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Jodecy Devry|Tootie.

                "NOVA you just so cute." I cooed tickling her stomach.

"She ready?" Ameer asked walking into the bedroom with Bills hot on his tail and I frowned.

"I don't want her to go." I said crossing my arms.

"Well you gotta go to hospital baby and I don't want her in there with sick people and shit." he said.

"I knowwwww." I whined as he put her in her car seat. "This is the freaking worst."

"Maybe when you start feeling better I'll bring her to see you." he said and I smiled. "Only when you feeling better."

"Okay." I stood up from the bed and grabbed my coat, putting it on and zipping it up. "I gotta leave all my baby's."

I picked Bills up, slipping my feet into my boots and grabbing the bag I'd packed with all his essentials, Pooter and Kenzie were gonna dog sit for us while I was in the hospital and since we didn't know how long I'd be there, we decided to just be safe and take him somewhere where he'll be taken care of for the time being.

"Mamas gonna miss her big boy." I said to Bills as he licked all over me. "My first baby. I'm gonna go take Bills next door." I said as Ameer walked out our room and into the living room with the car seat and our bags.

"I'm finna go put this stuff in the car." I nodded walking out the house and few doors down.

"Open up!" I shouted banging on the door as Kenzie opened.

"I told you about knocking on my door like that," she said letting me in. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." I nodded sitting Bills down and he began sniffing around the house. "Really sluggish but I think me and baby Jaia will be good."

"Y'all will be." she said. "I love you, okay."

"God, I'll be okay, Kenz." I smiled hugging her. "I love you too." our hug lingered for a bit and I got really emotional because I was scared.

During my last check up, which was yesterday, they'd found that one of the cysts had gotten extremely big and that, that was the pressure I was feeling in my stomach. They ran some tests and said that I had to be checked into the hospital as soon as possible and monitored closely, my doctor said, and I quote,

"Jodecy, this is what I was afraid of."

I, myself, was scared but I figured I could be strong for the people around me, if anything happened it was clearly meant to.

I knew God had me.

"Alright, I'll come see you soon. Maybe I'll sneak Bills in or something." Kenzie said wiping her face making me laugh.

"Okay, I'll see you later." I said, she watched me to my door and I walked in seeing Ameer waiting.

"You ready?" he asked looking up at me. "You okay?"

"Yes to both." I said wiping my face. "Kenzie's such a crybaby."

"It'll be okay, alright." he said kissing the top of my head and I nodded. "Let's go see about Jai."

"Okay." I smiled as he picked up the car seat and I grabbed my purse.

"Papa I wanna have a service." I said to him, closing my journal. "I want you to preach and pray over us and maybe a few of the choir members can come sing for me."

"When?" he asked.

"Now if possible." I told him.

"Okay, let me call some people." I nodded as he walked out of the room, Ameer was asleep in the chair beside my bed. I opened up my journal back to the page I'd left off on, a note I was writing to my loved ones, just in case.

"How you doing, Jodecy?" Dr. Torres asked walking into my room with a warm smile.

"I'm okay." I said. "How's Jaia?"

"She's doing okay considering." she said to me. "We got your last scans back and the growth of the cyst seems to be under control which is good but we're watching because we believe the cyst is eating blood from your placenta, which could put the baby in harms way. But we want to give baby Jaia as much time as we can to let her cook in there so we'll keep you and monitor you closely, blood work every day and ultrasounds every few hours to check for growth."

I nodded taking in everything she was saying. "Right now you and baby Jaia are stable and doing fine."

"Okay." I said listening.

"Try to get some rest, Jodecy." she said touching my shoulder. "Please."

"I will." I nodded glancing over at Ameer as she walked out the room.

I knew this wouldn't end well and I knew everyone else knew that too.

Soon my room was filled with all of my friends and family, as well as a few people from the church, I wanted to be surrounded by the people I loved the most and the spirit of God.

"Nehemiah 8:10 reads, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. The joy of the Lord is what is keeping Jodecy with us, everyday is a battle but the Lord would never give us more than we can handle." my Papa said.

"Amen." I said, tears filling my eyes. "Amen."

