New Kid

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WARNING: insinuated sexual abuse, depictions of physical abuse, mentions of murder, suicide, and mental illness

  I bite my lip to hold back my scared whimpers as I hear his footsteps come closer to my bedroom door. My nine year old body curls up into a tighter ball and I scoot back closer to the wall under my bed.

  The footsteps stop outside my door as my tears begin to fall. I already know what will happen next. Why can't he just leave me alone?

My door slams open, nearly making me yelp as it comes into contact with the wall next to my bed.

"Daniel!" The monster yells in his sinister voice. The voice of a true monster. "You can't hide from me, you little shit. So why don't you come on out. Daddy just wants to talk to you."

Lies. All he ever tells is lies. Monsters don't know how to tell the truth.

"Oh, I see. You're gonna play hide and seek. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. We both know you've never been a very good hider."

Just after the words come out of his mouth. I feel a hand wrap around my ankle and I scream as he pulls me out from under the bed. He kicks me in the stomach twice, turning my screams into whimpers.

"What have I told you about the screaming?!" He yells in my face before kicking me again.

I close my eyes and brace myself for more of the beating. But it never comes and a few seconds later I feel his giant monster hands pulling on my pajama bottoms.

"What are you doing?!" I whimper in a panic. "Stop!" I kick my legs out trying to keep his hands away but he slaps me across the cheek, effectively quieting me as he pulls my pants all the way down along with my underwear.

He then grabs me around the collar of my shirt, lifting me up and throwing me onto the bed on my stomach.

"Please, stop!" I sob out, but it's too late.

Monsters don't know how to stop...

I yell out in fear as I wake up from the nightmare. I can already feel the wetness pooled around me. I hadn't wet the bed since I was at the last adoption center. I thought it had stopped.

I hear a groan and I look around the room in fright before I realize that it is just my roommate in the bed next to mine. I cringe, knowing that he's going to see what happened.

"Damn it, New Kid. Why are you yelling?" He pauses and looks at me. I look back with fear in my eyes. "Are you alright?" He asks as he gets out of bed. He looks at my bed and the soaked through sheets around me and I cover my face in mortification. "Did you wet the bed?" I don't answer. It's pretty easy to figure out that I did. My roommate sighs. "Hold on."

I hear his bare feet pad away from me on the wooden floor and then our bedroom door opens quietly. A minute later he comes back and stands in front of my bed.

"Here, put your clothes in here," he tells me as he holds out one of the dirty clothes bags from the laundry room. "And here's a towel. Go take a quick shower. But be quiet."

I nod quickly and do as he says when he turns away so I can take my clothes off. I quickly put the towel around me right after. He takes the bag with my dirty clothes from me as I quickly shuffle out of the room and down the hall to the boys' shower room after grabbing a change of clothes.

I take a quick shower to rinse off my damp lower half, before drying off and returning to my room to see my roommate, and all my soiled bedding, missing. My roommate walks back in a minute later, and I blush.

"I'm sorry," I mutter to him, my blush deepening.

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, New Kid. It's fine. Let's just get to bed. I'll have to tell Miss Abbey about this in the morning so she can do something about your mattress, but for tonight you can sleep in my bed."

I swallow nervously but nod anyway. "Okay," I whisper.

  My roommate gets into bed, scooting to one side, then holds open the covers for me.

  "Well, come on then."

  I blush and quickly scuttle over to the other side of the bed and get in. I lay stock still on my back, trying not to bump into the the body next to me.

  After a moment... "Mason," I whisper.

  "What do you want, New Kid?" He mutters with his eyes closed.

  "Um... Thank you."

  "It's whatever. Can you just assure me that it won't happen again while I'm in the bed with you?"

  I blush and shake my head frantically. "It won't. I swear."

  "Then go to sleep. It's late."

  "Okay," I whisper and close my eyes.

*

  I wake to a hand gently shaking my shoulder. "Wake up, New Kid. You've slept in long enough, we've got school."

  I open my eyes to Mason leaning over me. "I'm up."

  "I told Miss Abbey about your accident." He nods towards my bed, the mattress is missing, and I blush. "She's gonna get you a new mattress. She said to sleep in my bed until the new one comes in. Is that okay with you?"

