Chapter 37

"Get up."

Kumunot ang aking noo. Umiikot ng bahagya ang paningin ko pero milagrong klaro siya sa paningin ko. Pinahid ko ang basang pisngi at pumikit ng mariin. Tangina, anong ginagawa niya rito? 

"What are you doing here?" I said when I opened my eyes and looked at him.

Tiningnan ko si Tina, nakatayo siya harapan ko. Nilapitan ito ni Camden at nag-usap sila. Did she call them here? I stared at them. Camden's facial expression is not that clear but he looks pissed.

"That's why I called you nga!" I heard Tina shouted a little.

Napakurap ako at napa-ubo nang parang masusuka ako. Napa-igtad ako nang biglang may humawak sa baywang ko at pwersahan akong itinayo. Agad kong tinulak si Axev na nasa gilid ko.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I shouted at him but I stopped when I felt my head spin.

Wala na ang luha sa mga mata. My tears instantly stopped when I saw him. Fuck, I wish this is just the effect of the liquor. I wish he's not here. I wish he didn't hear anything.

"I'm taking you home. Do you have a purse?" Narinig ko ang malalim niyang boses.

Nakahawak siya sa braso ko kahit tinulak ko na siya kanina. Naramdaman kong yumuko siya sa likuran ko at may kinuha sa gilid ko. I tried to glance at him even though I am already fucking dizzy and my head is pounding.

I saw him grabbing my purse then he faced me again. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were brooding. Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa braso ko dahil parang matutumba na ako.

"Tina, I'm taking her." 

"No, no, Axev. I can't let you do that."

I coughed when I felt like I'm going to vomit. May narinig akong mura at naramdaman ko ang brasong yumakap sa baywang ko. Nahilo ako kaya naman sumandal na ako sa kung saan pwede. I smelled a familiar manly scent but I'm too bombed to care.

"Papatayin ako niyan kapag hinayaan kitang dalhin siya. I trust you but I can't do that."

My head fell off but a hand caught it. Nakasandal ako sa malapad na pader, hindi ko alam. May nakayakap sa akin at naka-suporta sa ulo ko. I can fucking go home, I just need a minute.

"I need to talk to her."

"You can do that when she's sober."

"Do you think she's going to talk to me in her normal state?"

"But... she's going to kill me..."

"Just let him, Tina."

"Shut up, Camden!"

"No, you do that. You didn't tell me you're going here! Paano kung mangyari ulit 'yon, ha?"

"Can we damn talk about that later?"

My stomach curled up and my throat itched. I tried to vomit again but nothing came out. May narinig ulit akong mura bago ako binuhat ng kung sino. I didn't protest because I still don't have the energy. I'm gaining up some more.

I feel like I was floating. Damn it. Am I flying? Pumikit ako ng mariin at bumuga ng hangin. Kung hindi lang naramdaman ang malamig na hangin, baka nakatulog na ako.

Nagmulat ako nang maramdaman kong binaba ako ng nakabuhat sa akin. My brows furrowed as my sight slowly cleared. When I saw Axev standing in front of me, my forehead creased.

"Where's Tina?" I asked slowly.

Tinitigan niya ako, he was holding my waist. Pumikit ako ng mariin at hinilot ang sentido. The next I tried to vomit, everything started to come out. Narinig kong nagmura si Axev bago ako inakay papunta sa gilid ng isang sasakyan.

Nag-init ang gilid ng mga mata ko habang nagsusuka ako ro'n. He scooped my hair and held it while I was vomiting the shit out. I could no longer feel my environment, ang sakit ng lalamunan ko at mas lalo sumasakit ang ulo ko.

"Axev, we're going. You take care of her."

Sinubukan kong lingunin ang nagsalita pero suka pa rin ako ng suka.

"Axev, ha! Malilintikan ka sa akin kapag may ginawa ka riya'n. Shit, I swear she's going to kill me!"

