Truthfully, I haven't laughed in a really long time. As we all lay down on the grass, stare up at the sky and talk about our days. The men or women we slept with, our jobs or the careers most are still searching for and our aspirations.

Penny is finishing graduate school after taking a gap year. She is deciding to do something with an art history degree. She currently lives with her boyfriend in an apartment in the town next to Port Jeff. Vivi still lives at home and didn't finish college.

Her abuela is sick and she needs to help her mama take care of the family when she's working a second job. Jules is still indecisive with what she wants to do. Her relapsing and going back to rehab caused a delay in her life.

As for Clarry, she talks about her exciting career as a nurse in Virginia. I don't say much because they already know what is going on with me. They've all taken the hint that I dislike the conversation. Em is quiet at first but she explores on her desire to go back to graduate school for communications.

"Who even studies communications anymore?" Clarry jokes and we all laugh. A smile is still lingering on my lips as I watch a plane fly over us in the clouds.

For late April, it's warm and sunny. There's clouds passing by but it doesn't bring cold winds. A pair of jeans and a sweater is warm enough.

"That's a deer." I say, raising my arm up in the air and pointing at the cloud above me.

The girls fall on their backs and follow the moving clouds in silence.

"Oh! That's a car!" Jules points at another and although I don't see a car—I still agree with her.

"A bird?" Vivi questions another. A small one that is slowly falling apart and drifting away.

"Ruby," Em mutters and we all turn our heads to her. Her face is blank but she's staring up at the sky. "It's a ruby."

I watch as all of their soft, adolescent faces turn up to the sky. When I follow suit, there is a thick, dark cloud mastering the same shape of a ruby. The only thing missing is the crimson color.

Soon, my imagination focuses on the blood that seeped from Rubies wrists. The tub filled with water and the remains of what pumps her heart. My stomach churns with disgust as I sit up and run my hand through my hair.

Suddenly, a shadow casts over our bodies and the sounds of the turf crunching. I turn to see who it is and the girls tilt their heads back to get a better look.

"Now this is something I don't see at five o'clock in the afternoon." He says and the girls sit up as well.

"Ian?" Jules calls out and we watch as a group of guys walk onto the field with backpacks and a pair of cleats in their hands.

"What are you all doing here?" He asks and when the group gets closer, they are all from my high school graduating class. 

"We can say the same." Penny smiles, tilting her head to the side.

Ian stands over Jules, a long smile on his lips. Slowly, we all greet each other and it's weird to familiarize ourselves with them. It feels as though history is repeating itself. Once you hit an age, you don't expect to find yourself returning back home and interacting with people you thought you'd never see again.

They all played on the football team together and won the championship from their hard work.

I cross my legs and feel the warm sun beating on my bare chest. Danny, one of the guys watch me as I tilt my head back and close my eyes. He wasn't much my type in high school but I notice adulthood is treating him well.

"We usually play here after work." Ian looks over his shoulder and gives the guys a nod.

"Looks like your high school peek never left." Clarry chimes in and we all giggle at her snarky comment. I open my eyes and watch them all response with a laugh.

It's unusual to see them all here standing over us. I look at the girls and Em's head is down, her hair covering her face like a curtain. I watch as she plucks the fake grass out of the ground in utter silence.

"Since we all still live here. It's an excuse to hang out and stay active." Danny adds, giving Clarry a look and she rolls her eyes.

"Right,"

"Want to play?" Gus, the other guy next to Danny challenges.

Clarry waves her hand in the air, "Oh no, I'm too frail for that."

"How about a party?" Ian suggests and we all glance at each other.

Vivi blows smoke out of her mouth before replying, "A house party?"

"Yeah, we usually throw them once in a while with other classmates. Would be awesome if you all came because we haven't really seen each other in years." He explains, glancing at Penny with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"Is it because Rubies died?" I ask without thinking. It runs silent and Ian's smile vanishes and his shoulders drop. Penny mutters something to me but I don't understand.

"No, Theo. Not at all. It's tragic what happened to Rubies but we literally haven't seen each other since graduation. Don't you want to see people you haven't seen since high school?" Ian asks me and I gnaw at my lip.

Surprisingly, I feel this warm sensation in my chest. The idea of going to a house party at 25, drinking and laughing with a bunch of people I knew. Doing something my youth would thrive for.

I smile and say, "I do," and the girls eyes lighten up.

"Perfect, I'm sure you all remember where I live." We all slowly nod our heads. I watch the other guys drop their bags and slip their cleats on. "Right off 347 behind Buttercups?" He adds with simple directions, his dark thick brows moving along with his blue eyes.

"You live down the block from me." Em finally says and my ear perks up at her voice. It sounds indecisive and I wonder what she's thinking.

Ian's eyes glint with surprise, "Oh yeah, right. I still hear your brother's loud ass car bumping down the street."

"So lame," She mutters between her knees.

For a moment of silence, I watch Ian's eyes jump from Em, to Clarry, to Penny, to Vivi, to Jules then to me. We lock eye contact and I wonder if he sees me.

Or if he sees me as he saw me in high school. I wonder if he can see how translucent my skin is and how it's easy to devour every naked part of me. Ian is deniably attractive but his cockiness is what overlooks that.

I won't be the one to spread my legs for him but I know who will.

Or who would've.

"I guess I will see you ladies on Friday at eight o'clock." He winks a goodbye as they walk towards the metal bench that was left from the lacrosse team.

All of our eyes wander each other's until Jules squeals.

"House party reunion!" She cheers to herself and Em sighs.

Vivi laughs at their coherent responses and Penny stands, brushing the turf off her ass. I look over my shoulder as I watch her grab her bag.

"I'm heading out." She bypasses Em and steps over Vivi's extended legs. "I will see you all later?"

Clarry gives her a thumbs up and I nod my head with a grin. She waves goodbye as she walks off the turf and up towards the parking lot. After a few minutes, the rest of the girls slowly disburse.

With my knees pressed to my chest, I watch the guys toss a football around playfully. The sun is setting and it has casted an orange glaze over the blue sky. Jules is the last one to go, her breath still warm of liquor.

"Theo?" I glance up at her pale face. It's peculiar to find eyes so bright and welcoming but confused, numb lips. She wants to ask me something—I know she does but it seems as though something is stopping her.

"Yes, Jules?"

She fishes for something in her back pocket and hands me a small card.

"I go to counseling every Thursday. It's group counseling and anybody is welcome. I think you should come."

I read the card and chuckle, "I don't live here though."

"Even if it's once...or just this week." She's insisting for a reason. Pushing me to come to something I don't think I want to go to.

I've been to group counselings and therapy sessions before. I recently stopped after overcoming this conflict in my life that I thought I'd never heal from.

The fact that Jules handed me this card to talk to someone—unless she wants me to go with her—reminds me that I'm still healing. Being back with the girls is the start of it all.

~*~