Chapter Twenty-Seven

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Author's Note:

Merry Christmas everyone! Happy Hanukkah and all that haha. I'm not even religious, what am I doing...

xoxo,
Q.

It’s only after I ring the doorbell that I realize that one of his parents could open the door. That’s when I start to panic.

I really don’t know what his parents know about what happened, but I’m sure that they wouldn’t be too happy to see me.

Thankfully, while I’m waiting, I see Emery’s shadow going down the stairs through the window, and then, sure enough, the door opens to reveal a mess of black hair and bright silver eyes.

“Luke?” Emery says, in surprise.

“Hey.” I say, sticking my hands in my pockets, awkwardly. “Uh, can I come in?”

Emery blinks, and then quickly steps back, opening the door wider. I wipe my feet on the doormat and step into his house.

It’s been a while since I’ve been here.

“Um…” I mutter. “Are your parents home?”

Emery looks at me curiously. “No, they’re visiting Ember. Why?”

I sigh and finally meet his eyes. “I need to talk to you.”

“Well, that sounds ominous.” He says, with a chuckle.

When I don’t crack a smile, his fades and he seems to realize this is going to be a serious conversation.

“You want something to drink?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No, thanks.”

“Uh…alright, then. Come on.” He says and starts to head upstairs. I follow him up to his room and perch myself nervously on the edge of his desk chair, while he flops down easily on his bed.

“Okay, what’s this about?” he asks.

“You were right.” I blurt out immediately. “You were telling the truth the entire time and I didn’t believe you.”

Emery stares at me, but says nothing.

I continue. “I don’t know why I just instantly believed it when Jess told me it was you that outed us. I can’t believe it’s taken me almost three months to realize that we didn’t even take any pictures together.”

There’s a pregnant silence. Emery’s expression is unreadable, which, as you can imagine, is incredibly frustrating.

“So I gather now you know who did it?” he asks.

I nod slowly.

“Can I ask who it was?” he raises his eyebrows.

I sigh, but then answer. “Vanessa.”

Emery lets out a little breathy, humorless laugh. “Of course. You know, for a while, I actually thought it was my sister.”

I consider this. “No, your sister loves you. She may not believe it herself, but I know she does.”

“So did you talk to Vanessa about it?” he asks.

Ah. This is where I start feeling uncomfortable. I flashback to the conversation I had with Vanessa, and the things she said to me – about me.

You don’t know how to love, Luke.

Shut up.

Leopards never change their spots.

Shut UP.

“Um, Luke?” Emery looks at me with concern in his eyes. “You alright?”

I nod quickly; a little too quickly.

“Yeah, I talked to her. She admitted it.” I reply, in answer to his previous question. I pause, and then build up the courage to ask, “Are you mad at me?”

Emery pauses, and then sighs. “No. I’m not mad at you, Luke.”

“Why not?” The question escapes my mouth before I can stop it.

Emery smiles, sadly. “Luke, sometimes you are incredibly stupid.”

“What?” I say, in confusion.

“How do you still not see? I could never be mad at you.”

*

“Hey stranger.” Peter says, as soon as I open the door, leaning in for a kiss. I let him in, rolling my eyes as I do so.

“I know; it’s been forever. I’m sorry.” I apologize.

Peter smiles easily. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s totally okay. But, um, is this weird—me being here?”

He doesn’t have to elaborate; I already know what he means.

“My dad’s not home.” I reply, as an explanation, and Peter nods simply in understanding. “Come on.”

I take his hand and lead him upstairs to my room.

He sits cross-legged on my bed, and I fall easily into one of my beanbags.

“So I got your text about your ex-girlfriend.” Peter says, with a grin. “Wanna talk about it?”

I groan, letting my head fall back, and Peter laughs.

“Oh god, I really don’t.” I say, honestly. “I feel like such a douchebag. Not to mention like a total idiot.”

“Oh, come on!” Peter says, in my defense. “There’s no way you could’ve seen that coming.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I guess not. I just feel like a complete jerk for not believing Emery.”

Peter shrugs. “Well, I mean, it all comes down to trust. If you didn’t really trust him…”

I say nothing.

I don’t want him to know that I trusted Emery more than Peter when faced with the whole situation with my dad.

