'I lost faith in hope. Hope is just a way to make us believe our future will be better. With hope, we can imagine a lot of unrealizable things, have dreams that will never come true.

And all those expectations that we didn't achieve will come back and hit us, making us believe we are not good enough because of our failures.

We all hope for good things to happen instead of bad things, but life is made of that, disappointing us each time.

Hope is just that, a way to crash our faith, our chimeras as well as our self-confidence.'

I wake up with a start, like every other night. My nightmare is still drowning me, preventing me to breathe correctly. My whole body is sweaty and shaking and my throat is aching, probably because of the scream that escapes my lips while I was sleeping.

When I started to have this nightmare two months ago, my parents were hurrying to my room to calm me down, but it didn't work like they expected it. So they don't come to reassure me anymore. I'm left all alone, overwhelmed by a nightmare that haunts me every night.

It's always the same, nothing ever changes though each time I hope the outcome will be different. I'm here, attending helplessly to the scene before me. Like if I was miles away from her yet I can see everything. Hashley's body on the floor, Hannah running and pushing me away from her. The screams breaking the deafening silence, high pitched and stabbing, ripping me apart.

My screams.

I lay in my bed, my eyes wide open.
I try to shake out of my head the thoughts of her and my nightmare, and think about the last days. The memories of the time I've spent with Nathan keep replaying in my mind. I can almost hear his deep laughter again. Each time I hear this sound, I feel like my heart is beating again. But it's just an illusion, she took all of it when she left.

What I call my heart is now the organ that pumps my blood and spreads it in my whole body just to keep me alive. Even my body betrays me, because I don't want to live. The only reason I'm still here is because she didn't want me to follow her.

I shake my head as if those thoughts would dismiss with that simple gesture and concentrate on Nathan.

The moments with him are the nicest I had since the incident. Probably because I was myself, and Nathan himself. We usually hang out after school, in the little parc not too far from my house. We talk about everything and nothing, but he never asks about my life.

I rise from my bed and head to the bathroom. I quickly shower and apply my make up to hide my secrets and pain.

My phone suddenly vibrates, making me jump. It must be Hannah. She called me three times yesterday, but I wasn't in the mood to pick up.

I've been avoiding her since she told me about the road trip. I don't want to disappoint her, it means a lot to her.

Next year, we will be thousands of miles away, Hannah in some European university, and me still here, in one of the universities of the United States. So this summer is our last chance to spend time together before being apart.

I pick up my phone from my nightstand and unlock it.

Nathan : Hey! Want to hang out with me before classes?

This is the first time he sends me a message. We exchanged our numbers a few days ago but I wasn't expecting a message from him that soon.

Jade : Yeah sure, where do you want to meet?

Nathan : Be ready in fifteen minutes, I'll pick you up.

I throw my phone on my bed, and hurry to the bathroom. I finish to get ready and head downstairs. I look over the window to see if Nathan is here. His dark blue car, almost black, is already parked in the driveway.

I grab my phone and bag, and leave for school, hoping for a slightly better day than usual.

* * *

Nathan parked along the sidewalk, in front of a little coffee shop. We both step out of the car and walk to the entrance. As soon as Nathan holds the door open for me, the aromas of coffee, chocolate and even tea fill my nostrils.

The room is quite large and really well laid out. The numerous wooden tables are far enough from each other to allow a little of privacy. The space is clear and relaxing, the bright cream walls contrasting with the dark wood of the frames that cover them.

Some customers are already waiting to order so Nathan and I get in the line.

"Can I ask you a question ?" I tell him, tilting up my head to look at him.

"Sure, what do you want to know ?" He says, his eyes still focus on the employee's movements.

"Why do you avoid me when we are at school? It's like if I was invisible for you. Each time we bump into each other, you act like you don't know me and you barely look at me. I mean, I'm not mad at you, I know that I'm not the best person to be friend with and maybe you're ashamed of-" I deliver, my eyes now glued to my shoes.

