Chapter 49

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Chapter 49

"Do you think you can love again after me?"

Tinigil ko ang pag-inom ng fruit juice at tiningnan si Axev na nasa driver's seat. Nakatingin din siya sa akin at naghahanap ang mga mata. Ngumuso ako at bahagyang ngumiti.

"We haven't seen each other for two days. Really? Iyan ang unang tatanungin mo sa akin?"

He looks serious but apologetic as well. He smiled a little and touched the side of my lips. Kumuha ako ng tissue at pinunasan ang bibig.

We're inside his car. Pumuslit ako saglit ng ospital para makita siya. Hindi kami nagkita ng dalawang araw dahil kagaya ng dati, abala ako sa ospital. I was not expecting his question.

"I'm sorry... I was just curious. It's fine, you don't need to answer." Tumango siya at umupo ng maayos.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tinagilid ang ulo para makita ng husto ang kaniyang mukha. He gazed at me and raised his brows a little, with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Do you really want to hear my answer?"

Napakurap siya at kumuyom ang kaniyang panga. He looked away for a second before his eyes bore on me again. Tipid siyang ngumiti at umiling.

"It's fine..."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "It's not impossible."

He stared at me after what I said. His eyes grew more inquisitive but the smile on his lips faltered. He moved on his seat and put his left hand on the steering while.

I wanted to be honest with him. Evander is my first love and great love as well. Hindi ako maghihintay ng gano'n katagal kung hindi ko siya mahal. Pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na kayang magmahal ng iba kagaya ng pagmamahal ko sa kaniya. However...

"It's not impossible to love someone after you." Mahinang sinabi ko, tipid na ngumiti.

Tumango siya at bumalik ang ngiti sa labi. But his eyes... they were a little bit bloodshot. Nanikip ang dibdib ko at pinilit na ngumiti ng mas malawak. Itinaas ko ang kamay at marahang hinaplos ang kaniyang panga.

"That's the truth. I love you... alam mo naman 'yon 'di ba?" I said, a little bit hopeful.

He swallowed hard and nodded, his eyes now fixed on mine. Tumango ako at huminga ng malalim.

"Kung hindi ka bumalik sa akin, I would be hurt... beyond excruciating. But... but, I will still be happy for you. I feel like I could never love someone again like how I love you but I believe that maybe, one day, I will fall again. That's not impossible."

"I'm sorry..." he whispered and looked away.

Kumurap ako. I cupped his face and slowly made him look at me. Sinubukan niyang iiwas ang tingin pero hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang pamumula ng kaniyang mga mata. Kumunot ang aking noo at nanikip ang dibdib ko.

"Bakit?"

His lips parted and he puffed a breath. I felt his jaw clenched before he held my hand holding his face. He bit his lip and his brows furrowed.

"Kasi hindi ko pala kayang pakawalan ka..." he swallowed hard.

I stared at his face. Yumuko siyang muli, mas lalong umigting ang kaniyang panga na para bang nagpipigil. Huminga siya ng malalim at muling nag-angat ng tingin.

"I keep on convincing myself that letting you go where you are most happy would be fine for me. Na kakayanin kong magparaya para sayo. But after hearing that you can love again after me... gusto kitang ipagdamot." Napaos ang kaniyang boses. "I'm sorry..."

I felt tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Nanghina ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa kamay ko. My heart clenched when he looks so apologetic and defeated.

"Hindi mo naman ako kailangang palayain kasi mananatili ako sayo. I will choose to stay so you don't need to let me go. Evander... you don't need to apologize." I muttered softly.

"I'm sorry..." umiling siya. "I just... I just can't believe that you're still my girl after everything."

I smiled even though he was already on the edge. His bloodshot eyes and confused face caressed my heart like a warm hand. This is the first time I saw him this way after more than a month of being together.

"I'm real, alright? I'm still your girl, Evander. I will stay. Don't be scared now..." I laughed softly even though I felt a tear on my cheek.

I pulled him softly, guiding his head on my shoulder. Bumagsak ang kamay niya sa baywang ko at yumapos iyon sa akin. He buried his face on the crook of my neck and cuddled me tightly.

I bit lower lip to stop myself from tearing up. I don't know why I suddenly feel so bad for him. He looks like a scared little kid. Of course, we talk about us from time to time but this is the first time he opened up like this.

"What are you scared of?" Mahinang tanong ko at hinaplos ang likuran niya.

Mas lalo lamang niyang binaon ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. I pursed my lips and rubbed his back softly.

Evander... you are such a baby now. You may be cold and serious and mature almost all of the time but still, there's this kid in you.

"Mahal na mahal mo siguro ako 'no?" I kidded and slightly tapped his back.

He groaned softly on my skin. "That won't even pass as a question."