"Tina, stop it. Let's go."

I took a deep breath when I stopped vomiting. Kinagat ko ang labi at napa-upo sa sahig sa sobrang pagod. Someone kneeled beside me. Nilingon ko ito at nang makitang si Axev ay napabuga ako ng hangin.

"Magmumog ka," he commanded and gave me a bottle of water.

Tinitigan ko 'yon. Mabigat ang paghinga ko at sinusubukang ibalik ang katinuan. I'm still dizzy and the liquor is dancing in my system but I am a little sober. 

"Why are you here again?" I asked coldly and pushed his hand away.

"You're drunk. Magmumog ka pagkatapos ay uminom ka para mahimasmasan ka." Aniya.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at masamang tingin ang ipinukol sa kaniya. Why is he here?! Fuck!

"Why are you always showing up when I'm in a troubled state?! Stop doing that!" I yelled at him.

Tinitigan niya ako. Tinulak ko siya at sinubukang tumayo pero nahilo agad ako at kung wala siya do'n para saluhin ako, baka sa malamig at matigas na sahig ang bagsak ko.

I groaned when I felt him carrying me. I opened my eyes and when I saw him putting me on the front seat of what it seems like his car, nagpumiglas ako dahilan para mauntog ako.

"Aray!"

"Dea, huwag kang makulit!" He scolded me.

"Ano ba kasing ginagawa mo? Why am I here? Where's Tina?!" I shouted back.

Kaso mukhang wala siyang naririnig at sinuot ang seatbelt sa akin. I was getting frustrated already. I'm in this state and he's taking care of me. Why is he always showing up whenever I need someone?!

I don't like that! I don't like it because it gives me hope and I do not want to hope!

Hinamapas ko siya at sinubukan itulak pero hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. He pinned down my hands on my thighs and looked at me seriously. His jaw was clenching and he was taking deep breaths.

"I hate you," I bit my lip when a tear escaped my eyes.

"Alam ko." He muttered under his breath.

"I hate you, Evander! I hate you!" My tears poured.

Hindi siya nagsalita at tinitigan lang ako. I tried to pull my hands and he let me. Agad kong pinahid ang mga stupidong luha at muli siyang hinampas.

"I hate that I am crying right now in front of you! I hate that I'm feeling things I know that you don't!" Nanginig ang bosses ko at umagos ang luha.

Umawang saglit ang labi niya. I looked away and palmed my face. Fuck, I hope that when I woke up, this is nothing but a nightmare. 

"Tell me those things and I'll tell you mine." He whispered and I felt him wiped my cheeks.

Marahas akong umiling at iniwas lalo ang tingin. He tucked the strands of my hair in my ear. I didn't care anymore because I'm feeling so many things and I'm too tired to even care for that.

"Why can't I just let you go just like how you let me go? Why do I still need to feel like this again?" Pumikit ako ng mariin para pigilan ang luha.

"Baby, I have never let you go." He said huskily.

Nagmulat ako at tiningnan siya. Sumimangot ako dahil tuloy tuloy ang agos ng luha. Gusto kong magalit sa kaniya. Gusto ko siyang itulak palayo, hampasin at kung ano pa pero nanghihina na ako.

"You're happy now..." I shook my head. "And I just want to be happy too. I want to be happy for you... I really do."

He licked his lips and wiped my wet cheek using his thumb. Tinitigan niya ako sa mata. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang ekspresyon niya. Lumalabo siya sa paningin ko dahil sa mga luha at kaunting pagkahilo.

"Yeah... I'm fucking happy right now..." he whispered.

Mas lalo akong humagulhol. Bumuga ako ng hangin at hinawi ang kamay niya.

"Then why are you still here? Where's your girlfriend? I don't want to feel guilty again." I said weakly.

Narinig ko ang paghugot niya ng malalim na hininga at muli niyang hinaplos ang mukha ko.

