'Why aren't you picking up?'

- Gavin

'Karishma, please, we can be happy. Just pick up.'

- Gavin

'We can forget about all of this if you just come with me.'

- Gavin

'I'm serious Karishma. Don't think I'm playing around. I'm just doing this for us but if you're gonna be difficult then I have no other choice. If you even care about Jai a little bit, you'll answer me now and we can let him down peacefully.'

- Gavin

I had twenty more messages from him, all from an hour ago, expressing the same thing each time. Scrolling through each one, a dreadful feeling settled in my stomach as I decided not to reply.

It was a bad idea—ignoring it would mean he would still tell, but I didn't know what else to do.

Oh, wait.

I called up the one person whom I thought could help me in this dire situation.

"Hello?"

"Chelsea!" I said loudly, hope filling my heart and voice. "I really need your help."

"What is it?" she asked, worried.

"Gavin's been threatening me and saying really weird things like he loves me and wants me to run away with him," I rambled. "I don't know what to do. Can you please talk to him?"

She let out a loud, exasperated sigh. "Oh, shit. Okay so it's happening again."

"Again?"

"He...can get a little obsessive. But its never gone this far."

"So you knew about this but you didn't tell me about it? You explained about everything else but left out this crucial information."

I felt hurt that she deliberately left something out like that.

"I'm sorry but I just expected you guys to be friends. I didn't know he'd develop feelings for you and do...whatever it is that he's doing. Knowing him, I know that someone's got into his head. He's a decent guy but something's pushed him over the edge. I'll try and calm him down but I can't promise you anything. He's unpredictable sometimes."

As I ended the call, I put my head in my hands.

In the end, it was all my fault.

I had somehow led Gavin on and he took it the wrong way and got obsessive over something he couldn't control, like the situation with his ex.

And even though I had wanted to tell Jai, I never ended up doing it. I was too happy with him, and after realising that the feeling I had this entire time was love, I just couldn't. I knew Jai didn't feel anything toward me, but I didn't want to hurt him.

Jai had gone to work and I had just come back from walking Archie and feeding him, and just like yesterday, things were great. Ever since my realisation last night, my feelings for Jai amplified, though I didn't really want it to.

It was embarrassing, and I could feel my face flushing hot every time he came near me or looked at me casually.

It made sense.

His gazes and intense stares—it always made me feel warm and fuzzy inside and I only understood why I felt the way I did now.

I smiled to myself a little at how my heart swelled up, just at the mention of Jai.

Accepting these new-found feelings were difficult, because it was a feeling that I expected to experience with Aman and no one else.

Is this even love?

I doubted if what I felt for him was indeed love because I had never experienced it before, but then he would come around and my heart would beat faster, my palms would start sweating and I wanted to be with him all the time.

Jai was the last person I thought my heart would fall for, and I didn't know how to feel about it. I couldn't give him what he wanted.

I was a tainted woman with a dark secret. And this one was a secret I didn't think I could ever tell.

The secret I currently had was one I should have told ages ago but I decided to foolishly keep it hidden.

I was scared Jai would get mad at me and blame me, saying that I brought this on myself– I didn't want that.

If I were to tell him that Gavin was planning this, who would he believe?

I didn't want him to believe Gavin over me because the last thing I wanted was to be hurt and have my heart crushed.

My selfishness had taken over my rational thinking.

I foolishly wanted to ignore that this was happening and I couldn't push myself to tell him even though either choice had the same results.

I had a choice of either being honest and spitting the truth out, or hiding the truth because of irrational fear and making it worse for me and I foolishly chose to hide it.

There was no doubt in my mind now that he would find out, now that Gavin's threatening messages were crystal clear.

He isn't messing around. This is the real deal.

Bracing myself for Jai's scolding, I pulled out my phone to call him and to finally tell him the truth I'd been ignoring, when the telephone began to ring.

I sighed, frustrated that another obstacle was standing in the way of telling Jai the truth.

