I was at my dead "grandpa's" funeral and all I could think about was when I was going to see him again. And not "him" as in the dirtbag that called himself my grandfather, no. I couldn't care less if I ever saw him again. Him as in the boy who shouldn't be running through my thoughts day and night. Tyler. Even thinking his name caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up and my heart to skip a beat. And though a part of me loved it, another part of me was scared.

I tried to focus on what was happening in front of me: my "grandpa's" casket was being lowered into the ground in the small town where Papa and Padre had grown up, met each other, and fallen in love. A small town that also harbored the team of homophobes that beat Padre for being gay. A team that my "grandpa" had sent.

No matter how hard he'd tried, I just couldn't forgive him. I couldn't see him as being a genuine grandfather, and as I watched him being lowered in the ground, I couldn't tell if I regretted it or not.

Next to me, Papa was tearing up. Despite what his father had done to him and Padre, he still loved him, and I couldn't blame him. It had been Papa and his dad for the longest time. They had memories. A history filled with laughter and love that ended with hatred and violence. Padre stood next to him with his arms wrapped around Papa as he gently rubbed his back in the way that calmed him down. I couldn't quite read his expression though.  Next to me, Azalea was tearing up a bit too. She tried to see the good in everyone, even "him", so when he died, she took it harder than I did. She was trying to find his good. I didn't know if she'd found it or not. And other than the doctors who'd been at the funeral, no one else was at the burial site. Nona opted to stay with Adryan and Emmy, but even if they didn't need someone to take care of them, she wouldn't have come anyway. She hated him more than I did, and that was saying a lot.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I had to fight the urge to instantly grab it to see if it was Tyler texting me. We'd been texting back and forth since I'd left home to come back here. I'd been bouncing back and forth between here and New York since Papa and Padre found out that Papa's father was sick, and though the constant travel sucked, I didn't mind the extra excuse to text Tyler. Yeah, it might've been a simple "how was school?" or "did I miss anything important?", but the small grin that always tugged at the edge of my lips made it worth it. But it shouldn't have.

I wrapped my arm around my crying sister, her silent isolated tears causing the dark black of my suit to become impossibly darker, not that I minded. I brushed the hair from her forehead as I held her, her hair full of life and beautiful. Though she hated it, I love it.

Guilt wrapped its fingers around my heart and slowly started to squeeze like a python to its prey until I was left squirming uncomfortably. Everyone around me was wrecked and I was just...out of place. It made me feel heartless but at the same time-

"Hey," Papa said with a smile, though it lacked the spark and pure joy that was usually behind it. His eyes were red from crying and I could see the trails his tears once took to travel down his face. Padre was by his side, holding his hand firmly in his own. "How are you taking this?" Papa asked as he wrapped his arms around us as Azalea wiped the last of her tears away.

"How are you?" I softly asked on both of our behalf. "I know even though he..." I trailed, carefully picking out my words, "...he was still your father."

He nodded. "I'll be fine," he said as he looked back at the hole that held what remained of his old life and sighed. "I'll be fine."

Padre squeezed his hand. "You're not in it alone, Madison," he whispered as he placed a hand on his cheek, causing Papa to look at him in the love struck puppy way he usually did any time Padre spoke to him. The look that told you that they only saw each other and nothing else. Not the craziness, or the grief, or the pain. Just each other.

"I know, Noah," Papa said as he offered him a weary smile and put his hand on top of Padre's. "Garzi (thank you)."

Padre offered him his own grin before he pressed his lips to Papa's. No matter how old they got or where they were, they would continue to show their affection and comfort each other. I looked at Azalea and motioned for us to give them some space and she nodded before she followed me.

"I want to go back home," were the first words from Azalea's mouth since the service this morning. Her voice was shaky and weak, a clear foil to her usual strong, joyful, authoritative tone. "All this death and crying is too sad."

I found myself grinning, though it felt inappropriate in such a grim situation such as standing in the middle of a graveyard with grey clouds rolling in overhead. I slung my arm over her shoulders. "It's okay. We'll be back home soon enough." That didn't seem to cheer her up though. She looked up at the sky.

"Do you think he made it?" I didn't need to ask her what she meant. I knew she wanted to believe he went up to heaven but...

"I don't know," I honestly said before I bit my bottom lip and looked back at my dads. "How about this: when we get back to Nona's house, we can make heart attacks. How does that sound?"

That caused a shadow of a grin to spread across her lips. Heart attacks were basically all of Nona's sweetest, richest, most diabetic desserts that she could make. They always lifted our moods. That and ice cream. "I guess that could work," she said with a ghost of excitement hanging to the edge of her tone.

