Giselle "G" Rowe
Friday, November 11 | 11:23 a.m.
Downtown

-

The beautiful autumn scenery is a welcomed distraction from my heightened fatigue and breathlessness. Each step reminds me of how far I've come in my physical ability and fuels me to push on, as well as the motivational podcast speaker's words blasting through my AirPods.

I know that I'm really tired because I don't even care if the people walking past me can hear my ragged breathing or see my exhausted, moist face. A quote that a heard from somewhere — probably social media — says something to the effect of, "you can't be scared for people to see you trying or else you won't elevate." So I live by those sentiments now.

I can't keep holding myself back.

Another seven minutes pass and I slow to a walking pace, moving out of the way as a teenager comes cycling towards me. My phone vibrates, signaling that yet another text message has come through and if I wasn't already breathing hard as hell, I'd sigh.

Semaj
You really want to throw away all the history we got together? I'm the one who introduced you to sex in the first place.

I roll my eyes, shoving the device back into the tight pocket of my black spandex leggings. That's people's problems right there — too stuck in the past to move on. Who cares how much history there is if the passion ain't here right now and hasn't been for a long time? I can't be one of them girls who keeps the same dude around just because he was my first. Things don't work out and that's okay, history be damned.

I felt bad for him at first. I hate rejecting people because I imagine that it hurts, especially him cause he used to hold a special place in my heart. Right now though, I feel a huge sense of freedom and accomplishment by standing my ground and actually having the balls to let it go, familiarity or not. Semaj has always used that to his advantage, but it's just not enough anymore.

I whip my phone out again and type a quick message, hitting the send button immediately.

Yeah, I'm done.

Semaj

Another tactic that used to always work on me. We'd meet in person to "discuss" something and I'd end up bent over, repeating the same cycle. It wasn't healthy for either one of us because I was leading him on and yet, still going home unfulfilled.

Those days are gone. 

I sift through my playlists, easily finding the song that I'm craving and break out into a quick jog now that I've caught my breath. 

"Can't make you change."

The slight chill in the air is therapeutic against my skin and I work hard to inhale through my nose before exhaling through my mouth to keep my throat from getting sore.

"You can't change a nigga playing games, girl, you should find a sub. Musiq soulchild or lil' Wayne should teach me how to love."

Silk Juicery is just across the street now. The button at the crosswalk has already been pressed as a small group of pedestrians wait for the little screen to stop traffic. I reluctantly check the thread one more time.

Semaj
????

No. I'm good on everything.
[Read]

JID and Ari Lennox's voices continue to ring through my AirPods as I cross the street, taking a left towards the popular juice cafe.

"Baby, don't leave, you're all I need and if you stay, then I'ma change my ways. (I'm gonna change)."

"Hello, welcome to Silk Juicery! What can I do for ya today?" The young woman who greets me from behind the counter is the same one from the the last time that I came here and somehow, that makes me feel sad. It makes Jamari's absence so much more noticeable.

I've been ignoring the emptiness that has started to creep into my heart over my nephew being taken away, trying to mask it but I don't know how much longer I can do it. He's started daycare and my parents and I haven't received so much as a phone call or a picture. Just a dry ass text.

Gab is such a bitch.

"I'll take a medium green goddess juice, please." I add a little sweetness to my voice and she smiles, tapping the iPad in front of her to ring me up as I fish for my money.

"Okay, great. That'll be $6.03, ma'am."

"Let me get that." A man steps in front of me, his hair plaited neatly and his toned body barely hidden underneath the form-fitting workout gear and swipes his card.

Maybe I'm just not meant to pay for my own juice.

The cashier's eyebrows go up briefly before she swings the iPad around and I can tell that she's biting back a smile, no doubt having some sort of deja vu.

"Thank you, Niko." I stare up at him and he smiles, stroking his growing chin hair. I have to admit, he looks good.

"I told you, anytime." He smiles, looking me over. Now I'm the one being hit with a wave of deja vu and it's bittersweet. More of the former.

Same place. Same drink. Same cashier. Different man. No Jamari. Hell, even the spandex set is the same, just in black instead of hot pink.

I hum, stepping away from the counter and jamming my straw through the lid to take a sip. Niko follows, never taking his eyes away from my hips.

"You look..." He trails off, nodding his head before finding my eyes again.

"What?" I feign innocence, pursing my lips together. "Too scared to say it?"

"I mean, shit can I? Might have ole boy come through and scoop you up again all aggressive and shit." He pulls his eyebrows down and shakes his head, fidgeting with his own straw.

I laugh at his obvious distaste for June because the feeling seems to be mutual. It didn't get past me the way he mugged Niko that night at the bar. Apparently, it didn't get past him either.

We end up taking a stroll through the park where kids are throwing footballs back and forth while the elders sit on benches reading or feeding those big ass geese. I don't know why anybody fucked with Canadian geese at all. They're evil.