Shutting the laptop off, I ran towards the telephone and placed it against my ear. I went to speak when I was beaten to it.

"Karishma, hey." Ross' frantic voice came through and my palms instantly began to sweat at his tone.

"Ross?"

"Yeah, look, I called because I wanted to apologize," he said, his voice filled with dread.

Huh? Apologise?

"On behalf of my asshole of a brother, I'm sorry. He deserved everything he got–he started the fight, after all. Jai hurt him pretty bad, but honestly, I don't blame him." Ross sighed and my eyebrows furrowed.

Fight? Gavin and Jai?! Oh no.

I placed a hand over my mouth in horror as realisation settled in.

It was all my fault.

At that moment, I just wanted to jump off a cliff at my stupidity. If I was a sane human being, then I would have told him the moment Gavin had given me that ultimatum.

But I was too much of a coward.

I was just scared of everything and everyone and now I had let that fear take over and ruin what could have been a wonderful relationship.

Ross continued, oblivious to my internal struggles.

"Gavin always had an aggressive streak to him even though he can be a decent guy. I didn't think it was this bad, though. Anyway, I sent them both home because they were being rough and pretty violent in the building, so Jai should be coming now. I'm sorry Karishma, this was my fault. I never should have gotten you to meet up with Gavin again. I just thought it'd be good for him."

"It's okay, Ross. You didn't know this was going to happen," I said, shakily.

After we hung up, I felt numb and cold. I didn't know what to expect and could only wait for Jai.

I'm so nervous. Jai must know everything now.

I had a horrible feeling of what was about to come next and I fumbled with the shawl of my long pink Salwar.

Feeling nauseous, my heart tightened when the front door opened, the only sound I could hear being Jai's angry footsteps. Taking a deep, slow breath in, I turned around slowly but froze instantly upon seeing Jai's face.

He looked murderous as he charged angrily towards me, his hair disheveled, his suit a mess, and his lip bleeding profusely.

But he didn't seem to care as his eyes, that blazed with unconstrained rage, were fixed solely on me. His jaw was clenched so tight, I was afraid he'd destroy his teeth.

Gulping, I took a couple of steps back as I opened my mouth.

"Jai–"

"Shut up," he roared, making me flinch. He stalked closer to me as I stepped back in fear.

"You thought you could hide the fact that you were going to run away with Gavin, huh?"

His face was impassive and his eyes blank as he stared at me.

I tried to take a step away from him again, but my back bumped against the wall, stopping me from going anywhere.

"No, I was never goi–"

He put his hands up against the wall with enough force that I heard the thud, trapping me between his arms.

"Oh, really now? Then, why didn't you tell me?" he sneered. I stared at him, tears pricking my eyes.

"I poured my heart out, telling you how happy you made me and you didn't even tell me the truth. You just smiled right in my fucking face, not even feeling guilty for hiding this from me."

The hurt was evident in his voice and betrayed the indifferent look on his face.

"I tried to explain so many times, but I just couldn't."

"Why couldn't you?" he asked, accusingly.

"I was scared," I said, weakly. My lips trembled and my eyes teared up. "But things were so good between us that I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't want to be the one to cause that rift again. I just wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening and I didn't think Gavin would really go through with it and tell you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to let it stream down.

"I thought he would be a coward like I was."

Jai scoffed, but I ignored it. I tried to explain now, even though he didn't ask for it.

"That day, Gavin called me over to the park and he told me that he wanted to help me. He said that I had to choose to either run away with him because he loved me and wanted me to be free from someone like you, or stay with you but have Gavin tell you false things about him and I."

When Jai didn't say anything, I continued. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know if you'd believe me. I thought you would blame me for this."

Afraid, I slowly glanced up at Jai. Our eyes locked, and his furious stare lanced through me as the tears ran down my face.

"I can't fucking believe it," he spat, shaking his head as he let out a bitter laugh. "What kills me the most is the fact that I had to find out from that little piece of shit. I don't care about the ultimatum he gave you, what I care about is you not telling me about it."