Peter and I end up having a good time. After talking through all the serious shit, we play some CoD (Peter’s actually really good) and listen to some music and just hang out like usual.

Despite the inner struggle I’m having right now with figuring out what my emotions are about Peter and Emery and all that, it’s still really fun hanging out with Peter. I really enjoy being around him. He makes me feel…normal, if that makes sense. I don’t feel like a freak when I’m around him.

But then of course, because it’s my life, this has to happen.

My door swings open loudly and Peter’s and my heads snap up.

My dad is standing in the doorway. I’m not sure whether to laugh at how ridiculous he looks, or acknowledge that I’m actually completely terrified. He looks so comical, but my heart immediately starts thumping like a drum.

“Luke, what the hell are you doing?” He booms.

I stare at him. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

Apparently this is not the correct answer.

“You think this is funny?” he yells. Then he turns to Peter. “Who the hell are you?”
“Dad!” I exclaim and then myself turn to Peter. “I’m so sorry, Peter, I—”

Peter holds up a hand and says, with a soft smile, “It’s okay. I’m gonna go. Text me later, okay?”

I nod, gratefully, and watch as Peter walks out the door. As soon as he’s gone, I glare at my dad.

“Do you want to explain what just happened?” I say, in a deathly quiet voice.

“I think you should do the talking.” My dad retorts.

“I have nothing to defend. You, on the other hand, are the one that came storming into my room and yelling like a lunatic.” I shout.

“Who was that boy?” My dad asks, firmly.

I snort. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Who was that boy?” Dad yells, loudly, and I jump a little in surprise.

“My boyfriend!” I scream back. “Now get out!”

“Luke, you stop this nonsense right now.” Dad says.

I stare at him, unable to believe it.

“Stop what?” I finally explode. “Stop being gay? I can’t, Dad, I’ve tried. This is who I am. There’s nothing any of us can do about it! Why is it such a big deal?”

There’s a moment of silence and then my dad speaks in a gruff voice.

“Luke, you are my eldest son. I raised you. I taught you how to play basketball. I love you, son.”

For a split-second, I feel a rush of relief run through me.

Then he finishes his thought.

“I won’t lose you to this. I will make you normal again.”

He then leaves my room, closing the door behind him.

I stand completely still for a moment, letting what just happened completely sink in.

*

Ever since the big blowout with my dad, I’ve had a lot on my mind. That Monday, I drop Gabe off at school and then drive over to the highway over Briley Parkway and stand on the railing for about half an hour before I chicken out and got back in my car. I feel stupid.

I feel like a little bitch for thinking my problems are such a big deal. Drew’s dad left his family after he found out his son was gay. Mine is just ignorant. It’s not that big a deal.

So on Tuesday I actually show up at school, but completely ignore everyone, as Alana, Nate, and Jess all ask me where was yesterday within the first three hours of school.

I skip Break, choosing to go hide in the bathroom again, and I skip lunch, opting instead to go shoot some hoops in the gym.

“Still got the best shot in school.” Comes a voice from behind me. I turn to see Chase Jackson casually walking towards me, his hands in his pockets.

I pass him the ball and he catches it one-handed.

“Yeah, well, none of that seems to matter if you’re into boys.” I say with a bitter smirk.

Chase sighs. “I know it sucks about you being off the team and us losing the championship and all that. I’m really sorry about it. It’s not fair at all. But it’s Tennessee. What do you expect?”

I stare into his eyes till I can sense how uncomfortable he is.

“Is it wrong for me to expect to be safe at my own school? At my own house?”

Chase says nothing, instead he shoots the basketball at the hoop. It bounces against the rim, but still makes it in.

“I don’t know what to tell you, man.” He says.

At the very least, I appreciate his honesty.

“So why are you ignoring your friends?” he asks, tossing me the ball back.

I raise my eyebrows at him and sink another shot. “You stalking me now?”

He rolls his eyes and chases after the ball, which starts dribbling away after my shot. “No, but Alana asked me if I knew why you weren’t talking to them.”

“She asked you?” I ask in surprise. “Somehow I doubt that.”

Chase dribbles the ball slowly and easily. “Doubt it all you want. I’m the only one you talk to outside of your group.”

I’m about to dismiss him when I realize he’s right.