"Bakit ang tigas ng ulo mo? I don't have a girlfriend." He said softly.

"Stop lying to me! Gianna is your girlfriend. Stop lying, Evander."

Umawang saglit ang labi niya. He bit his lip and I saw his lips curved.

"She's the daughter of the company's owner where I'm working. She's not my girlfriend." Mas banayad niyang sinabi.

Tinitigan ko siya at mas lalong sumimangot. Ngumuso siya at bumuntong hininga. Suminghot ako at umurong ang mga luha dahil inaantok na. We stayed like that for I don't know how long. I closed my eyes and the next moment I opened it was when I felt I was floating again.

"Why am I here?" 

I asked Axev when he put me down. I am still dizzy and my head is pounding. Nakahawak si Axev sa baywang ko habang may kinukuha siya sa isang drawer. We're inside his room again. My eyes can't focus well but I know this is his room.

"We'll clean you up, okay?" Aniya.

Tiningnan ko ang hawak niyang damit. Kumunot ang noo ko at inangat ang tingin sa kaniya. Suminghap ako nang dalhin niya ako sa bathroom sa loob ng kwarto niya. I couldn't even appreciate the intricate design of the bathroom because I am again feeling groggy.

"Can you take a shower?" He asked when he opened the shower room's door.

Tumango lang ako, ayaw nang magsalita. He nodded and opened the door wider. Pumasok ako ro'n at tiningnan siya. He was staring at me.

"Call me if there's a problem. Gamitin mo muna ang admit ko." Aniya bago ako tinalikuran at lumabas ng bathroom.

Nanatili akong nakatayo sa gitna ng shower room. Hindi alam kung anong gagawin. I feel like I'm still floating and my head feels light. I groaned and started removing my clothes. I took a shower for I don't know how long. 

After drying myself with the towel, I feel like I didn't even sober up even for a little. I just feel clean but I am still groggy. Sinuot ko ang damit ni Axev. Damit lang ang naro'n. I am not even wearing underwear because mine was already wet.

"Axev!" I yelled after putting the shirt. 

Bumukas ang pintuan at bumungad do'n si Axev na mukhang bagong ligo lang. Iba na ang damit niya. He's wearing a white t-shirt and black shorts now.

"What's the problem?" He asked and graced his eyes on my body.

"I don't have underwear." I said softly.

Tinitigan niya ako pagkatapos ay kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi. He sighed and opened the door wider.

"Wala naman akong pang-babaeng underwear dito. Do you want me to buy?" He asked.

Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningnan ang sarili sa salamin na nakadikit sa bathroom wall. I'm wearing a black loose shirt that falls inches above my knees. I bit my lip and shook my head.

"This is fine," I said and leaned on the sink.

Naglakad palapit sa akin si Axev at may kinuha sa drawer na nasa gilid ng sink. It was a new toothbrush. Binuksan niya ito at tinapon sa basurahan ang lalagyan. He put toothpaste on it and went in front of me.

"Can you brush your teeth?" 

Kinuha ko sa kaniya ang toothbrush. I brushed my teeth and he was just watching me. Pagkatapos ko ay binigay ko sa kaniya ang toothbrush. Ngumuso siya at nilagay iyon sa isang lalagyan kung saan may nakita akong isa pang toothbrush.

"I want to sleep. Nahihilo ako," I said.

He nodded and guided me out. I just want to sleep. I'm so tired already. Nang makita ko ang malapad na kama ay agad akong humiga ro'n. I felt Axev pulling the hem of my shirt after muttering a curse.

"What are you doing?" Mahinang tanong ko.

"Nothing," he sighed and put the comforter on me.

I snuggled his pillows. It smells so good!

"Damn it. You're really fucking drunk." I heard him say.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-upo niya sa gilid ng kama, sa tabi ko. I was still hugging his pillow. Tiningnan ko siya at kinunotan ng noo. He was watching me with wistful eyes. Namumungay ang kaniyang mga mata.

