Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Kudos and BBC. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT

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The next time she saw him, Alexa was at a hotel bar, and this time, it was Lucas who approached her. His eyes searched her face, studying her features, and for a moment, Alexa saw what looked like embarrassment fill Lucas' face, his cheeks coloring, as if remembering their first encounter.

She smiled. "Lucas," she said, extending her hand. They shook hands and Lucas asked if he could join her for a drink.

To an outsider, it looked as if they were on a date, perhaps meeting each other for the first time. They seemed shy, keeping their distance from each other, courteous to a fault.

But it was not too far from the truth and Alexa and Lucas knew it. They had met each other during a much different time, when they were both not exactly themselves. She felt as if she knew him, yet she was keenly aware that she knew nothing about him.

She only knew the bits that she'd made up to make him more real during the days when she waited for him to come back for her in Moscow. And afterwards, when she'd heard that he'd been captured, she'd made up more things just to make herself believe that he was alright, till one day she simply believed him to be dead.

Alexa sipped her drink, avoiding his gaze. The feelings she had felt the first time she had seen him the day before did not surface, and she was grateful for it. She'd been at the shooting range to work all her feelings out, requiring additional ammunition when she ran out. She did not care what other people thought. The feel of the gun against her skin, the slamming of the recoil against her small hands, was her therapy.

"How long have you been back?" She asked as he ordered a drink. Whiskey.

"Two weeks," he lied. He had barely been back thirty- six hours, driven in the cover of darkness the night before Remembrance Day, a black hood over his head the entire time, wondering if today was the day when they'd finally kill him.

But of course, he was wrong. Eight years after he'd been betrayed in Moscow and imprisoned, Lucas had been traded in exchange for a Russian spy caught on English soil. He was finally free. Well, at least that's what they told him.

Lucas looked drawn, his pale skin taut against the classic slope of his cheekbones. His thin lips managed a wry smile as he looked around him, his eyes absorbing the life that had gone on without him for eight years. "It's like I never left. How are you?"

"Fine," Alexa replied.

"Good to know," he said.

They sat for a while, not speaking. Lucas turned towards her, his expression curious. "How did you know it was me? It's been what - nine years?"

Alexa shrugged. "You saved my life. I can never forget that, even if I wanted to." And believe me, she wanted to tell him, I did.

She'd memorized his face during that night in Moscow. She'd held onto the memory of his face and his touch till she returned on English soil just to know that it had all been real.

They returned their attention to their drinks, their eyes absently watching the football game on the television screens overhead. All around them, people laughed and celebrated little moments amongst themselves - a touch on the cheek, a pat on the shoulder, a tender kiss on the lips. Yet all that faded as soon as Lucas turned to face her again.

"We really shouldn't be talking to each other, Alexa," Lucas said as he studied her face. The sight of her brought memories of Russia rushing back and he found himself breaking into a sweat. He brought his hand to his mouth as he looked away from her, rubbing his chin.

"We don't have to," she said softly, bringing her hand to touch Lucas' shoulder. She wondered how painful it must be for him to see her again, though she could not deny how happy she actually felt, seeing him again.

Alexa watched his expression as he looked at her, his blue gray eyes searching her face. He looked pained, drawn. It looked like he didn't sleep very well, the dark circles under his eyes illuminated by the lights of the bar.

"You look amazing," he said and Alexa caught her breath at the way Lucas gazed at her, his eyes moving to her lips. Then he caught himself and turned away.

The evening crowd was streaming into the bar and Lucas drained his drink, picking up the tab for both of them. He got up from his stool, wrestling with his thoughts as he turned away from her. The memory of him with his back turned towards her that night came rushing back to her but she held her breath, pushing the memory away.

Lucas paused and took a deep breath. He could leave right now, he thought, and leave her to go on with her life, just as he could do the same with his. He thought of the empty apartment he was going to home to, another sleepless night to look forward to, tossing and turning on a bed not his till he'd settle himself on the floor, where he would find solace.

