.

I sit on the edge and rub my clammy hands against my thighs. I didn't tell anybody I drove out to see him. I didn't tell any of the girls or even my mom when she called me today in the morning to ask how I've been.

"Is it weird you're back on the Island?" He asks me and I take up the offer on water that is sitting on the coffee table. I don't know how to answer—whether he's being sincere or not. Telling me whether to stay and have a life here or to pack up and run.

"A little. I've been seeing old friends from high school." I admit quickly, feeling my throat become parched again.

A lot happened last night and I can't really connect the dots. Jules knows the truth but she still wallows in alcohol. Vivi has noticed that not everything is butterflies and rainbows in the eyes of success and Clarry is as gentle and open as ever. Penny and Em...they are a question but what Em has told us—Penny feels pity for Em and is slowly forgiving her.

But there's something lingering.

Looking at dad, I see his eyes and notice how similar they are to mine. His thick hair that curls in different places and the smile lines around his mouth. He is my creator and a part of me I cannot forget. He is and always will be my father no matter where I am in his life.

"I've missed having you close, Theo." He tells me after I explain to him what I've been doing in Port Jeff. Jean is still in the kitchen cutting bread and adding cold cuts and mayo.

"Life has been really busy." I tell him and he nods his head.

"I can see that. I see you on the internet."

I raise a brow, "You do?" 

He nods, a grin on his parted lips, "Of course. I keep up every news, interview and article around you. I've been waiting for a tour date on the Island."

I look away because for once, my heart is sprouting with glee. I never heard from him about my career or even keeping up with what I've been doing. Guilt settles in my bones when I realize I was selfish enough to not even call. But how can I feel this way if he didn't do the same either? Especially with everything he did?

We begin talking and catching up on things. Eventually Jean came into the living room and sat next to my dad. I stared at the ring on her finger as it glistened in the light that glared through the window. I don't know much about their relationship or how they live daily.

All I remember is him and my mom growing out of love and I watched in the shadows. I was the messenger who spoke when they couldn't get the words out. I was the body that cried when my mom said she was leaving my dad. Then I was the child who sat on the porch as he drove off in the van that carried all his belongings.

I break appetite and reach for a small sandwich that is sitting in small pieces on a large platter in the middle of us. I don't bother grabbing a plate but keep my hovering hand underneath so no crumbs fall. They don't mind, probably because they have Nolan who makes messes.

Although this house is relatively clean.

Time flies and I don't pay much attention. Dad talks to me about work and how he wants to leave the Island when Nolan is a little older. I don't ask because I feel embarrassed to tell them that I don't know how old Nolan is. But it seems as though he is late elementary school.

There's a moment in time when I feel like this is the new norm and I can adjust to it. Visit my dad occasionally and hang out with him, Jean and Nolan. Possibly stay in their guest bedroom so I don't have to crash at a hotel near by. Yet, they never bring it up so I don't know if this connection is made up or I genuinely feel wanted.

The sun is beginning to set and I slowly stand—feeling the need to pee. I don't bother asking to use the bathroom though as my dad walks to me to the front door. Jean is behind him and I hug her goodbye this time.

Turing to my dad, I ask, "Can I talk to you outside?" I point over my shoulder and towards the front door.

"Yeah, sure." He steadily says, his eyes wandering as though he knows what I want to talk about.

Jean leaves us alone thankfully and he shuts the door behind him. The children from next door aren't clinging on the tree anymore but laying on the grass and watching the sunset. I sit on the edge of the porch and let my knees touch my chest.

My dad sits next to me and there is a moment of silence enveloping us. I don't know how to start or where to finish. I find it ridiculous doing this because when I tried when I was younger—I'd leave crying. Disappointed. Lonely.

But he has a son now and a new family. Maybe patience in his new commitment and understanding peoples needs instead of only his own. I run my fingers through my hair and without looking at him, I keep my eyes on the ground.

"I wish we were closer." I begin, my voice becoming rasp instantly. Confrontation, communication...they all bother me. This is why I never commit to a relationship.

He sighs, "I know."

"There was a lot we missed from each other. We've grown and it hurts me."

Another sigh, "I know, Theo. I can't turn back time."

"I wish I can because when I see you now, I see a stranger. You'll always be my dad but I can't fathom the fact that you left me. You took that in spite of mom and left me alone when I needed you the most."

"I'm sorry, Theo." He admits and I begin to cry. I've never heard him say sorry to me or ever. "I wish I could do things differently but the past is the past. There's nothing you can do now but move forward. I'm willing to move forward with you if you'd like. You can come visit for the holidays or Jean and I can come to you."

I shake my head, "I-I don't know. I will have to think about that." I mutter under my breath.

"Think about it then." His response is stiff and stern.

"It's just...I'm not used to this. It takes a long time to forgive and I don't know if I'm ready. It felt like you died, dad. You died and I wasn't able to talk to you again. That's how it felt."

I wipe back tears and sniffle because my nose is beginning to run. I don't know his expression because I'm still not looking at him. But I know his eyes are red, his face has dropped with guilt and his nostrils are flared. At this point, I'm surprised he hasn't raised his voice yet.

The children yell and race into the house.