"Talaga?" I raised my brows even if he doesn't see me.

"I will find every way, even if it breaks me, I will make my way back to you. Always."

"Hindi ako mapapagod maghintay, kung gano'n." I smiled.

He pulled away softly and stared at my face. He caressed my face and fixed my hair. His tight jaw relaxed a little.

"I don't want you to feel that we're being too fast. Let's take it slow, at our own pace."

Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "No naughty things then?"

His soft expression hardened. I almost laugh when he frowned at me. Kumibot ang kilay niya at hinaplos ang gilid ng mata ko.

"You little vixen... stop trying to always include those things in our solemn conversations!" He groaned and pinched my cheeks.

Tumawa ako at tinapik ang kaniyang kamay. "Hindi kaya!"

"Baka gusto mong matulad sa mga pasyente mo?" Umangat ang kilay niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi masyadong nakuha ang sinabi niya. The side of his lips rose a little when he saw me confused but after a few moments, I realized what he said.

"Yabang. Sigurado kang kaya mo akong bigyan ng anak?" Umangat ang kilay ko.

"Kaya ko ngang bumuo ng bahay, bata pa kaya. Are you challenging me?" Nilapit niya ang mukha sa akin.

Uminit ang mukha ko sa sinabi niya. He smirked when he saw how flustered I am. My eyes widened when he captured my lips with his and stopped me from moving. Mabilis lang iyon at nang humiwalay ay nanghahamon pa rin ang tingin sa akin.

"I will throw all the boxes of condom once I get home." Tumango siya, seryoso.

Hinampas ko siya, namumula na panigurado ang mukha. Just like that, our conversation turned 360 degrees. He raised his brows on me.

"We've already talked about this." I glared at him.

He tilted his head and shrugged. "Then stop challenging me. I'm satisfied with my baby now but I can handle one more baby if you want."

I almost cursed at him, mabuti na lang at nag-vibrate ang pager ko. I slapped him one more time on the shoulder but he charged it with a long deep kiss before he let me go.

"You'll take my shift?" Kumunot ang noo ni Dr. Garcia sa akin.

Tumango ako. "Okay lang? I have a very important day kasi sa 19. If it's fine with you but if not, I'll ask Dr. Jimenez."

Ngumuso siya at nagtaas ng kilay. Kinuha niya ang cellphone at may tiningnan do'n bago ako muling tiningnan.

"Alright, it's fine. I don't have any important occasion isa pa, baka on call din ako sa mga susunod na araw." Aniya.

Nagpasalamat ako sa kaniya bago dumiretso ng Obstetric Ward. I couldn't help but feel bad when I saw the sign on the door. It's a picture of a fallen leaf with a drop of tear on it, which means someone's baby has died.

I was in that delivery room when it happened. The mother was really weak during her early labor. Halos umabot ng isang araw ang delivery operation. We did everything we can but the baby did not survive.

Hindi ko maiwasang umiyak at masaktan para sa mga magulang no'ng sanggol. The mother could not accept it, until now, she's in shock.

There is a reason why I chose this specialization. I want to help mothers go through with their pregnancy and for the baby to be safe. Pero may mga bagay talaga na hindi maiiwasan.

I told myself that with our help, there would be no things like this but, everything is unforeseen. Hindi ako makatulog ng maayos pagkatapos ng operasyon na 'yon. Hindi namin alam kung paano sasabihin sa nanay ng sanggol na hindi nito kinaya. I feel like I was the one who lost the baby and I almost got sick.

Kaya naman no'ng bumisita si Axev ay hindi ko na napigilang umiyak at ilabas ang nararamdaman. Wala akong mapagsabihan sa loob ng ospital dahil alam kong hindi rin sila ayos.

This is our first death. Our seniors tried to console us with the reason that it's normal, it's fine and everything would pass but of course, we'll still have to adjust. Death is something you cannot let go that fast, more so, of someone who would have the chance to see the world, dream and grow old.

Tumikhim ako nang may lumabas na nurse mula sa ward. Ngumiti ito sa akin nang makita ako sa labas ng pintuan.

"Good morning, Doc."

"Good morning. Kamusta si Mrs. Ramos?"

Sumulyap siya sa loob at tipid na ngumiti.

"Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin po siya nagsasalita. Umiiyak po kaninang umaga kaya tinawag 'yong asawa niya."

I swallowed hard and sighed. I smiled and thanked the nurse. Nang umalis ito ay nanatili pa ako sa labas ng ward ng ilang minuto. I couldn't do anything but pray... that as time goes by, she'll get through it.

"Hindi ka talaga makakapunta sa birthday ng boyfriend mo?" Tina raised her brows on me.

I was wondering who called me on the nurse station until I saw her. Naka-suot pa siya ng scrub suit niya at mukhang kagagaling ng trabaho. Bukas na ang kaarawan ni Axev. I told them I can't go, especially to Axev. He said he understands.

