Author's Note:

Okay, guys. Here's Chapter Fifteen. I don't even know what to say, just. Gah. Feels. Anyways. Enjoy. Vote, comment, fan, share, the usual. :)

xoxo,
Q.

“Hey, Luke?” Emery asks, biting his lip, nervously.

“Hmm?” I respond, trying to focus on his words instead of how much I want to kiss him right now.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” he asks, quietly.

“Yes to anything.” I mumble, unable to focus, beginning to kiss down his jaw. He giggles slightly as I hit a ticklish spot, which is the cutest thing ever, but then pushes me away.

“I’m serious, Luke.”

I sigh. “What’s up?” I ask.

He bites his lip, but then stops himself when he sees my expression. “Sorry.” He says, quickly, and I chuckle before letting him continue. He takes a deep breath before speaking. “I wanna tell Katy.”

“Is that all?” I ask, already leaning forward to kiss him again. “Sure, whatever you want.”

He pushes me away again, his eyebrows raised. “Seriously?”

I roll my eyes. “Well, not whatever you want.”

He laughs.

“But yeah,” I continue. “We can tell Katy if you want to. I mean, I’d rather not, but I’ll survive. Just so long as she knows she’s gotta keep it to herself.”

Emery sighs and bites his lip again.

I sigh as well and cup his face in my hand. “I know you hate keeping it a secret. And I’m really, really sorry. But I just can’t—”

Emery cuts me off, smiling slightly. “Luke, you don’t have to explain. I understand. And I don’t blame you. Really, I don’t care. We can keep it as secret as you want. As long as I can still do this,” he leans forward and presses his lips to mine, sending a jolt of electricity through my veins. When he pulls away, I grin at him, goofily.

“You can do that all you want.” I say and immediately go in for seconds.

Emery and I have been spending basically all our free time together. Sometimes I’ll tell my parents I’m meeting Nate or Alana so they won’t get suspicious. Usually we’ll be at Emery’s house, because we don’t really have to hide anything from his parents. Well, I mean, we don’t exactly make out in front of them, but it feels good to be able to hold his hand more freely in his house.

I look over to the corner of his room and see his guitar resting against his desk. My eyes widen and I immediately get up and grab it. Emery watches me, his eyebrows raised. I sit back down across from Emery, our knees touching, and I hand him the guitar.

“Play me something.” I say.

He smirks. “Yes, sir.”

I roll my eyes. “Please.”

“Sure.” He says, with a smile and kisses my cheek, softly. It’s the sweetest and most innocent thing in the world, and I feel my heart aching. Then he starts playing and I feel that thing again.

That buzzing feeling inside my chest, like my phone when it’s on vibrate. When he starts singing, it’s like everything shuts down. I can’t form words; I can’t form coherent thoughts in my brain. All I can do is sit here and listen to the sound coming from this one beautiful boy in front me.

“I had a dream the other night, about how we only get one life. It woke me up right after two. I stayed awake and stared at you, so I wouldn’t lose my mind.”

His snowy eyes never leave mine as he continues playing. I don’t know how he can play without seeing what he’s doing, but he manages it.

“You got something I need. And in this world full of people, there’s one killing me. And if we only die once, I wanna die with you.”

I don’t let him finish the song. Right in the middle of it, I practically lunge forward and press my lips onto his. He’s completely surprised by it, but when the initial shock wears off, he responds eagerly. He slides the guitar off of his lap and pulls me closer to him. My heart speeds up and I grab the back of his neck, the contact of our lips sending flames down my spine.

My hands fall down onto his chest and then rest on his hips. I clutch fistfuls of his t-shirt, and pull.

Time seems to be moving as fast as my heart, and suddenly I feel myself pulling Emery’s shirt up over his head as I kiss him frantically.

But then I freeze.

I pull away from him and I stare.

And I can’t stop staring.

“Luke?” Emery murmurs, his voice cracking, worriedly.

No. This isn’t right. This is not right. This isn’t fair! I hate this. I hate that this happened. I hate the people that did this to him! I want them to suffer the way he suffered. I want them to feel what they forced him to feel!

For the second time in twelve years, I feel my eyes fill with tears, still unable to tear them away from his chest.

“Luke.” Emery says, more urgently this time. “Luke, you’re scaring me.”

I meet his eyes and his widen when he sees the tears in mine.