  I nod.

  "Good. Now get up and get dressed or you'll be late."

*

  "Hey, New Kid!" I hear Mason call out to me as I start to head back upstairs to our room after dinner.

  "Yeah?" I say when he catches up to me on the stairs.

  "You're eating lunch with me from now on at school, okay?"

  "Why?" I ask, clearly surprised.

  "Because everyday I see you sitting all alone and you are way too sad for your own good. So you'll sit with me, got it?"

  "Okay," I whisper and continue up the stairs with him in front of me.

*

  That night, I get into bed with Mason next to me once again, and hope to god that I don't have any nightmares with him there. It's not likely that I'll wet the bed again, I just don't want him to hear anything. My last roommate at the other adoption center said I talk in my sleep.

  Regardless of my fears, I close my eyes anyway and fall easily asleep.

  Bad idea...

  "Daniel!" I hear the front screen door slam open and I quickly rush to have the table set. He hates it when dinner isn't ready the minute he gets home. Monsters are always hungry.

  The monster walks into our small kitchen and inspects the dinner I prepared for him.

  "What the hell is this?!" He shouts as he points to the food. "How dare you make this!" With this, he back hands everything on the table, flinging all of the food onto the floor. "You know this was your mother's favorite meal! How could you?!"

  I'm backed up into a wall, so I have nowhere to go when he comes at me. I had never been beaten harder than I had that night. It was my fifteenth birthday...

   I wake with a start and feel hands on my shoulders. I almost scream before I realize it is just Mason trying to wake me.

  "Relax, New Kid, it's just me."

  I take a few deep breaths to try to calm my rapid breathing. Mason reaches out a hand and wipes my cheek with the palm of his hand. I just now realize I'm crying.

  "Damn, New Kid, do you always get nightmares this bad?"

  I nod as I forcefully try to stop my tears from falling.

  "Is this what made you wet the bed the other night?"

  "That only happens when I have the nightmares about when I was little," I hiccup, but then my eyes widen when I realize what I said. He's not supposed to know about that.

  "Why? What happened when you were little?"

  I don't answer and just look away.

  Mason grabs my chin, turning my face towards his again. "What happened when you were little, New Kid?"

  I don't want to tell him, but if I don't he will just keep asking, so I tell him the best way that I can. "When I was nine... The monster took everything from me."

*

I sat with Mason at lunch that day. His friends looked at me funny. He looked at me funny. But a different kind of funny. I shouldn't have told him anything about the monster, he's been cautious with me all morning and into the afternoon. He keeps giving me that look like I'm gonna break any minute. Like I'm a shattered piece of glass just barely held together.

And maybe I am like that. Nobody at the orphanage is in the best mental state but they don't all have to see a therapist. Mason doesn't have to see a therapist. He barely seems anything but normal.

*

"Where do you always go after school on Wednesdays?" Mason asks me that same day right when I return to my room after therapy.

"Nowhere special," I mumble as a response.

"Fine. Don't tell me then," he says sounding kind of hurt.

"I just don't like to talk about it, okay?" I tell him, but he just ignores me, reading some magazine. "Mason?" I mumble.

He looks up at me, first in annoyance, but then the look comes back. "Whatever, New Kid. It's fine," he says more gently.

I'm starting to hate that look.

Maybe I am broken, but he doesn't need to treat me like I am.

*

  That night, I'm already in bed before Mason. I sit there anxiously, waiting for him to come back to the room after his shower.

"Don't bite your nails. It's a bad habit," he says as he walks into the room, glancing at me, before pulling his shirt on the rest of the way.

I shakily pull my fingers away from my mouth.

Mason slides into bed next to me, turning his light off. Mine is still on.

I can feel him looking at me. He sits up slightly. "You're really pale. You okay?" he asks.

  I take a deep breath, honing my courage. "I want you to stop looking at me like that." I turn to him, looking him in the eyes, but having to quickly look away.

  "What do you mean?"

  "You look at me different now because I told you, and I don't like it. I want you to look at me how you did when I first got here; like I was normal."

