26. a series of unfortunate events

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My fingers gripped the doorknob and I sucked in a deep breath, preparing myself for what's on the other side.

I pushed the door open hesitantly and focused on my mom first, staring at me while I walked inside. Her face looked hollow and pale.

"Fuck," she mumbled as I kicked my shoes off. Her eyes rolled once and her head rested against her hands.

"I can't believe you threw your own brother under the bus," she quickly added with tinted red cheeks.

I let the air out through my mouth and clenched my fists out of annoyance. "Mom, I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't even mean to do it!"

She wiped tears from her fatigued face, staring at me like I just handed my brother in to the police willingly. I didn't.

"I didn't, mom! I didn't even mean for any of that to happen!" I stomped my feet once and waved my arms all over the place, my face heating up and I wasn't even inside for five minutes.

"Then why is your brother in jail?" She spat at me, her jaw jutted out in anger. It was now obvious she hasn't been sleeping well.

"I don't know! It was bad timing," I tried to calmly reassure her, my ears ringing as if they were on fire.

"I'm so tired," she croaked out in one long breath, "especially of you fucking everything up."

My eyes grew wide, furiously trying to focus on my mother who I wasn't even sure was my mother anymore. The room felt like it was spinning and the dirty walls around me suddenly didn't look so dirty.

"Did you actually say that to me?" I asked her, my cheeks ready to turn into lava and flow down my face.

I blinked a few times to clear the tears piling in my eyes, sniffling once to assure myself I was okay and I wasn't going to cry. I stared at my mother who did nothing more than stare back at me.

"Huh?" I asked her again. I was getting sick of her eyes beaming against mine as I already felt vulnerable. I just wanted her answer, her real answer, because what she said to me couldn't have been real.

"Just leave me alone," she said to me. Her fingers covered her face as she sat at the kitchen table.

I nodded and rolled my eyes. I didn't want to show how upset I really was.

I started walking into the living room, but I quickly turned around and began walking upstairs. I saw my dad in his room, one arm covering his face as he slept on the bed.

My teeth clenched again and I turned into my room, falling backwards onto my bed. I rolled my head to the side to look at Devian's mattress, one single blanket crumpled up in the middle. I tried to fight the tears swelling in my eyes but I couldn't. I began crying and it wasn't the kind of crying that fixes things — it was the kind of crying that makes your stomach hurt because it literally won't stop.

•••

I woke up the next morning with my cheek stuck to my pillow. The tears from last night must have dried against the fabric and remembering yesterday first thing in the morning made me want to stay in bed and cry again.

I actually missed my brother.

Pushing the door open to get into the bathroom, I saw Aspen. She was slumped on the toilet with the door wide open. I creased my forehead and stood in my bedroom's doorway.

"Aspen?" I mumbled, taking care to not wake my parents up since their door was wide open too.

There was no response.

I crept closer to the bathroom door, both of my hands pressed against the sides of the door frame.

"Aspen?" I said again, this time louder than before. My voice hollowed throughout the tiny bathroom.

Aspen wouldn't budge. Now that I was close enough, I could see for myself that her eyes were shut and her arms lifeless. I immediately rushed over to stand in front of her, shaking her shoulders around a bit. She wouldn't wake up.

"Mom!" I shouted, shaking Aspen some more. Her body just shifted around like a ragdoll.

"Mom, Aspen won't wake up!" I shouted again and stratigically propped Aspen so she wouldn't slump over while I rushed into my parents bedroom next door.

"Aspen isn't waking up, she's not okay," I loudly grumbled to my mom and dad as they turned over in bed a few times.

"I'm calling the police," I shakily said and began searching for a telephone. I found a cell phone on my parents desk and I took no time to mess around — I dialed the number straight away.

"What are you doing?" My dad sternly asked.

"Aspen isn't waking up," I breathlessly told him as I heard dial tones on the other line.

My dad and mom exchanged worried looks as they rushed into the bathroom without saying anything else to me.

"Did you check her vitals?" My dad shouted from next door, but before I could say anything my mom answered him as if I wasn't the one who found her there in the first place.

The responder on the other line told me they were sending an ambulance right away. I hung up and slammed my fists against the wall, letting my head hit the cement once. "Fuck!"

My whole world was crumbling in the palm of my hands and it all stemmed back to me. I was the one who caused all of this drama in the first place. If only I could turn back time and keep my damn mouth shut in front of Axel's dad.

"Call an ambulance!" My mother hastily ordered to nobody in particular.

I stood in her room and raised my arms as if I was obsolete from this whole situation.

"Mom, I already did, they're on their way," I calmly told her because she seemed way more worked up than she sounded.

My mom gave me a look. A look that says, "I'm purposely ignoring you."

I knew damn well this was going to be my fault.

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