"I'm on call for tonight and tomorrow." Ngumiwi ako.

"We're going at his condo tomorrow. It's a simple celebration daw, sabi ni Camden. So mostly, ang naro'n ay mga katrabaho o kakilala nila sa industriya, some friends and the likes. Ayaw raw sana ni Axev pero pinilit ito nina Camden lalo't pormal na itong lumipat ng kompanya."

Tumango ako. Axev left his former company and went to a new one. Malaki rin naman ang kompanyang 'yon at kilala ko ang nagmamay-ari rito. He was also from Cagayan so I was really surprised when I found out about it.

"I want to go but I can't." I sighed.

That's a lie. Kaya ko nga kinuha ang sunod sunod na shift ni Dr. Garcia para lang makapunta ro'n. Sumasakit na naman ang ulo ko dahil sa ibang mga pasyente, idagdag pa ang puyat at pagod. Pero dapat tiis ganda lang para makatakas ako bukas.

"I guess we can't do anything about that. He should understand since you're a Doctor now."

"Naiintindihan niya, Tina." I smiled.

Imagine her surprise when she found out that I was back with Axev a week after he came back. Minsan, may mga pasaring pa rin siya pero nakikita ko namang masaya siya para sa akin. Just Valentina and her banters.

I was so frustrated the next day because I can't go home the exact time I planned. There was a sudden lecture after our rounds so I had to stay longer. Hindi ako mapakali at tingin ng tingin sa oras.

Tumatawag si Axev kanina pero hindi ko nasagot dahil on going ang rotation namin. After that, I could only manage to reply because we had to attend our lecture. I got home by 6 PM which was supposed to be 3 PM!

I was really so sleepy but I forced myself to take a bath and get dressed up. I received a message from Tina that they're already there and that the dinner party started. I wore a simple autumn vintage solid lantern dress. After tying the ribbon on my waist, I put my heels next.

Damn, I feel like this is too much but then I didn't have much time. Ayaw ko namang sobrang late na ako. Nilugay ko na lamang ang medyo maalon kong buhok.

It was past seven when I got there. There were messages from Axev but I couldn't reply to it. My heart was throbbing hard when I got in front of his condo. I didn't want to enter so suddenly so I called Tina and told her that I'm outside.

Nang makita niya akong naghihintay sa labas ay halos murahin niya ako. I gave her a peace sign when she glared at me.

"Wow, iba talaga kapag mahal ano?" She said sarcastically.

I laughed and bit my lip. She rolled her eyes at me but eventually smiled. Pumasok kami sa loob habang siya'y nagkukwento kung anong mga na-miss ko raw sa party. I really don't care that much, I just want to be present on my boyfriend's birthday.

May iilang tumingin sa amin nang pumasok kami sa may living room. Hindi naman marami ang bisita. Hindi ko rin inaasahan na dito idaraos ang party sa condo niya.

"Your boyfriend is right there," tinuro ni Tina ang bandang dulo.

Ngumuso ako nang makita si Axev na may kausap na lalaki. Hawak niya ang kaniyang cellphone at bahagyang sumusulyap do'n. He's wearing a white long sleeve tucked on his dark red trousers.

Suminghap ako at hindi agad dumiretso sa kaniya dahil inuna ko si Law na nakita kong kumakain sa may sofa. Katabi nito si Camden na ngumiti nang makita ako.

"Malapit nang umiyak ang boyfriend mo, Dr. Osiander." Aniya na tinawanan ko.

Law smiled when he saw me. I pinched his cheeks softly. He looks so cute in his casual clothes!

"Good boy na siya, oh. Kumakain na siya ng marami." I teased.

"Tita... phone..." he giggled which made me laugh.

"Lawrence," Camden said warningly.

"Bakit kasi ayaw niyong mag-download sa mga cellphone niyo?" Tanong ko.

"Ayaw ng mommy niya." Ngumiwi si Camden.

I laughed and pouted at Law. He reached out his hands to me so Camden took his plate. Binuhat ko siya at tumayo. Halos mabitawan ko si Law nang maramdaman ang pagyakap ng isang matipunong braso sa baywang ko.

"I was wondering who's the beautiful girl on the autumn dress... girlfriend ko pala."

Nilingon ko agad si Axev na nasa tabi ko. He looked at me seriously. I nibbled my lip and tried to smile at him. He's scowling yet the pleasure on his face comforted me.

"Happy Birthday," I smiled at him.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were coming?" Seryosong tanong niya.

"Because it's a surprise?" My brows furrowed.

Tiningnan niya si Law na buhat buhat ko. His lips protruded and I felt him massaged my waist.

"And now that you're here, you didn't go to me first?" Ngumuso siya.