He sighs. "You are normal, Daniel. You can't really blame me for being a little worried after that cryptic comment you gave me about your childhood." A pause. "I'm sorry I've been looking at you weird. It won't happen again. Now, can we just go to sleep?"

I nod with a gulp and lay down beside him, turning my light off as I go.

That's the first time he has called me Daniel, is the last thing I think before I fall asleep.

*

When I wake up, I feel a constricting weight over my chest, and I immediately start to panic. Even as I realize it is only Mason's arm over me, I can't stop my breath from quickening. I can't stand the feeling of being held down.

"Mason," I call out weakly, hoping he'll wake up.

He must have rolled over in the night, too, because half of his weight is leaning on me.

"Mason," I whisper again, and I at least hear a grunt from him. "Mason, wake up, please." This time my voice comes out in something like a whimper. Tears sprout in my eyes. I don't like this.

"Mason," I call as loud as I can manage, and finally, his head snaps up.

"What? What's wrong?" He asks in confused panic.

"Can you get off of me?" This time it definitely comes out in a whimper.

His eyes widen and he quickly puts some distance between us.

"I'm sorry. I just don't like being held down." I take deep breaths but it still feels as if I'm about to hyperventilate.

"No, I'm sorry," Mason says. "It's just, you were having a nightmare before and putting my arm around you seemed to help then. I'm sorry."

  "It's okay," I gasp.

"Are you okay?" He asks after a few minutes of taking some deep breaths.

"I'm alright. But I don't think I'll be able to sleep again." I look up at Mason, shyly.

"That's okay." Mason looks to his night stand, at the clock. "It's almost time to get up for school anyway. We could just lay here."

"We? No, I don't want you to stay up for me. You can go back to sleep."

"It's okay. I don't want to."

"I'm sorry," I mumble guiltily.

"It's okay. Really, I don't mind."

  We lay in silence, the only sound being Mason's deep breathing. I almost find the sound comforting. I'm so used to being alone that it's strange to have someone close to me like this. It's also strange that I don't mind being close to him.

  "You're staring," Mason murmurs, but I have no idea how he knows that since his eyes are closed. I blush, regardless.

  "Sorry," I whisper. I go to look away, but Mason peeks one eye open, and then the other, until he's staring at me, too.

  "Are we friends, Daniel?"

  I blush some more. "I don't know. Are we?..." I ask hesitantly.

  "Well, I'm your friend. Are you mine?"

  "Are you sure you want me to be?"

  He chuckles. "I'm sure."

  "Okay. Then I guess I'm your friend."

  "Good."

  He pauses for a while, finally looking away from me and releasing my gaze.

  "Friends tell each other things, you know," he says after a while, and I gulp. I don't like where this is going... "So... are you ever going to tell me about yourself?"

  "Like what?" My mouth has gone dry and the words come out kind of scratchy.

  "Like where you go every Wednesday. Or... what happened when you were little."

  I gulp, swallowing nothing. "Well..." suddenly I'm angry, "well you never tell me anything about yourself!"

  Mason looks at me, shock evident by his raised eyebrows. "You never asked anything, New Kid."

  I frown. I liked it better when he called me Daniel. "I don't want to talk anymore," I say and flip around so I'm facing away from Mason.

  "Fine. Be that way."

  I feel the bed move. Mason must have flipped over, too.

  "Fine," I mumble. Tears have already come to my eyes. I sniffle as quietly as I can.

  I should be stronger than this. After everything I've been through, I shouldn't be bothered by a little fight with my barely friend. But I find the tears slipping from my eyes anyway...

  "New Kid..." Mason says after a while. "Please tell me you're not crying?"

  "I'm not crying," but my voice cracks and I sniffle, giving away the fact that I am, indeed, crying.

  "Daniel..." Mason whispers, his voice soft. I feel the bed move as he turns towards me again. "Don't cry, please. I don't like it when you cry."

  "I'm not crying," I try again, but this time it comes out as a light sob.

  Mason doesn't say anything, he just hesitantly moves his arm over my waist. This time, I don't get scared.

  "Please don't cry. I'm sorry."

  But it's too late, the dam has sprung a leak and there's no stopping the flow of water. All the tears of pain and sadness that I have been holding in for who knows how long, all come out. My therapist said I should try to cry more often, so this doesn't happen. Only one thing brought on the tears, but I'm crying for so many more reasons.

