Matt's POV:

One month. One month without Leo and I feel like a piece of me is missing. I feel so empty, that everyday, everyday, I wonder why I broke up with him in the first place.

And not to mention I was slightly disappointed the first time in weeks when I didn't see a random note or drawing waiting for me in my locker. But I can't be selfish. After all, he's only doing what I asked him to do. Why that makes me love him more? I have no clue.

But then the picture of him kissing Laurel comes to my mind again and I feel the pain again. And maybe it's better if we break now and that if he does break up with me in a year because he found someone better than me is gonna definitely break me.

But seeing him in the hallways and not being able to touch him is almost impossible. Or the fact that I have to ignore him and avoid him at all costs because he keeps trying to convince me that we can work things out and telling me how much he misses me almost makes me want to hug him and never let him go. 

And let's not talk about the fact that now that the school realised that we're broken up, girls have taken that as a sign that Leo is available for flirting again. I mean, they're not wrong, I was the one breaking up with him, so it shouldn't affect me, but it does. It hurts so much. Too much. It almost breaks me.

Macy and John have told me that maybe I made a mistake, but as my best friends they still support me and gave me their shoulders to cry on and the times I found myself alone this month were rare, seeing as neither of them left me alone. 

But tomorrow, Sunday, comes a day I've been dreading and I'm trying not to think too much about, so I drowned myself with work at the café, because that way my mind is at least occupied with something and the extra money is always a bonus, so that was my solution. 

"Matt, your shift is over, you can go, I'll finish closing up with Lily," Mrs. Adams, my boss, tells me.

"Are you sure? I can help," I insist.

"Yes, I'm sure, go, I'll see you next week."

I also asked for tomorrow off, I know I won't be able to concentrate, so there's no point coming to work. Also, Mrs. Adams knows why and she was more than supportive about my decision.

So I go home, alone, where Chris is waiting for me with Mrs. Pemberton and Oliver. At least I'll always have Chris, even when he's not that aware of what's going on.

Usually it takes sometime for me to get home from work, but today it seemed like no more than a few seconds. Probably because I can't stop thinking about everything going on in my head. Not only what comes with tomorrow, but also the fact that I don't have Leo with me anymore. I feel like that would make things slightly better, a shoulder to cry on. And I know I have Macy, John, Harry and even Mike or Mrs. Pemberton, but there was just something slightly more comforting about Leo's shoulder.

I'm slightly surprised to find a strange car parked in front of my house. Obviously, I panic a little at firsti mean there's a strange car parked in my driveway, but it calms me down once I see Carter coming out of the car.

Wait, what? What in the world is Carter doing here? He's literally the last person I expected to see at my doorstep. Well, maybe I wouldn't expect Laurel. Well, now that I think about she's actually capable of coming here to threaten me or something, we never know. She's kinda nuts.

"Hey," I greet Carter after getting out of the car.

"Hi," he answers, slightly awkwardly, which is saying something 'cause Carter rarely shows afection other than boredom. "You're probably wondering why I'm standing in front of your house like a weirdo stalker. Harry told me where you live, I hope you don't mind."

"No, yeah, it's ok. So umm, why are you exactly?"

"Righ, so, at the party you talked to me about Harry and it helped more than you know, I was struggling and even when you didn't know that, you still helped. And I asked Harry out. You didn't give me the idea but you did give me that last push, and maybe that was the most important step. So now, as Leo's friend, I'm here to tell you that maybe you're not making that much of a right choice you think you are."

"Carter, trust me, I know I didn't make the easy choice, but I'm trying to think about the future. I don't want to get even more hurt. More than that, I really, really don't want to hurt Leo. So please, Carter, please  don't make me regret it even more than I already do."

"Ok," Carter says. "It's your choice, your life, your decisions. Just thought you should know that Leo is hurting too, and maybe all this hurt is unnecessary."

And with that he gets inside his car again and drives off, leaving me to think of everything I may have done wrong.

-------------------------

Today is the day. The day I've been dreading since my dad has died. Today is my dad's birthday.