I opened my mouth to say something but my phone started vibrating in my pocket and based on the vibration pattern, I knew exactly who it was. I found myself smiling as I pulled out my phone that displayed the named Babygirl with a heart emoji next to it and quickly answered it. Almost instantly, my beautiful girlfriend, Kyra, filled my screen, her face free of makeup and her hair in a messy bun. She was wearing a white camisole and dark sweats, and despite how cliche it sounded, she looked absolutely beautiful. I was beyond proud to call her mine.

"Hey babe," I greeted as I took a few steps away from Azalea.

"Hey, Addy," she said, the perfect way she said my name made my insides shake. I wasn't ashamed of it either. "How is it going? I know today's the funeral and..." she trailed, trying to pick her words carefully. She knew what he'd done to my fathers and, by extension, to me and my siblings. She was the only one who really knew the full story with him...her and Tyler. "How are you taking it?"

I kicked a tiny rock that was by my feet as I shoved my free hand into my dress pants pocket. "I'm okay, I guess. I honestly don't know how to feel. It's just really confusing, you know?"

"I could only imagine," she said as she shifted from sitting criss-cross on her bed to laying on her stomach. She knew I didn't like sympathy. In fact, I hated it, so I was grateful that she hadn't given me the sad eyes and the "I'm so sorry for your loss" bs. "How's Azzy?"

"She's taking it kinda hard," I admitted as I looked up to see her making her way back to our dads. "They all are. I feel kinda heartless to be honest. A bit guilty too. Is that bad?"

She instantly shook her head. "No. You shouldn't have to apologize for your feelings. That man...what he did was horrible and I can understand why you're feeling conflicted." As she spoke, her eyebrows knit together, causing an adorable crease to form between her eyebrows like it always did when she was in thought. That was actually the first thing I noticed about her way back in February of eighth grade and ever since, I've been whipped.

"Addison!" She called, snapping me out of my walk down memory lane.

"Huh?"

"You've just been staring at me for the past fifteen seconds smiling like an idiot," she said with a laugh. Oh my gosh her laugh...

"I'm sorry, I just miss you," I honestly said.

"I miss you too, Addy. Do you know when you're coming back yet?"

"Friday I think. I'll let you know when I know for sure."

"Good, because we're going to do something very special when you get home," she said with an innocent smile that sent me over the edge. We'd never gone all the way because I wanted it to be perfect for her and because we both wanted to save ourselves until after we were married, but man did she know how to tease and touch me just right.

"Is that so?" I asked just as padre called my name and beckoned for me to come with them. "I gotta go. I'll call you back."

"Okay."

"Love you, Ky."

She smiled. "Love you too, Addy. Tell everyone I said hi and give your Nona a hug for me."

I chuckled as I hung up. I loved her so much. So why did Tyler creep into my mind when I least expected it?

I jogged over to my family as they got into the car with Padre at the wheel and Papa in the passenger side, their hands tightly interlocked over the middle console as the car backed out of the cemetery and my father's father disappeared from view. The air in the car was heavy and sad so I decided to cut through it.

"Where did you used to live, Papa?" I asked, trying to lift the mood. My fathers' eyes always lit up when they talked about their past, and to my luck, even on the saddest days that rang true.

"Noah, babe, would you mind going toward my old apartment?" Papa asked, causing Padre to nod and wordlessly follow his instruction without a breath of resistance. "This little town holds so many big memories," he continued on.

"Yeah," Padre agreed. "It feels like it was just yesterday."

"Look, right over there-" Papa excitedly said as he pointed out the right window, "-that's where your father and I met."

It was a simple brick building that didn't give off the "come in here and meet the love of your life" vibe, then again, no club ever really does. Plus, based on my fathers still being in their honeymoon phase of marriage after being married for so many years, I had to admit that falling in love in a club didn't seem too bad. Kyra and I would have to try it one day.

"The Night Vixen," Papa sighed as he mentally relived the night. "I remember it like it was yesterday."

"I don't," Padre said with a slight laugh, causing us to as well. He'd been too drunk off his balls to remember his name, let alone how he'd officially met my dad. But based on how Papa tells it, Padre was a very very messy drunk. But it was nice to know where I'd gotten it from. "I wonder if it's still open," Padre mused as we drove by it.

"Nah," Papa said. "Gracie said they closed it down a while ago."

"Where is she by the way?"

"Her and Theo are out of town I think."

