Waking up I feel funny. 

My head hurts - no scratch that - my whole body hurts. 

Oh gosh. 

I groan raising the palm of my hand to my forehead. 

Removing it I look around at my surroundings. 

I'm in River's bed. Looking down I see I'm in his shirt, nothing else. Well except my underwear.

Everything from yesterday came rushing back to me. 

The phone call, the club, the-

Oh no. 

I slide the covers off and get out of bed. 

What did I do?

"Riv?" I call out, heading to the living room.

I see him on his back, arms dropping over his face, sleeping on the couch. 

He didnt even sleep in the bed with me. 

Tears prickle behind my eyes as I realize what I had done. 

"Ava?" He asks his voice hoarse. 

I wipe under my eyes as I see him sit up on the couch. 

"Why are you crying baby?" he asks and I completely loose it. 

Getting on top of his I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry, im so so sorry." I whisper into the side of his neck. 

He wraps his arms around me. 

"Shh." He whispers trying to sooth me. 

I don't deserve that. 

After knowing his past how could I do that?

I was so caught up in my own problems I wasn't even thinking about him, about anyone. 

My grandma would be so ashamed of me right now. 

"I'm sorry River, please forgive me."

He sighs, "I'm not mad at you Ava, but you scared the fuck out of me."

I sob harder, "I didnt mean to."

"I know baby, I know."

He wipes the tears from under my eyes as I try to catch my breath. 

"I just don't understand why you went there, why you didn't come to me." He says and I don't miss the hurt in his voice. 

I know I should've went to him, going out, getting high. It isn't me. 

My fingers shake and I set them into my lap. 

"I don't know, I just didn't want to feel the pain of losing her."

He sighs, "You knew you'd have to face the pain though."

I nod, "I just-" I stop because I'm not sure what to say. 

For once in my life I am speechless. 

I did something stupid in the heat of the moment and I cant even justify my actions because there is no justifying what I did. 

I peer back up into his eyes, "Do you want me to leave?"

River looks taken aback as his brows pull together. 

"Why would I want that?"

I shrug, "I figured after what happened that maybe you didnt want to be with me anymore."

If he ended things with me I'd understand. 

I made a selfish decision without thinking of anyone else and in turn hurt one of the people closest to me. 

Someone I love, because gosh I love this man in front of me with everything I have. 

"Ava, baby I told you I wasn't mad. I mean yeah at first I was fucking livid but then I was just scared and worried for you." He says softly and heck if my heart doesn't swell with more love for him. 

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I mean the danger you were in last night, I watched you for hours incase something happened. Not only do you not know how your body would react to it, it could've been laced." 

"I'm sorry."

He just nods, "But I know you were hurting and I couldn't break up with you because of something like that. I don't even know why you would think that."

"It is reasonable."

He shakes his head, "What does that say about me if I gave up you that easily?"

"That I made a big giant mistake." I offer and he rolls his eyes. 

"Come here." He says opening his arms wide and I snuggle into him. 

We lay sit there like that for a while and I completely break down. 

Everything I kept bottled up yesterday comes spilling to the surface. 

Eventually I tell River about the funeral and ask him to come with me. Without even a second of hesitation he says yes and we make plans for this weekend. 

My bag is packed...well sort of. 

I have no idea what's inside that suitcase but he promised to take me by the apartment tomorrow and repack. 

Then on Friday we head to Georgia.