“Luke.” He says again, but I shake my head, wanting him to stop talking. The movement makes the tears spill over and run down my face. I lean forward and kiss his collarbone ever so gently, right where the pink scar begins. I tenderly press my lips all down his scar till his hipbone, where it ends. When I pull away, I’m silent and tears continue to fall down my face. I don’t meet his eyes, but I can feel him staring at me. He reaches out and, with his thumb, brushes away the tears on my face.

“I’m sorry!” I blurt out.

He furrows his eyebrows at me, now softly grazing his thumb over my trembling lips. “Why are you sorry?” he asks, quietly.

“I…” I don’t know how to answer him. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

He chuckles slightly, humorlessly. “Well, that makes two of us. What do you mean?”

I sigh. “I’ve…I’ve never really cried. Not since I was four.”

He stares at me. It feels like forever till he speaks again, and when he does, it’s in a hoarse whisper. “Are you serious?”

I nod, slightly, chewing on the inside of my mouth again.

Then I see his silver eyes glaze over and fill with tears. My heart clenches and drops down into my stomach.

“No, no, Emery, please don’t cry.” I beg, leaning forward and kissing each tear off his face as they fall.

He shakes his head and opens his mouth. He tries to say something, but just chokes on an incoming sob. Desperate for him to stop crying, I press my lips against his closed eyelid and kiss him gently. This stops the sob he’s holding in his throat. I kiss his other eyelid and then pull away, wiping away the rest of his tears with my thumb.

“Why are you crying, Emery?” I ask, softly.

“I just…I can’t believe you care so much.” He says. I stare into his silver eyes.

“Are you crazy?” I ask, kissing his forehead quickly. “Of course I do.”

“Why did you cry?” he challenges me.

“I don’t know.” I answer, honestly, and then sigh. “I just…I can’t believe they did that to you. I’m angry that you have to live with that.”

He bites his lip. “You hate it.”

I raise my eyebrows and unwillingly, a laugh escapes my lips. I clap a hand over my mouth. “I’m sorry, but…you’re worried that I’m going to think you’re unattractive?”

Emery nods again, blushing and still biting on his lip.

“Oh my God.” I laugh again, and hold Emery’s face in my hands, lifting it so he meets my eyes. “I have never been more attracted to anyone in my life. Emery Scott, you have no idea the effect you have on me.”

My lips go crashing down on his, and it’s the best kiss so far, and that’s saying something. I can taste the salty mix of both of our tears and I feel the raw emotion that both of us are no longer hiding. It makes everything so much more…real. And then I feel that thing again; that buzzing in my chest, only it’s so much stronger now. My heart thumps loudly against my chest and echoes in my ears.

It’s then that I realize exactly how much I really care about Emery. Despite the fact that I’ve only known him for a little over two months, I feel this need to always be with him and protect him from anything and everything that could happen to him.

I pull away and kiss his forehead. “We can tell Katy.”

He smiles at me and I kiss him right on his dimple.

Then I laugh. “Well, that was a really gay moment we had there.”

Emery whacks me on the arm, but grins as well.

*

There’s an extremely loud squeal and then Katy runs and hugs me. I respond with an “oomph” as she squeezes all the life out of me. Emery laughs from next to me and I shoot him a death glare, which only makes him laugh more.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy!” Katy exclaims, and Alana smirks, her arms crossed. Katy walks over to Emery and whacks him on the arm.

“Ow!” Emery exclaims. “What was that for?”

“For having to listen to all your bitching and moaning for the last two months about how there’s ‘no happy ending for you’ and how he’s ‘never going to notice you’.” She makes air quotes and Emery blushes as I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, and by the way, Luke’s making us keep it a secret.” Alana chips in.

Katy’s eyes widen. “What?” she exclaims. “No! Why?”

Emery looks away and I raise my eyebrows at Katy. “Are you serious? After what they did to Toby and Drew?”

Katy throws her hands up. “But that’s all the more reason to tell everyone! People are not going to beat you up, Luke. If anything, they’ll be scared that you’re going to beat them up.”

“Not after they find out I’m gay.” I retort and then pause. It’s the first time I’ve said aloud that I’m gay…and it feels incredibly good. I almost smile to myself, but then I remember that I’m arguing with Katy right now, so I tell myself to save it for later.

Katy rolls her eyes. “Don’t you see, Luke? You could change all the close-mindedness and stereotyping at this school! No one expects the star basketball player to be gay!”

“I don’t want to be some kind of activist, Katy. I just want to be with Emery, and that’s it.”

