In love...with someone else?

I didn't how to describe the feeling that those words did. I didn't love him but it hurt my heart a lot, learning that the man that was supposed to be my loyal husband, was in love with some other woman.

This was the moment I truly realized that I had ruined his whole life. It made me feel like such a bad person because I wasn't enough.

We weren't together and I felt nothing but hatred for him, but my sensitive heart trembled a little when I learnt that he was cheating.

Choking back my tears, I scoffed, trying to hide the pain. What struck me was how much of a hypocrite he was.

He had told me that day that he would never cheat. And here he was, doing exactly that.

"You were lying to me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He furrowed his eyebrows, eyes narrowed into slits.

"In Goa you said that you would never cheat and—"

"Who said I was cheating?" he said.

"You did, Jai."

"Did I?" he growled as he got up and angrily walked towards me in two strides. "Did I ever say I was sleeping with her? Or meeting up with her?"

"You don't have to," I said, looking straight at him. "Cheaters don't just admit that they're cheating." Somehow, from somewhere, I found the courage to fire at him, angrily and emotionally. "We may not like each other but the least you could do is respect me and not ruin my pride as a woman. You're in love with someone else — that's emotional cheating. You're supposed to be a loyal husba—"

Suddenly, his face neared mine, his minty breath fanning over my lips.

"Listen here," he spat as he pushed me against the wall. He placed his arms beside my head, trapping me. "Just because we're legally bound together, doesn't mean I love you." He leaned down closer."And I never will. You wanna know why?"

I refused to say or do anything in fear of my body accidentally giving in to the urge to slap him.

"It's because you're not good enough. So what if I'm emotionally cheating? We're nothing to each other and it should stay that way."

I tried to hold back the tears as he spat those words out with so much hatred.

"Fine," I spat out, my hands shaking both with anger and hurt.

"Now, stay out of my personal life or I won't hesitate in ruining yours."

His honey eyes turned black with fury as he glared at me. I never knew someone could hate me so much that they'd look at me like they wanted to kill me.

Looking away, I sniffled. Jai sighed and stepped away from me. He sat himself on the edge of the bed.

"I broke up with her because I was forced into this stupid marriage. You know we were gonna get engaged?"

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes gazing at nothing in particular but filled with desire and longing for a lost love.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm just saying that I'm still in love with her so you get the hint that there's no way this marriage will ever work out." He pointedly stared at me. "Especially not with you."

I wasn't upset by those words. Yes, I was disappointed that he was cheating emotionally, but I wasn't broken-hearted.

Luckily I had no feelings for him, otherwise it would have been a different story.

If he loved someone else, then so be it, right Karishma?

Yet, despite our dislike for each other and my determination to not let it get to me, it still pained, knowing the person I had to spend the rest of my life with, was in love with someone else.

I nodded in understanding, nevertheless.

"Okay," I said, casually, trying to seem as though it didn't bother me.

He raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Okay?" he repeated, and I nodded, shrugging before moving to my side of the bed.

After everything that had happened today, I didn't feel like changing into my pajamas.

Resting my head on the pillow and facing away from Jai, I could feel the dip of his body on the other half of the bed, my eyes stinging with un-shed tears. 

Aman, why did you leave me with a monster? Why did you have to buy roses that day?

That night, I did nothing but cry myself silently to sleep.

***

"Honey, do you have to go so soon?" Geena aunty's eyes were tear-filled as she hugged me tightly and held me in her arms, having no intentions of letting me go. I was hugging her back just as tight. I didn't want to go live in America forever with Jai.

Jai, on the other hand, seemed to be eager to leave, his foot tapping against the white, glossy tiles of the airport.

We were getting ready to go to the US a week early. Apparently Jai had some important business to attend to.

It sounded like an excuse to get away, to me, but I didn't say anything. We had given in our luggage and it was almost time to board, but I didn't want to leave.

Geena aunty let go of me slowly and cupped my face, looking into my teary eyes. The sad thing was, I didn't even get to say goodbye to my parents.

They didn't call, despite knowing we were leaving and when I called, they didn't pick up.

"Don't worry," she whispered to me. "I'll tell your parents everything; just call them everyday if you can okay?"

My mouth dropped open slightly in shock. They were the sweetest people I had ever encountered and now, just thinking about leaving them was hurting my heart.

I didn't know why Jai had a problem with them—it was probably because he had uncontrollable anger issues. I could find no fault with his parents so it had to be him.

"I'll miss you both." I looked between them both, lowering my voice to a whisper so Jai wouldn't hear from behind me.

"Flight 359 from Kochi to New York is now boarding." A voice from the intercom boomed throughout the whole airport.

