Heyyo, I'm trying really hard to get chapters out! I'll be posting them whenever I can for you all to read. I'm so sorry that this isn't spicy like some people were expecting but as of right now I'm not entirely comfortable writing another one of those scenes: I do have one planned for Keigo in the future. This chapter was meant to be emotional and help those who have been having a hard time, please know that you aren't alone. If anyone ever needs help please feel free to message me. 

!TW Suicidal Actions!

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Water ran down my head as the shower poured out cold water. The warm water had disappeared long ago but still I stayed in my same position. It'd been nearly half an hour since I stepped inside but yet it seemed like no time had passed as all. Inside this shower was like a different place all together.

Here I was alone and all my worries were washed away. Anxieties dripped down my back and fell on the shower floor, sadness rolled along my chest, meeting with anger as it made its way down my legs. Every single feeling I had dripped away: Sadness, exhaustion, resentment, pleasure, joy, love.

Everyone emotion dripped away as I cleanse myself of everything I'd felt over the past month. No, this wasn't a cleanse. This was a purge, not only was I getting rid of negative but the positive as well.

It was a technique I'd learned long ago when I was barely entering my teenage years. For me to be successful I had to forget. To be birdie, I needed to get rid of every emotion and be numb. The sensation of being numb is horrifyingly beautiful: Emotions are something to be treasured with your whole heart but when you forget them everything is so much easier.

Though, for the first time in my whole life I didn't want to forget them all. Because of them I don't want to be numb. It's strange to be saying that as I wash every feeling down the drain but it was the truth. Keigo and Dabi were my everything because without them I had nothing. I left Phoenix and the person I considered family had killed my actual parents.

Even so I still had them. Two people as broken as I was but managing to push through that and find happiness. Is this happiness?

Being so close to them that we're inseparable as they tell me just how important I am to them. It was like a dream, one that I never wanted to wake up from. If I did, I'd fall right back asleep just to see them again. As long as they're around I'll be the happiest person on this planet.

I turned the shower off and felt as the water stopped. Emotions came running back as if they'd never been swept away by the current of water. Taking a deep breath I got out of the shower and grabbed my towel. The soft material dragged along my skin and picked up any droplets of water. It was like wiping away tears that I never shed.

The outfit I'd stolen was one of Keigo's old T-shirts with a fading band logo across it's front side, two wing holes sat in the back as my iron wings pushed through them. After sliding on a pair of shorts I exited the bathroom leaving behind my dirt clothes and a wet towel.

Our shared bedroom was dark, a crescent moon shining through the clouds letting off a low glow. Laying atop the bed were the two men I'd come to love, Dabi held Keigo close to his chest as the bird boys large wings fell across the entirety of the bed. They looked so peaceful; Not knowing that I had left them alone to sleep as I contemplated every emotion I'd kept bottled up.

"How can you two sleep after all you've been through." It wasn't really a question, more of a statement. I'd only struggled with sleep when I was with Phoenix and shortly after I left, yet here I was wandering around our hotel room at three in the morning.

Even though I've been through hell and scars liter both my body and soul, I still find sleep to be one of the easiest things for me. Never do I dream because if I dreamed it would become a nightmare with ease. I wonder if they're the same. They've been through things similar to me so how is it easy for them to sleep like that. I'd taken nearly three months to be able to get a full eight hours of rest after I first left Phoenix. How long had it taken them to have the same dreamless state as me?

Those first several nights were awful. I was alone and afraid because I hadn't really gotten to know Edmond or Atlas. Anything familiar to me was forgotten as I was still trying to regrow my wings. I'd gotten three maybe four hours of rest before I saw the sun coming up in the distance. Even with my wings regrowing over the next two days I couldn't find it within myself to stay asleep for long.

I shook the memory out of my head and exited the bedroom. I'd rather prefer not to wake them since it was considerably late. Early, it wasn't late, it was early. Late would mean I'd never slept but I had gotten several hours before taking my shower. That was only because of them and their warmth, plus they had worn me out with pleasurable activities.

The hotel room was quiet and dark as I walked through it. Small amounts of light fluttered through the wall to ceiling windows that lined the walls, particles of dust danced through the air from us having disturbed it's peacefulness. For a place full of dangerous people it was oddly peaceful.

My body had taken it upon itself to decide where I would go as my mind was too distracted with swirling thoughts. Before I knew it I was standing atop the hotel roof looking down at all the trees covering the island. Waves crashed against the beach and carried away the footsteps people had left their early today. High in the sky was the crescent moon no longer covered by dark clouds, stars twinkled in the darkness and shone brighter than I'd ever seen in the city.