Niko is a lot smoother and more relaxed than usual, allowing the conversation to flow naturally and I'm really appreciative of that. He walks me all the way back to my car and at his request, pays the $20 parking fee.

"Okay, big money. That's like $26 total." I nudge him, throwing away my empty styrofoam cup.

"You know me, man." He shrugs, cracking a smile and I press a button to unlock my car doors, heading towards the driver's side.

"Aye, Giselle?"

"Wassup?"

"My homie just got his art into a new black owned art gallery in the city. I'm tryna get as many people there as possible in support of them both, so it would mean a lot to me if you could show yo' pretty face there on Saturday at the grand opening."

I hum, taking only a few seconds to agree and we exchange numbers.

"Cool. See you tomorrow then." He backs up a little when my engine roars to life and I shoot a polite smile back his way that makes his eyes light up.

**********

Friday, November 11 | 8:21 p.m.
Heated Prime - Michelin star restaurant  

-

"Behind you. Hot plate." Riley firmly announces through her teeth, carrying out a platter to one of her tables. It's a small group of business men, all of whom are clearly excited to be served by an attractive young woman. She eats it up, laughing at all the right cues and bending at the hip just enough when she sets anything down.

Smart waitress.

I beeline for the bar and grab the alcoholic beverages requested by the two ladies at table number five. They're both dressed nicely and showing a decent amount of skin. Not a hair is out of place.

"Oh! There you are." One of them smiles in my direction and I can't help but to smile back, picking up my pace just to realize that they're talking to the person behind me.

Damn, how much does this bitch eat here?

"We didn't know what to order for you since you act like you couldn't text back so we just got you a Coke." The other woman shrugs, motioning to the full glass of soda with her eyes.

"Girl, it's cool. My phone died." Karine shrugs, walking past me to slide into the booth. "You can take our order now."

Alright, bitch.

I give her an empty chuckle and jot down their entree orders, letting the mask of happiness slip a bit. The slight remarks don't stop there though. Somehow, Karine is the only one who has an issue with how I refill the water or the taste of her dish like I'm the one who cooked the shit.

"Here is the dessert menu. I'll just move this out of your way." I stack the dirty plates and empty glasses with ease, while they look over the small piece of paper.

"Okay, I'll do the New York style cheesecake."

"Great choice!" I nod, hiding a grimace for the chewed up wad of gum on the rim of a cup. The menu is passed to Karine who shakes her head.

"I don't wanna eat too much. I can't be busting out of June's favorite thing to peel me out of." She runs her tongue over her freshly reapplied gloss, resting her chin on her fist, maintaining eye contact with her friends. The dress is a cream bandage dress that accentuates her boobs and narrow waist.

"Girl, you is crazy! I didn't know y'all still talked."

"Cheesecake it is then." I dryly state, staring at the side of her face for a beat too long before taking away the dishes.

Fuck Karine and fuck June too if it's like that.

I don't even really know why I'm mad at him. We aren't together. We never agreed on anything exclusive but still, fuck him. The rest of my shift is spent in a pissy mood, but I don't let it show.

Well, I don't think I do at least.

Making money is the most important thing right now and this is my main source of income. I can't let hurt feelings mess it all up so I finish strong, earning the best tip of the night from my last table. I exit the restaurant through the doors that lead straight into stunning lobby of The Pilliar Hotel, taking in the air that smells more of cleaning products and fabric than food.

"That's funny. I'll see ya tomorrow, Fran." A hearty chuckle bellows out of Tate's mouth as he waves the concierge goodbye. He's got a long, folded umbrella in his hand as he makes his way toward exit. "You okay, Giselle?"

I give him a faint closed mouth smile and shrug, not even bothering to lie. "I've been better."

"You wanna talk about it, kiddo?"

"I'm fine." I sigh, pushing through the revolving doors and finally stepping outside. The heavy rain is falling at a slant and droplets of cold water are splashing onto me, easily defeating the shield that the tiny awning offers. Tate's umbrella springs open at the push of a button and he shifts the handle from his right hand to his left, generously covering us both.

"I respect that." Are the only words that leave his mouth for a while and a comfortable silence falls over us, only disrupted by the sound of the raindrops hitting the Earth.

Tate has a warm aura, similar to that of a trusted older relative. I'm happy that I went to church that day. It made our meeting at work all the more special since I knew the details of his arrival and aided in the quick progression in our newfound friendship.

He just...gets it.

The black Hellcat pulls up to the curb, replacing an Uber and the driver's side door flings open as soon as it comes to a halt. Normally, I would be falling over myself with excitement at the sight of June, but I can't help the faint, yet nagging feeling of annoyance festering inside of me.

"Ayo," Tate's face lights up with joy and he takes a step forward. "It's you! I told you that I would put that $300 to good use."