"Do you remember our bet?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay.

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. I don't understand what he's saying. What bet? 

"What bet?" It was almost a whisper because I'm already drifting to the other world.

"You said you're betting your life. Kung magiging summa cum laude ako, akin 'yang buhay mo." Tumaas ang kilay niya.

Umawang ang labi ko. Hindi ko alam pero natawa na lang ako kahit hindi ko masundan ng husto ang mga sinasabi niya.

"I did that?" I chuckled.

He licked his lips and clicked his tongue before nodding. "You did."

"Amazing," tumawa ako.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head like he's witnessing something stupid. Huminga siya ng malalim at tinitigan ako. I was still smiling at him.

"Are you going to remember all of this tomorrow?" Tanong niya.

Ngumuso ako at kumurap. Hindi ako sumagot at nanatiling nakatitig sa mukha niya. Umigting ang kaniyang panga at hinaplos ang mukha ko.

"You are still my girl, Dea." Namaos ang boses niya.

My heart pounded so hard. We stared at each other for a minute. I reached for his face and caressed it. Is this a dream? Why does it feels forbidden to hold him even in my dreams?

I rose up a little and without a word, gave him a peck on the lips. Even just in my dreams, I could run away from my fears. I don't know why I am so scared right now. 

Hindi niya tinugon ang halik ko, nanatiling nakadikit lamang ang labi ko sa kaniya. Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang mukha at humiwalay. I smiled at him a little before kissing him again however, he slightly pushed me away.

"Kiss me when you're sober, not when you're drunk." He growled.

I laughed and went back to bed. I think I am crazy. I saw him shaking his head but the sides of his lips were elevated a little. He covered me up with his comforter before standing up. Nang iniwan niya ako sa kwarto ay agad din akong nakatulog.

Hangover. I have a very hard hangover. My head was pounding and my stomach feels like it has a hole.

At hindi pa nakatulong na pagmulat ko ng mga mata ay hindi ko kwarto ang kinaroroonan ko. I recognized the room immediately. It was Axev's. And I am not going to fucking freak out because I remember what happened last night. 

I do not know if I remember everything but I have enough recollection to understand why I am here in his room right now. Tiningnan ko ang sarili sa ilalim ng comforter. Pumikit ako ng mariin nang makitang wala nga akong underwear.

Damn it! I prayed hard that, that memory is distorted but I was right! I am not wearing anything underneath this black loose shirt. And I know for sure that nothing happened, I don't remember anything!

What the hell did I do? Natulala ako habang binabalik-balikan ang mga alaala ko kagabi. I was crying in front of him. And I told him things. All the words was clear to me. Pumikit ako ng mariin at agad nagsisisi.

Damn that fucking liquor. What the hell is he doing in that bar in the first place?! And Tina... she's with Camden? Ang init init ng mukha ko at ang bilis ng pintig ng puso ko habang inaalala kung anong mga sinabi kagabi pero nang may sumagi sa isipan ko ay natigilan ako.

"Baby, I have never let you go."

Suminghap ako at nahigit ang hininga. Is that memory real? Pumikit ako ng mariin at iginala ang paningin. I couldn't get off the bed because I'm too lazy. The bed feels so comforting and it smells so good for my hangover.

Oh my gosh, Sien! What the hell are you doing?! Dapat iniisip mo na ngayon kung paano haharapin si Axev! You said so many things to him! Things that you couldn't even admit to yourself!

Napa-angat ako agad ng tingin nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan at pumasok do'n si Axev na may dalang tubig at pagkain. Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa. Saglit siyang natigilan bago tumuloy sa paglalakad palapit sa kama.

I didn't know what to say. The words I said are eating me up. I swallowed hard when he put down the tray of food on the bedside table and looked at me.

"How are you feeling?" Seryoso niyang tanong.