"Heavenly Father we come to you asking that you continue to show your mercy and graciousness as you watch over Jodecy, keep your protecting arms wrapped around her and Jaia. We know that you never give us more than we can bare Lord which is why we have faith that Jodecy will make it through this to be an amazing mother to her child for many years to come. In Jesus name we will always pray, amen."

"Amen." everyone said.

I noticed Pooter in the corner, he had been being standoffish all night, I didn't know why. "Can Taj and I get a few minutes alone?"

Everyone left, giving us the privacy I'd asked for. "Oh come here you big baby." I laughed trying to lighten the mood but when I didn't get the same in return my smile dropped. "Taj what's wrong?"

"I'm scared right now, Jode." he said. "I'm scared and I'm tryna imagine my life without you in it and I can't. I don't want you to die."

"I don't wanna die either." I said. "But I'll be okay."

"This is serious, Jode. This is serious shit, not just childish shit we can laugh off, this is life or death Jode and I'm scared. You my best friend, you been in my life for years, we never been apart, we do everything together, and I don't want you to die." he said coming to my bedside, tears running down his face. "I'm scared right now and I don't think praying is gon make me feel better. I think everybody else is realizing how serious this is but you."

"I understand-"

"You don't. You could die, Jode, it's not a game no more."

"I know that, Taj! Don't you think I know that?!" I said. "I'm choosing to look at the brighter picture, no matter what happens, I chose this, I chose my baby."

Tears fell from my eyes as he sobbed into my lap, wetting up the cover and eventually my legs. "God please don't take my best friend from me."

"Taj, c'mon." I said. "We said no crying."

"What am I gon do if you die, Toot? You my best friend, I tell you everything, who I'm gon have?" he looked up at me.

"Listen to me," I said grabbing his face in my hands. "If I die you will move on. Move on, Taj. Live your life, you can have your own little baby and name it Jodecy but please, move on. You'll have Jaia to raise with Ameer and you'll have to help Kenzie run the shop until Jaia's old enough, you know if she wants to run a shop, you never know she might wanna be a doctor."

"If she got the brain capacity you do... I doubt it." he said making me chuckle.

"Whatever. Just make sure my Papa's okay, you know go visit him and check on him and make sure he sees Jaia a lot and keep Ameer from smoking his life away, keep him in the studio and if he has to, make him go to therapy. Please make sure Nova and Jaia grow up close and make sure the next girl Ameer ends up with is good enough to be their step mom, no hoochies. And make sure Jaia and Nova stay in school and no boyfriends until their 16 and please, make sure they go to college, make sure they know what they want in life and make sure they have a female role there to guide them, you know when they get their periods and stuff." I laughed. "And Taj, please make sure Jaia knows who I am and she knows that I loved her and that I died for her and I'd do it a million times if I had to. Promise me."

"I promise." he said and I nodded.

"When you marry Kenzie photoshop me into the photos."

I busted out laughing as he did the same. "That's the ghettoest shit I heard."

"I'm serious, I'll be the best woman." I said kissing his forehead. "I love you, Taj. You are indeed the best, best friend."

"I love you too, Toot." he said.

"Girl and I told his ass to get out, nigga don't come in here demanding shit." Cara said as I filed her nails. "Nigga talking about "who got smart with my girl" fuck you and your girl."

"Yeah definitely ban them from the shop, you got one time to show your ass and you done." I said shaking my head. "I do not do that ghetto shit at my shop."

"Some of the girls getting a lil beside themselves." Kenzie spoke up.

"Like who? And what they doing?" I asked.

"Marissa and a few others, she the main one though." she told me. "Just saying slick shit and doing shit she know not prohibited."

"If it gets out of hand, fire her." I shrugged. "I want you to take good care of that shop, you know, if anything happens to me, I'm leaving it in your hands until Jaia is old enough. You do what you feel is necessary to keep my shit in order."

"I got you." she said nodding. "You know I was doing that anyway."

"Okay I'm done." I spoke closing up my things as Cara smiled looking down at her hands.

"I love em." I smiled.

"I'm the goat." I said as the door opened, I gasped. "Oooooooh my baby."

