Chapter 33 ~ Jealousy

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

'Jealousy is like petrol pouring in the sea from a damaged boat. Your relationship, just like the boat, is full of uncertainties. Will it sail or will it drown? Can we make it work? Will it kill us in its fall?

But when these uncertainties resurface after you had buried them deep down to find the courage to go afloat, you try to drown them again or they stick to you, messing with your brain until you don't know which direction to follow.

And then, because you have let these uncertainties mess with your certainties, you hit the iceberg: that problem you thought was minor but which was actually massive under the surface.

That's when it starts. The uncertainties become your reality: it can't work anymore. Petrol starts to pour in the sea, just like jealousy runs in your being. Everything becomes black, dangerous and harmful.

It's too late, you can't mend the ship and too much has been poured already. So you watch it spread, just like you watch what was once your certainty, sail on another boat.'

It feels like time has stopped. My parents and I are waiting in the car, none of us know what to do. They came back home a few hours ago to find me vomiting in the bathroom. I had no other choice but to tell them the whole story. We cried, yelled and cried again. I remember very well the moment the doctors announced them Hashley had died. The only word I can think about when reminiscing about this day is devastation. I don't think there is any other word that can describe what parents feel when they lose a child. When I told them the truth behind Hashley's suicide, they experienced the day of her death all over again. It was like I had punched them in the still-opened wounds. And I hate myself for that, for making them go through all of this once again. But they deserved, and most of all needed, to hear the truth.

After we had all managed to stop crying, my father urged us in the car and drove to the police station so we could fill a complaint against Hannah. And here we are, finally getting off the car to go inside the police station.

We are told to wait in Officer O'Brian's office. It is a small office with plain white walls and a small window. The only furniture in there is a desk with a chair and three other chairs before it. My head is still pounding from all the tears I cried and my throat still sore from the words I had a hard time saying.

"Jade, you're going to have to tell the officer everything," My father says as he places both hands on my shoulders. "Do you want your mother and I to be in here with you or do you want us to wait outside?"

This is all going too fast. I feel like I became a spectator of my own life, watching it going down with no way to stop it. I'm not even sure I can say everything aloud again. It just makes it... so real.

"I don't think I can do it without you next to me," I reply and my father pulls me in a tight hug.

Officer O'Brian set foot inside the office and nods in our direction before gesturing for us to take a seat. He is an opulent man, probably in his late fifties, with really short brown hair. The look on his face almost pushes me to leave. He seems bored out of his mind like he has heard the same stories over and over for years even though we haven't said a word yet.

"I was told you were here to fill a complaint? Can one of you explain everything to me so I can get it on record?" He asks with a surprisingly reassuring voice.

My mother takes my hand in hers and squeezes it as she looks at me with a nod. I look at the man in front of me and swallow hard. Seeing how miserable I must look, the officer grabs a bottle of water from behind his desk along with a box of tissue and sets everything on his desk before pushing it towards me. I grab the bottle of water and take a drink in order to get rid of my dry throat. When I put the bottle back on the desk, I take a deep breath and finally let the words come out of my mouth. Officer O'Brian remains neutral during my entire speech. He doesn't show any emotion while he writes down my statement and I'm grateful for that. When I'm finally done, he leans on the back of his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.

"You know, I hear stories about awful things every day. And I know I'm supposed to only take the testimony for the complaint and not say a word but in this case, I have to say something," he sighs and leans forward. "People don't know what they are getting into when they seek justice. You look at years of trials, unsettled arrangments, and testimonies. You'll have to pay a lawyer and fight for the proofs to be admissible. But that's not the worst thing. If you want to go to trial, you have to be ready to hear awful things because the lawyers on the other side of the case will do anything to prevent their client from getting convicted. Your daughter's memory will be dragged in the mud, she'll be accused of things she never did and the three of you will never be able to heal your wound because it will be ripped open again each time you'll meet with your lawyer or enter a courtroom. And all of this for what? The girl who did this is still a minor. At most, she could spend a few weeks in juvenile detention but I doubt that since she has no police record. She'll probably get community service and she'll have to pay a fine. I'm not telling you to withdraw your complaint, I just want you to know what this will lead to if you choose to carry on."

My father looks at my mom then at me. His lips are pressed together and I can tell he doesn't know what to do. I'm just as lost as he is.

"I'm gonna give you few minutes to think about it and I'll be back to fill in the paperwork if needed," the officer says before pushing out of his chair and heading out of the room. I lean forward, resting my elbows on my lap and burying my face in my hands. This is all too much.

"Sweetheart," my mother whispers as she places her hand on my back, "Your father and I will only press charges if you want us to. We can also ask for a restricting order if you don't want to have anything to do with her."