Napakurap ako at tinitigan siya. Nakatayo siya sa gilid ng kama at nakatitig sa akin. We kissed last night... I remember it. However, I feel like something is still missing in my memory...

"What happened last night?" Buong tapang kong tanong.

Kumuyom ang kaniyang panga at ilang segundo akong tinitigan. Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga.

"Wala kang maalala?"

"I can remember but not everything. I feel like I'm missing something." Umiwas ako ng tingin.

"What do you remember?" He asked in his deep baritone.

I gritted my teeth and contemplated a bit if I should tell him. I'm already starting to be consumed by everything. Halo halo ang nararamdaman ko. I remember him saying he doesn't have a girlfriend. I remember him saying he never let me go. That's just it.

"I kissed you..." I said coldly.

He licked his lips and nodded. "You did."

Umirap ako at hinawakan ng comforter na nakatakip sa aking katawan. Damn it. Nababaliw ka na, Sien! Tanginang alak 'yan. I don't remember being drunk like that! I have never been drunk like that!

"I'm sorry about that. I was drunk. Even the things I said... forget it." Malamig kong sinabi.

Hindi agad siya nagsalita. Nakatayo lang siya ro'n at pinapanood ako ng seryoso. Pakiramdam ko, sinusunog ako sa klase ng titig niya. 

"If you remember all the words I said... don't forget it." He said coldly.

Nanginig ang labi ko at unti-unting nag-angat ng tingin. He tilted his head and sighed heavily. He started fixing the food but I was aggressive.

"Why should I not forget it? Do you still have feelings for me, Axev? I remember some words... and I feel like those were the implications of it." I said seriously.

Sinulyapan niya ako at umigting ang kaniyang panga. "What about the things I said before you went to sleep?"

Kumunot ang aking noo at sinubukang alalahanin ang mga sinabi niya. Damn it. Those were the missing parts! What is it? Ano ang hindi ko maalalang sinabi niya?

"Ano 'yon?" Kumunot ang noo ko.

He clicked his tongue and tilted his head. Umiling siya at matalim na humugot ng hininga.

"Nothing." Aniya. "You should eat. Call me when you're done." 

Naglakad siya palayo pero mabilis akong umalis ng kama at hinabol siya. Kunot ang noo ko at nang hinarap niya ako ay gano'n din ang ekspresyon niya.

"What is it, Axev?" Mariin kong sinabi.

"Why do you want to know?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay.

"Because I want to know if you still have feelings for me!"

Umigting ang panga niya sa sinabi ko. Hinarap niya akong mabuti kaya napaatras ako.

"What would you do if there is?" Seryoso niyang tanong.

Natahimik ako agad sa sinabi niya. Napakurap ako at parang na-blangko ang utak ko sa sinabi niya. Does he still have feelings for me? It's been six years! I swallowed hard when he stared intensely at me.

"You're still chasing your dreams. I'm buying my time... but since we're here now..." he trailed off.

Umawang ang labi ko at napa-iling. I bit my lips when my heart clenched and thrust hard. Sa sobrang seryoso niya aakalain mong galit siya. 

"You still have feelings for me?" I said almost out of breath.

Tinitigan niya ako. "I never stopped..."

Hindi niya tinuloy pero may ideya na ako sa kung anong sinabi niya. Different emotions flushed in my system. Tinitigan ko siya pabalik, nakaawang ng bahagya ang labi.

He took a sharp breath and slanted his head. "You're not ready for this."

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita. Tumatakbo ang utak ko sa maraming bagay. There's this glorifying feeling inside me but there's a part of me that is scared of something. Hindi ko maintindihan.

"No strings attached," I muttered.

Kumunot ang kaniyang noo sa sinabi ko. I bit my lower lip, my heart is pounding so hard. Everything si contradicting in my mind. I know this is a crazy idea or even nonsense at that.

"We can have something... but no strings attached."

His lips parted then his jaw clenched. "I don't want