Lucas turned to face her. "Can I walk you home?"

Alexa smiled as she gathered her purse and stood up. "You don't need to."

"I'd like to," Lucas said though he could feel the conflicting emotions rise up from deep within his chest. He found himself yearning for the the feel of her hands upon his skin, the smell of her hair upon his face.

Lucas wanted to tell her how hard it was to feel like he was home again, where people no longer trusted him. As she brushed past him to head towards the door, Lucas smelled the scent of her perfume, faint and flowery.

She carried herself with such grace, he thought. Maybe nine years free from her demons did that to her. There were no signs that she'd spent six months as a prisoner in some strange land, where the men beat her and raped her each day.

Yet Lucas wanted to see her pain, her bitterness. He had been racked with guilt when they had had sex under the watchful eyes of Mikhael that night, knowing that he'd never once been unfaithful to Elizabeta, his wife of less than a year. Mikhael had stayed long enough to watch it happen, and Lucas had never forgiven himself for that one necessary indiscretion. It was a secret only they both knew about, a weight that had burdened him for so long.

But now Lucas was alone. Even Elizabeta had moved on without him.

Alexa lived just a few blocks from the hotel, something that Lucas knew long before he had come to the hotel bar, knowing he'd find her there. He had pulled up her file that afternoon, curious. He thought that she had probably gotten married, with children of her own and her painful past behind her, never to be remembered.

They walked up the stairs leading to her flat and she unlocked her door. Alexa turned to face him. Her long brown hair, which had been tied in a loose ponytail, had loosened and Lucas watched it cascade down her shoulder as she pulled off the elastic and tossed it on the console table.

"Would you like to come in?" She asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Lucas said, realizing the lie behind his words. He couldn't have cared less about MI5 protocol tonight.

His eyes looked beyond her shoulder towards the interior of her flat, seeing the books lined up along the shelves, and the furniture, carefully selected and arranged and looking just like a home. It was something Alexa had that Lucas had lost even the concept of. He had lost sight of home a lifetime ago.

But now, he was supposed to be home, back in England after eight years in Russia. Lucas had barely adjusted to even the idea of being really back home in the last thirty-six hours. After spending too much time in solitary confinement for years, his flat seemed too huge and too open, leaving him feeling vulnerable. Being outside had proved to be overwhelming at times, till he put up the blinders and focused.

"Thank you for walking me home, Lucas," Alexa said. "Maybe we'll bump into each other again."

"Maybe," Lucas replied and turned to walk down the steps. It was a lie, he knew, just another one of the lies that he had to get used to saying now that he was back home again, among strangers he had once counted as his friends. They relied on his lies. It made them feel less guilty for the years he'd spent in prison, while they got to live their lives, move on without him. Did they even remember him? he wondered.

The night had settled over the city and Lucas walked away from Alexa, aware that she still stood on the steps watching him leave. As he turned around the corner, he saw that she'd finally gone inside, the door closing behind her.

A feeling of longing filled his chest, weighing heavily upon him. His throat tightened, but he kept walking, keeping his head down. Lucas felt like he were walking with his feet in the mud, unable to move fast, a part of him wishing he were as far away from Alexa as he could possibly be, simply because she brought him back there, back to that awful place.

But a part of him wanted to be nowhere else but with her.

The sounds of the street around him slowly disappeared, replaced by something more familiar. The familiar screams - his screams - returned, filling every corner of his mind and Lucas felt his breathing hasten, his heart hammering inside his chest.

I'm supposed to be home, he wanted to tell the ghosts inside his head, wishing the screams would go away, allowing even just a small part of him to notice the difference in the scenery.

Lucas stopped. But it really had nothing to do with the scenery, he told himself. It was more than that. Something tugged at him, forcing him to turn back and stand in front of Alexa again, feel her hands upon his body, her hair brushing against his face, her fingers running along the nape of his neck.