"Ahh," Padre said, nodding his head. I'd remembered the part she'd played, though it was extremely mild and not nearly as damaging as "he" had been. Luckily, she'd come around without violence or pain. I wish the same could've been said about...

"There it is. The infamous apartment building," Padre announced as we pulled in the parking lot of an apartment complex. "Where all the magic happened."

"In more ways than one," Papa said as he winked at Padre.

"Madison, non di fronte ai bambini, (not in front of the children)," Padre softly said, embarrassed as Papa kissed his cheek.

Azalea dramatically scrunched her nose. "Ew!" She childishly cried as she silently looked at me.

I smiled before I copied her actions. "Ew!" Papa laughed as Padre blushed. It was nice to see how much they'd grown from a tiny apartment in the middle of nowhere working a slow job at a pizzeria to living in a luxury apartment in the heart of NYC doing what they loved and making good money from it.

"How long were you dating before you moved in together?" Azalea asked.

"Not long at all," Padre mused as he looked up at the building. "Within a month or two. We moved really fast. But it worked out in the end."

"That it did," Papa agreed. "Your Padre never really moved in though. He just never left and started stealing my clothes." A laugh tagging itself at the end of his sentence.

"In my defense, your clothes are very comfortable," Padre countered. Stealing Papa's clothes was a habit he never really broke.

"I remember that I used to sit up there and watch your Padre practice before we got together. And I work when he and his teammates would come in."

"Stalker," I playfully jabbed, causing them to laugh as Padre started pulling the car out of the driveway. We drove passed the infamous soccer fields and a mini dry cleaning place that used to be the pizzeria. We didn't need a recap of what happened there. But Papa's eyes did get glossy when we passed them, but he quickly blinked his unshed tears away.

I awkwardly cleared my throat. "Uh, Kyra called to check on us."

"How's she doing?" Padre asked. My fathers loved her and so did my siblings. She was practically already apart of the family.

"Good. She told me to tell you guys hi."

Padre mutely nodded. "Speaking of girlfriends and such, Azalea, who's that little boy I keep seeing you eye every time I pick you up?" He asked, looking at Azalea through the rear view mirror.

"Dad," she whined, causing them both to laugh.

"Come on, who is this boy? I need to run a full check before he can even breathe in your general direction," Papa added, causing Azalea to give me a look silently pleading for help but I shook my head, thoroughly entertained. Azzy narrowed her eyes at me.

"I'm not having this conversation," she said matter-of-factly, causing us all to laugh.

"Okay, I'll let you out of it for today but I'll get you when we get back home," Papa relented.

I spent the rest of the car ride checking my group chat filled with my football boys updating me about the big game that was last night. We'd been running drills none stop before I'd left and I had to prep Brandon to take on my roll as the QB, and based on the reports, it had gone really well. I was proud.

In no time we were back to my Nona's house where she and my youngest siblings Emerson and Adryan were sitting in the living room watching an animated movie. The delicious scents that had become associated with my Nona's house over the years filled the house, making my salvate and my stomach claw at me from the inside out fueled by the flame of hunger. Without even entering the kitchen, I knew heart attacks were brewing, both metaphorically and literally.

"Hey, Nona," Padre greeted before he kissed her cheek. "They haven't been giving you too much trouble, have they?"

"Shh! We're getting to the good part," she said, shooing him away, causing him to chuckle and shake his head as he took off the tie he'd been wearing.

"Okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted," he said, squeezing as much faux-sadness as he could into his sentence before he looked at Papa with a fake pout.

Emerson looked at Padre, semi-annoyed and semi-entertained as she spoke. "It's not like that, but you know that you can't interrupt movie time."

"Can both of you quiet down? I'm missing the movie!" Adryan whined, annoyed, causing Nona to shush him.

I smiled to myself as I took a seat next to my Nona and my fathers took a seat next to me and Azzy on the other side of them, the animated movie acting as a nice distraction from our complicated lives. I saw Padre slip his hands in Papa's.

My mind wandered to Tyler.

***

Hey y'all, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Break In My Heart! I'm so excited to continue writing this story and I hope you guys stick around! Feel free to vote and comment what you think is going to happen next. This book, just like Tear In My Heart, is available for early access on Inkitt! Just click on the link in my Wattpad bio! By doing that, you're not only getting the next chapter a week early, but you're also helping me get paid for doing what I love. Best part? It's 10000% free!

Love y'all- Jordan

PS I actually went to NY for the first time this past weekend and it was so cool! I just might change my username from ChicagoDreams to NewYorkDreams lol :)