Halos matawa ako sa itsura niya. There were eyes on us, I can feel it but I couldn't care less. I am entertained watching my boyfriend's 'nagtatampo' face.

"I couldn't bring you a gift, but I brought myself. Is that enough, hmm?"

"I want to be alone with you right now." Aniya.

I glared at him and glanced at the child I was carrying. Nakapatong ang ulo nito sa balikat ko at hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa. Napalingon ako nang may tumawa sa harap namin. I saw Brett and Gavrie who's holding champagne in their hands.

"Pwede na!" Tumango si Brett habang nakatitig sa amin. "Ano sa tingin mo Camden?"

Ngumisi si Camden at nagkibit balikat. Umiling ako at tiningnan si Axev. Tiningnan niya si Law.

"I'll carry him, baka nabibigatan ka na."

"It's fine. You go and entertain your visitors. We'll talk later," tumango ako.

"If only I can end the party now," he muttered under his breath.

Pinandilatan ko siya. He sighed and caressed my waist before he went to his visitors. Tinutukso pa ito nina Brett kaya tinawanan ko na lang. It was a long night.

Nang umalis ang mga bisita niya at naiwan lang sina Camden, nag-inuman pa sila. Kasama ko si Tina at wala kaming pinag-usapan kundi mga bagay na kung hindi tungkol sa ospital na pinagta-trabahuan niya ay sa akin naman. Law was already asleep so they decided to go home.

Hinatid namin sila ni Axev hanggang labas ng unit niya. Nauna akong pumasok dahil may pinag-usapan pa sila nina Brett. I started fixing the things on the living room. Nang may marinig akong yapak ay lumingon ako.

"That's not your job. I'll let them clean it tomorrow," aniya at lumapit sa akin.

"We can clean it now," I said. "Hindi naman 'to marami."

"Hindi ka ba pagod?" Kumunot ang kaniyang noo at hinawakan ang baywang ko.

"I am but I can still clean this."

"Bukas na," aniya at naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa ribbon ng dress ko.

I looked at him and caught his sensual gaze on me. Tumawa ako at nag-angat ng kilay. I can smell the liquor on him but I know that he didn't drink much. Mas nangingibabaw pa ang kaniyang pabango.

"What are you doing, Evander?"

He licked his lips and untied the ribbon. I bit my lip, suppressing my laugh. Chills are traveling throughout my body. The way he looked at me with that small grin on his face is sending chills deep down on my bones.

"We'll clean that tomorrow..." he muttered huskily.

I almost groaned and I couldn't do anything but let go of what I was holding. Nang makalas niya ang ribbon ay tinapon niya ito sa sofa. He caressed my waist as he watched me unbutton his dress shirt. Damn, how can I resist him when he's like this?!

"I need to be early tomorrow, Architect," I said after the last button was removed.

His drunken sensual eyes dropped on my lips. He completely removed his long-sleeve before cupping my face.

"I'll do all the work, I won't get you tired." He smirked.

Before I could tease him back, he was already playing with my lips using his. I gripped his ripped body when I almost stumbled. Heat was traveling all over my body. I could taste a bit of the liquor he drank and it tasted sweet.

I felt his hand on my thighs, pushing my dress up. Humawak ako sa leeg niya nang bahagya niya akong haplusin do'n. I raised my arm when he pushed my dress up to remove it. Nagulo ang buhok ko dahil do'n.

Pinaglandas niya ang mga nalalasing na mga mata sa aking katawan bago niya ako muling hinalikan. I gasped when he suddenly pushed me up, his arms on my behinds. I wounded my legs around his stomach and I shivered when I felt the buckle of his belt.

His lips traveled from my lips to the side of my jaw until it went down on my neck. I groaned when he lowered me a little, making me feel his metal-like arousal. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa akin nang bahagya kong idiin ang sarili sa kaniya.

I started to get drunk at his kisses that I couldn't understand anything anymore. All I know is that we were already on the sofa and I was completely naked. I was sitting on top of him and his hands were all over me.

I buried my head on his neck when I felt him inside me. My fingers dug on his skin when he thrust completely inside me. He prepared me for it, I was already dripping but still, I couldn't take him completely.

He kissed my cheek when I groaned on his skin. Hindi siya gumalaw nang maibaon na niya ng husto. He waited for me to adjust while showering my shoulder with feather-light kisses. He was even biting it softly and his one hand was rubbing my back.

He moaned softly when I moved my hips. I felt him hardened when I continued moving my hips. I smiled at him when I saw him looking at me with mixed emotions in his eyes. He looks so serious, sensual, and ruthless.

I started going up and down slowly. I tousled his hair when I felt his lips on my breast. I started going faster but he stopped me.

"I said, I'll do the work or you won't get to work tomorrow."

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