'We have all, at some point, underestimated the power of words. There are just combinations of letters, they come and go and rarely stay.

We are not always careful with the words that come out of our mouth. This is probably the reason why some people don't care if they offend someone. They don't pay attention because words don't remain with us, there are invisible as they fly away.

But we catch some of them, sometimes without actually wanting to. And they stay with us forever in our mind, destroying us slowly but surely.

I am not saying we only keep the negative words. We can keep the amazing ones as well. The "I love you", the "I admire you", the "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me".

We all keep them, but unlike the negative words, the positive ones stay in our hearts. And this constant opposition between our mind and our heart begins.

But never forget that: words can kill.'

As soon as I close the front door of my house behind me, I turn off my phone. I struggle to take my coat off, the cast on my left arm is too large to go through the sleeve. How did I put it on in the first place? I pull even harder on the sleeve, wincing at the pressure on my cast. When I finally manage to take it off, I throw it to the floor. I run up the stairs and push the door of my bedroom open. I walk up to my bed and plop down on it, my legs underneath me and my valid hand on my lap.

And I wait. I don't know what I'm waiting for but I still do. Maybe if I stay still long enough I will turn into a statue and never have to face anyone or listen to anything ever again. I wish...

As much as I want to erase what happened today from my memory, I can't. I wish things were this easy. You don't like something, you erase it. You want to change something, you rewind. I would have rewinded my life all the way up to the day Hashley became distant. But this would mean Nathan wouldn't be part of my life. I would have never moved to this city, I would have never met Nathan and his family, I would have never met Nina.

If I was given the possibility to go back in time and change the course of it, I would accept in a heartbeat. I love Nathan so much but Hashley was my sister and I would do anything to see her one last time. I would give up everything I have here.

She was my person, the one I needed the most. I need her right now; I need her so damn much because I'm lost. And she is the only person able to find me.

I stand up and walk towards the desk against the wall. My fingers caress the cover of my notebook, slightly shaking. Am I really going to do this now? Yes, it's high time I read it. I flip the cover open and stare at the envelope. I already read one out of the two letters she left for me. The first one destroyed me, crushed me. I don't know if I can read the other one. What if it's the same kind of letter? It would probably kill me.

In five months, I didn't find it in me to read it. Her words were like darts aiming at my heart, I couldn't take them anymore. I've blamed myself for her suicide, it shattered the good memories we had together. Maybe, just maybe, this letter will help me in a way.

I take the envelope and go back to my bed. It's probably better if I sit. My thumb traces my name over the paper. I flip the envelope over and take the two letters out of it. I place the one I already read next to me and take a deep breath. I might not be able to be with her, but I can have a little of her with me. I unfold the letter and start to read.

'Dear Jade,

I love you. I know that it's something I'm supposed to put at the end of the letter but I want you to know that. You were never the reason why I chose to put an end to my life, never ever blame yourself for that. And please, tell Mom and Dad I love them too.

I don't know where to start. I know you have a million questions on your mind but I will never be able to answer them all. I know you are sad and lost, and probably even mad at me. Me too, I am mad at myself. I am mad I couldn't take it anymore. I am mad I couldn't be strong enough. I mad I made the three of you go through this. I hate myself for what I'm about to do. But this is the only option left.

I'm not saying suicide is the solution. It's the consequence. The consequence of people actions, of my own choices. It led me here, at my desk, writing my suicide letter.

I am trapped, and the only way to get my freedom back is to leave. I'm not scared for me, I've thought about this over and over. I'm scared for you, Jade. And for Mom and Dad. But I know that you will find the force within yourself to overcome this. You're the strongest out of the two of us. You have always been.

I guess the biggest question of all is why. Why would I do that when I have such a happy and perfect life with the three of you? Well, the thing is that my life is nothing close to happiness and perfection. It is miles and miles away from the ideal vision I try to convey.

Actually, my life has been a total mess for five months. I don't even know how I managed to hold it all together for so long. I just did because I didn't want you to get involved in all the things I was going through; I knew too well how destructive it was.

At first, everything was perfect. It's crazy how things can go from amazing to crushing in a blink of an eye. I don't think I even had the time to blink.

The first thing I received was a note in my locker. "Bitch". That was the word written on this small piece of paper. I didn't pay much attention to that, I just crumpled the note and threw it away.

But the "Bitch" became "Slut" and then it was "Go Kill Yourself".

The notes weren't the only things I received, though it has always been written insults. I started to receive texts from private numbers, calls in the middle of the night with no one on the other line, private messages on all my social media from fake profiles.

I thought I could handle it. I thought I had it in me to push this negative part of my life away until it was no longer on my mind. And I did, for four months I found a strength I didn't know existed. But I guess at some point it becomes insufficient. I wish I had known that, because the longer I kept it a secret, the more it became hard to talk about it. I tried though. Many times, I thought about telling you, about telling Mom and Dad. I waited for the right moment, but it turns out there is no right moment to tell the ones you love you are on the verge of breaking because you have been bullied for months.

I know you wish I had told you. I wish so too. But the world is made of wishes that will never become reality.