She was his connection to his past, and a link to his future. Death and the promise of life chained together. A future where one could move on without revealing pain where it lurked the deepest.

Suddenly Lucas was sprinting, his long legs taking him back to where he had left her. He took the steps up to her flat two at a time and rapped on her door. Alexa opened it, one hand on the door knob and the other, running her fingers through her hair. A tear ran down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, embarrassed.

Their eyes met and locked together, as if an unseen understanding between them had been forged from the pain they had both endured, no matter how long ago, or how recent. Alexa looked up at Lucas, seeing his haunted eyes staring back at her, blue gray eyes filled with so much loneliness.

"Lucas," she whispered. "Is anything the matter?"

"Bloody hell," he whispered as he closed the door behind him. Lucas gathered her in his arms, feeling the softness of her body against his as their lips met, exploring her with a deep hunger he had almost forgotten.

It was a hunger that only someone who'd been there with him could quench, someone who had been at that same place as he had would understand. There was no tenderness to this meeting, just desperation for some understanding between two wounded souls. An answer to the call of loneliness answered by someone who'd been there, by someone who was still there.

Lucas wanted to devour her and understand her secrets for making it appear so normal. He wanted to claim her and control her, feel her body shudder in his arms as he did whatever he wanted with her.

They stumbled through the foyer, bumping on walls and tables, as they shed layers of clothing along their wake. She led him to the living room where a fire burned, the room warming up just as their inner fires ignited, almost consuming them both in a passion so hot it burned through them. As Lucas tore the clothes off Alexa, taking control of her, they tumbled upon the sofa and landed upon the soft carpet before the fire.

It was there that Lucas took her with an urgency he'd never known. It had been so long since he'd been with a woman, so long since he'd felt the sensation of hair brushing across his skin, the feeling of hands caressing his back where his prison tattoos bore witness to his journey. It had been a long time since he'd been held like she held him now, her nails raking his back as he ripped the last of the lace slip that separated the feel of her warm skin from his own.

Alexa moaned as Lucas bent his head down towards her neck, feeling her squirm beneath him as he nibbled and blazed a damp trail towards her breasts. He brought his hand lower to the soft rise of her belly, feeling the shivers rippling across her skin as his fingers dipped even lower, finally discovering the wetnesses that lay waiting for him.

Lucas forced himself to slow down, despite the protestations of his own body yearning for its release. He moved lower towards her hips and Alexa moaned as Lucas nudged her thighs apart, bringing his lips down to taste her. Alexa cried out, gasping for breath as Lucas kissed, nibbled and licked her till her body shuddered in violent surrender, her cries filling the room.

As Alexa's hips bucked and writhed from the waves of ecstasy coursing through every inch of her, Lucas entered her, plunging himself deep inside of her. She brought her arms around his neck, her legs wrapping around his hips as he drove himself in and out of her.

Lucas grabbed her wrists, holding them down as his mouth plundered the sweetness of her mouth again. He could feel his own release coming fast, and he pulled away from her mouth, his eyes boring into hers, seeking redemption in her eyes.

"Lucas," she breathed as he let go of her wrists, his hands cupping her face so he could watch her as he finally allowed his release to take over him.

This time no one was watching them. This time there were only the two of them, moving as one, eyes exploring the depths of an abyss only they knew about. And when Lucas finally allowed himself to let go and surrender to the release that awaited to claim him, he clung to her, his fingers intertwined with hers, their bodies locked together, shuddering as they both came.

When it was over, when the last of his gasps receded and his breathing returned to normal, Lucas lay on top of her for some time. Alexa found his face wet with tears and as she slowly shifted so that they lay on their side, facing each another, she kissed his face, her lips tracing the tracks of his tears. Lucas brought his hand to her face and discovered that she, too, was crying.

For a few minutes, they did not speak. Their breathing slowed to a calmer rhythm as they lay quietly on the rug, Alexa's fingers running softly down his arm.