Jai let out a breath through his nose as he glanced at me.

"That's us." He glanced at his parents briefly acknowledging them with no emotion whatsoever. "We should get going."

None of us moved until Jai cleared his throat, nudging me. Stepping away from them both, we began to walk away slowly.

Jai and I said nothing to each other as we walked towards a new life.

Not only was I going to miss my family, surprisingly, I was also going to miss Jai's parents.

Turning to look at them over my shoulder, I waved goodbye before turning back.

Each step we took, brought us closer to the plane and towards America and took me further away from my home-town.

My whole life was here and now I was forced to start a new one that was filled with nothing but hate, disgust and sorrow.

***

"Hey."

A deep voice interrupted my sleep, nudging me back into reality. I mumbled something incoherent before stirring awake.

"Wake up."

The annoyed voice made its way through my ears and I opened my eyes. Sitting up, I turned my head away from the plane window.

I groggily wiped my eyes and rubbed my face, tired before I looked at Jai who had his eyebrows furrowed.

Annoyance was written all over his face as he stared at me.

"We're here."

"Alright."

As we got out of the plane and the airport, it was weird seeing people that were completely different. I had never been outside of India so everything was surreal to me.

Seeing their different attire and behaviors and...looks, surprised me because I was so unfamiliar with it. I had only seen them on TV or occasionally as tourists to my country.

It was strange to see them in a different environment. Mainly because this time I was the stranger in their country this time.

Seeing Jai walking beside them and talking to the taxi drivers like he truly belonged and fit in, made me feel out of place and like I was nothing.

Will I ever get used to this different environment?

I already knew the answer to that question and the only thing I wanted to do, was to run back to the plane and go home.

Not to be in this unfamiliar, foreign country.

A long time seemed to pass but I still didn't realize that we reached where we needed to be until Jai slammed the door of the taxi open and got out, not bothering to let me know.

Following him out and grabbing our bags, I froze at the sight of a small, cosy house in the middle of a peaceful street.

It had a white fence and everything was green, with trees and bushes and a pebbled pathway leading right up to the house.

It was as if it was a house out of a storybook.

I wanted to smile but instead, I glanced at Jai who was staring at the house with a satisfied grin, as if he was glad to be back.

"This is your house?" I asked and he turned his head to look at me, the grin slowly fading.

"Yeah. Bought it a few years ago," he said, with no emotion in his voice.

He turned to pay the taxi driver and walked towards the house, me following suit.

Jai opened the door and we both walked in, the faint scent of vanilla and musk filling the house immediately.

The faint scent of him.

I shuddered, but welcomed the scent. It wasn't completely unbearable but it was slightly weird knowing how someone smelt and more weird to smell someone I barely knew and their house.

"So the rooms are upstairs plus the bathrooms and the kitchen's down here," he recited in a bored manner.

He didn't take me around the house, instead, he just pointed towards where everything was as if he expected me to know and memorise it.

I sighed and nodded softly. Jai went upstairs with the luggage and I sat down on the sofa, facing the TV.

Fiddling with my Salwar's shawl, I bit my lip, not wanting to use the remote in case Jai would get mad.

It wasn't mine to touch anyway— it was his house which meant his rules.

Though I was - unfortunately - his wife, I was more than uncomfortable being in his house.

So I sat there, reminiscing about my life and my loved ones back in India. I couldn't help but let a distressed sigh through my lips. I hadn't even been here for long, but I already hated it.

And it was freezing here too.

Sniffling, I wiped at my eyes, feeling the tears gathering under my eyelids. Just in time as well, because at that moment Jai was coming down the stairs.

He stopped short when he saw my face and furrowed his brows.

There was silence between us for a few seconds before he sighed and walked into the kitchen, ignoring me completely.

A phone began to ring and I could hear him talk into it, even from here.

"Yeah, you heard the news about Aman? Yeah...yeah. I don't know what the hell to do, man—yeah, course I do. Well, alright, I'm coming now. Boss said I had to be there for some project. Mhm...see you there, man."

I didn't mean to listen to him, the whole house was silent except for him so it wasn't like I was spying on him.

But still, a part of me felt like I had just committed a huge sin.

I bit my lip in guilt, but quick footsteps made me sit up straight on instinct. I looked at Jai who hurriedly put on a tie and shoved on his shoes. He went to leave, when he spared a glance at me.

"Don't wait up for me," was all he said before he slammed the door close, leaving me in the silent, dark and empty house.

Everyone thought that this would be a new beginning.

I wasn't hoping for much, but his treatment towards me was worse, now that we were alone and all I wanted was to get out of here.

But I guess I was stuck.

Forever.