  My sobbing is loud now and Mason holds me a little closer.

  Despite the fact that my throat is thick with tears, I speak anyway. "When I was nine..." I trail off, no longer sure of my words. I continue anyway. "When I was nine, my father... my father raped me."

  "Daniel, you don't have to-"

  "Yes. Yes, I do," I cut Mason off mid sentence. "When I was nine, my father raped me. And then he continued for three more years before he finally gave me a break... Then last year, he did it again. But I... but I couldn't take it. I tried to kill myself. The monster... my father, had no other choice but to take me to the hospital. And I told my nurse about what happened... That's how I got here. And now I have to go to therapy every Wednesday so I don't try to kill myself again."

  I sob and cough, trying to clear my throat as my hands rub furiously at my eyes, trying to clear my vision.

  "Daniel..." Mason mumbles, but he doesn't know what else to say. I get that a lot. "Come here. Look at me." Mason tugs on my waist gently, trying to turn me around. I do, but I don't look him in the eyes.

He puts a hand on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. "Just breathe, okay? Everything is okay." I do as he says, and breathe in time with his deep breaths. Sobs still come from my throat every once in a while, but Mason is quick to soothe me.

Once I'm mostly calm, Mason releases my face and hugs me too him. I feel him take a deep breath. "My father killed my mother," he says quietly. "Then my brother killed him." I suck in a deep breath. "Then he killed himself."

He stops. I guess he's not going to say anymore.

"I- I," I start, but I don't know what else to say.

"It's okay," Mason says. "You don't have to say anything. I've come to terms with it." He pauses. "I went to therapy for three years after it happened, and I still have to go back sometimes." Another pause. "There. Now it's all out. We can tell each other anything now."

Mason pulls back slightly to look at me. There are tears in my eyes, but they're not for myself anymore.

"Are you feeling a little better now?" Mason asks.

"I'm sad, but I'm okay. Are you alright?" I whisper, my voice still not working properly.

"I'm okay."

"Okay.

I don't really know what to do now. I've never told anyone other than my therapist, some social workers, and some police officers what happened to me, and I doubt Mason has told many other people what happened to him. We kind of just stare at each other. I guess Mason is just as lost as me.

  I feel my face start to get hot, so I look away and rest my head on Mason's chest. I hope he doesn't mind.

  He doesn't seem to as he starts rubbing his hand up and down my back.

  I fall back to sleep quickly.

*

I wake to the sound of a small foot tapping on the wooden floor of our bedroom and to Mason sitting up abruptly.

"Miss Abbey!" He exclaims, making me instantly sit up as well.

"You two boys have a lot of explaining to do. Let's start with why you aren't up and ready for school?" Miss Abbey raises a delicate eyebrow at first, Mason and then, me.

I return her look with a guilty smile, but I'm too tired to be convincing.

"Look, Miss Abbey," Mason starts to explain, "me and Daniel kind of had a bad night."

"Yes, you both look incredibly uncomfortable in that warm bed together," she replies sarcastically.

"I'm not lying, Miss Abbey." He pauses looking at me for a second. "Daniel had a nightmare, and we were up half the night."

Miss Abbey looks to me. "Is this true, Daniel?"

"Yes, ma'am," I mumble while looking at my hands that are set in my lap.

  Miss Abbey sighs. "Well... I guess you two could sleep in a little longer. But I want you ready by nine o'clock at the latest, understand?"

  "Yes, Miss Abbey," me and Mason say simultaneously.

  Miss Abbey walks out of the room, her sensible heals clicking the whole way. Mason let's out a sigh of relief as the door clicks shut behind her.

  "I'm sorry, Daniel," Mason says to me, looking guilty.

  "It's not your fault. I'm the one who kept you up, and I'm the one who fell back asleep again." I look down again in shame.

  "It's not your fault, Daniel. And last night wasn't your fault either. Plus, I think it was good for us, to say what we did."

  "I guess you're right."

  We both lay back down, facing each other.

  "Can I tell you something?" I ask Mason after a minute of us just staring at each other.

  He smiles slightly. "I told you that you could tell me

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