"I missed you too." Ameer said trying to kiss me but I put my hand up reaching for Nova. "Ain't that 'bout a bitch."

"I'm sorry but I just missed her." I picked her up out of her car seat, rocking her as she looked all around. "Hi my Nova mamas."

"Well, we'll go, Toot. Call me, I love you." Kenzie said kissing my forehead.

"I love you, Toot." Cara said standing up from her chair. "I'll see you later."

"I love y'all too." they said their byes to Ameer and Nova before leaving. "Come sit with me."

"Nova been crying all day." he said sitting with me.

"She just miss her Toot." I said, she was sleeping now, which was all she did besides eat. "I miss her too."

I looked over at him and he was already staring at me. "Whatttt?"

"I love you." he said making me smile.

"Stopppp." I said. "I love you too, but stop."

I was physically tired, my body felt like all the energy had been sucked out of it and I don't think I even had any tears left in me. I wish I did, but I didn't.

"I been praying lately." he told me.

"That's really good, it shouldn't have taken this but very good." I said. "What you praying about?"

"You." he said. "I want you to be okay so bad."

"I will be." I said nodding. "You'll be, everyone will be. I don't want you to fall off the wagon if I die, I want you to go on with life because you'll have two babies to raise."

"I know that- you okay?" he asked as I leaned over in pain, feeling like something just moved everything inside of me around, the sheets under me soaked with blood.

"Get Nova." I said pressing the call button. He grabbed Nova as blood kept coming out of me and my eyes shut in pain.

"Page OB!" nurses quickly filled the room along with Dr. Torres, pushing Ameer out and crowding around me.

"No, Jodecy, no." Dr. Torres said reclining my bed. "Tell the O. R. we're coming up now! Jodecy you stay with me."

"What happened?" I asked.

"It burst, you'll be okay." she said, it was just a lot of commotion, everything was moving fast, people were shouting.

"I was just okay." I told her. "I was fine."

"It's an emergency C, get her prepped."

"But I thought she wasn't ready yet?" I asked trying to sit up, the nurse pushed me back down, we entered a cold room. "Dr. Torres, I thought she wasn't ready yet."

"Jodecy right now this baby has got to get out if we want any chance at saving her and you." she said. "I know this isn't what we discussed but it's now or never."

"I'm not ready to die." I said. "Please don't let me die."

"Jodecy, I am gonna do everything for you right now okay?" she said. "Nobody's dying today."

"God please." I mumbled, I couldn't feel them cutting into but just knowing that they were made me want to throw up. "Please God."

"Hang blood." I think I'd been so focused on making everyone else was okay with me dying, I hadn't made sure I was okay with dying.

What happens after death? Is heaven even real? Is God?

"How you doing up there Jodecy?" my OB asked.

"I'm okay." I said. "How's Jaia?"

"Jaia's great, she's almost out." I smiled. "You're doing great."

Will I make it to heaven? Will my mom be there?

"We've got a beautiful baby girl." my OB said as her cries filled the room. "Nice strong lungs, all her fingers and toes, she's perfect mama."

"Can I see her?" I asked through my tears.

"We've just gotta clean her up." she said, Jaia was literally screaming to the top of her lungs. "She's perfect."

"How you feeling Jodecy?" Dr. Torres asked me.

"I'm okay." I spoke watching them clean Jaia up.

"Here she is, girl of the hour, Ms. Jaia." they laid her on my chest and I couldn't help but cry looking at her.

"Oh Jaia." I said reaching up and touching her hair. "You're beautiful."

"We'll go let the father-" she was cut off by monitors going off.

It all happened so quick I began losing consciousness as they took Jaia away. "Jodecy we've gotta put you under."

"No, my baby."

"I know but she's okay, we've gotta focus on you now."

That was the last thing I heard.

Ever.

y'all i'm sorry😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂i'm so mf sorry.

i mean at least i ain't tease y'all like with the other book. i genuinely am sorry wow.

don't be mad.

i cried writing this not gon lie.

y'all don't hate me right?

Q47: whats your most prized possession?

Q48: who got the best wings?

y'all i love y'all.

say it back mfs!

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