I shook my head, a desperate sob escaping my lips. Jai searched my face, his mouth shaped into a frown.

"Please understan—"

"Understand what? That you hid this from me? That you were stupidly scared?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you. Yeah, I may not be the best man or husband in the world, but why would I trust the fucker who painted me as an abusive monster?

You could have just told me from the start, and even if it took you a few hours or a day, I would have been fine with it because you told me. You. Not some dick who makes up shit and likes hanging out with married women. But for you to act like everything was okay, smiling and laughing..." he shook his head in disappointment and stared at me like I was a different, almost evil person, and I nearly let out a whimper.

He ran a hand down his face. "To me, your hesitation in telling me is like a slap to the fucking face. Not telling me would mean that you were contemplating running away with Gavin. To me, you don't trust me enough to tell me. You hid something like this from me deliberately–do you have any idea how much that fucking hurts?" he spat, his amber eyes bright with anger.

"I just didn't kno–" I hiccuped because of my incessant crying, "i-if you trusted me."

"You really think I would trust him over you? You know, I thought you were smarter than this," he chuckled humourlessly, "and to think I was starting to fucking fa–" he stopped himself, grinding his teeth in anger.

"Wh--what?" I asked, my throat suddenly feeling dry.

Jai looked like the mere thought of whatever he was going to say, disgusted him. "Forget it. You don't deserve to know."

I looked down and covered my face in despair, muffling my cries but gasped when he grabbed my wrists and brought it down. He forced me to look up at him and I sniffled, feeling bad at the amount of pain hidden behind the frozen core of his gaze. 

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice cracking.

This is all my fault...what did I do?

Jai's face instantly iced over. "Forget it. You're just a heartless, two-faced bitch like Aisha. You didn't even think of how this would effect me, did you? Do you know how much of a scene Gavin and Aisha caused? They tried to convince me with photoshopped pictures and lewd comments.

I didn't even believe them until I realised that you'd been acting weird and spacing out these past few days which I knew was unlike you." He shook his head, a smile of contempt and hurt curling up on his lips. "I should have known."

"I'm sorry...it just wasn't that easy! I was scared and I thought that Gavin–"

"It wasn't that easy?" he snorted. "Are you fucking kidding me? Your logic is flawed. The ultimatum you told me Gavin gave you has the same fucking outcome. If you had told me about it earlier, then I could have taught him a fucking lesson ages ago for meddling in our lives. It isn't rocket science."

"It wasn't easy to me," I mumbled through my tears. "I just wanted things to pass on its own."

"You're making up excuses now to make yourself the victim? Are you kidding me?"

"They're not excuses! Please try to understand," I pleaded.

Jai glared at me, his voice laced with venom.

"You seriously thought this wasn't important enough to tell me, your fucking husband. Wow." He scoffed, grumbling, "Scared, my fucking ass."

I refused to say anything. I was tired of sobbing and hiccuping.

He cleared his throat, his voice much softer when he said, "You may think that I'm being dramatic, but all my fucking life I've been lied to, and I never thought you would do something like this."

I know this was all my fault but...this is hurting me too.

"Let me just ask you this, did you really want to run away with him? I mean you kept this hidden, there's gotta be more to it than you being 'scared'," he suddenly said, his eyes red as he searched my face.

I shook my head, despite being upset and mad at him. He had been yelling at me the entire time.

"Karishma–"

"I already said no," I said, my tone harsh. 

"And why are you getting mad?"

"Because now I'm starting to wonder whether Gavin would have been the better option," I spat.

Even though everything that led up to this point was my fault, my stubbornness and determination to not let myself be down-graded took the better of me and caused me to blurt out something I didn't mean.

Everything suddenly went silent and I realised my grave mistake as his hold on my wrists slowly loosened. The hurt I felt at how everything turned out was the reason I snapped, and I regretted it instantly as Jai's face changed.