"My guy." June returns his smile, taking in his uniform and they and they dap each other up. "I'm happy for ya, fasho."

Of course, the young man in the fancy car who had a heart of gold was Rashad ass. The universe doesn't want me to be mad at him.

"Giselle, I woulda never thought that yo' boyfriend was the dude that saved my life. It's a small world."

June snickers, cutting his eyes to me briefly. "It's no problem, man for real. Aye, you take care...."

"Tate. And likewise to you!" He takes a step backwards, repositioning himself under the awning.

"Aight, Tate. I'm June." He nods, jogging over to the passenger side, and I bid my friend a goodnight, plopping down in the warm vehicle.

"Wassup? Why you so quiet?" June pulls out into the street, his left hand high on the steering wheel. "Usually, you be cheesin' and talkin'."

I sigh, contemplating just lying because I really don't have grounds to be angry with him.

Just let it go, Giselle.

"You still be fucking Karine?"

It was never a matter of if they'd had sex before. I'm not that dumb. Might as well ask when.

June's jerks his head back in surprise. "Why you ask me that?"

"Her and her friends came in today." I shrug, pretending to be unfazed. I wonder if it's working. "Said something bout she wore yo' favorite dress."

He blows air through his nose and shakes his head. "And that's exactly why I been stopped messin' wit' ole girl. Favorite dress is crazy."

"Mhm."

He pulls up to a red light, and rubs his free hand over the lower half of his face, eyeing me with slight amusement. "I mean it, Giselle. Ain't talked to that girl in months. Relax, ma."

"I am relaxed." I roll my eyes, staring out the passenger window. "For now."

I might have to pop one of them titties next time she run her mouth though.

**********

Friday, November 11 | 2:23 a.m.
Crystal Lake Condominiums

-

"Harder." I urge and June applies more pressure to the center of my foot. "Right there."

A deep exhale escapes my mouth and I feel my muscles relax immensely. Who knew that a bit of warm oil and words of affirmation was all that I needed to stop feeling like a bitter bitch?

June knew.

He'd massaged my legs all the way from my ass to my toes, calming me in a way that I didn't know possible. When he asked me to come home with him, I was a little reluctant, still harboring a smidgen of attitude. I'll never doubt taking him up on an offer again though. I'll tell you that.

"Tell me you ain't never felt like this."

His condo is faintly hued with low lighting, setting a rather romantic mood and his firm, warm hands were lulling me to sleep. I'd already showered and found my way back into another one of June's oversized shirts — the epitome of comfortable. Jazmine Sullivan's rich tone, courtesy of my phone being connected to the speaker, is the cherry on top. 

"Even though we ain't official, you know I ain't no regular girl. So tell me whenever I'm with ya, I got the best pussy in the...."

June brings my foot up to his mouth and presses his lips against the bottom of my toes, his eyes never leaving my own, sending shivers up my spine. I didn't really see it coming, but now as I'm studying his face, it may have been on his mind for a while. The conversation had died down over twenty minutes ago, and we'd just been relaxing, enjoying each other's company and physical touch.

Or maybe I was the one just relaxing. The fire burning in his eyes tell me exactly what's going on. June's kisses have traveled from my toes all the way to my stomach. I'm still lying on my back, but now he's hovering over me instead of sitting with my feet in his lap.

Our lips connect and his large hand finds its way underneath the shirt and up my side, cupping my breast. A moan of excitement escapes my lips when his mouth clamps down onto my neck and I tug at his shirt, silently urging him to come out of it. He obliges quickly, pulling it over his head with ease before finding my lips again.

The second time that he pulls away, he palms each asscheek, slightly raising my lower half and bending to meet the barrier that the thin laced panties provide over my pussy lips.

The heat from his face mixes beautifully with the heat from my pelvis and after a few teasing seconds, he slides them to the side and enters me with his tongue. I hum as he drags it all the way up to my clit and latches on, applying a faint amount of pressure. "You taste so fucking good."

The walls of my stomach clench at his words and I feel myself getting slicker on his tongue.

It's strange, all of the sexual contact that I've had with other men have always started out a bit hesitant or awkward, but with June I always feel...ready. The desire I have is so fierce, so undeniable, so new in every way.

What can I say? I'm infatuated with Rashad. 

He continues flicking his tongue across my clit, easing one of his fingers inside of me and my hums easily turn into full blown moans of pleasure. "You been wanting me to play with this pussy, huh?"

He unlatches his mouth from my center, staring into my eyes while inserting another finger. "I can't hear you, Giselle."

"Yes." I cry out, grinding my hips and he finds my clit with his lips again, sucking harder than before. Euphoria races through my body as I reach my peak, slumping in a heap of shallow breaths. June grabs my jaw and plants a sloppy kiss on my lips before standing up and leading me to his room.

Is there a term stronger than infatuated?

-

~~~

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