"Get ready Karishma, you do realize your wedding is in two hours?!"

The day had arrived sooner than I was able to blink. My mind still hadn't been able to process that this was my wedding that was going to be happening in a matter of hours.

My mother was frantically running around, making sure everything was ready as she yelled at me to get ready.

The nerves hit me as soon as I got up to the saree laid out besides me.

I'm going to be married to Aman today. I'm going to be his wife at the end of all this.

The thought gave me both tingles and butterflies in my stomach.

My older cousin, Tanya, came bursting through the doors with a worried look on her face.

"You still haven't gotten ready?! Karishma, hurry up, we need to go get your hair done!" she exclaimed.

She went to turn away when she hurried over to me and grabbed both my wrist and the saree.

"I'll help with this, come on, we gotta go to the beauty parlour!"

The way everyone else was freaking out, I was afraid I wasn't going to make it to my own wedding.

***

We were in a rickshaw, traveling back home from the parlour all ready and conversing about the future and my nerves, when Tanya received a call.

Placing it against her ear, I could hear the loud, hysterical sobs even though it wasn't on speaker.

The smile on both her face and mine vanished, contorting into one of worry instead.

"Aunty, calm down," Tanya said, glancing at me worriedly.

My eyes widened as I realized that it was my mother she was talking to. I placed a hand over my mouth as I stared at Tanya.

What had happened?!

"What's wrong?" she asked, voicing my thoughts.

I could still hear the sobs but I could make out my mother's muffled and strained voice trying to speak.

It was horrible news.

I knew it was horrible the moment Tanya placed a hand over her mouth as well, turning to me with pain in her eyes.

"Karishma," she began, her voice breaking. "Aman..." she whispered but trailed off.

I knew what had happened right then and there.

***

"Ma!" I burst through the door and ran to where I could hear sobbing. 

On the way there, I had messed up my neatly done hair in a fit of pure rage and chucked all the bangles and gold necklace onto the floor.

There was no point, anymore. Who would I be able to show that to now that Aman was gone?

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I walked into the room to see my mother crying on the bed with my aunties and cousins comforting her.

Tanya had told me that Aman's parents called mine and told them that Aman had met with an accident on the way home when he was buying some roses for me.

And the dreaded news that...that he died on the spot.

Inching slowly towards my mother, I sat down, sobbing into my hand that was covering my mouth as to not make any noise.

Soon, we were all hugging each other and crying.

It was all because of me. He went out to buy roses for me.

"Poor Aman. My poor daughter–" her voice cracked and she stopped herself just as my father came through the door, slowly taking his glasses off and staring at the ground lifelessly.

I knew how much he loved Aman; he loved him like his own son.

My mother stared up at him, a stray tear making its way slowly down her cheek and I reached out, wiping it off just as she spoke.

"What are we going to do?!" she screamed, causing Tanya to rub her back in comfort.

She turned to me and stroked my hair lovingly. "They would have loved and cared for each other unconditionally. But now, he's gone."

"My poor Aman. My soon to be son-in-law is...gone, but, what is left of my daughter?!" She buried her head in her hands, the only sound resonating in the room, our sobs.

My father's voice cracked and was rough as if he'd been crying. "We'll explain to everyone, Leela. Don't cry."

"No one is going to understand!" She suddenly yelled. "We've invited everyone and they're all expecting a wedding tonight. You know the shame that will be brought upon the family and upon our daughter for not getting married?! Many of our families have come from overseas for this and now it's all ruined."

"You know how it works here, in this town," she continued, sniffling. "If a woman's marriage is cancelled, no matter what the circumstance, no one will care. They will think something was wrong with the girl for the marriage to be suddenly cancelled and she won't have any more offers."

He sighed and ran a hand down his face in distress.

"You shouldn't unnecessarily worry. Nothing of that sort will happen. We have time."

"Aman was such a beautiful boy," she continued, ignoring her husband. "I can't believe..."

She broke out into tears again just as one of my aunties handed her a phone to talk to a hysterical Geena aunty — the person who was to be my mother-in-law.

My Ma left the room, silent sobs racking her body. It was really tough to see.

I still can't believe Aman is gone. My Aman.

All I wanted to do was cry. But I couldn't bear to see everyone sad, and so I wiped off my own tears to stay strong for everyone else.

"We can make it through this," I tried to say. My voice was quivering, stumbling over the words.

My father came and sat down next to me, pulling me into a side hug and kissing the side of my head.

"Yeah, we'll fight through this together," he mumbled into my hair as I turned to hug him properly, burying my face in his chest, trying not to cry.

***

The next day was the funeral.

It was solemn and surreal, but not in a good way at all. I didn't know how to feel. The fact that the body of the man I had spoken to just a day ago with a smile on my face, was in that red coffin being brought into the ground was too much.

Nausea and a horrible feeling I couldn't even describe brewed within me. The weather was sunny and bright as if laughing at our fate because we felt anything but.

It was dull and the atmosphere was grey and quiet. No one said a word. Not even when we went back home to an empty, dim-spirited house.

We sat there like dead zombies, not finding the energy to speak.

"I'm going to take a bath," Tanya muttered, her lips taut.

She shuffled out the door and slowly, everyone began to get up and move as if coming back to reality.

No one was smiling like before, but life went on as normal. I didn't understand how everyone could do that.

I watched as my mother, father and all my cousins gradually begin to do things like before, with less zeal but still with effort, nonetheless.

And all I could do was sit on my bed, frozen, unable to move.

How...how can I move on?

He wasn't my husband and nor did I love him yet. But he was a good man and he didn't deserve what had happened to him.

I wanted to give him a chance.

And we had a chance.

Two months passed by before I knew it. Life was normal and I didn't do much but help my uncle with his small store, hang out with my cousins and help my mother cook.

Aman was still in my mind every day. I didn't ask anyone else if they thought of him too - things went back to normal before I could blink. It felt like I was the only one still grieving beside his parents.

After the wedding fiasco, my cousins and relatives that had come from overseas felt nothing but pity for me. My parents didn't bother finding a suitable suitor for me because they knew I wasn't ready.

It was better that way.

This was the second-worst thing that had happened to me in my life.

With a sigh, I got myself some coffee when the door rang. I went to move when, from the corner of my eye, my mother rushed towards the front door before I could.

I could hear the muffled voices of my parents and some other familiar voices, but I bit my lip and stayed in the kitchen.

A part of me wanted to know who it was but the hushed, almost urgent whispers made me feel both guilty and anxious.

For some reason, a gut feeling was telling me that they were all talking about me. My palms felt damp and the grip on my coffee cup was beginning to loosen.

Just then, my mother came in through the doors, looking at me expectantly.

"Karishma, honey, we need to talk to you."