The first birthday I ever spent without him and I'm going mad. I really don't know what to do. I'm lost. And doing everything like a robot. I woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, made breakfast for Chris and then woke him up and took him to Mrs. Pemberton's house because I couldn't look after him today, as horrible as I feel about that.

So I went out to seek comfort. I went to Macy's house and she called John and we had a small movie marathon, and for awhile I forgot about how shitty my life is. But I didn't want to stay for long, so I left and told them I wanted to be alone. And it was true, I needed some time to think about everything. So I go to the only place I can think of right now: The clearing where Leo and I had our first date.

That was probably one of the best days of my life. And that place doesn't hold any bad memories, only good ones, so maybe that's a good place to go.

And so I cry, and I think about my dad, what I'll do with Chris if I go to college and most of all, I think about Leo. Of what Carter said, and maybe I really did make a mis-

My thoughts are interrupted by a snap of a twig and I immediately turn around and see Leo with his back to me as if he was trying to leave unnoticed.

"Sorry," he starts. "I didn't know you were gonna be here."

"Yeah...sorry, I kinda stole your spot, I just wanted to clear my head..."

"It's not exactly my spot...It's not like I own it or anything."

He seems to notice my face now, that must be puffy and red from all the crying.

"Jesus, Matt, what happened?" He seems hesitant when he asks that, like he doesn't know if he should come and sit next to me or just turn around and leave.

I should have known he would choose the former no matter what. I mean, it's Leo we're talking about, of course he's gonna stay until he's sure I'm ok.

And so he sits next to me, "Do you wanna talk about whatever that is that got you in a bad mood?"

God, this just reminds me of how much I love him and it's making me feel even more guilty! He's so nice, "I broke up with you, you should hate me."

"Matthew, I could never hate you. Obviously, I'm mad that you broke up with me, for that reason nonetheless. But I do understand why you did it. And I do respect your decision," I nod, glad that he understands. "But that doesn't mean I can't try and change your mind. And you can be sure I'm going to try everything in my power to get you back, Matthew, because I am madly in love with you. But not right now. You're obviously not ok. So, do you want to talk about it?"

I think about everything he just said for awhile, just let it sink in and then sigh and tell him, "Today is my dad's birthday. The first birthday he's not here. And I guess I just wasn't expecting it to be this hard you know?"

Once again he seems hesitant and I can see him from the corner of my eye with his arms raised as if trying to decide if he should hug me or not, so I make the dicision for him and make the best of his arms being slightly raised and snuggle into his side.

"You know you can always come to me, right?" Leo asks. "No matter what."

"I know," I look up at him with a teary smile. "Thank you, Leo."

"You can keep talking, if you want. About your dad. You know, get it all out."

"We've had this thing for the last 7 years or so, where every birthday of his, I would give him a mug with "World's Best Dad" on it. Always different designs, but that was always the idea. That man had a serious unhealthy obsessions with mugs, that's for sure. But he always loved it. There wasn't the element of surprise. He knew what I was gonna give him. But there was always excitement to see what was gonna be the year's design. This is the first year I didn't give him one. I guess that just makes it all the more real."

I didn't notice I was crying again until Leo cleaned away my tears with the sleeve of his hoodie.

I'm once again surprised when this time he doesn't seem to think twice about kissing my cheek, as if to make everything better. His words confirm my theory, "I'll kiss away all of your problems."

I just laugh at that. A full blown laugh I didn't think I would manage on a day like today, but I did. And it was all thanks to Leo. 

Well, maybe not all. Macy and John and even Harry's texts did contribute to that. Only then do I realise that I've been focusing on the bad sides of my life and completely ignored the good ones. Yes, my home life isn't the best, with a alcoholic mother and a dead father, but I have the best friends in the world. I have Macy and John who stick with me through thick and thin. I have Harry who is able to make me laugh with only a setence. I have Leo who is always there for me, even when he's mad and he'll make me laugh no matter what. Dare I say, I may even have Carter, who'll make me see reason, even when my mind is at it's cloudiest worst. 