At this, Emery smiles a little, but he’s still looking down. I know that he really hates keeping us a secret, but I just…can’t. I look at him, an apologetic look in my eyes.

“Emery, I’m really sorry.” I say, genuinely. He looks up and walks over to me, smiling slightly.

“It’s okay, Luke. Really, I understand.”

I smile back at him, gratefully. Katy rolls her eyes, but she can’t keep the smile off her face either. She and Alana wink at each other.

Then Katy sighs dramatically at me. “Well, even though I think you’re wrong, I promise not to tell anyone. Do Toby and Drew know?”

I nod. “Toby knows. But I’m pretty sure Drew will figure it out any time now.”

Katy snorts. “Yeah, that kid’s pretty sharp.”

“How would you know?” Emery asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

I chuckle. “Don’t you remember? Katy lost her virginity to Drew. That’s an intimate connection they’ve got there.”

Katy blushes furiously and Emery grins. “Oh, right. Nearly forgot.”

“Shut up.” Katy mumbles and Alana laughs, slinging her arm around Katy’s shoulders.

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”

*

I’m sitting in my room, listening to some music through my earphones and trying to focus on my homework, when my door opens and a silent Gabe comes in. He closes the door behind him and sits down on my bed without a word. I pull my earphones out of my ears and raise my eyebrows at him.

“Um, Gabe? Do you need something?” I ask.
He looks up at me. “I want to talk to you.”

I pause my music and set my earphones down on the table, turning my chair so I’m facing him.

“What’s up, kiddo?” I say.

“You tell me.” He responds in an accusatory manner.

I look at him, confusedly. “Um…what?”

“Something’s up with you, Luke. You’ve been acting really weird. You’re never at home anymore and I know you’re not with Nate or Alana, because you never hang out with them this much. So what’s going on?” Gabe looks at me, his eyebrows raised, expectantly.

I stare at him, my eyes wide as I rack my brains, trying to think up an excuse that he would buy.

But then I throw all caution to the wind.

“I’ve been hanging out with Emery.” I say, casually.

Gabe’s eyebrows go up even higher. “That new kid?”

I nod. “Yep, that’s the one.”

“Why?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.

“Because…” I pause, unsure of whether or not I want to tell Gabe. I know he’s really supportive of Toby and Drew…but that’s Toby and Drew. I don’t know what he’s going to think about me. I’ve always been someone he’s looked up to, though he’ll never admit it. With sports, with friends, with girls. I want Gabe to be proud of me. I don’t want him to think of me as his “gay brother”.

“Luke.” Gabe says, insistently.
I sigh and rub my temples with my fingers.

“Jesus, Luke, what’s the big deal?” Gabe says, frustratedly. “I’m your brother! You used to tell me everything! What, are you on drugs or something? ‘Cause you know I’m not gonna tell our parents or any shit like that. Come on, Luke, you know I just—”

“I’m gay!” I exclaim, cutting him off, and then clap a hand over my mouth.

There’s a pregnant silence. Gabe just stares at me, with the most frustratingly unreadable expression on his face. I’m praying for him to say something, because I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life. I feel my palms sweating as I nervously wait for him to respond.

Then he speaks. “Are you serious?”

I nod, slowly, still unsure of his reaction.

He grins. “Oh my God, that’s fantastic.”

I let my head fall back and groan. “God, why did I tell you that?”

Gabe laughs, wickedly. “Holy shit, man, so you’re dating Emery?”

I sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” I confirm.

Gabe’s eyes widen. “Woah. Hey, I heard guys give better head, is that true?”

“Oh my God, Gabe! Get out of my room!” I exclaim, throwing a book at him. He dodges it swiftly and it hits the wall before falling onto my bed.

Gabe grins, but gets up to leave.

“And don’t tell anyone!” I yell at him as he’s leaving. “I’m serious, Gabe! No one!”

“Don’t tell anyone what, honey?” Mom is walking up the stairs, a basket of clean laundry in her hands. I mentally groan. This day just can’t get any worse, can it?

“Oh, um…I’m planning a Christmas party.” I improvise.

“Oh.” Mom says, pursing her lips. “You wanna have it here?”

I raise my eyebrows. “Um…Mom, you know that a Christmas party means…teenagers and….”