My life was a combination of nightmares and dreams. I could be the happiest girl on earth and the second after be crying and begging for it to stop. And in my life, the bad moments overcame the good ones which became more occasional.

Two days ago, I found a package in my locker. Twenty tablets in a small white box. Yesterday, I found a suicide letter written in my name. Today, I found a note saying "The world will be better without you".

You are probably wondering why you didn't see that coming. Jade, you might be the person who knows me best but never forget it works the same for you.

I put the letter I received yesterday in this envelope. Don't show it to anyone, I don't want people to think I wrote it. I'm giving it to you because if the person who bullied me ever does the same with you, I want you to go to the police and give them these two letters.

Maybe I can prevent you from going through the same awful months I had to endure. Maybe not, but I'm praying with all my heart it can.

Please tell Hannah that I'm sorry and that I love her. She has been the best friend I could have ever dreamed of.

I love you and even though I'm not here to tell you that anymore, I want you to remember this everytime you begin to doubt yourself: you won't overcome the mountains, you will move them because you're not just Jade, you are Jade freaking Levinson and you are going to rock this world.

Hashley'

My eyes linger on her name as I exhale the breath I held during the entire time I read her letter. My hands are not shaking anymore, tears are not blurring my vision and my breath is not heavy. I read the letter over and over, her words engraved in me.

I feel like I'm floating, as if the heavy weight that had been holding me down for the past months has finally been lifted up. Hashley lifted it up.

I can't even imagine what she has been going through. I'm still mad at her for not telling me, but I start to understand why she didn't. Hashley has always been the most considerate out of the two of us. I have to work on accepting her choice, it will only help me to get better.

Hashley's word somehow brought me a sense of peacefulness, but my brain refuses it. I can accept she didn't tell me, but I will never accept the persons who bullied her remain unpunished. I have to found it who it is, not only for her but also for my family. I have to tell my parents; they deserve to know. Maybe this will help them overcome their grief and accept that she is gone.

There is one more person I have to tell: Hannah. Talking to her is the last thing I want to do, but I remember the look on her face when she read the first letter. She was absolutely devastated. She deserves to know it's not her fault, I owe her the truth. But I don't think I can face her after what she said. I am still incredibly confused and shocked by what happened.

I grab my phone from the nightstand and turn it back on. I don't know what to do. My mind is full of contradictions and the only person who is able to help me see through them is also the person I had an argument with an hour ago.

My phone lights up and I see that I have ten missed calls and only one text from Nathan. I just want to turn it back off as much as I want to call him right back.but instead, I open the text.

Nathan: Jade...

I can almost read the pain and sadness in his text. I hate that he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what is wrong in his life but I hate it even more that I made him feel that way. I'm still mad at him, but after the letter I just read, I need him so damn much.

Me: I'll be at your house in thirty minutes.

I book an uber and get up from my bed, grab my wallet and head downstairs with both letters in my hand.

I need him as much as he needs me. Yet, I let him in when he refused to even let me catch a glimpse of what is inside of him.

* * *

When I get out of the car, Nathan is already waiting for me at the front door with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks even more tired than earlier, I almost turn around and leave so he can have some rest. Here I am bothering him even more. I will definitely not win the award for the best girlfriend of the year.

A small smile appears on his beautiful face and I can't help but return it. I can see on his face the relief as he takes two strides before he pulls me into a tight hug, resting his chin on top of my head. My arms automatically embrace him as I let myself go against him. I am still mad and I will be until he explains everything to me or at least explains why he can't tell me.

We stay like this for a couple of minutes until he pulls away. He doesn't let go of me though, one of his hand is on my waist while the other pushed strand of hair behind my ear. We stare into each other's eyes, searching for answers. But I don't get any.

"You must be cold, let's go inside," he says as he notices I'm not wearing anything besides a sweater.

The struggle to take off my coat was awful enough I didn't want have a fight with my own clothes again. He places an arm on my shoulder and leads me inside his house. Once he has closed the door behind us, he turns to face me, his back resting on the door.

"Jade, I-" he starts but I cut him off.

"I'm not here for this, Nathan. I just, I don't know, I just need you right now. I'm still upset, I don't understand why you don't want to talk to me. But I didn't come here for this. I took an uber all the way to your house because you are the person who knows me the best and I need you, even when I don't want too. I want so bad to be mad at you but I can't," I tear my eyes away from his face as I see him flinch, "So just for the next hour, can we please act as if the past two weeks never happened so we can pretend that at least one thing in my life is perfect and be there for each other even though I know you don't need me? I think this is what I need right now."

"It's not that I don't nee-" he says but I interrupt him again.

"Nathan," I cut off and shake my head, "Not today."

He purses his lips together before nodding. He grabs my hand and leads me in the living room. He motions for me to take a sit on the couch and I sit on the end of it, leaving some space between us. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him so I am now resting on his right side. He kisses the top of my head and my heart skips a beat.

"I think I'm ready," I blurt out, staring through the window in front of me.

"Ready for what?" Nathan asks, turning his head to me.