"I was in a bad state. You can at least be proud of how far I've come." Shocked, I turn. He flipped this whole thing around and makes me look like the villain.

"Dad, of course I am but I'm your daughter. Not once did you call me and tell me you are proud of what I've accomplished."

Not once but Rubies father did at her own wake.

"To tell you congratulations on a book that is obviously about me?" Now flabbergasted, I scoff and stand—ignoring the static running up and down my legs. "Honey, I'm not angry because you have every right to be upset with me. I can't forget what I did but you need to understand that what you're doing—it's not helping you."

"You don't know that." I snap, letting tears fall down my cheeks helplessly. His voice is faint and gentle—therapeutic. But I don't like the way it sounds. It makes me sound like I am a patient—an ill child. Someone that should be embarrassed with how they still feel from past trauma.

"You are being rewarded for these things. Hell, I even saw they're making a movie but Theo, none of this is healthy."

"You don't know that!" I scream, my voice echoing down the neighborhood. I'm afraid Jean is going to come out and ask if everything is okay. Pushing myself up, I balance on the slanted driveway and bring blood flow to my legs. "You don't know what I'm going through and for you to act like my fucking therapist is so mighty of you. Maybe if you actually cared enough to give me a fucking call these past years and arranged plans to see me. I get you have this luxury life now and I wish you the best with Nolan but I hope you never forget that I'm—your daughter—is still alive."

His brows furrow when the sleeve of my arm goes up a little and he sees dark spots. The horror on his face makes me take a cautious step back.

"Honey..."

I raise my arms in defense, "No actually, this was a bad idea. Obviously you don't care much of my presence."

"Theo, have you spoken to your mother?" Staring at him with disbelief, I scoff.

"I have and clearly no one can save me but myself."

My dad stands and reaches over for me but I take another step back. The sun has gone down and it's twilight. The street lights have lit up and the light inside me has dimmed.

"You need to talk to someone." He persuades and I wipes my swollen eyes—tired to crying. I'm sick of everything and everyone. I just want the people I care for the most. The ones who make me feel alive during my lowest. The ones that couldn't save a part of me but can finally heal.

A car pulls up at the end of the driveway. Glancing over my shoulder, I hear a childlike voice exiting the car. My dad raises his arm and waves at the car that honks when it drives by. I cover my face and control my breathing.The boy racing up the driveway calls my dad—our dad—as he crashes into his legs.

"Hey buddy!" My dad shouts when he picks up Nolan. I rub my hands together and slowly nod to myself.

Nolan glances over at me with large brown eyes just like ours. He's grown since the last time I've seen him. My dad places him down and Nolan stands beside him and presses his cheek against his jeans.

I glance at my dad and put up a fake smile, "I'm just going to go."

"Wait—don't go." He mutters something to Nolan and I hear the front door open and close when my back is turned. "I'm your father, Theo. Just stop and let me talk." A shiver runs down my spine when his stern voice is thick in command. Reminds me of the voice he used on my mom.

"It's whatever," I pause when his voice roars in the thin air.

"I fucked up, okay!" He shouts aggressively. Slowly turning, I see the door open again. "I didn't do anything right but now I'm trying my best to be the man I can be until I die, okay!"

"Honey," Jean is standing at the doorway, half of her body inside the house completely terrified. "Lower your voice and come inside."

"Go inside, Jean." He points at the door and she doesn't budge.

"No, calm down because Nolan is scared."

"Get the fuck inside," My dad sneers and I watch her flinch at the words. She slowly closes the door and my dad turns to me.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, "Baby, please. I-I'm doing my best."

"I'm your daughter and you can't see that." I sob, almost crashing to the ground. "I came here to see if it could be different but clearly it can't. So, I hope you don't leave your new family like you left me and mom."

"Your mother wanted a divorce!"

"And me? What about me!" I point at my chest hard enough for it to pulse. "I was a child. I'm still your child." I run a hand through my hair and slowly find my way to breathe again. He doesn't anything so I take that as an unknown response.Turning, my legs are numb but I find myself walking to the car.

My dad calls my name but I don't budge. Unlocking the car, I open the driver's door and find my dad standing at the front of the hood.

"It's okay, dad. I'll be okay. I've been okay this entire time." I reassure him so he can get off my back. We were having a great time today but I messed up asking him something I realized I didn't need.

"I've been terrible Theo. I've been a terrible father to you and I wish I can make it up. I can make it up okay? Please, Theo." He begs and I gnaw at my bottom lip. It's foreign to me and I can't fathom the idea of agreeing and visiting more often. To see his son who looked at me and didn't even recognize who I .

Sighing, I hold onto the door and say, "Time will tell. It was good seeing you, dad. I'm sorry if I bothered you."

He leans off the hood and steps aside. Now he's standing on the curb where the grass meets the street.

"Okay, have a goodnight. Drive safe."

"Yep," I mutter before slamming the door and starting the engine. He watches me as I drift off the road. Gazing into the mirror, I see his figure standing still as I—for once—leave instead of him.

~*~
Ugh the rest is so sad. Thoughts on the story so far? It's my first fiction novel that isn't vampires haha.
Vote, comment, follow me :)