Mom rolls her eyes. “Yes, Luke, I know. I was a teenager once, you know. And I don’t mean invite your whole school. Just if you wanted to have a smaller party, you know. Your dad and I could leave for the weekend. I’ve been aching for an excuse to get away for a while. Make sure it’s not too big, though, honey. Maybe Nate and the girls. Oh, and that Emery! He seems like a lovely kid.”

I can’t help grinning. “Yeah, he’s pretty great.” I mumble to myself after Mom goes to Gabe’s room to give him his clothes.

So, after getting a rather odd consent from my mother, I create a group message on Facebook. Thinking before I add people to the conversation, I first add Emery, Alana, Katy, Toby, and Drew. I tell them to be at my place at 8 on Saturday night. Then I create a separate message and add Nate, Jess, Rowan Smith—Katy’s new boyfriend, apparently—, and Angela Waters—the girl from Nate’s drinking party that I was flirting with.

I snort when I remember.

Feeling a little stupid, I add Chase Jackson to the list and tell all of them to be at my place at 10. That gives me two hours to be as affectionate as I want with Emery before I have to act all hetero.

I feel guilty. I feel incredibly guilty that I’m hiding this from Jess and Nate, who’ve been my best friends for so long. I’ve known Jess since freshman year, and Nate and I have been best friends ever since we were eleven and met on the playground in sixth grade.

I can’t even believe I’m hiding something so big from them. But at the same time, I know I just can’t tell them. Jess wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret at all—she doesn’t understand how serious it is while Katy (though a gossip) really does.

And I’m just terrified of Nate finding out. I mean…we’re bros! He’s slept over at my house countless times. I have this huge fear that he’s going to find out and be completely disgusted with me and never want to speak to me again. I can’t go through that. Nate’s pretty much my only guy-friend. Emery doesn’t really count anymore, not now that he’s so much more.

There’s another thing to feel guilty about.

Emery.

I care about him immensely; I can’t even comprehend how much I care about him, and how much I want to protect him. I hate seeing him even the tiniest bit unhappy, and yet I’m the cause of some of that unhappiness.

He hates keeping it a secret; I know he does, even if he won’t admit it. He was openly gay at his old school, but he got tortured for it.

And I’m just not ready to be open about my sexuality. I’ve only just figured it out for myself! I’m not as comfortable with myself yet.

And that’s even before I think about my teammates.

Oh God, I don’t even want to think about what they would do if they found out. I feel nauseous just thinking about it. They would kill me. I mean, it’s already bad enough with Toby and Drew, but if they knew that about one of their teammates…I can’t even imagine what they would do.

Not that I’m even remotely attracted to any of them. Nope, my thoughts are too filled up with Emery for me to even think about that.

As my thoughts circle back to Emery, I begin feeling better. That’s when I remind myself why I’m putting myself through all this guilt and fear and hiding.

It’s because of that boy.

And it’s so worth it.

*

“Hey, I got your email about the Christmas thing. Are Nate and Jess not coming?” Alana asks me at Break. I arrived late to school this morning so I didn’t see her at her locker as usual.

“No, they’re coming. I sent them a separate message. They’ll be coming later, along with some other people.” I say.

Alana doesn’t even have to ask me why. She just shoots me a knowing smile and starts getting her books out of her locker.

“Hey guys!” comes a familiarly obnoxious voice from behind us. Alana and I both turn slowly to find…yes, Josie Guthrie, with a huge grin on her face, which can only mean one thing—and it’s not good.
“Hey Josie.” Alana says, with a sigh. Josie doesn’t seem to notice how uninterested Alana sounds.

“So you’ll never believe what I heard.” She says, popping loudly on her bubblegum. I wrinkle my nose at the pure unattractiveness of the girl in front of me. How the fuck did I not know I was gay before now?

“I bet we won’t.” Alana says, flatly.

“Mike O’Reilly was picking on Drew Haynes and it’s got a little physical. Anyway, so his little boyfriend, Toby Wallace, went apeshit on Mike. He’s got a bloody nose and everything.” Josie gushes, grinning.

“Who, Toby?” I snap, suddenly paying attention.

Josie shakes her head, her eyes wide in delight at my reaction. “No, Mike! Apparently Drew’s at the nurse now.”

I immediately bolt. If Drew’s at the nurse’s office, it means Toby’s at the nurse’s office too.

Sure enough, when I get there, Toby’s sitting at Drew’s bedside, with a clenched jaw, bloody knuckles, a trembling lip, and tears in his eyes. Drew is asleep and the nurse is nowhere to be