I found myself walking to Axel's house. I didn't feel too confident about it because I don't like relying on others, but lately he's been the only person who has been nice and willing to help when I'm too cowardly to admit I need it.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to work his magic and make my family disappear for just a little bit.

I rounded the sidewalk to his house, walking up the steps to his porch. I knew I just left his house not too long ago, but my mood was changing faster than the tide was rolling back at the pier.

Standing in front of his door, I heard a toddler screaming inside which I figured was his half brother. I questioned whether I should knock or not, but I did it anyway—softly.

His step mom opened the door and gasped at my appearance. Soggy, wet, shaggy, in her step son's clothes. Her words trembled a bit before she creased her eyebrows together. "Hello, do you need something?"

I nodded and tried to peek inside past her tall frame. She turned around to look briefly as she saw my eyes wandering, her fingers rushing through her hair like I was going to bust in and rob the place.

"I'm here for Axel, actually," I muttered.

She turned around again and waved her hand forward towards the door, Axel coming into frame. "What are you doing here?"

I shrugged and ran my right hand up my left arm, looking at both Axel and his step mom. "I can't be home right now."

His step mom tilted her head and looked at Axel. "Do you know him?" Axel nodded and blinked a few times, pushing the screen door open for me. "Come inside, I guess."

I hesitantly walked inside of his house as he said, running both of my hands through my hair as his half brother and dad played on the floor. His dad didn't acknowledge me until Axel said I could go up into his room with him.

"Hey bud, who are you?" His dad asked me, my eyebrow raising at the word "bud."
"I'm Axel's friend, Orion. We're going to study for Physics." I smiled as best I could, watching his dad hold his younger son above his chest like an airplane. "No fooling around," His dad added, glaring in Axel's direction. I looked at my shoes and tried not to take that comment the wrong way.

"Jeez, dad! I'm not gay, don't worry. Men can't even get pregnant either," Axel blurted out, walking towards his room now. His dad looked at me and mouthed "I'm sorry," followed by a whisper to his step mom and me, "I didn't mean it like that!"

I could tell his step mom was somewhat annoyed at that comment by the way her tongue rolled around the insides of her mouth, eyes glaring at Axel's dad. I smirked and turned around to walk to Axel's room, wondering what it would be like if we actually "fooled" around while his whole family was just a few seconds away in another room.

Inside his room, Axel was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, a smoking cigarette between a pair of fingers on his right hand.
The window was cracked to filter the smoke, which was probably why I got chills the second I walked into his room.

"Are you okay?" I asked when I saw him. I sat down on the floor by his feet, leaning against his bed.

"That's a good fucking question, I'd say," Axel paused to take a drag of his cigarette, "there's too much joking about being gay and sexuality."
I laughed to myself and let my knees sink towards my chest as I sat. "Welcome to planet Earth."

"No, not that," Axel quickly cut me off, "I meant my dad." I brushed some wet grass off the ankles of the sweatpants I was wearing, opening my mouth a few seconds prior to asking. "Well, are you gay?" I heard him take another drag of his cigarette while I watched the smoke rise over the horizon of his room.

"I know I like guys, don't know about dick yet," he whispered as if I was the only one who should have heard that. I laughed at his answer, holding back from saying anything dirty as he seemed to be taking this very seriously. "Doesn't your dad like gay people?" Axel shifted around a bit and finished his cigarette, tossing it out the window. "It's not that either, I just don't want to admit it to myself or anyone, really."

I looked over at the picture of his girlfriend on his dresser, imagining how she would feel when and if Axel admits anything to anyone besides me.
"How did you come out?" He suddenly asked, interrupting my thoughts. I looked away from his dresser, feeling a bit embarrassed because I was obviously looking in that direction. "I only told my family, and you I guess. Oh, and Pablo on my team knows."

He shook his head and laid down on his bed, one knee in the air as his arm draped over his chest. "It just seems so easy when other people say they did it, but I can't even be sure I am, you know, gay." Without even thinking, I added, "I could probably help you."

What. The. Fuck.

I immediately bit my tongue after that comment, hoping he didn't think I meant by sex or anything.
"You'll help me find a boyfriend so I can see if I really am gay?" He said with hope lingering in his voice.

Fuck. Not exactly what I meant.

"Uh, I guess I could."

I looked up at him and smiled lightly, trying to mask what I was feeling inside. Despair, probably. I felt awful because from this point forward I was the hot gay kids best gay friend that would never date him because they're only gay best friends.

He smiled back and opened up an ancient looking flip phone, giving me a half grin. "Gonna break up with Aubrey right now, over text," he put the phone down for a second and smiled even wider, "you can come with me to a party in Riverside. Maybe we'll find someone gay for me to date! It's tonight at 10."

I nodded in agreement and picked at my still-wet sweatpants, holding back the biggest sigh I probably ever had to sight.

Perfect.

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