The savagery of his lovemaking had surprised Alexa though it did not frighten her. Instead it excited her to feel his want and need of her, to feel his desire possess his entire being. Lucas rolled onto his back as Alexa pulled herself up to a sitting position, noticing the tattoos on his arms and torso.

He had no tattoos on him when she first met him. With her fingers, Alexa traced the large tattoo that covered his torso, her fingers moving lower to follow the letters tattooed between the bones of his hips.

"Gnothi seauton?" She asked, finally breaking the silence between them.

Lucas smiled, his fingers tracing the outline of her breast and watching the goosebumps that formed on her skin as he moved his fingers towards her collar bone.

"Know thyself," he replied.

"And do you?"

"I don't know," he replied. "Too many layers, too many masks."

He continued to stroke the skin above her collarbones, his finger feeling the pulse on her neck, smiling as she moaned when he reached the area behind her ear.

When her hands strayed even lower down his hips, Lucas drew his hand away from Alexa's ear, closing his eyes as she felt her fingers tease him. She did this for a few minutes, watching his body squirm as she wrapped her fingers around him, still highly sensitive from their coupling. Lucas groaned, grabbing her hand and moving it away. God, he thought, feeling himself throb at her touch. He needed a few minutes.

"Don't we all?" She said. "Wear masks, I mean?"

Lucas did not answer. He could not think. His whole body felt like putty in her hands, every ounce of strength gone from his muscles, yet he could feel the buzz of something else on his skin, the raw feel of electricity dancing between them.

Alexa bent her head to kiss the tattoos on the inside of his arm, butterfly kisses that traveled all the way towards his chest, down his belly, moving even lower. Lucas closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel the soft caress of her lips wrapping around him, enclosing the length and girth of him within the warmth and wetness of her mouth. He groaned, grabbing hold of her hair as he guided her, feeling her hands upon his thighs as his hips rose and fell upon the rug, his moans filling the air.

There were no words to describe the sensations that Lucas was feeling as her mouth claimed him, and he simply called out her name, begging her not to stop. The feel of her mouth moving along the length of him, her tongue swirling and teasing him to the edge of his release sent Lucas groaning loudly. And when Alexa's mouth suddenly left him so she could move up to straddle his hips, Lucas grabbed her and pulled her body down, feeling himself fill every inch of her.

"Alexa," he groaned. "You'll be the death of me."

She moved slowly, her hips moving in ways Lucas had never known, the sensations it produced in him beyond anything he'd ever experienced. He reached up his hands towards her waist but this time, Alexa grabbed his wrists, intertwining her fingers with his as she began to move again. This time, they moved together in a sensual rhythm for a few minutes, each one lost in the sensations that buffeted them, sending them both shuddering as they climaxed together, leaving them spent and exhausted.

As he lay next to her struggling to catch his breath, Lucas realized he'd almost forgotten how it felt like to be held by a woman, to be made love to and be understood. Her body responded to him like nothing he'd ever felt before, as if she knew where he'd been, because she had been there, too.

She'd been there and returned - broken yet unbroken. Tainted yet untainted. Only she could understand what he'd been through. What he was going through.

Alexa rolled away from him and Lucas cradled her in his arms as they lay on the rug together. She turned to face the fire, her back to him and Lucas noticed the intricate tattoo upon her back. He sat up to look at it.

Where her back had been scarred up from cigarette burns and whippings that had torn through skin when she'd attempted to escape Mikhael, a fiercely beautiful Hindu goddess stared back at Lucas, a row of skulls hanging from her neck. As Alexa sat up, the goddess seemed to dance before him.

"It's the goddess Kali," Alexa said, noticing his silence as he stared at her back. "The goddess of creation and destruction. Protector of children."

"It's beautiful," Lucas found himself saying. Fiercely beautiful. He traced the goddess' face with his finger, feeling her skin tremble beneath his touch. Lucas kissed her shoulder gently.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

Alexa lay back down and turned towards him, holding him till he drifted

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