I look up at my father and he nods, stroking my hair. I take a few minutes to consider it but I already know what is best for all of us. It will tear our family apart if we press charges, we would never find peace. I don't want to see Hannah's face ever again. She is dead to me. When I look up from the ground, my parents are looking at me, waiting for my answer.

"Okay, let's fill the paperwork for the restricting order and go back home."

* * *

My phone lights up for what feels like the hundredth time in the past three days. My parents took the week off and called the school to tell them I'd be absent for a few days. No one knows what happened except my family and I would like to keep it that way, but someone else needs to know. I grab my phone from the nightstand and drop my hand to my side, my phone still ringing in my hand. I am going to ruin him with what I have to say and I hate myself for that. I take the call and bring the phone to my ear.

"Thank god! Do you know how worried sick Nathan is? How we all are? What is happening?" Nina says, her voice full of relief as I hear her moving away from a distant chattering.

"Don't tell him," I say, my voice hoarse from the silence I kept for the last two days.

"What? Why?" She asks and I hear a door close.

"Come to my place with your brother. Don't tell Nathan," I tell her flatly and add, "Please."

"Me? I-," she starts but I interrupt her before she can protest about her presence.

"He will need you," I state with a trembling voice.

"O-okay. We'll be there in half an hour," she replies and I hang up.

This must have been the longest thirty minutes of my life. I have never glanced that much at a clock in such a relatively short span of time. I want to run out of the house so much my legs hurt, almost begging for me to pass that front door. When I make it downstairs, a few minutes before Nina and Aaron arrive, I find my parents sitting at the dinner table, a box full of pictures and three photo books in front of them. I get closer and stand between them, watching as my mother picks up photos of my sister and I and passes them to my father. They are both commenting on them, reminiscing about our childhood. No one is crying and I can almost see a smile on my father's lips as he picks up a picture of Hashley making a silly face while she aims a water pistol at me. We were not more than six years old.

"Mom, Dad," I say to get their attention as I kneel between them. "Aaron and his sister are coming here. Although this is the last thing I want to do to him, I think he has the right to know everything."

"Okay, sweetheart," my mother nods and bits her bottom lip to refrain from crying.

"Do you want us to be there?" My father asks, his hand reaching to grab mine and squeeze it.

"It's fine, Dad. You and Mom can stay there and we'll go to my room," I reply and kiss them both on the cheek.

Aaron and Nina arrive a few minutes later and, after short introductions, the three of us head for my bedroom. I take a sit in my desk chair while Aaron and his sister sit on my bed. I'm facing both of them, my eyes on the floor and my hands pressed together between my thighs. I can't bring myself to look at Aaron in the eyes, let alone tell him what a horrible person Hannah is.

"It's good to see you, Jade," Aaron breaks the silence and I force myself to make eye contact with him. His face is full of concern as he takes in the redness of my eyes and the bags underneath them.

I'm still mad at him, for what he made me go through and for trying to break my relationship with Nathan. But the more I get to know him, the more I can feel the anger slipping away.

"Did you tell him you were here?" I ask and Aaron presses his lips together and frown.

"No," he exhales and puts his face in his hands, his elbow resting on his lap. "If this is about him, you know as much as I do that I shouldn't be the one sitting here. I don't-"

"It's not," I interrupt him and I notice he relaxes a little. Nathan must have told him it is a bit tense between the two of us.

"What is it then? Do you imagine how worried we all were? You basically disappeared for almost four days! Promise me that as soon as Nina and I are gone, you'll at least text Nathan to tell him you're okay," he insists, leaning forward to look at me right in the eyes.

"That's the thing. I can't promise you that because I'm not," I look away from him as I try to fight back the tears, my eyes falling on Nina who has remained silent since they arrived.

When the words leave my mouth, she stands up and takes the two steps separating us. I'm about to protest but she circles her arms around me and hugs me tight before I even have a chance to speak. I've never really liked people touching me, especially when I'm doing everything I can to contain my tears. But this time it is completely different. I didn't know how much I needed this until she touched me. My body relaxes in her arms and after a few seconds, she lets go of me, giving me a reassuring smile. I gather the strength I have left and finally speak up. The words come out of my mouth like knives. I can see each one of them stabbing Aaron in the heart, at least what's left of it. During my explanation, Nina reached for my hand and Aaron's, holding them tight. Once I'm done, we all remain in silence for a few minutes. Aaron wipes a tear and looks up from the ground to me.

"Do you know why she did that?" he finally asks, his voice full of anger.

"I didn't talk to her since I found the phone," I shake my head, "she called me multiple times but I never answered."

"Did she leave any voicemail?" Nina asks and I nod.

"Yes, just one this morning," I reply and watch as Nina gets up and take my phone from the nightstand.