"To tell you everything I didn't want to talk about. To tell you about Hashley," I say and he squeezes my shoulder.

We stay silent for a few minutes as he lets me gather my thoughts. I let out a shaky breath before I start speaking. It hurts, telling the whole story out loud. It makes it more real if that even possible. It makes me go through every single emotion again. But I have to, I came to a point where I can't keep it to myself anymore, I need to let it out of me. So I talk, I tell Nathan every insignificant detail that crosses my mind.

He doesn't interrupt me, a few times he held my shoulder a little tighter but never said a word. Even when I had to stop to calm myself down so I wouldn't burst into tears, he simply held me. And his touch means so much more than words. I never realized that until now, each time we would be near each other he would touch me, whether it's my hand, my lips or my back. His touch always made my heart beats faster, my skin tickles under his fingertips, my breath becomes heavier. I can find the power of words in his gesture and it's ten times stronger.

We are now facing each other. I'm sat cross-legged on the couch and he has turned to face me. One of his hand is supporting his head up while the other one is on my lap.

"Are you going to talk to Hannah about this?" Nathan asks as he points the envelope.

He didn't read them. Not that I didn't want to, but he said it was something between me and Hannah and that it didn't concern him. I don't know if it's possible, but I fell even more in love with him.

"As much as I don't want to talk to her, I know I have to. I don't want her to feel guilty for the rest of her life, I know too well how it feels," I say, lowering my eyes to my lap. "Do you think I will ever manage to be the girl I was before Hashley left?" I ask him as I play with his hand, stroking his palm softly.

"No," he simply tells me before lifting up my chin. "Because you are still that girl. And you might not see it that way, but I think you are just a better version of yourself. Each event that happens in our life, whether it's good or bad, changes us. And even though it doesn't seem like it, you chose to turn it into a strength. I admire you for that and for everything you are."

As soon as the last word escapes his lips, I rest my valid hand on his cheek and pull him to me. When our lips finally collide, it feels just like the first time we kissed. I don't think I will ever get tired of these feelings he manages to pour in my body with his mouth.

I pull out of his mouth to catch my breath and he directs his lips to the base of my throat.

"Nathan," I breathe heavily and place my hand on his cheek to get his attention.

He pulls away, desire and love clear in his eyes. His hand reaches my cheek and his thumb caresses my skin.

"This doesn't mean our fight is settled," I say as I stare right into his eyes.

"I know," he replies before kissing me again.

"We-" I say as I pull away again, "we still have to talk about it."

"I know," he repeats, his lips joining mine before I can even register his answer.

Nathan wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me on his lap, never breaking our kiss. My hand gets lost in his hair as our kiss deepens. His mouth on mine makes me forget everything, right now it's just him and I. We breathe through each other.

His hands slip under my sweater and meet my skin. I almost shiver at his touch. My hand slowly leaves his hair to slide down his throat and then his chest, until I reach the hem of his shirt. Our mouths are still pressed together, following the steps of dance only our lips know. I begin to lift his t-shirt up, my hands sliding on his skin.

Nathan groans and turns both of us so I'm now lying on the couch with him on top of me. His lips leave my mouth to explore my neck, his hand sliding up my waist until it reaches the bottom of my bra. I tug on his t-shirt and Nathan leaves my neck for only a second as he takes it off. I bring his mouth back to mine before letting him slide my sweater above my head.

But the cast refuses to leave my sweater. We both laugh as Nathan gently tries to slide it off the cast. When we finally succeed, our mouths reconnect as if there had been no interruption. We were so absorbed in each other we didn't hear the front door open.

"Oh God," Nathan's mother almost scream as Nathan makes a barrier with his body to hide my not-total nudity.

This is the most embarrassing moment of my life. Ever. I wish I could just disappear or die. I'm fine with either as long as I get out of this situation.

"I don't know if I should yell at the two of you or just leave because I'm too embarrassed," she says as she turns her back to us, facing the open door. "Okay, I'm going to get a bag from the car. You better hurry to put things back in order before I come back because I'm going to yell, even if you are half naked."

As soon as the front door slams shut, Nathan reaches for my sweater and helps me put it back on. He then reaches for his t-shirt and barely has the time to pass it over his head before the door opens again. We are both standing awkwardly next to each other. I can't even look up at his mother.

"Alright," she starts as she set the bag on the countertop. "I'm not going to ask you what you were doing because that was pretty obvious and the situation is already embarrassing enough," she begins and I hear Nathan groans beside me. "I don't want this under my roof nor anywhere for that matters" she adds as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Why? You can't prevent us from kissing or anything else!" Nathan exclaims.

"Well, first of all, I don't want to find myself in this kind of situation ever again. I don't even know if it's more embarrassing for you or for me. Second of all, I don't want a mini-Jathan running around in my house within the next five years. You both still have a lot to achieve in life," his mother states as she points at the both of us.

Kill. Me. Now.

"Mom, we are responsible adults," Nathan sighs.

I silently pray they don't include me in this conversation.

"Yeah, I can see that. Making out on the couch when your