Dabi and Keigo were my everything, my whole universe at the moment; But they were nothing like the universe. It's infinite, expanding and growing larger by the second. In its wide expanse I was nothing more than a grain of sand littered along the beaches of time. They weren't infinite, eventually they'd die just like every other person. But at least to them I was important: Well I hope I am at least.

I stepped up on the ledge of the building, my bare feet rocking on the cool metal railing. It sent a chill across my spine as the cool night air nipped along my exposed skin. Where it had been cold in Japan this island was a place that wasn't affected by the harsh winter conditions; Only instead chilly due to the night. Though I preferred the warmth, if it got too cold my wings could possibly give me frostbite.

The slight updraft caused me to rock on my feet, backwards and forwards my body moved as I tried to keep myself from falling. What would happen if I did? Of course I wouldn't be scared, I'd done things similar hundreds of times. There were three options: Flap my wings and fly back up to the cold rooftop, fall and use my wings to protect me from the impact, or simply not fall at all.

Yet there was the fourth option that nagged at my mind, telling me again and again that it would be simple. Hit the ground without protecting myself. From so high up there was no doubt I'd die. No, that wasn't an option. There were people who I still wanted to spend time with.

Before I knew it I was falling, my body plummeting to the ground as I stared up at the ledge where I'd been standing moments ago. One wrong movement and here I was facing a fate that most would die from. Four options. Three options? How many were there when it came to this situation. I had wings, though they aren't practical compared to Keigo's, they were still there and I could still fly.

I wish I couldn't.

I wish that I never had these wings.

I wish that things were simpler.

I wish that my life wasn't a nightmare.

I wish that I was okay.

Between all my thoughts I hadn't noticed the approaching ground. It was so close, only a second or two more until I hit. I'd have to make a decision: Did I want to use my wings to protect me or do I want to feel what it's like to hit the ground for the first time ever. I decided to do the latter. My wings tucked to my back so that I would feel the impact.

When I realized what I'd done it was too late. There was no changing my decision but I didn't need to. His arms wrapped around me and before I knew it I was flying up into the sky. Those warm arms that smelled of a husky mountain enclosed around me as he held me close. Never once in the few moments suspended in air did his grip loosen.

Could I be dreaming? In the moonlight Keigo's eyes gleamed brighter than they ever had as if glistening with tears. But he doesn't cry. Neither of them do. So why was he crying? Why was I crying? I don't want to cry. I don't want their pity. I just want to be okay.

We touched down on the roof and the moment his grasp loosened I fell to the floor. Every ounce of strength I had left my body as I realized what I 'd just done. Even without meaning to protect myself I still probably would've survived, but that wasn't the point. I should've tried to protect myself more. Why had I-

"What the hell were you thinking!" Dabi's voice rasped through the air and I looked up towards the tall dark man. "You didn't even try to flap those stupid metal wings of yours!"

"I..." There was something I wanted to say, so much actually, but those words could't find their way through my throat and to their ears. All I could manage was a broken sob as I brought my hands to cover my face. Tears streamed down as I cried real tears for the first time in so long.

"You could've died!" There was a crack in Dabi's voice as he yelled. At that moment I knew that if he could he would be crying. "What would we have done!"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Sure as hell you weren't! How do you think we would've felt if you died, huh?!" That usual emotionless tone in his voice was gone. So much raw passion filled his voice that it hurt me to hear it all fly from his mouth. "We've lost so much in our lives so why would you try and take something else away from us! We care about you, idiot!"

Keigo put his hand to Dabi's chest and pushed the dark man back. With his voice low he whispered to his boyfriend. "Calm down for a second Dabi."

"Calm down!? She nearly died and you-" His turquoise eyes fell on me and I knew in that moment I must have look so pitiful. My hair was still wet from the shower and my face was puffy from tears that stained my cheeks. To everyone I must have looked like a weak woman in need of protection, and maybe they were right. "You want me to calm down."

His voice was no longer a yell but instead a deadpan of that sudden rush of feelings. It had only taken a fraction of a second for him to realize that yelling wouldn't help me. Right now I needed them and all the love they've shown me over the past month.

Keigo came towards me and raised me up into his muscular arms. That comforting ashy pine scent filled my nose and gave me a sense of security. I realized something as I listened in on his heartbeat: That moment was a mistake, I should've flown higher instead of sinking lower.