"I think you should listen to it," she suggests as she hands me the phone. "Both of you."

"I don't want to hear her!" I snap but immediately regret it. "Sorry."

Nina gives me a small smile as she sits back on the bed, the phone still in her hands. "It's okay, you both are on the edge right now. And as much as I want to kill the girl for what she did, I still think you should hear what she has to say."

"I'm not going to listen to her trying to make amend and pretend we can still be friends," Aaron growls next to his sister.

"No, but you both need closure. Maybe this voicemail is going to give you that. None of us knows why she did this," Nina explains and Aaron scoffs.

"She's just sick!" he retorts and his sister nods, her arm tight around Aaron's shoulders.

My mind is battling with my heart. I look up from the ground to meet Nina's eyes. She's right. My mind cries for an explanation but my heart can't take it anymore. And it is broken, tired, and ready to surrender. I hold out my hand for Nina to give me the phone. My eyes shift to Aaron's and he gives me a barely noticeable nod. I unlock my phone and put it on speaker.

"Jade," Hannah sniffles and takes a few seconds before carrying on. "You must have found it by now. But please let me explain everything. I didn't want the things to go this far. I'm so sorry, you can't imagine how ashamed I am."

I can't bear the sound of her voice, it's echoing in my head and all I want to do is smash my phone on the wall. I don't care how bad she feels, I want her to suffer as much as Hashley and  I did.

" Hashley. She- I... she stole Aaron from me," she cries, "I love him and he loves me. But she came in between us a-and seduced him! She prevented us to be together. Never once she felt remorseful for this even though she knew how I felt about him! She would flaunt their perfect relationship right at me to make me jealous. She would tell how much she loved him and how she missed him. With each word that came out of her mouth, I wanted to hurt her more. I know she was lying, she was toying him just to hurt me. She never loved him, she was just a vicious bitch. I know I went too far, I should have stopped way sooner. But Jade, if you had seen the look on her face when he touched her, I could see behind this lovely facade that she felt nothing for him, only I can love him the way he deserves to. I wanted her to suffer the way I did, but most of all, I wanted her out of his life," Hannah's voice break again and she sighs. "I'm so sorry for Hashley, truly. I just wanted to scare her off. I don't want to lose you, Jade, you are-"

I hang up and throw my phone across the room. It hits the wall behind us and falls to the floor. I can't, I just can't deal with all of this. I'm going to lose it. I'm tugging at my hair, rocking back and forth on my chair. My mind is trying to wrap around all these information.

"You never know what a jealous girl can do when she feels threatens," Nina is the first to speak and I look up from the ground to meet her eyes. She grabs my hand from my hair and pulls me next to her.

I can see Aaron is trying to make sense of everything. I am too. Nothing will ever excuse Hannah's behavior, I never want to hear about hear ever again. But knowing what drove her to act like this, knowing her motives helps unravel the crazy shit behind my sister's actions.

"Nathan gave me Hashley's letter yesterday," Aaron says after a while. "Not once she mentioned Hannah in it and I'm grateful for that because I don't think I would have been able to keep it and read it again if her name was in it," he says, his voice full of sadness. "In the letter, she said she loved me. She also said that as much as she did, it was not enough for her to stay alive. She was afraid I would get caught up in all of this, but hell, I would have gladly taken all of the shit she went through just for one more day with her. My biggest regret is that I didn't try to get her back even after she announced that she cheated on me. Deep down, I always knew it wasn't the truth. Do you know what she wrote at the end of the letter? 'I would rather you hate me than grieve me.'"

Aaron's voice breaks and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. Tears are streaming down my cheek, but I don't make any move to wipe them. I know Hashley truly loved Aaron, she is nothing like the girl Hannah has described in her voicemail. I know Hannah is blinded by her obsession for Aaron and she couldn't see how far away from the truth she was.

"I would never hate Hashley. Even when I thought I did these past few months, it wasn't hate. It was hurt. The thing is, I hate myself for the signs I missed, for the distress I couldn't hear in her words, the fear I couldn't see in her gestures."

"Don't," Nina interjects and we both look at her. "It was her choice to put an end to her life. And yes, maybe if you had seen the signs, it would have changed something. Or maybe not. Don't blame yourself for her choice, you know as much as I do that she wouldn't want that for you. You can't change the past but you can build your future," Nina says and turns to her brother. "You both have seen how secrets can ruin people's life, and that's why I think you should tell her Aaron, about Nathan."

"What about Nathan?" I ask alarmed as I lean forward to look at Aaron.

Aaron looks at her, a silent conversation going on between them. My heart aches at the mention of his name. I miss him so much, his arms around me, his beautiful face, his laugh, and his comforting words. I have to remind myself that I'm the one who asked for more space and that as much as I miss

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net