I used to be the most popular guy in school; everyone and their mother wanted to be around me.

And now? I was completely isolated, only existing within my comfort zone—my six closest friends. The only additions to this were Chase and possibly Rowan.

“So…” Chase drags out the word, tossing the basketball around in his hands. “You gonna tell me or what?”

I sigh, holding out my hands for the ball. He obliges, throwing it back to me. I make a perfect three-pointer and then let the ball dribble off till it reaches one of the corners of the gym.

“Big fight with my dad. I’m just really confused about everything. I wanted some time to think before I faced everyone, you know? It’s…hard. I don’t wanna have to deal with it.” I finally say, simply and honestly.

“I take it your dad’s not taking the whole gay thing too well?” Chase says, softly. It’s more of a statement than a question, but I nod anyway.

“He thinks he can fix me.” I murmur, looking at the floor.

There’s an extremely long moment of silence.

At one point, Chase walks off and I start to think he’s gone, but then he returns with the basketball in his hand.

He walks right up to me and says in a low voice, “He can’t fix you if you’re not broken.”

Then he hands me the ball, presses his lips to my forehead, and sprints off.

What. The. Hell.

*

I see it as soon as I get to the parking lot.

It’s impossible not to see it. A few kids snicker at it, and some have their phones out and are taking pictures.

To me it feels like a punch in the face.

My tires have been slashed, the entire left side of my car keyed, my right mirror completely taken off, my headlights smashed in…

And to top it all off, on the front window, in big red splotchy capital letters is spelled the word FAG.

Bryce proving he can still do shit to me even when he’s not at school.

I kick at my car in frustration. It’s not like I could do any more damage than already done.

“Luke?”

I turn around to see Gabe, staring open-mouthed at my car.

“Holy shit.” He whistles.

“Do you know how much this is going to fucking cost me?” I exclaim.

“File a report.” Gabe says, and when I look at him I see that he’s serious.

“You realize I have to tell Mom and Dad first?” I say, already dreading it.

Gabe doesn’t answer this. Instead he looks back at my car.

“So what now?” he asks.

“Go back inside.” I say. “Take the four o’clock bus home.”

“What about you?” he looks at me again.

“I’m gonna walk.” I reply. “I need some time to be alone.”

Gabe looks at me, worriedly, but doesn’t ask any more questions and instead turns and runs off, back towards the school building.

I sigh and after one more glance at what was once my car, I shove my hands in my pockets and start to walk.

I only just get out of the school parking lot when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head.

“Emery.” I say, my eyes widening in surprise.

He pants a little and his cheeks are flushed, so I’m assuming he ran after me.

“I saw your car.” He says. “I just wanted to see if you were alright.”

His silver eyes stare into mine and I feel my organs twisting about inside of me. I shrug, simply.

“As alright as I can be, I suppose. I’m just walking home.” I say.

“Mind if I join you?” he asks, with a sheepish smile. My eyes instinctively flash to his dimple. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Emery hasn’t smiled genuinely in quite some time now.

“Not at all.” I reply, and the two of us continue to walk.

“So why have you been avoiding us today?” he asks.

Oh, damn it all to hell, Luke.

“I had a big fight with my dad. I wanted some time to think.” I reply.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He says, awkwardly yet genuinely. “What happened?”

I snort. “He threw Peter out.”

Emery’s eyes widen and I catch myself staring. I quickly look back to my shuffling feet, a blush rising on my cheeks.

“But you guys are okay, right?” he asks.

I hesitate. I don’t know why I hesitate, but I do.

Then, the answer comes spilling out of my mouth, and as soon as it does, I realize it’s true.

“I don’t know. I mean, he was really cool about my dad. He totally understood. But it’s just…” I sigh. “He’s so political about it all. It’s like it can’t just be a normal relationship. The fact that we’re too guys and that that’s unusual always has to be brought into the equation. I mean, he’s fun to hang out with and talk to and all that, but…he doesn’t make my heart race. He doesn’t make me blush when we kiss. My skin doesn’t burn when he touches me.”

Emery chuckles a little. “Well, that’s a tall order. You can’t really expect all that, can you?”

I’m quiet for a moment.

“I guess I was just used to it.” I murmur, and Emery’s smile slips away, replaced by a curious glance.

The rest of the walk is silent.

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