So it's not all bad.

"So, where's Chris right now?"

"He's staying at Mrs. Pemberton's. She offered to look after him for today and tonight. I felt kind of guilty about that at the beggining, thinking that I should be there for Chris. But he doesn't relly know what day it is, so he just thinks it's a day like any other. And maybe it's for the best."

"So you're gonna be alone tonight?" He asks and I nod in response, with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "Nope, nuh-huh, you're not spending tonight alone. The night's are the worst for thinking about everything wrong in your life and I got you to laugh. My work is not gonna be in vain. C'mon. You're spending the night at mine."

"Leo, really it's ok. I don't mind."

"No way, c'mon, get that cute butt on your car and drive to my house. We'll meet each other there."

"Wait," I call out when Leo starts getting up to leave. "Can we just stay here for a little longer?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm just gonna get something from my car, I'll be right back."

I nod and watch him leave an turn to the lake again, watching the water move back and forth due to the slight breeze in the air. It amazes me how the lake isn't frozen, it's been crazy cold lately. Great, now I'm thinking about how cold it is. Maybe I should have brought more clothes.

I come back to reality when I feel something being draped over my shoulders and realise it's Leo draping a blanket over my shoulders, "Why are you walking around with a bunch of blankets on your car?"

"I also have tea an oreos," he says and hands me thermos with what I assume is tea and a box of oreos. "I was gonna come here for a bit to draw and get my mind off of things."

"Oh, sorry I interrupted your drawing and forgetting...what are you trying to forget, either way, if you don't min me asking?"

"You, mostly..." he answers honestly. "But you're a way better distraction , anyway. So I'm good."

For a while we just talk about nothing and everything while he draws God knows what.

--------------------------------

"Matt," someone calls. "Matt, wake up."

Wake up? What? When id I even fall asleep? I reluctantly open one of my eyes and see Leo staring back at me with his breathtaking eyes and an amused smile playing on his lips . Damn those eyes.

"Hey, did I fall asleep?" I ask.

"Yeah, I woke you up because the sun is about to rise. Remember on our first date when I told you that-"

"The sunrises here are to die for," I interrupt with a smile on my lips. "Yeah, I remember."

"Look," he says with a childlike enthusiasm and points at the horizon.

I do look at te horizon for a while, and I admit, the sunrise really is breathtaking, but honestly, not as breathtaking as Leo. I can't stop looking at him. Can't stop thinking of how much of a good person he is, because despite everything, he's still here for me, he's still here even when he was mad at me, because that's just the kind of person he is. And I love him for it. So maybe I shoul just make the most of it while I can.

So with that thought in mind, and the little bit of courage I have, I tap him on the arm to get his attention and when he turns to me I start leaning in, slowly, so that he has time to stop me if that's what he wishes to do. But he doesn't. He just puts his hand on my waist and closes the remaining distance between us and his lips meet mine for the first time in a month. It feels like it's been longer than that, to be honest.

The kiss was nothing out of the ordinary, no tongue, not too much heat, just a touch of the lips, but the passion is there nonetheless.

"Matt, are you sure? I know you may not be at your best right now and I don't want to like, take advantage of you or something..."

"Leo, calm down," I reassure. "I love you. And I miss you so much, and if you'll have me again, I would really like to be your boyfriend."

I look at him expectantly, and honestly very very  nervous, while waiting for an answer.

"I mean, obviously, I'd love that, but I mean, are you sure? What about the college situation?"

"Well, I guess we'll have to deal with it when the time comes right? I regret breaking up with you over something that might not even happen in the future, so I decided to live in the present. An that includes you, Leonardo. So, what do you say?"

"I am so fucking in love you Matthew Lynwood, I could explode from how happy I am right now."

And then we're kissing again. I am not happy for breaking up with Leo, not even close, but it did help me realise something: that no matter what, Leo is always gonna be a shoulder for me to cry on if I ever need one.

We still have problems, but we'll figure it out when the time comes. Until then, I'll make the most of it.