I didn't mean it, but it was too late to say anything because any trace of emotion left his face almost instantly.

His eyes were soulless and sucked dry of life as he stared down at me, his gaze searing into mine. Just when I thought he wouldn't do or say anything, he angrily crashed his lips to mine, abrasive and domineering. 

Shocked at the turn of events, I became rigid as he forcefully took over my mouth and moved his lips against mine aggressively. It was then I realised what was happening. I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to let out a scream, the tears coming down rapidly.

I tried to pull out of his hold by beating his chest, but I wasn't strong enough. The hurt, the anger, the disappointment–all those emotions were conveyed through that one powerful and forceful kiss.

Jai pulled away, breathing heavily as he gazed down at me, his eyes wild. I trembled in his hold, the fear and hurt bubbling up inside me. 

W--why did he do that? 

The harsh edge in his expression changed to something more gentle. The anger was still there, but he didn't look like he wanted to kill someone anymore. 

"I thought we had something," he breathed softly against my lips, voice cracking slightly.

What?

I couldn't fully comprehend what he meant and stared at him blankly. Regaining my senses and mustering up the confidence, I reached up and shoved at his chest angrily, but my weak push only managed to force him to take a step back.

Though I was mad and shaken up, the now-stony expression on his face made my heart cry out in pain, a disquiet forming in my chest. This was the Jai I knew when we got married. This wasn't the Jai I knew now.

"What do you think you're doing?! What—how could you do that to me?" I sobbed, the tears even streaming into my mouth.

"Do I look like I fucking care?" His voice was void of any emotion, and his face was indifferent as he wiped his lips with the pad of his thumb. His question and coldness startled me.

I couldn't help but repeat the same five words in my head.

This is all my fault.

"I–"

Jai grunted in disgust and wrenched his gaze away from me. "I can't even look at you. Just get out."

My heart stopped and I felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly in the stomach.

What?

"Get...out ?" I repeated slowly, not comprehending anything.

"Yeah." There wasn't a trace of emotion in his expression. "Get out of my fucking house. Take your things and leave," he said, his tone angry and one that meant business.

I shook my head, sobbing again and refusing to leave; his eyes burned with anger.

"No! I'm sorry, Jai, for not telling you the truth myself and I'm sorry for being an idiot and saying Gavin was better than you," I said, my eyes blurry. "I didn't mean any of it. I never ever wanted to run away with him. I was just scared about what would happen or how you would react if I told you. The only person I want to be with is you."

"Trust is important," he began coldly. "I thought I had that with you– I thought you trusted me. And just when I did, you rip that away, huh?"

He shook his head and without another word, he turned and went to walk up the staircase. I followed him like a crazy woman.

"I didn't mean to. I know this sounds like a bunch of excuses but it's the truth. I wanted to tell you, I really did—all the time! You just looked so happy and I couldn't find it within myself to hurt you."

He abruptly stopped, causing me to stare at the back of his head, waiting for something–anything.

He scoffed humourlessly. "You didn't mean to hurt me? You crushed my fucking heart just when I realised I was--" He stopped himself and stared at me instead, shaking his head as if I was just a huge disappointment.

I didn't know what he wanted to say but nothing could have been worse than the look that he had given me. And that look -- the look of utter disgust and hatred -- was what shot through my heart like a bullet. 

"Jai..."

"Just get out."

When I said nothing and made no move to leave, he looked at me over his shoulder, nothing but hate evident in his eyes.

"I said, get out!"

I shook my head, sniffling. "I didn't want to ruin everything, Jai, please."

"Well, guess what?" he spat bitterly. "You just did."

I watched him as he walked up the stairs and shut the door to his room, my face still streaked with tears. As I wiped it, I slowly trudged up the stairs as well, ashamed of myself as I walked to my room.

His fury made sense. Jai was mad because I didn't trust him enough to tell him.

Getting out the bag I brought from India when I came here to America, I started to place all my things in it, the tears making