It wasn't a long walk back to our room but it felt like it spanned forever. Neither Keigo or Dabi said a word, only leaving me to imagine how they were feeling at that moment. I'd rather have them yelling at me than the silence that filled the space between us all: At least then I knew for certain that I was still alive.

Keigo held me tightly in his arms all the way back to the room as Dabi lagged two steps behind. I wonder how long it'd taken them to realize I was no longer in the bed with them. Had they known the moment I left the front door or had it taken them even less time to realize that I was gone.

Dabi stepped in front of Keigo and opened the bedroom door for him, after a second I felt my body being laid across the soft surface of the sheets. I retracted my wings to allow them more space in the bed. As if that was the only signal they needed, both got into the bed and pulled the covers over us.

"Why'd you do it?" There was a long moment of silence after Keigo said that. He'd only just gotten comfortable with his body resting atop mine, head on my stomach as his soft blonde hair fell across my shirt.

To my side was Dabi, the taller male wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. Heat radiated from him as he ran his soft hands up and down my arm. All the emotion he'd let go on the rooftop had disappeared somewhere along the walk back to the room. Once again he held his cold outer exterior.

"Not sure." My voice trailed off as I looked out into the darkness of our room. The moon once again covered my clouds and left us no light to see in this dark night. "I guess I wanted to know what it would've felt like to hit the ground."

"So you weren't going to protect yourself." Dabi's deep voice rasped through the quiet air of the rooms. "Nice to know that our girlfriend is suicidal."

Keigo smacked at Dabi's leg, his hand hitting against a soft pair of sweatpants. "Is your brain charred or something? I know you got at least some emotional capability up there."

"Hit me again bird brain and you'll be fried chicken."

A soft snicker escaped past my lips and I snuggled myself closer to Dabi. His arm wrapped tighter around me as my head fell on his chest. It was peaceful and I knew that we wanted the same thing: To just be okay. "I'm tired."

"What do you-"

"I'm tired of pretending." I cut Keigo off, my voice raising just enough to speak over the rest of his question. "I don't want to keep posing like everything is okay. I'm tired. So fucking tired."

"How long have you been feeling that way (Y/N)." My name sounded strange coming from his tongue, he's said it before but I was so used to hearing baby birds. I ran my hands through his soft golden locks and tugged lightly.

Keigo kissed my stomach and looked up at me for the first time since we got back to the room. His golden eyes looked so soft and comforting, just begging to hear every emotion I'd felt throughout my life. "I guess I've always felt tired. It's not like I want to die, more like I just want a break for a little bit. Everything is just so much to handle sometimes."

"You're not the only one." Dabi's voice was low and his turquoise eyes wandered through the room without a purpose. It was as though he was remembering a different moment in a different time. "Stuff gets overwhelming and it's hard to bear. We've both gone through similar points in the recent past."

"The great and powerful Dabi. Showing an emotion other than anger? I can't believe it." Keigo taunted from his spot wrapped around my waist.

Dabi growled as he lightly smacked the back of the blonde's head. "You're the one who told me to care, so you better do the same you little bird shit."

"I do care. I care about you two and only you two." Keigo's arms seemed to tighten around me as he buried himself further into my covered stomach. "Throughout my life everything I had was taken away at some point. You both are the only things that I'm going to make an effort in keeping. Because if I lose either of you I don't think... I know I won't be able to live with myself."

The hero that never slowed down was scorned by a hateful past filled to the brim with sorrowful tales of pain and suffering. A life that he'd sold away at six and was no longer his. It was strange to know that there was another person in my situation, one who'd been trained their whole life for the agenda of another individual.

"I promise pretty bird, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." I leaned out of Dabi's grasp and kissed the top of the heroes head, my lips meeting the soft blond hair falling messily across his scalp.

"That means you can't do shit like you did today." Dabi said as he pulled me back into him. "You could've been hurt or even killed if you feel on the right spot. Those wings of yours may be strong but you have to use them if they're going to help you."

I nodded my head and immersed myself further into Dabi's chest, my hands tracing the scar lines across his body. The staples felt cold against my skin which was strange considering just how warm Dabi's body actually was. It was a peaceful moment, one of those that gave me hope for a better future. As long as I'm with them then everything will be okay.

"You said you're tired, baby bird, so get some rest. There's nothing we have to do today except lay here and cuddle for hours."

"Yeah princess." Dabi swooped his head down and planted a soft, subtle kiss on my lips. The ashy scent radiated off him and filled my nostrils with it's husky smell. "When you wake up, we'll be right here holding you close."

"I love you both."

"We love you too."