"Stop. I am not ashamed of you. Why would I be? Anyway, I'm doing that for you. It might be a little hard to understand, but since what happened with Aaron on your first day here, I had to keep my distance at school. If Aaron knew that we were friends, he could have behaved even worst with you," he interrupts me.

"To be honest, I think that everything with this guy is unexpected and inexplicable. I still don't know why he talked to me like that on my first day and why he keeps glaring at me each time he is around me," I tell, moving forward in the line.

"He wasn't like that before. Aaron has always been the nice and cool guy everybody wanted to befriend. He is my best friends since I can't remember and I know him well enough to know that something happened. He became more aggressive and meaner than before. He probably has issues with his family, he always had. But it might be more serious now," Nathan answers, making some of my questions disappear.

He lowers his head, the concern clear in his voice. I can see he is disturbed by his best friend's behaviour.

The line before us has finally disappeared and we are now standing in front of the bartender. Her straight blond hair is gathered in a high ponytail, a few strands of hair framing her heart shaped face.

"Hey, Nathan! How are you?" She asks, her bright azure eyes focused on him. I have the feeling I've already seen her, maybe at school.

"I'm good and you? It's been a while since we saw each other !" He exclaims, a warm smile spreading across his lips.

"Well, you're the one who doesn't come home that often anymore," she retorts before looking at me.

As soon as the words escape her lips, something inside of me switches and all I want to do is to ask Nathan why this girl said that. Are they close? Is she his girlfriend? One of his ex's ?

"Oh sorry Nina, this is Jade. Jade, meet Nina, Aaron's big sister," Nathan introduces me, putting his arm around my shoulder. I instantly relaxe though I should have probably had another reaction.

I knew I had already saw those azur eyes somwhere. But unlike her brother, she seems lovely and charming.

"Hi ! Nice to meet you," she extends her hand for me to shake it.

I gladly greet her, I can already say that I like her.

"Well, what do you want to order ?" She asks us, her smile never fading.

"A Macchiato for me please. Jade ?" Nathan says, his arm still around my shoulders.

"Hum... A hot chocolate please," I answer, somewhat uncomfortable by his touch, not that I don't want him too but he is holding me in public, in front of everyone. This gesture could be interpret in the wrong way.

"So you're the hot chocolate kind of girl, huh ?" Nathan laughs.

"And you're the Macchiato kind of guy," I smile, looking towards Nina.

She is smiling at us, writing down our order. Nathan pays for both of our drinks though I insisted on paying mine. Before turning away, Nina winks at me. She is totally interpreting this in the wrong way.

"I'll call you when it's ready," she tells us and turns away.

Nathan leads me towards a little table, not too far from the bar.

"She's nice," I say, sitting on the leather armchair.

"Yes, more than her brother," Nathan answers, winking at me.

"Well, she didn't try to harass me," I smile, glancing at the bartender.

"I like it when you smile, I mean when you're smiling frankly, not faking a bright smile like you do with the other. I feel like I'm the only one you are showing your true personality to," Nathan says, blushing. "Sorry, I shouldn't ha..."

"It's okay, thank you Nathan," I answer him, my cheeks probably covered with the redness of my embarrassment.

Nina calls my name, breaking the awkward atmosphere between us.

"Pray for me to not spill everything on the floor," I tell him before heading to the bar. I can hear him chuckle as I reach it.

"You're such a cute couple! I've never seen him looking at a girl that way, not that I saw him with a lot of girls..." Nina says as she hands me the coffee and hot chocolate.

"Oh but we're just friends, I mean we just hang out together," I retort and shake my head. "Anyway, thank you Nina, have a good day!" I reply, embarrassed, and turn to go back to the table.

But I turn too quickly and bump into a hard chest, spilling almost everything. The stranger's t-shirt is stained with coffee and chocolat.

"Oh my god, I'm s-so sorry ! I d-didn't see you, I just..." I apologize, stuttering.

I look up from the stain to meet angry azur eyes.

Aaron.